Felicity closed her eyes and let her senses take in everything around her. The night was filled with the sound of evening creatures singing their nighttime symphony: crickets chirping as the evening temperature dropped; birds calling out to each other with their own songs of romance; frogs chattering by the lake nearby. The fire beside them crackled and popped intermittently, warming their bodies even as a thin layer of sweat cooled them down. The sound of Oliver's even breaths and the steady thrum of his heartbeat resonated in her ear, lulling her already relaxed mind into a pleasant hypnotic state. She ran her hand along the hard ridges of his abdomen, her fingers caressing the lines and dips on his body, tracing each scar she came across. She inhaled deeply to take in his scent, which was both musky and sweet and undeniably masculine. Her memory called up the flavor of his lips, among other parts of his body; the texture of him on her tongue, the taste of his essence, both salty and tangy. Her mind replayed the sounds and images of their coupling, of his face when he had come, looking both desperate and transported. She could remember feeling his love for her through his eyes, so visceral in its intensity that it became a physical thing in her chest. She remembered whispering of her love to him as she climaxed, pouring out her feelings through every point of contact between them.
God, she loved this man.
She opened her eyes to look up at him. He returned her gaze curiously.
"When did you know?" she asked softly.
"When did I know I loved you?" he clarified.
She nodded, grateful that he always seemed to know just what she was thinking.
He took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts. She continued tracing the scars on his chest as she waited.
"I think I've been falling in love with you a little bit every day since the day I met you," he started. "You were the first person that was able to pull a genuine smile out of me." He looked at her with a smile. "I didn't expect that."
She smiled back at him.
"After that first meeting, I kept finding excuses to come see you again. Most of me said it was because I needed your expertise, but I think that little part of me that was falling in love just wanted another dose of Felicity Smoak, the girl who made me smile. It was always something that was in the back of my mind, but it wasn't something I actively thought about. The first time I knew I was in trouble was when we came back from Russia." He sighed. "The idea that my behavior disappointed you…" He shook his head. "And then you said you thought I deserved better, and something inside me woke up. I had to work harder to not think about it after that. Then the Count happened."
Felicity shivered a little at the memory. Oliver held her a little closer to his side in response, comforting her.
"That was when I knew I couldn't live without you. But I was still fighting my feelings for you. I just convinced myself that it was because we were partners, dependent on each other for our lives, because of what we do. It's why I reacted so strongly when you came back from Central City. I felt like half of me was missing, and I didn't like it. And I took it out on you. I'm sorry."
"You already apologized," Felicity whispered.
"And I'll keep apologizing. You didn't deserve to be treated that way."
"It's okay, Oliver," she reassured. "It's in the past. You can let it go."
Oliver huffed, amused. "Story of my life."
Felicity smiled in response.
Oliver's smile slowly turned into a frown as he remembered events after their fight, specifically the rekindling of his relationship with Sara. "I'm sorry about Sara."
Felicity shook her head. "Don't. You needed each other then. I get it."
Oliver shook his head in wonder at this remarkable woman in his arms. "You should know I didn't feel for her nearly what I feel for you now."
"It doesn't matter," she admonished. "You don't have to justify anything, not to me."
Oliver closed his eyes and held her tighter. "McKenna said that to me once. That I should find someone I never have to apologize to."
"Sounds like a smart woman," Felicity commented.
Oliver huffed a laugh. "You're incredible."
"You've said," she replied. "So?"
Oliver returned to his train of thought. "The night everything changed, the night I stopped fighting my feelings for you, was the night that everything went down with Slade."
Felicity went still. "In the mansion?"
"No," he responded. "Before that."
He remembered the haze he fell into after his mother's death. He remembered thinking long and hard in his pitiful hiding place, thinking about all the people in Slade's crosshairs. He remembered thinking very briefly of Felicity, of the terrifying possibility of a world without her in it, and his decision to give himself up had been very easy after that. He remembered his confrontation with her and Diggle in his backup lair, how he had ached to kiss her goodbye, but resisting with all his might because if he did, he might never want to leave and his whole plan to give up his life would unravel.
He remembered, after everything with Laurel and going after the cure, after that car accident, how for an interminable second he thought that Felicity might have…he remembered needing to carry her, to hold her body against his to feel her breathing against his chest, reassuring himself that she was still alive.
He remembered, after losing the cure, losing hope of ever defeating Slade, how Felicity had refused to let him lie down, to give up, to admit defeat. It was that night, that moment in the clock tower that had sealed his fate forever as a man completely in love with Felicity Smoak.
"In the clock tower," he finally answered. "When you said I wasn't alone, and that you believe in me, that was when I knew, for sure, that I was in love with you."
Felicity bit her lip, taking this information in. "So, in the mansion…"
"In the mansion," he explained, "I was doing the unthinkable, offering up the woman I love as bait to a madman, knowing you were our best and only shot at ending everything. When I said 'I love you,' I said it because I needed you to know. Because there was still a chance that it could go sideways, and if I never saw you again…" He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. "If I never saw you again, I needed you to know, unequivocally, how I feel about you."
Felicity's eyes shone with tears that threatened to fall. He stroked her cheek gently, and leaned in to kiss her. She immediately shifted onto her back, pulling him with her so that he lay on top of her.
"I love you, Oliver," she murmured against his lips.
"I love you, Felicity," he murmured back, and made love to her by the fire, once again.