"I do not have an irrational fear of babies, Michael," exclaimed Shannon, sifting through her locker as she grabbed her uniform to be washed at home and stuffed it into a plastic bag with more force that she intended too.
Unfortunately when Michael had first suggested an irrational fear, they were not the only ones in the locker room. Stella had just walked in to grab her own bag and hoodie to leave for the night. She was slightly unsure if she wanted to enter into this particular conversation
She grabbed her bag and continued to leave the base for the night. Michael smirked and Shannon dropped her head against her locker door.
She glared as she left the room, and he quickly turned back to his own locker. Stella was already in the parking lot, leaning against the boot of the SUV. The alarm beeped as Shannon unlocked it and they sat on the tailgate for a few minutes.
"You don't like kids? You seem to like to like my brother's kids," said Stella, unable to believe they were having the 'do you want kids?' talk after only a year and a half together.
No one really knew they were together. The left the base alone, arrived alone, usually. Josh had busted them in the locker room one afternoon and he had sworn them to professionalism as they swore him to secrecy.
"They are not babies, they are four and six years old. I like kids, I'm just a bit apprehensive around infants," argued the older woman gently. Shannon turned in her seat to look at Stella.
"You just don't want any?"
Shannon was confused, Stella didn't sound upset or angry. She sounded curious and quiet, eager to understand her girlfriends reasoning. This was a new side of Stella that Shannon had been experiencing recently.
"You know my mum was never around a lot," started Shannon. "I always found it easier to detach myself from the idea of being a mother. I never thought that I had those instincts, because I never had a good role model for them. So I just never thought about having kids and I threw myself into my work. I fell into a comfortable pattern in my life."
"Don't give me that bullshit about not thinking about it," smiled Stella, to show she wasn't judging or being mean. "Everyone thinks about it."
Shannon laughed lightly along with Stella.
"To be honest, I never did think about. I kind of just decided when I was younger I didn't want kids because I would turn out like my mother. I never thought about it until I held that little girl today." She smiled at the memory and continued her confession. "It was like I had this video in my head, of coming home to you and there's our daughter walking for the first time."
Shannon was gazing at the ground, the toe of her shoe pushing several small stones back and forth as a small tear slid down her face.
Stella stood from her seat on the tailgate and moved to stand between Shannon's legs. As the younger brunette lifted Shannon's head, a finger just under her chin and wiped her tear with a thumb. She paused for a moment and took a breath.
"I think you will be an amazing mother to our daughter."
Shannon laughed through her tears and rested her head against Stella's shoulder, hands resting on the hips in front of her. A kiss to her forehead and then to her lips, feeling the smile beneath them as she pulled Stella impossibly closer.
Shannon didn't have an irrational fear of babies. She had a completely rational fear of being a mother, having another human being entirely dependent on her. She decided there that if she got to have that little girl with Stella, she would be more than willing to take the chance.