I always knew I was different, even before my letter to Hogwarts came. I knew I was a wizard ever since I could hold a stick in my hand, but I felt like something was missing. Some piece to the puzzle that I thought maybe Hogwarts held for me. Maybe there I'd understand what it was that I lacked.

The day my letter came, my mum and dad celebrated by taking me to Diagon Alley and treated me to all the chocolate frogs galleons could buy. My little sister, Katy, glared at me with jealousy. She still had a year left until she received her letter, and was feeling resentful of me.

All too soon came the time to board the Hogwarts Express, and my parents guided me through platform 9 3/4. I was nervous to be around so many wizards since I'd been raised in the Muggle world. My dad, a Muggle himself, thought it would be best if I had lived in both worlds, and gotten everything I could out of them. It was the best decision they could have made, but until then I hadn't been around any wizarding kids.

I boarded the train and was off, my sister pouting the entire time at my mom's side. After the train left the station and I couldn't see my family anymore, I turned back around to my cabin. There were kids all over; first years flicking their wands in useless pretend, older students looking on with humor, pets running rampant, even kids eating handfuls of candy from the trolley. There was a rumor spreading that I caught onto that Harry Potter was on the train. I did the math slowly in my head and realized that he'd be about my age. I hadn't considered the possibility of going to school with the boy that defeated He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

I sat in silence in the corner of the cabin, unsure of how to even talk to these people. How do you start a conversation with kids that grew up wizard? What would I talk about?

I scanned the cabin again, going over each individual instead of as a group, and noticed little things about them. One girl with bushy hair that had on Muggle clothes like me, but she was deep into her book 'Hogwarts, A History', so I didn't bother her. After a minute she got up and went to change into her school robes anyway.

There was a group of boys my age attempting spells with varying results. I got bored of watching them and turned to look out the window when I noticed the boy across from me. At first I thought he was a part of the group of boys, but now I realized he was alone. He was sitting in a relaxed position reading a book that I couldn't see the cover of. His brown haired head was bent, his focus entirely on his book. I couldn't see his eyes, but I noticed how long his eyelashes were under his glasses.

I suppose he felt me staring, because he flicked his eyes toward me. His eyes were a dark blue, like the color of the ocean, with a dark gray circle around the outside of the iris. I felt as if he'd punched a hole in my chest with his gaze. I coughed and looked away out the window.

I spent the entirety of the trip thinking of how to start a conversation with him. Should I ask what his book is about? But I was raised Muggle. What if I don't understand it and he calls me stupid? I clenched my fist trying to think of how to connect with wizard kids. I didn't notice until the train began to slow and I looked around that the boy across from me was watching me.

Before I said anything, the train jolted and stopped. The kids all around us rushed to grab their trunks and their bags. When the cabin calmed down, I looked over to where the boy had been sitting, but he was gone.

The trip across the lake for first years was wonderful. I loved the castle in the distance, lights flickering brightly, reflected back up at us from the crystal waters. I looked around for the boy from the train but I couldn't see very well in the darkness.

We were ushered into the castle toward the great hall where we'd be sorted into our houses. Everyone was dead silent until one blonde boy walked up to a shaggy brown haired boy in front of us. I couldn't hear very well from the back, but I could hear him say "Potter", and I knew that the shaggy brown haired boy must be Harry Potter. As interesting as seeing the boy who defeated the Dark Lord was, I was glancing around for the blue eyed boy. There were too many people shoved together to get a good look at Harry Potter, and most of them were taller than I was. I couldn't see much of anything.

Finally, Professor McGonagall appeared and ushered us inside. The hall hushed. I looked around in wonder from the ceiling bewitched to resemble the night sky, the floating candles, the four long tables for each house, and Professor Dumbledore sitting at the end of the hall. I chuckled at the way his long white beard and pointed hat made him look like the definition of magic you'd see in a Muggle storybook.

All of the first years then began being sorted one by one to their houses by having the Sorting Hat placed on their heads. Some took only seconds, others took a long time, but eventually the hat would announce loudly the chosen house and there would be loud applause from all around.

It was my turn relatively quickly, since we were alphabetized by last names.

"Eric Finch," McGonagall called.

I nervously walked up to the stool and sat down, the hat placed on my head for me. The hat spoke in my ear things about myself. It claimed that I was one to follow my heart before my head, and how I was loyal and loving. I had no idea what that was all about, but before I could question it, I was announced as a Hufflepuff. The Hufflepuff table erupted in applause for me as I joined them timidly. I got a few handshakes and a pat on the back. After the celebration was over, everyone focused on the others.

It came time for Harry Potter to be sorted and everyone hushed. The hall was pin drop silent. After a moment he was sorted into Gryffindor, which everyone cheered for even if they didn't get him in their house. He was already everyone's favorite. The next few kids were sorted, and then there was one left.

"Nicholas White," McGonagall announced.

I perked up, recognizing the boy from the train. He walked up to the stool smoothly and sat with perfect posture. I didn't know why, but I kept wishing that he'd be sorted into Hufflepuff with me.

The hat barely touched his head before the hat announced he was a Ravenclaw. My shoulders slumped.

"Friend of yours?" The girl next to me asked.

"Not really," I peeped out. "I just met him on the train. Sort of."

The girl shrugged and went back to talking to her friends.

I watched as Nicholas White was greeted by his House and disappeared among the crowd.

I stared down at the wooden table and wished I could have made at least one friend, but I screwed that up with Nicholas on the train. I was too worried about what he'd think of me to speak up.

"Hi," a girl across from me said.

"Hi," I replied.

"Muggle-born?" she asked suddenly.

I shook my head a little. "Half. Raised Muggle."

She grinned. "I'm Muggle-born," she explained. "My name is June Dixon."

"Eric Finch."

She flipped her blonde hair to the side. "So, what kind of music do you like, Finch?"

:::::

My years at Hogwarts passed by as naturally as you would expect with a few exciting and nerve-wracking events. In my second year, my friend June was turned to stone from a basilisk. I fretted for days until the mandrake cure was found. I must've hugged her so tight that I nearly popped her head off.

I only had a few friends, but they made the years pass by quickly. It wasn't until my fourth year that I even considered romance.

It was the year of the Triwizard Tournament. Wizards from nearby schools came to visit for the school year and compete in dangerous events for the Triwizard cup. As exciting as that was, I was only fourteen and couldn't compete – not that I would have if I could. I was far too scared for that sort of thing.

As scary as the events were, the scariest part for me was the Yule Ball. Everyone felt pressured to find a partner to go with. I didn't have the first clue who to choose. I sat in a corridor one afternoon, glancing at all the girls that passed by. None of them caught my fancy the way I thought a date should. I didn't feel particularly attracted to any of them and I didn't know them well enough.

"Hey, Finch," June called. She sat next to me and stretched her long legs. In first year I was slightly taller than her, but since puberty had struck, she'd grown to be nearly half a foot taller than me. I'd always been short and small.

"Hey," I greeted. "Do you have a date for the Ball yet?" I asked. "I can't seem to think of anyone to ask."

"Yeah, a Durmstrang boy asked me. I said yes since the boy I wanted to ask was taken."

I nodded. "Know anyone I could go with?"

June thought a moment and shook her head. "Not really… I'm sorry, Finch. Seems like everyone I know has been asked already. Well, maybe not everybody," June amended.

We watched as the red haired boy from Griffindor screamed at one of the girl from Beauxbatons, asking her out. He then turned on his heel and ran. Everyone assumed she was part Veela because men fawned over her beautiful charm. I seemed to be the only one unaffected. To me she seemed like just another girl.

"Well that was interesting," June laughed.

The day of the Yule Ball arrived and I dressed in my new robes. I wanted to stay in the dorm all night, but June talked me into coming. I decided to go alone since no one seemed to interest me.

The night began with dance music and everyone turned to their partners. I stood near the punch and tapped my toes at the music. I glanced around and saw June dancing with a square jawed guy. He was fairly unmemorable and certainly not good enough for June.

I turned to look at the stage and noticed Nicholas White standing alone on the edge of the room. I wondered where his date had gone. He stood straight with perfect posture, his eyes scanning the room silently. He seemed like the stern, silent type, but his eyes were always full of movement like the ocean they resembled.

After a while the music changed to a more upbeat rock group and everyone started dancing and flailing their arms. I grinned as June threw her hand sup and wiggled them around. I felt a lot more comfortable joining the dance now that it wasn't full of just couples. I dove into the fray and bobbed my head at the beat.

I felt something shift at my side and saw Nicholas there. My heart leapt at his sudden appearance. He didn't seem to notice me at first, his eyes planted on the stage. Then he flicked his eyes to me. My breath caught.

"Want to dance?" he asked suddenly.

My jaw was a little slack but I managed to nod. There was no harm in dancing with a new friend. Maybe I'd get to know him better. Maybe I could make up for first year, when I thought I couldn't relate to wizarding kids. It'd been four years and I was confident now in being able to carry out a conversation with them.

Nicholas and I started dancing to the music, bobbing our heads and tapping our feet. He seemed to keep his eyes fixed on me the entire time. I smiled and he smiled slightly back at me.

"What happened to your date?" Nicholas asked.

"Don't have one," I replied.

Nicholas' grin grew wider. "Me neither," he said.

I felt suddenly relieved. "I thought I was the only one!"

"Same here."

"I mean, it was so hard. All of the girls seemed to have dates already," I said.

Nicholas' grin faded and his dancing slowed. He glanced around and caught his friend's eye and waved. "Well, good dancing with you," he said. His voice was flat. He wandered through the crowd and disappeared among the mass of bodies.

I kept dancing, but wondered what I could have done to offend him. Perhaps it was a little more obvious that I was raised Muggle than I thought.

:::::

"Excited for your fifth year?" My dad asked as he dropped me and my younger sister Katy off at Central. He was busy with work and couldn't come see us off this time. Mom elected to come with us, but Katy shooed her off. She didn't want her friends to see her mother giving her goodbye kisses.

"Guess so," I replied.

We said our goodbyes there, and Katy and I entered Central and went through Platform 9 ¾ when no one else was around. Once on the platform, Kat turned to me and said, "Don't bother me this year. It was bad enough last year when you freaked and tried to have me leave school because you think the Dark Lord is back. My friends made fun of me for weeks!"

"Sorry," I apologized.

Katy stormed off and joined her group of friends, boarding the train all together.

"Hey, Eric!" June called. She ran over to me and hugged me tightly. "I'm so ready to be back at school, aren't you?"

I nodded, though I wasn't so sure. I was nervous. Nervous about my intuition of the Dark lord being back. I believed Harry Potter and Dumbledore. I was nervous about school work, teachers, and just in general. I never felt at ease in the castle. I felt like I was walking on eggshells every time I was there, like I didn't belong. For the first two years I was there, I was convinced they'd gotten the wrong guy, and that I was a mistake. I always felt like I was lacking something that everyone else seemed to have. Self-confidence, maybe. That made sense.

When we were finally sitting in the Great Hall at the Hufflepuff table, June started talking about the concerts she went to over the summer. In comparison I had a rather boring summer stuck in my room playing video games. It's not that I was anti-social, just a little introverted I guess. The only close friend I made in my years at Hogwarts was June, and though we grew up similarly, she was always off doing something exciting.

The new students were sorted, and Dumbledore announced the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Delores Umbridge. The frog-looking lady made an impromptu speech spewing things that made me boil. To me, it was just propaganda against students being themselves. It was just a way for the ministry to put us in our place, to stamp out original thought.

That bothered me. The Ministry taking over my education, as well as my thoughts, was something that I didn't like to imagine.

The first class of Defense Against the Dark arts was different than I expected. It was a joined class with Ravenclaw, and we were all handed Ministry approved textbooks. I looked at mine with a grimace. Next to me, June flipped through the pages and sighed.

I noticed Nicholas White ahead of me refuse to touch it. Over the years, whenever I saw him, he'd have a book nearby. I knew almost all the books he'd read over the years and I was intrigued when I noticed him start a new one. I wanted to ask how he liked the ending of the last one, but as always, I never spoke up. As much as he loved books, this textbook sat on his desk like a pathetic paperweight. I grinned slightly and looked down at my desk, hoping Professor Umbridge wouldn't notice.

The days passed and things got worse and worse as the ministry and Umbridge took over the school. Decrees of all kinds were added. Then came the day when Professor Trelawney was sacked, and Umbridge threatened Dumbledore. I feared for the state of my school.

A rumor passed through the Hufflepuffs about Harry Potter. He was gathering students to learn proper Defense Against the Dark Arts. Umbridge caught wind of something going on, because she decreed all groups to be disbanded.

I wanted to find Harry Potter, I wanted to sign up, but I was nervous. I didn't want to get caught. I didn't want to think about what Umbridge would do, or my parents.

That is, until I noticed Nicholas White near Harry Potter and his friends. He nodded at something Hermione Granger said, and departed quickly so that they wouldn't be caught together.

That's when I decided to sign up. If he could do it, I could too. I went to Harry and his friends, and asked to join. I couldn't wait to tell June. I was proud of standing for something. I was proud that I'd taken a step toward fighting for what I believed in.

"You're an idiot, Finchy!" June exclaimed, using her preferred nickname for me. I'd just told her in the Hufflepuff common room about my plans. "I can't believe you'd choose to do something so… dangerous!"

"What's so dangerous about it?" I asked. "I'm not learning in class. I feel weak. I feel useless!"

"What reason would you need to know all those spells?"

I frowned. "Because I believe in Harry Potter," I whispered.

June groaned. "You know, sometimes you put your heart where it shouldn't, Finchy." She flopped onto the couch next to me and leaned against my side. "Other times you don't put your heart where it should go."

I looked down at her, and she smiled. She quickly pecked my lips with hers and then got up, hustling toward the girl's bedroom.

I touched my lips where she'd pecked me. I wondered if she liked me, and why I hadn't thought of her that way before. She was beautiful, of course. We had tons in common. She wrote to me all summer, every summer, since the day I met her. We were close, but when I looked at her, I saw June, my friend. I didn't get excited or aroused at her. Even her kiss felt flat against me, like it didn't mean anything to me. Was something wrong with me?

The days passed as Harry Potter taught Dumbledore's Army stunning spells, attacking spells, and anything he figured would be useful. Each day I watched as Nicholas White dominated all spells that were taught to us. When he learned a new spell, he flicked his wand gracefully, like he'd done it a thousand times. Comparatively, I was clumsy and awful. I wasn't as bad as Neville Longbottom at fighting spells, but we were all learning together.

Day after day, I watched Nicholas succeed in his spells. Whenever he opened his mouth, he had something important to say. At least, I thought it was important. By the looks of how everyone treated him, they generally thought so too.

After a while, Umbridge decreed that all students were to be questioned about potential illicit activities. I answered her questions nervously, but she seemed to believe me when I told her I didn't know what was going on behind her back. She smiled her froggy smile and whispered something to Professor Snape. I caught the word "Veritas Serum" and shivered. I didn't like the sound of that.

The D.A., as we called it, continued to get better. The last day before the Holidays, we were practicing Expelliarmus, and I flicked my wand with too much gusto. The spell went awry and hit the wall. I sighed and shook my head.

I felt my wand tugged from my hand and turned around. Nicholas White stood before me, his ocean blue eyes looking into me. He smiled slightly. "You're holding your wand too tight. Your wrist is too stiff," he said softly. His voice was deep and smooth. Puberty had done wonders on him. He'd grown tall and thin, his voice deepened and smoothed. It was almost the opposite of me. I was still short and small, and my voice was deeper but higher pitched than any of my male classmates.

I extended my hand for my wand and he placed it back into my hand gently. "Try holding it like this," he showed me.

I flicked my wrist and said, "Expelliarmus", and it worked! I looked up at him and couldn't hide the smile on my face. His face was unreadable until he flashed me a small smile, his eyes glinting behind his glasses.

Harry Potter interrupted then and ended the meeting with a note of how proud he was of us, and how we'd meet back up after the Holidays.

I looked back at Nicholas, but he'd already turned away, leaving the room. I looked down at my feet. I was patted on the back by a few friends, told that I was improving. I knew I was, but not very well until Nicholas had helped me.

After Christmas, we returned to Hogwarts, and June immediately jumped into my arms once we were in the Hufflepuff common room. "I'm so sorry," she said. "After the breakout at Azkaban, I believe Harry Potter, too. I believe you, Finchy. I'm sorry."

"Will you join us, then?"

She nodded. "On one condition," she began.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Ask me out already," She leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine. This time it wasn't a peck. This time she really meant it. When I didn't kiss back, she stopped and looked back at me. "What's wrong?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I just…" My mind was racing. I didn't know how to explain it. "I guess I don't… see you like that. I'm sorry, June."

June looked hurt, but didn't get angry at me. I knew she'd understand eventually.

"How come you've never had a girlfriend?" June asked. "I thought it was because you liked me,"

I shook my head. "I'm just not… interested in having a girlfriend I guess."

"Ugh, boys," she shook her head, then smiled. "Alright, fine. I'll join the D.A. Just don't, uh, tell anyone I kissed you and got shot down. It's embarrassing enough."

"I won't," I promised. "You're still my best friend."

The next time the D.A. met, June tagged along. She was amazed at the Room of Requirement, and how it changed and adapted to our current needs. She was in awe of Harry Potter and how strong he was, even though he was humble and didn't really realize the effect he had on those around him. He made us all want to get better, and master our skills.

I tried harder than ever to do better, even though it wasn't for Harry. I was trying to impress Nicholas White, who was always better than I'd ever be. All I wanted was to do one impressive spell, and maybe he wouldn't think of me as a loser.

To my surprise, my wish came true. The next few times we met, Harry taught us the Patronus charm. To achieve a good Patronus, we had to think of a happy memory. The happiest we could muster up. A lot of people struggled with the advanced magic, including Nicholas. For whatever reason, he couldn't produce the charm at all.

When I tried to find the happiest memory, I cycled through them all one by one, attempting to find the happiest of them. I thought of the first day I came to Hogwarts, hoping that was the happiest. As I went, my mind wandered with fatigue. I thought of the first train ride when Nicholas and my eyes met for the first time. I then thought of before the Holidays, when he had placed my wand in my hand. He'd been so close to me then, and I remembered now what he smelled like. He smelled like a mixture of incense and old books. I felt a surge of blood rush to my head, my heart pounded.

I opened my eyes and realized I'd produced a Patronus! The silver light was powerful enough to take form of my Patronus animal.

"Finchy!" June exclaimed.

"Your Partonus is a bird!" Someone exclaimed. "It's cute!"

"It's… a finch!" June realized. She started laughing. "Finchy, your partonus is a finch!"

I groaned. My patronus was more pathetic than if I hadn't even produced it. I was embarrassed by how tiny it was. I lowered my wand and the finch disappeared.

I glanced over at Nicholas, who was watching me closely. While everyone else went back to their practicing, his eyes were on me.

My heart fluttered and I looked down at my feet. June was next to me, hugging me tightly. "Good job, Finchy! I love it! Mine only lasted a second, but it looked kind of like a butterfly, or maybe a moth. That would be embarrassing! What good memory did you use?"

I mumbled something that didn't really sound like much. June went back to another friend who she was helping practice.

"What memory should I use?" I heard Nicholas ask from beside me. He had his wand in his hand. "I can't seem to find any that work for me. What did you use?"

I clamped my mouth shut and looked at my feet nervously. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest. My fingers shook as they held my wand to my side.

"Alright, I guess that's personal," he continued. "Can you help me?"

I looked up, into his inquiring eyes, and nodded slowly. "For me, I thought of… something that made me happy, instead of a particular memory. It was just the feeling that I focused on. It worked for me."

Nicholas looked at his wand and frowned. He glanced over at me and his frown smoothed. He stood straight, with the perfect posture I admired, and flicked his wand. "Expecto patronum!" he called, and a silvery light shot from the end of his wand and formed into a bird – a Sparrowhawk.

I swallowed. A patronus is said to be an image of yourself. Sparrowhawks were known to kill and eat finches.

Nicholas lowered his wand and smiled at me. "Thank you, Eric," he said softly. My heart fluttered at his voice saying my name.

"What memory did you use?" I asked suddenly.

"This one," he softly replied.

Suddenly there was a pounding on the walls. Everyone looked up. Umbridge was outside, attempting to get in. There was no escape. I nervously took a step away from the banging, accidentally running into Nicholas. He didn't move, only stared at the wall with the rest of them.

Finally, the wall exploded and there stood Umbridge and Filch. We were caught. I was dead. I kept thinking about all the horrible things my parents would say, and what punishment awaited me. I didn't realize I was shivering until I felt Nicholas' hand against my arm, as if trying to steady me. He must have thought I would faint.

To my horror, Dumbledore was almost caught and sent to Azkaban by the Minister himself, but escaped somehow. I was terrified of our new headmaster: Umbridge. We were all made to sit in punishment in the great hall with special quills that magically, and painfully, etched every written word into our opposite hand. There were hushed gasps of pain and winces all around me. I could barely contain my own outbursts of pain as the pen etched into my skin over and over.

The only person who didn't seem to groan in pain was Nicholas. He wrote as if nothing were wrong and that his hand wasn't being sliced open with ever etched word.

After we were allowed to leave, I had to excuse myself to the nearest bathroom to wash up. I winched and wiped the tears from my eyes, fighting the urge to sob. I hated everything that was happening. I hated that I'd allowed myself to get caught like that. What will people think of me?

I left the bathroom and walked down an empty corridor. I turned down another, and saw Nicholas sitting on a bench, book in hand. He was clenching his other fist in pain, the one that had been carved by the magical pen.

When I noticed him, I slowed my pace. He glanced up from his book, his blue eyes flicking toward mine. Again, my heart fluttered. I wondered why he had such an effect on me.

As I drew closer, Nicholas stood up, leaving his book on the bench. He blocked my way down the corridor. "Are you alright?" he asked, noticing my wet face.

I shook my head. "I hate… I just can't…" I suppressed a sob. I didn't want to start crying in front of Nicholas. He probably already thought I was a joke.

He reached out and gently grasped my hurt hand. I flinched but didn't withdraw it. He raised the hand to his soft lips and pressed them against the deep cuts. I let out a small gasp, both of surprise and confusion at what he was doing.

He kept hold of my hand. "What about you?" I managed to ask, even though my chest was tight, constricting against my lungs.

"I'll be fine," he replied. He took a step forward, my hand still in his. He was close enough now that I could smell him again, that incense and old book. His ocean blue eyes looked into mine and I let out a sigh of pleasure that I wished I'd hidden. He was going hate me now!

To my surprise, he took one more half step forward. With his free hand, he ran his fingers through my hair at the back of my head, which sent chills down my spine. I closed my eyes, and his lips pressed against mine.

It was so unlike when June had kissed me that I was momentarily frozen to the spot. His lips were soft, but sent electric currents through my body. As our mouths moved together, our tongues dancing, I felt the current go through my body; to my fingers and toes. I felt an ache in me that wanted more, and I kissed back harder.

I didn't know what it meant to be kissing Nicholas White, all I knew was that I needed more of him. I wrapped my hand around his waist and pulled him toward me. It was almost like I was on autopilot. I'd never felt this burning urge to be near anyone before and I let it take control.

Voices carried down the corridor behind us and they grew closer with every passing second. Nicholas withdrew his lips from mine and glanced behind me. He flicked his eyes to me and pecked my lips one last time. He adjusted his glasses and grabbed his book from the bench.

He turned to look at me from the end of the corridor and smiled. "See you later, Finchy," he whispered. His voice sent shivers down my spine. Once he was gone, my muscles relaxed even though I hadn't realized they were to tense. I glanced down at my hand where Nicholas had pressed his lips and let out a sigh.

Later that night I drew the curtains to my bed in the dorm as I lay awake. I didn't want to bother the others with my tossing and turning. My thoughts raced over the day's events and what I'd done with Nicholas. I fretted over what it meant to have kissed him. In the Muggle world and even the wizarding world, kissing a member of the same sex was strange and sometimes frowned upon. I thought that I was straight until today when his lips were on mine. I'd never felt that way about any girl. I'd never wanted to feel their lips or press my body against theirs.

Since first year I just thought I wanted to be friends with Nicholas. I thought my strange attraction to him was based purely on the desire for friendship, but I now realized it had been a crush all along. When I thought of Nicholas now, I couldn't help but imagine doing all sorts of things to him. I imagined his lips on mine, his hands on my body. I entertained the idea of his hands travelling down and unbuttoning my trousers and his fingers finding my shaft tucked under my pants.

I reached down and withdrew my throbbing penis from my pajamas. I'd masturbated numerous times before to no thought in particular. I was a teenager and the urge was still there, even if I didn't have anything specific in mind before. Now I swirled my fingertips around the tip, imagining it was Nicholas' tongue. I stroked my shaft and thrust into my hand slowly, my palm touching the base of my cock the harder I thrust. I bit my lip to suppress a moan as I climaxed into my palm. My hot liquid pumped from me with every wave of pleasure.

After I cleaned myself up, I lay on my bed completely exhausted. I slowly drifted to sleep thinking of Nicholas' beautiful ocean eyes.

:::

The next day I had double potions with Professor Snape in the dungeons. I sat in my usual spot behind next to June in the back of the class. I couldn't help but glance toward Nicholas at the front of the class every so often. My cheeks burned with the guilt and embarrassment of what I'd done while thinking of him just the night before.

Did he think of me the same way? Had he imagined similar things as me? It was a very real possibility, since he'd been the one to initiate the kiss just the day before. I shoved those thoughts from my mind angrily. I was frustrated at myself for getting worked up when I should be focusing on my classwork.

When Snape dismissed us, June ran off to astronomy while I slowly walked toward my next class. I was so wrapped in my thoughts that I didn't notice when I was the only one left alone in the dungeon corridor. That is, until I heard his voice.

"Finch," Nicholas whispered behind me.

I wheeled around to see him standing close by me.

"Shouldn't you be heading to class?" he asked, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

"I was on my way… what about you?"

Nicholas shrugged. "It's just astronomy," he explained. "And the readings are telling me to stay away," he grinned. "Skipping?"

"Maybe," I replied. "Umbridge will have a coronary if she finds anyone skipping," I mumbled.

Nicholas shook his head. "All the more reason to skip," he said. "Come on, follow me." He adjusted his stack of books to his left arm and extended his right to me.

I timidly accepted his hand. We were breaking at least five school decrees by skipping class together, even holding hands, but I found myself unable to worry about it yet.

Nicholas took me to what looked like an abandoned tower. I wondered if it was near the Ravenclaw tower, since I'd never seen the entry. We climbed up the stairs together, our hands clasped tightly. I hoped the sweat on my palm wasn't noticeable.

We reached the landing where a large open window faced out to the lake. Nicholas sat on the windowsill and hung one foot outside, letting it dangle. I sat on the other side of him but refused to put my foot out of the window. I gulped, my fear of heights getting the better of me.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"I found this my first year. I come here for peace and quiet. No one ever comes here unless they need to use the machines at the top. I don't know what they do."

I nodded and looked at my feet instead of at him or out the window. "So you come here a lot?"

Nicholas kept his eyes on me. "Almost every day," he replied. "I wanted to share it with you."

"Why?"

"Because I like you," Nicholas replied matter-of-factly. He gave me a look like I was crazy for not knowing the answer already.

"I… I like you too," I replied sheepishly.

Nicholas grinned, his blue eyes flashing. He leaned forward until his nose touched the tip of mine. "Say it again?"

"I like you," I repeated. "A lot."

Nicholas leaned forward the rest of the way until our lips touched. I caught a whiff of his smell again – incense and books. Maybe that's what Ravenclaws smelled like. I opened my mouth to allow his tongue access. I closed my eyes and let his lips caress mine. I felt one of his hands reach out and wrap behind my back, pulling me closer to him. I opened my eyes just long enough for him to pull me onto his lap.

His hands reached around my waist and found the hem of my shirt. His thin, nimble fingers tucked their way under and touched my bare skin. A moan escaped my lips as shivers spread down my spine from his touch.

"How long have you liked me?" Nicholas asked.

"I didn't realize it until yesterday but, I've liked you since I've met you," I replied honestly. "What about you?"

"Since the moment my eyes found yours on the train," Nicholas replied, moving his lips down to my neck. I tilted my head unconsciously as he nibbled on my earlobe. I felt his hot breath against the wetness of his kisses and I couldn't help but moan again.

I flushed with embarrassment. I wasn't sure how I felt about what we were doing, but I knew it felt good. I knew I wanted more. I'd never felt that way about anyone before. If that meant I was gay, I didn't mind at all. It wasn't hurting anyone and felt… right. It felt comfortable. I wanted it.

Nicholas tugged on the hem of my shirt and brought it over my head. I looked down at my small frame and shivered. I didn't have muscles or even pecks. I was flat and small. Nicholas was so much taller than me, and though he was thin like me, he clearly had muscles to work with.

He looked over my naked torso and ran his fingertips over my bare skin, leaving hot trails behind. He leaned forward and pressed his tongue against my nipple, swirling it around. I groaned, imagining his tongue in another place. My trousers had gotten tight with his touch, and I was afraid I'd scare him off if he noticed the bulge.

To my surprise, Nicholas continued to kiss my chest. He gently pushed me backward until I was leaning against the window frame and he was kissing the bare skin just above the clasp of my trousers. He looked up and placed a hand on the button that would unleash me.

"Do you want me to?" Nicholas asked, his eyes burrowing into mine.

I couldn't find words to speak, but managed a small timid nod.

Nicholas unbuttoned my trousers and unzipped them slowly. I felt like I was about to burst already. He tucked his fingers under my pants and pulled, revealing my pulsing cock. I flushed in embarrassment. No one had ever seen me before and I wasn't sure what to do. I closed my eyes and hoped he wouldn't laugh at me.

"Are you sure it's okay?" Nicholas whispered.

I nodded. "Yeah, I want it," I replied, my voice hoarse.

Nicholas grasped my shaft and began to slowly stroke me. I bit my lip from letting out another moan. I gasped for air as the sensation of his lips was on my tip. I'd imagined it just the night before but I'd never imagined it feeling this good. I could feel my sack tight up against my base, my groin pulsing at every touch.

He swirled his tongue around my shaft and tip, spreading my pre cum all over me. Then he took all of me into his mouth. He was devouring me. I couldn't stifle the groan this time. I could hear Nicholas' breathing hard as well, and opened my eyes to see him stroking himself while pleasuring me. The sight of him pleasuring himself was almost too much to bear. I watched his hand stroke over his cock, bigger than mine, and a wave of ecstasy came crashing down on me. "I'm going to…" I whispered urgently.

Nicholas thrust his mouth onto me, my tip practically touching the back of his throat. I couldn't hold back any longer. I felt my hot seed exit me into his mouth which elated me further. My body shook with my pleasure. When my body finally relaxed, I opened my eyes again. Nicholas withdrew his mouth from me and tucked his penis back into his trousers. I did the same and sat up, a little dizzy from the lack of blood flow to my head.

"Did you want me to… reciprocate?" I asked awkwardly. I was pretty sure that was common courtesy.

Nicholas smiled. "I'm fine." He leaned forward and pecked my lips.

I shivered, suddenly realizing I was shirtless in the wind. I grabbed my shirt and put it back on, but I was still shivering. Perhaps it was nerves.

Nicholas took hold of my waist and said, "Come on, I'll warm you up." He had me sit in front of him and wrapped his long arms around me tightly. I was so small that I fit perfectly in his arms. He was so warm and comfortable that I felt myself falling asleep.

Before I fell into a deep, dreamless slumber, I imagined Nicholas' arms being like wings wrapped around me the way a sparrow hawk's wings wrap around a finch right before it gets devoured.

Despite the danger, I felt no need to flee. I wanted him to take me. I wanted to be devoured.

I was the finch to his sparrow hawk.