You Can't Save Me This Time
Chapter 1
Leah's POV
A tear ran down my cheeks as I watched the last strands hit the floor. It was gone. All of it.
"You're still beautiful." I whispered to myself as I looked in the mirror. It got harder and harder to tell myself that everyday. I smiled, reaching over to my calendar and crossing out another day.
I have acute promyelocytic leukemia. It's a type of cancer of the blood and bone marrow — the spongy tissue inside bones where blood cells are made. I was diagnosed the day after my 8th birthday. I never understood it. Sometimes I still don't.
I just want to know..why? Why me? Why do I have to be the sixteen year old girl with an estimated four more years to live.
My parents were devastated. Still are. They spend thousands of dollars a month just to drag the whole family to different countries and states for chemo trials.
We're originally from a small-town called Sudbury, Massachusetts but last month my dad got a call from a doctor named Dr. Carlisle Cullen of Forks, Washington who believes he can cure my cancer or at least give me a few more years with his series of chemo treatments.
Being open to anything, my parents packed us all up and we moved to where I stand at this moment.
We live in this really old colonial styled home, it's really beautiful and all but I don't feel at home. I feel like a stranger.
"Leah, where the hell are my clippers?" Seth shouted, barging into my room, which still had cardboard boxes lying around.
I hastily unplugged the clippers and wrapped the cord around them. Standing up, I met him in the doorway, smiling sweetly.
"I'm sorry. Mine are broken and I needed to shave my head before we meet with Dr. Cullen." I said, thrusting them forward into his hands.
"Hurry up. Mom wants me to take you to get some school supplies or some dumb shit like that." He said scowling at me before walking back out of my room, slamming my door in the process making me jump.
Seth hated me. I could tell. The way he looks at me like he just wishes I never existed. Like I was just a waste of his time. But, I guess from his position I could understand how annoying having a dying sister could be.
All the attention...taken.
All the love...taken.
All the time...taken.
In his mind I've taken everything from him. And it drives him insane, but whether or not he hates me I love him with everything I have inside of me.
I walked over to my closet to grab one of my wigs from the display heads. That was one of the fun parts of moving. I could sort of be whoever I wanted to be.
I think today I want to be...Christina Perri. I said internally, smiling. while grabbing it. They were all ridiculously expensive, all human hair which I hated at first but eventually got over. After placing it securely over my bald scalp, I looked in the mirror and smiled.
Today I'm pretending to be Leah Clearwater, cancer-free teenager.
After cleaning the hair off my bathroom floor, I changed into a white tank top and some dark denim shorts with some brown leather gladiator sandals. I grabbed my hobo bag, turned off my lights then ran down the stairs into the kitchen.
"Morning Daddy." I said smiling, walking over to the dining room table were he was seated comfortably, with his glasses on the tip of his nose, reading the newspaper. He turned and smiled when he saw me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him on the cheek.
"Morning baby, you look beautiful." He said, making me roll my eyes.
"Thank you daddy. Hey, where's mom?" I asked, looking around the empty kitchen. All the appliances were brand new, plastic still on them. We hadn't really unpacked much since we got here.
"She's in the living room looking for your meds." He said, tilting his head over in her direction. I nodded, grabbing a donut from the Krispy Kreme box. Taking a bite, I moaned. Woah that was delicious.
I walked into the living room to find Seth and mom looking through the hundreds of boxes we had lying around.
"Morning mommy." I said, hugging her from behind. She kissed my forhead, smiling.
"Oh sweetie you look just darling." She said looking me over. "How'd you sleep? Is that mattress okay?"She asked worriedly. I shrugged.
"I slept fine. I'm a little weak but I think it's because I didn't finish dinner last night." I said recalling yesterday. I was throwing up all last night. It was terrible, but I'm used to it. It happens at least every week.
"Found it." Seth said throwing the medicine bottles to me. I caught them, before they hit the floor. "It was in the box that said 'Medicine Box', who would've thought of that?" He said sarcastically, walking past me into the kitchen.
I took my pills, which was a mixture of Gleevec and multi-vitamins to keep my body strong. With leukemia you tend to be weak all the time.
And since I'm starting public school tomorrow, I want to act as normal as possible. I've been home schooled for my whole life and I just want one normal life experience before its my time.
"Hey mom, where's that school supply list?"\
"It's on the table by the door. I left your credit card there too." She said, pointing. I looked over and smiled, before kissing both parents on the cheek and heading for the door.
"LEAH, BE CAREFUL!" Mom yelled, watching through the window as I met Seth in driveway. He was sitting in his new black 2011 Ford F150 Raptor.
When I stepped in, I already knew it was going to be an awkward silence so I automatically pulled out my iPod and put the buds in my ears.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror...
Why am I doing this to myself?
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf ...
"no,no, no, no..."
Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay...
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
(Who you are)x11
Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mould , yeah!
The more I try the less it's working yeah yeah yeah
Cause everything inside me screams, "no,no,no,no..."
Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay-
I was interrupted when an ear bud was ripped from my ear. I turned at looked at Seth who had a phone to his ear. He covered it quickly.
"Hurry up and get your shit." He said, unlocking the door. I grabbed my bag and got out, walking across the street into the store. It was an office supply store/grocery store which was really random.
As I walked in the doors parted and I just stood there, confused, mouth open. This store was GIGANTIC! I had no idea where to go or how to start. It was just so confusing. Oh g-
"Hey? You alright there? You look a little...um startled." I heard a deep voice say from behind. I turned around to see a tall man, maybe 17 or 18, standing behind with the most perfect smile on his face. His tan dark skin was almost mouth-watering against the tight fabric of the dark green fabric of his employee vest and dark denim jeans. He was beautiful.
"You ok?" He asked again, making me snap out of it. I shook my head.
"Uh..no..no not really." I said laughing nervously, running my hands through my "hair".
"You need my help?"
"Yes, please."I said looking down at the tedious list of supplies I needed.
"Alright lets see what you have there." He said reaching for my list. I handed it over to him. I watched as his strong hands grabbed the paper to read over it. "Okay, Flash drive...3-ring binder...backpack...colored pencils...erasers...glue-sticks...graph-paper..hand sanitizer...highlighters...markers...planner...paper clips...pens/pencils...pencil sharpener...pocket dictionary..scantrons...and a graphing calculator." He muttered underneath his breath, I watched is jaw clench and unclench as he spoke softly.
"Do you have all of that?" I asked worriedly. Seth was going to be super pissed if he had to take me somewhere else.
"Yeah...I just have to take you to the warehouse though...If that's okay?" He said, asking my permission. Awww...thats sweet.
"Yeah that's- that' fine." I said stuttering over my words. He smiled and led the way.
We were walking silently until he spoke. "So you must be new here. I haven't seen you around."
"Am I that obvious?
"To be honest you stick out like a sore thumb." He said, making me chuckle.
"Wow. And here I thought I was going to fit in." I said sarcastically. He laughed.
"No. I mean you'll fit in fine, but people can almost automatically tell you're not from here. I mean you have black hair and green eyes. Thats pretty uncommon for girls down here." He said. "You must be from like Boston or something."
"Close." I said.
"Really now?"
"Yeah, I'm from Sudbury, Massachusetts. It's like an hour away."
"Woah, that's awesome. I bet you go to a lot of Celtics games with your boyfriend." He said turning around to face me for a moment.
My stomach began doing flips as I stared into his hazel orbs and I couldn't begin to figure out why. Was I about to throw up or was I just nervous? Oh please don't let me throw up all over this really cute boy.
"I-I don't have a boyfriend." I said, blushing, making him chuckle.
"Oh, so no boyfriend? So there's no guy? I'll keep that in mind." He said before pushing the warehouse doors open.
"Holy crap." I said under my breath. There was so much stuff in here.
"Yeah. I know." He said, turning the light on. "Alright now, let's split this long ass list in half." He said before ripping it in two pieces, handing me one.
"Alright first one to finish gets the other ones number .OK, on your mark, get set, GO!" He yelled taking off into the overstocked paradise.
"What?" I shouted unable comprehend everything that was said.
"I'M WINNING!" He yelled, laughing, his voice echoing through the store.
"Fine." I said, taking off into the hunt.
About twenty minutes later, we both had reached the basket with everything on our list.
"I win." He said.
"It was a tie! Dude that's so not fair!"
"Those are the rules." He said matter of factly.
"Wow. You're such a guy. Fine. You win." I said, crossing my arms over my chest and trying to drag the basket back though the door, but it was too damn heavy.
"Damn, your helpless." He said jokingly, laughing at my attempts to push it. He grabbed it and pushed it through the doors easily.
"Hey? That's not fair! You don't even know me!" I said, as I followed him back into the store to the checkout lane. He just ignored my demands.
When he finished checking me out, he called out the price.
"Your total is $124.89."
I reached for my wallet and grabbed the card. After I paid, I grabbed for my bags and headed for the door.
All of a sudden I felt a warm hand grab my arm. I turned to look at the mystery man.
"I didn't catch your name." He said, smiling the million dollar smile.
"I didn't catch yours either." I said slyly.
"You should have. I'm wearing a name tag." He said, smiling pointing to the small tag on his chest. I read it and immediately blushed.
"That's not your name." I said making him chuckle.
"Yes it is." He said trying to be serious.
"No mother in her right mind would name her child." I leaned into him so no one would hear me. "Mike Huntburns." I said, making him holler in laughter.
"Fine you got me, I'm Jacob. Jacob Black." He said reaching his hand out. I placed my small hand in his large one.
"I'm Leah. Leah Clearwater, nice to meet you."
"I'll see you around." He said, bringing hands to his lips and placing a hot kiss there before walking away.
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