Autobots, Assemble!
One-Shot: Oculus Rosea
The sun shone brightly on a clear summer day, puffy white clouds drifting along in the pristine blue sky. All in all it was a perfect day.
It had only taken a day to fully integrate Ultra Magnus and Prowl into the general order of things. The stoic Commander may not have agreed with how the Prime ran things, but he had to grudgingly admit to himself that his command style worked. Prowl was less chatty, though if one got him on the subject of tactics and battle strategy he would hold forth at length.
So far, no Decepticon activity had been detected, leaving the hangar the aliens called home with a sense of relaxation, albeit tense relaxation with certain individuals. An easygoing day could rapidly change into a fight for their lives if the 'Cons decided to stick their necks out and continue causing trouble. But as of yet that hadn't happened. So those certain individuals were inclined to give the benefit of the doubt and relax a bit more. It was a nice day out after all...
Wasp and Ms. Marvel had decided to take full advantage of the gorgeous weather and were giving Optimus another flight lesson on agility rather than speed as Iron Man had done previously. Shrieks of adrenaline-induced delight wafted into the hangar as they played a simple game of Keep Away with him, diving and ducking to avoid capture.
"I still can't believe they're using games to teach him." Wheeljack said while observing the game from the hangar entrance. This seemed pretty absurd to him. But it did seem to be working.
"Hey, if you're learning something new you might as well make it fun." Miko surmised.
"Studies have produced results that lessons taught in unorthodox ways tend to be retained better than typically taught lessons." Vision admitted. "And teaching someone who has never flown before how to fly has to involve at least some hands-on practice. Otherwise, that information will have no meaning. The brain will store it away as 'short-term' information rather than 'long-term'."
"Thank you." Miko grinned triumphantly. "See? Even the super smart android agrees that learning stuff should never be boring!"
Wheeljack rolled his optics, but he was smiling now. As an honorary Wrecker, the girl's opinions held a certain amount of sway with the other Wreckers – Bulkhead and Ultra Magnus. Like it or not the spunky kid had a point. You tended to remember the fun stuff over the boring stuff. Speaking of Ultra Magnus...
The large blue mech was sitting with his back against the wall with his optics shuttered as he caught up on some much needed recharge time, his chest rising and falling steadily as air was cycled in to keep his internal components and processor from overheating. After all the information his processor had taken in over the past few days it had pretty much forced him into recharge in order to sort through all the data.
"Heh. Miko. Look." he chuckled.
Miko snickered at the almost adorable sight of the Commander snoozing peacefully. Her snickering got louder as two figures crept towards him – Tony and Clint. Both had tools in their hands. Knowing those two, they were almost certainly going to pull a prank to "initiate the new guy." According to Clint, it was Avengers tradition to tease the new recruits. They were constantly shushing each other and softly cackling as they got closer. Tony had left his armor off to keep their approach as stealthy as possible and Clint was treading as carefully as a cat when it stalks its prey, his padded boots making him nearly inaudible.
"Clint, what are you doing, man?" Smokescreen whispered loudly. His bright blue optics were round with confusion.
Clint put an admonitory finger to his mouth. "Shhh! You'll wake him up!"
The racecar looked confused but wisely stopped talking. Seriously though, if Wasp, Ms. Marvel and Optimus frolicking up in the air didn't wake Ultra Magnus, nothing would! That mech was out cold! Why be so careful? Smokescreen could barely pick up their footfalls anyway due to his padded boots. What were they up to though? What were the tools for?
Tony scrambled up onto one of Magnus's legs after shoving his tools into his pants pocket. He climbed up his chest and onto his shoulder, helping Clint up afterwards.
"Okay, we gotta be quick about this." Tony whispered as quietly as was possible. "What color did you want to change them to again?"
Clint glanced at the shuttered optics that were totally oblivious as to what was going on. An evil grin formed on his face. This was almost too easy. But did he feel bad about what he was going to do? Pfft. Nah. Not in the least.
"Pink." he said.
"...You are evil, Cupid. So evil." Tony cackled. "Okay, here's how you change optic color…"
He went on to instruct Clint about how to alter Autobot optic color via the optic cables which could be accessed by a small panel near the audio receptors. With Magnus fast asleep he would never know what they were up to until it was too late – unless something happened that was loud enough to jolt him back into the waking world.
"What are you two miscreants up to over there?" Ratchet asked. He glanced back at them curiously.
"Nothing." they lied innocently, hiding their tools behind their backs. "Nothing at all!"
Ratchet gave them a flatly disbelieving look. Yep. They were up to something. They might as well have had giant neon signs over their heads proclaiming "We're doing something we're not supposed to!" However, since he didn't know precisely what they were doing to Ultra Magnus, he couldn't attempt to circumvent them. Regardless, whatever they were doing had to be harmless. They wouldn't risk angering the Prime by doing something harmful to his lieutenant.
He turned back to what he'd been doing, but nevertheless kept a close, unobtrusive watch on them. If ever there was a recipe for trouble, those two Avengers were it.
Both men sighed in relief and went about their task, snickering to themselves.
"That was too close." Tony whispered. "We almost got busted!"
"We are gonna get in so much trouble for this." Clint snickered. "But I don't care. This'll be hysterical!"
They were just finishing up their modifications when very distinct heavy footfalls stopped right next to them. Both men whipped around and assumed expressions of conscious innocence as they gazed up at Optimus. One could almost envision little halos over their heads.
"What exactly is going to be hysterical, Hawkeye?" the Prime asked quietly so as not to wake the dozing form of Ultra Magnus.
Both men shared a glance.
"We can't lie to him! It'd be wrong on so many levels!" Tony seemed to say wordlessly. "Just tell him. He won't rat us out."
Clint's eyes flicked to and fro around the room before he motioned for Optimus to come closer. The Prime leaned in and let the archer explain what they were doing in a conspiratorial whisper. When his optics widened he thought he'd made a mistake in telling him, but that fear vanished when a smile formed.
"Clint Barton." the mech chuckled. "You are a lost cause."
"Wait...We're not in trouble for pulling this prank?" they asked. Not ratting them out was one thing, but not condemning the action? That was a little weird.
Now it was the Prime's turn to be conspiratorial. With a strangely cheeky glitter in his optics and a devilish smile he whispered to them both:
"Just between you and me...I think he has this coming."
Tony and Clint had to cover their mouths to bottle their laughter. This was why this 'Bot rocked in so many ways. He didn't just sympathize with their silly shenanigans – he played along with them!
"You had best get going before he wakes and finds you here." he suggested lightly. "I suppose I can count on you two to switch them back to their original color?"
"Aw, come on. We may be practical jokers but we're not jerks. We'll switch 'em back once we've had our fun with him." both men promised as they helped each other down off their chosen victim.
Optimus watched them dart off, chuckling to himself.
"Oh no. No, no. Please tell me you didn't sanction their prank, Optimus." Cap deadpanned. The man was standing at his feet scowling up at him like a disappointed parent.
He quickly stifled his amusement. "I did not sanction it, nor did I condemn it." the Prime replied neutrally.
"So you're just going to let them get away this."
"I suppose you find that irresponsible of me?"
The soldier's reply to this question was to sigh, face-palm, and walk out of the hangar then and there. If Optimus was willing to entertain those two ne'er-do-wells, fine. But Steve was not about to stick around for the aftermath. From the moment he'd met Ultra Magnus, he knew he wasn't the type to understand or appreciate a friendly prank. Apparently Tony and Clint were going to need to find this out the way.
"Should we wake him up now? He's been asleep for an hour or so." Wasp wondered, buzzing near Magnus's head.
"Aw, but he looks so cute!" Miko whined. Unable to resist the urge, she whipped out her phone and snapped another image.
"Okay, that is one word I thought would never be used to describe ol' Magnus." Bulkhead noted amusedly.
Wasp giggled and buzzed up to his left audial receptor. Deciding to start small and polite, she lightly tapped on it with her tiny fists as though knocking on a door. When she received no response, she tapped a little harder.
"You're hands are too small to activate the tactile sensors, Jan. He hasn't adjusted the sensitivity like the others have. Just tapping him won't work." Ant-Man clarified knowingly. "He'll be able to pick up your voice without issue, though."
Wasp nodded. She drew back a little ways.
"Rise and shine, Maggie!" she said cheerfully. And rather loudly.
The sudden influx of noise made the dozing mech jolt back awake with a start, optics snapping open. A faint whirring sound could be faintly discerned as previously inactive components and processes re-activated after having been shut down to conserve power. He shook his helm to clear the last few dregs of power down coding from his processor. His optics came to rest on Wasp after he'd figured out it had been her who had woken him up, rising to his pedes slowly.
"Hey there, Sleeping Beauty. Have a nice cat nap?" she greeted in a teasing fashion. It was taking all her will-power to not erupt in hysterical laughter. Tony and Clint had hinted they were going to prank him at some point but this...this was just childish, even for them!
Eventually she couldn't hold it in any longer and burst out laughing. Everyone turned to see what the fuss was about and wound up with a similar reaction – snorting, giggling, smiling, chuckling, or full-out laughing at the mech's expense.
"What? What does everyone find so entertaining?" Magnus demanded.
*Nothing! Nothing!* Bumblebee whistled, trilling merrily.
"Um, don't know how to tell you this but...well..." Arcee started slowly.
"They switched your optic color to pink while you were out!" Smokescreen howled in laughter, already on the floor. "Clint, I freakin' love you buddy!" he cried half cried, half gasped out.
He wasn't all that surprised to hear evil snickering coming from close at hand – Hawkeye had found a hiding spot and was watching his work fold out from there. From the sounds of it, he was observing from the rafters with Tony – safely out of reach. A glance up confirmed it. Sitting there on the rafters with an evil glitter in his eyes was Hawkeye. Tony, armored, stood beside him.
Ultra Magnus stood frozen for a moment as he took in this bizarre sounding information. For a moment his expression remained totally stunned and unbelieving. Then he apparently figured out that what he was being told was true.
"Barton!" he roared in outrage.
Clint nearly toppled off his perch, his fellow conspirator grabbing him just in time to steady him. If they weren't so busy legitimately fearing for their lives they would appreciated how silly the mech looked with his newly recolored optics and over-the-top outrage at their harmless practical joke.
"Well, we're dead." The now fully armored Tony summed up nonchalantly. "We're so dead. Might as well sign the wills now. We're dead."
"Dude, he can't even reach us up here." Clint reminded him smugly. "And he doesn't have the nerve to open fire at – AH!"
He yelped in surprise as a low-powered Energon blast ripped through the air disturbingly close to his head. It had been intended to miss, but it had still come far too close for comfort.
"What the hell, man?!" Hawkeye snapped. "Can't you take a joke?!"
"No! No, no, no! No discharging weapons inside this hangar!" Ratchet snapped. "If you want to fight this out then take it elsewhere! Preferably outside where there's nothing you can damage!"
Both troublemakers took the hint. Iron Man snatched Hawkeye and flew out of the hangar post haste.
"Get back here this instant!"
Magnus made an attempt to storm after them, but Optimus held him back. His lieutenant looked rather ticked at the Prime's amusement over his predicament and his targets that were already out of visible range.
*Sir, it's a harmless joke. No offense, you're kind of overreacting.* Bumblebee clicked. *It's their way of saying "Welcome to the team!" and to get ready for the real crazy.*
"They were going to change them back, but I fear you managed to frighten them into hiding for the next few hours, Commander." Optimus told him lightly, smiling at him.
Ultra Magnus could not for the life of him fathom why the Prime was letting them get away with their prank. Had he completely forgotten what the term protocol meant? Had he forgotten the meaning of rank?
The door to Fowler's office was flung open and the federal liaison himself stood framed in the door.
"What in blue blazes is going on out here, Prime?!" he demanded. His flicked from 'Bot to 'Bot and Avenger to Avenger in search of answers until they stopped on Ultra Magnus, and an amusedly sympathetic smile formed.
"Oh no...They pranked you didn't they, big guy?" Fowler realized, pointing at the mech's recolored optics.
Magnus continued to frown angrily. "Judging by what you can see...what do you think?"
Fowler shook his head with chuckle. "Bet they're wishin' they hadn't now." His tone became a little more serious as he continued: "Look, Stark and Barton weren't aiming to upset you, Magnus. That wasn't the point of the prank at all."
"Oh? Then what, pray tell, was the point?" Magnus growled.
"They were trying to get you laugh!"
Fowler couldn't suppress a grin at the mech's bewildered look. That alone told him he hadn't thought of pranks as friendly in nature. And from that shouting earlier, it was clear this was his first time being pranked in his entire life.
"Iron Man and Hawkeye are our morale soldiers. If anyone is feeling down they go out of their way to get them smiling again. Depending on who it is, they go about it in different ways. I guess they judged you as prank-worthy material." Ant-Man elaborated.
"In your case, I believe they judged you as too stiff, not in need of cheering up. Their prank was meant to lighten your attitude." Ratchet added in matter-of-factly.
"And you scared 'em off." Hulk grunted with a smirk. "I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say their plan backfired on 'em."
"Reeeaaaallly backfired." Bulkhead agreed with a grin. "I don't think they're gonna try that again anytime soon."
Ratchet snorted. "Knowing those two, I think they most certainly will try something like this again. They're stupid like that. I don't think they'll ever learn. They're as bad as the twins!"
Magnus turned to scowl out at the sky where Iron Man and Hawkeye had vanished. As bad as the twins? Slag, these two were worse than the twins thanks to Stark's deep knowledge of Autobot anatomy. Hawkeye was merely the schemer – Iron Man was the one who put it into action.
"...So can you change them back?" Magnus asked.
Ratchet sighed and waved him over. "Oh for the love of...Get over here and I'll set them back to default."
A few hours later, two very shy and contrite Avengers finally worked up the courage to stick their heads back into the hangar once more. They caught sight of Ultra Magnus helping the two youngest Autobots move around supplies and what little had been salvaged from Team Prime's previous base that day. It only took a moment for the two to be spotted by the lieutenant. Rather than come after them or reprimand them for their earlier actions, he simply waved them in with an I'll-deal-with-you-two-later glare.
"So you finally decide to show your faces again." Cap noted. "I'm hoping you two learned your lesson?"
The answer to that question came in the form of two very embarrassed-looking nods from his team mates. They looked like two children who had been scolded by a parent. The soldier then turned to face the Autobot leader, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "And you." he said with a frown of disapproval. "Don't encourage them, okay?"
Optimus gave no worded reply other than an enigmatic smile and a chuckle.