A/N: Warning: Angsty story ahead. Those who wish, look away now. If not, get your butt down there, and read this story. :) One-shot story!

Tony had been distant all day with her; he became awkward and quiet around her. Each time she had tried to speak to him, he made up excuses to leave. This had confused Ziva to no end. So when the team got the nod to go home, she was looking forward to some down time, a nice long, hot shower, a book and bed. It wasn't until 11:30 that she had eventually given in to sleep.

It was 3:30am when Ziva got a knock on her door. She was irritated by the fact that someone was determined to disrupt her sleep. Her irritation rose slightly, when she saw Tony on the other side of the peephole.

She flung open the door; "What do you want Tony?" The exhaustion in her voice evident to him.

"I needed to talk to you."

"Now!"

"Yes."

"Fine. Come in. It is cold." She pulled the door open, allowing him to slide in; she bolted it shut behind him. "Could not sleep?"

"No. Been up all night."

"And you felt the need to wake me also?"

"Sorry."

"Sign of weakness Tony."

"I don't care."

Ziva moved to the kitchen, making them both a cup of coffee, she could tell sleep wouldn't be happening anytime soon. When she returned to the living room; Tony appeared distant, he didn't notice the drink she'd placed in front of him. She sat down and placed a hand on his shoulder, knocking him clear of his reverie.

"Tony what is going on?"

He took a sip from his drink, before speaking. "You consider me, your closest friend right?"

"My closest male friend. Yes."

"Ok..."

"I know there is more you want to say."

"Yeah... But I can't put it into words."

"Struggling to talk! Anthony DiNozzo cannot form words? I'm shocked!" She teased him, a mock glint hidden in her features.

"I'm being serious Ziva."

"Sorry."

He began fiddling with his hands, wanting something, anything that could give him a new focus. Ziva sitting beside him, in scantily clad pyjamas wasn't helping him. "You remember, what happened between us, a year ago?"

"A lot of things happened between us, last year." She cradled the hot cup of coffee in her hands, appreciating the warmth that radiated from it.

"Nothing specific pops up at you?"

"Pops?"

"Sticks out, makes you say 'yeah, I remember that.'"

"I remember everything between us Tony. Stop juggling around the subject and come out with it, I am tired."

"Skirting. Not juggling."

"Whatever! Come on Tony, I am your partner, you can trust me with anything."

"Your trust isn't the issue here." He mumbled.

"Then what is it!"

"Nothing it doesn't matter. I'm gonna go now." He stood up; trying to pass her, but Ziva grabbed his wrist in a deadlock.

"You do not wake me at 3:30, start an awkward conversation, and then attempt to leave. Sit."

He sighed heavily, before agreeing, and sitting opposite her at the end of her couch, leaving plenty of space between them. "Now, start talking to me."

"What happened by accident and then I let it go, last year." Ziva shifted her eye line from her mug, to his face, beginning to understand where he was coming from. "It was my biggest mistake, regret, anything, letting it go. I wish I... I wish I could have it back."

"Tony." Her voice was soft and imminent. "I'm sorry... For what happened."

He nodded his voice somewhat failing him. He knew he should be looking at her, trying to read her expressions like they always do, but his confidence had taken a knock, and the feeling of embarrassment would develop, if he looked at her now.

"Please look at me, Tony." When he failed to do so, she moved closer to him, and placed her hand on his right cheek. She could feel the slight stubble under her hand; she caressed his cheek, getting him to turn around, she smiled weakly when he faced her. "That is... much better." She whispered.

"I miss you, Ziva." Tony felt her body stiffen, her hand had stilled on his cheek, although it didn't make him regret saying those words.

"You said you moved on... That is why it stopped."

"I can never move on from you." He in turn cupped her cheeks, wanting to keep her close to him.

"That was your choice. You have to accept that. I did."

"I can't... Not anymore."

"This is your jealousy talking."

He shook his head, even though he knew that statement was true. "I still feel it. Can you sit here, and tell me, that you no longer feel it? Every day, you sit across from me, and you say those feelings aren't there?"

She remained silent, trying to move her head out of his grasp, but he pulled her back, keeping her face inches from his. "You can't say it, can you?"

"Those feelings, are no longer there. I have moved on."

"You're lying Ziva. I know when you're lying."

"I am with Ray. You know I am. Just stop this."

"The heart wants what it wants. I can't stop it Ziva."

"You are with EJ now. We are both with someone, go home."

"I don't want to go home. I wanna stay here, with you."

Ziva moved her gaze downwards, not wanting to look him in the eye. "You can't do this to me anymore Tony. I was hurt once, it won't happen again."

"I was stupid the first time round. Letting you go... It was my deepest regret. I don't want to lose you again."

"You do not have me, though."

"I can't change the past... But if I could, breaking us off would be the only thing I'd change."

"Why are you doing this now, hmm?"

"I realised something."

"That is?"

"That I can't live without you." That instantly brought back a sense of déjà vu, for the both of them. Still neither made any move, to create some distance, their bodies were touching, Ziva's hands on his legs, his her face.

"Tony, we have been here before. A second time is not what I want."

"It's what I want."

"Our relationship does not just revolve around you."

"I want you back, Ziva."

"Tony just-"

"I still love you. That's something that will never change."

"Tony, you broke us up, you must have stopped loving me."

"No I didn't. I've loved you for a very long time that feeling doesn't burn out."

"Something made you do that, why end it, if you still loved me?"

He swallowed the large lump, that had formed in his throat, as soon as this conversation had begun. "Got threatened with rule 12."

"Gibbs?" Tony nodded slowly, feeling absolute remorse. "Gibbs made you break up with me?"

"I'm sorry."

"You've already said that... I thought you had more fight than that."

"What?"

"If you loved me, as much as you claim, you would have fought against Gibbs for our relationship, not sighed in defeat."

"I never meant for that to happen."

"But you did! You let it happen!"

"I'd do anything to prove to you... That our relationship means far more to me, than the fling we had. I want something permanent. EJ doesn't give me that. You always have. I know you want something permanent too."

"Do not use that against me, to get me to forgive you."

"I'm not begging for forgiveness-"

"Yes! Yes, you are!"

"I'm asking you, to believe that I still love you. And it hurts me, when I hear you talk about CI-Ray." He spat out then end of his sentence, the words spilling out of his mouth, like a spoonful of poisonous liquid, burning on the tip of his tongue.

"I cannot risk, being hurt by you again, Tony. The pain over-rides the risk. It isn't safe for me, nor for you."

"I understand, this is a lot to take in, but Ziva, I hate being apart from you. I'm jealous of him, he gets to hold you in the night, kiss you, make you smile, he gets to do all the things, that at one time, was my job, and mine alone."

"You have someone else to do that with now. It has been a year Tony. This has to stop. You were jealous of Michael, which is how we slept together in the first place. You'll use me, then move on, when the jealousy has died down. That's how it was, last time."

"It'll be different this time, because, I love you. I was confused, and put under threat of my job, last time. I don't care about that now. I've always come for you. I don't care about EJ, or Ray. I want you, because you're my partner, and I love you more, than anyone that could walk this earth."

"This is not easy. I like being with Ray, all you and I ever did was argue-"

"There were good times. I treasure every minute we have together, over fear I may lose you forever to him."

"You will never lose me. I want you in my life still."

"But how? How, do you want me in your life?"

"As my partner... That is what I want. Day by day, you and I, together."

He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs, lightly grazing over her silky, smooth, caramel skin, their lips only a few inches apart. "We've always been partners. I want more than that... I want you. Every last inch of you, under my touch, I want to be able to hold you close to me, feel your heartbeat in sync with mine."

He pushed his lips forward a little, he was glad when she didn't make the slightest movement, to pull away from him, she appeared somewhat transfixed, interested in his next move. "Tony." Damn. He thought.

"Tell me to stop. Just... Tell me to stop." With that, he closed the minimal distance between their lustful lips, when their lips touched, he felt Ziva's body stiffen in response, he kept his lips latched onto hers, in the hopes she would relax. After about a minute, her muscles calmed, and she kissed him back, her hands grasping his legs, whilst his remained cupped around each of her partially flushed cheeks. When the need for air became apparent, he reluctantly pulled away, resting his forehead lightly on hers, an eerie silence developed between the two, before Ziva eventually spoke.

"I think, I still love you too."

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