Author's Note: With so many Lelouch tributes out there, including my own first fanfic, I've decided to try and get into V.V.'s thoughts and his own death. This is what came out. Thank you so much my reviewers from my last fic, it made me so giddy to see those reviews and hits.
Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass in any way shape or form.
"Because…"
Charles, do you hate me? It's okay, it's okay if you do. I planned it this way after all. When we first made that contract little brother, we made a promise, to make a world without any lies. We promised we would not lie to each other and yet, I lied to you.
Do you know why I lied?
I suppose a part of me was selfish. You, who were not immortal, you who could age, had found someone other than me to support you in your goals. You found Marianne, Charles. I saw the look in your eyes when you gazed upon her. I saw how your heart softened at her words. I saw all this and I was jealous and scared that I would lose you. A part of me, whatever humanity I had left, screamed that it wasn't fair. Why was it that you got someone and I would be left alone? Haven't I also sacrificed enough, if not more than you ever will?
What if I told you I loved her too?
But I can't love her because my time has stopped. I cannot let emotions get in the pathway to our dream. Charles, I knew what you saw in her. I knew she understood us and our promise but I could not let you get weak. I cannot, and will not, as your older brother allow you to let your heart lead the way. I needed your mind and I needed you to be ruthless and strong.
And if it makes you hate me then so be it.
I will take the blame. I took Marianne from you and started lying to you. Did you know how it felt to lie to you little brother? Each lie broke a part of me. You knew I lied. I could see it in your eyes but it's okay, that's what I wanted.
I will take away your precious things because they are your weaknesses. I forced you to send away Lelouch and Nunally and I forced you to steel your heart. I molded you little brother, I molded you into the perfect emperor and forced you to build your mask of the Emperor. You might ask why? Because, Charles, despite your promise, despite your brilliant mind, you are still human. Your humanity was what I loved and despised at the same time.
Do you know why I took on the burden of immortality?
Because I realized as the years went by that this "Code" strips a man of his heart and humanity. Above all Charles, I wanted to protect your human heart. Steel that heart, harden it, hide it away, but never lose it—I beg of you brother. Hate me, because it is human to do so. Blame me for your actions, for your failures, blame me for the pain of losing your loved ones, because it is human to do so. It is far easier to hate someone, with a face and name, than to blame and hate a system of lies. Let your bitterness towards me drive you towards our promise brother.
Even if you strip me of my code I know a part of you still hates me, still blames me for your losses. I am…sorry. I am sorry I had to lie to you. I am sorry I broke our promise but I do not regret it. I will carry on the burden of the blame you place on me. I will do it gladly because…because…
"Because…I'm your older brother…."