YYH Soap Opera!!
Disclamer: I don't own yyh or any other anime my evil little mind my mind might put in here.
A/N: This is basically a crack fic I decided to make cuz I'm bored. YAY FOR CRACK FANFICTION!!!
Hiei: What in the hell am I doing here! (glare)
Kurama: (whispers) Hiei were on a soap opera!
Hiei: What in the hell is that! (glares more)
Kurama: (sighs) Just go along with it OK!! .
Hiei: Why should I?!
Kurama: (gets out sweet snow)
Hiei: OK!
Kurama: T.T
Director: Kurama, get on with it!
Kurama: Oh right, sorry.
((door bell rings))
Kurama: Oh I wonder who that could be!
"Dun dun DUN!!"
Hiei: What in the fuck was that?
Kurama: (shrugs)
Dundundun Guy: That was me! ;
Hiei: Well don't do it again!
Dundundun Guy: Uh... Ok...
Director: Kurama!
Kurama: Okay okay! Sorry!
((door bell rings again this time more frequently))
Kurama: Again... I wonder who that could be!
"Dun dun DUN!!!"
Hiei: Damnit!
Dundundun Guy: Sorry!
Kurama: (decides to ignore them both and open the door) Yusuke!
Yusuke: What in the hell took you so long!?
Kurama: Sorry (sweatdrop)
Yusuke: Hey Hiei!
Hiei: Don't touch my sweet snow! (runs away with sweet snow)
Yusuke: Wtf?
"Dun dun DUN!!!"
Dundundun Guy: (trys to hide from Hiei) THIS IS MY JOB! I HAVE TO DO THIS!
Hiei: Damnit! I'll kill you!
Director: Hiei!
Hiei: What?!
Director: You CANNOT kill the dundundun guy!
Hiei: Why not?
Director: He is just doing his job!
Hiei: (mumbles something and walks back to his sweet snow)
Dundundun Guy: (sticks out his tounge)
Kurama and Yusuke: (sweat drop)
Kurama: So Yusuke! What are you doing here?
Yusuke: Wha...? Oh right... I'm here to tell you...!
(dramatic pause that last for a couple minutes)
Kurama: Yes? .
Yusuke: Oh right... I'm here to tell you...! I love you!
"Dun dun DUN!!"
Kurama: WHAT!?
Hiei: (starts laughing at Kurama) Wait... NO YOU CAN'T LOVE HIM!
Kurama and Yusuke: Why? 0.o;
Hiei: Because...!
(dramatic pause)
Kurama: Hiei!
Hiei: I'm getting to it!! Because...! He's also in love with cheese!
Kurama and Yusuke: 0.o;
Hiei: throws random banana at dundundun guy
Dundundun Guy: Ow!! X.x
Hiei: Damnit! Where is my dundundun!!
Dundundun Guy: You don't get one!
Hiei: What?! Why?!
Dundundun Guy: For the simple fact... No one falls in love with cheese!
Hie: Why you little...!! Damnit! Director!
Director: Hiei stop saying damnit all the time! Damnit! And Dundundun Guy, give him his god damn dundundun!!
Dundundun Guy: Fine!
"Dun dun DUN!!"
Dundundun Guy: Happy?!
Hiei: No.
Dundundun Guy: Too Bad!
Hiei: Wanna know why?
Everybody: Why?
Hiei: Cuz I can't say damnit! Damnit!
Kurama: Hiei would you please cooperate!
Hiei: Not unless I can kill the dundundun guy.
Kurama: You cannot kill the dundundun guy Hiei!
Hiei: Why not?
Kurama: Didn't we go over this! .
Hiei: So?
Director: Ok! Lets take a break!
break
Comercial One
Kurama: Don't you want to know how to make your hair so shiny and soft that people mistake you for a girl?!
Hiei: No.
Kurama: Hiei shut up! Well if you are not a scary fire midget--!
Hiei: Fuck you Kitsune!
Kurama:-- Try this!
(hold out a big pink bottle that says "Flesh Eating Plant Shampoo")
Hiei: Flesh Eating Plant Shampoo?! And why the fuck is the bottle pink?!
Kurama: I like pink!
Hiei: You fruitcake!
Kurama: (pushes Hiei off the set)
Hiei: KURAMA!!!
Kurama:(sweatdrop) Try "Flesh Eating Plant Shampoo" now!!
Hiei:I'll get you for this Kitsune!
Deep Voice Guy: "Flesh Eating Plant Shamppo" contains live human flesh and most doctors would not recomend this shampoo if you do not want random plants growing out of your head or your hair dyed red.
Comercial Two
Hiei: Join my cult. I'm not suggesting you do... I'm telling you you have to.
Random Guy: Or what?
Hiei: (evil glare of DOOM) You don't want to know what.
Random Guy: O...k... 0.o;;; MOMMY!!!!!!!!
Hiei: Yea. Tell her to join too.
Comercial Three
Yusuke: Um... Well... Uh... I have no idea for a commerical... So... You wanna see me and Kurama make out?
Kurama: Yusuke!
Yusuke: What?!
Kurama: I'm not making out with you on telivision!
Yusuke: Why not?
Kurama: Because there might be children watching!
Yusuke: So?
Kurama: (sweatdrop)
end of break
Director: Okay! Break over!
Hiei: What?! But that was only 3 minutes!
Director: So? Don't fight with the director!
Hiei: Why?
Director: Because I can kill you off the show!
Hiei: Oh .
Kurama: So what now?
Yusuke: Wanna make out?
Kurama: Yusuke for the last time--!
(Random box flies out of no where and hits Hiei in the head)
Hiei: Ow!! X.x
Dundundun Guy: Haha!
Hiei: (evil glare of DOOM)
Dundundun Guy: Eep! (hides)
Kurama: (picks up box) What is this? (nearly falls) Damn! This box is heavy!
"Dun dun DUN!!"
Kurama: .
Yusuke: Open it! Open it! OPEN IT!!
Kurama: I'm not opening it! You can open it!
Yusuke: Hell no I won't open it! I don't know whats in there!
Hiei: Well someones got to open it!
Kurama and Yusuke: (look evily at Hiei)
Hiei: (gulp)
Kurama: Hey Hiei! Why don't you open it! (places it infornt of Hiei)
Yusuke: Yea! Your more brave and couragous than we are! (innocent smile)
Hiei: It's a damn box!
Kurama and Yusuke: So?
Hiei: Your telling me your scared to open a goddamn box!
Kurama and Yusuke: (nods) ;
Hiei: (mumbles) God damn cowards. Fine! I'm not opening the box though! I'll just shred it to pieces! (gets out his katana)
Box: Eep!
(everyone stares at the box)
Kurama: Did that box just talk? (sweatdrop)
Box: Please don't kill me! I didn't do anything wrong!
Yusuke: Wtf! Your a box! Your not even suppose to talk!
Hiei: Yea! So I should be able to kill you!
Box: I'm not an actual box, bakas! I'm something inside the box!
"Dun dun DUN!!"
Box: Wtf was that?!
Kurama: NOW you dicide to do it! (glares at the dundundun guy)
Dundundun Guy: Sorry ;
Hiei: Damnit! Why can't I kill him?! I want to kill him!
Kurama: Hiei! We WENT over this TWO times already!
Hiei: (winey voice) But kitsuuuuuuuune!!!
Kurama: Don't play that with me Hiei!
Hiei: Hmph! Fine!
Yusuke: God! You guys act like your married!
Hiei And Kurama: Shut up!
Box: Is someone going to get me out of this box?!
Kurama: Oh yea... Erm... Anyone wanna do it?
(silence)
Kurama: UGH! Fine! Then I guess I'll do it! (walks over to the box and opens it)
(A small fluffy pink panda lookin' thing jumps out of the box and sits down, while everyone just stares at it)
Hiei: Wtf?
Pink Panda Thing: (looks at Kurama) MOMMY!!!! (jumps onto kurama and huggles him)
Kurama: 0.o;; Wha...What did you just call me?
Pink Panda Thing: Mommy! You were the first person I seen when I jumped out of the box, so now you are my new mommy!
"Dun dun DUN!!!"
Kurama: Bu... But I can't be your mom!
Pink Panda Thing: W... Why?
Kurama: Because I'm a BOY!!
Pink Panda Thing: Really? Wow. You sure fooled me. I could have SWORN you were a female. Just a very flat chested female I suppose.
Kurama: T.T+ (eye twitch)
Pink Panda Thing: No matter!! You can still be my mommy!
(Everyone BESIDES Kurama and the pink panda thingy started busting up laughing)
Kurama: (glares) This is NO TIME to laugh you guys! We got a SERIOUS problem on our hands!
Yusuke: No Kurama. YOU have a very serious problem on your hands, we get to sit here and laugh while we watch you change his shitty diapers!
Kurama: (eye twitch) Yusuke!!! Fuck you!! You can forget EVER making out with me!!
Yusuke: 0.o (draw drop) B... bu...but!!
Kurama: Nope! Forget it!
Yusuke: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (hugs kurama)
Kurama: Y...y... Yusuke?
Hiei: Ummm... Akward... .
Kuwabara:(slams door open) HEY EVERYONE!!!
"Dun dun DUN!!"
Kuwabara: Wtf?
Dundundun Guy: HI!! (waves at Kuwabara)
Kuwabara: (waves back) HI!!
Director: WTF??!!! Who let HIM in here!!
Koenma: (pops out of no where) He's part of the team, you have to count him.
Director: AAAAHHH!!! (falls and clutches heart) WTF! Don't sneak up on me like that!
Koenma: (sweatdrop) Sorry . It's what I do!
Director: Fine! We'll let Kuwabaka-- I mean bara--- in! BUT!!! Hiei gets to kill him off!
Kuwabara: WHAT??!!!
Hiei: YESS!!!
Koenma: Fine.
Kuwabara: Koenma!
Koenma: I'm not in charge of the show! The director is! (points to the director)
Director: Yup!! Thats me!!
Hiei: Duh... You have a shirt that say, in big white leters, D-I-R-E-C-T-O-R.
Director: Shush Hiei!! Or I'll let the Panda Thing kill him off!
Hiei: No!! I want that to be my job!
Kuwabara: You all are so mean!
Kurama: If it makes you feel any better Kuwa-san, I want you here!
Hiei: I don't!
Kurama: Hiei!
Hiei: Shut up fox! Your still in your cutsey little lover's arms, with your pinkish little kid between your arms!!
Kuwabara: (just NOW notices the scene)WTF!! (runs around and screams like a little girl) EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW!!!
Kurama: (blush) HIEI DO YOU EVER SHUT UP!!!
Hiei: Nope.
Pink Panda Thing: (jumps on Hiei's head) Don't be mean to Mommy and Daddy!!
Director: 0.o; I didn't expect that...
Hiei: AAAHH!! KURAMA!! GET YOUR KID OFF ME!!
Kurama: Hey! Don't do that! Wait... Did you jst say mommy and daddy?
Pink Panda Thing: Yes...
Kurama: Whos daddy? .
Pink Panda Thing: (points to Yusuke) Him!
Yusuke: What?!
Pink Panda Thing: Well your hugging mommy aren't you?I mean... Jeez... You want to make out with him bad enough!
Hiei: (gets out his katana) GET. OFF. ME!!
Pink Panda Thing: NEVER!!!!
Kurama: Yusuke can let go off me so I can get m... I mean... Our kid?
Yusuke: BUT THATS NO FAIR!!! I FINALLY get all romantic and that damned panda thing screws it up!
Kurama: Yusuke!
Yusuke: No!
Kurama: Yusuke please?
Yusuke: No!
Kurama: Your acting like a child!
Yusuke: So?
Hiei: (starts running around in circles) Get off! Get off! Get off! Get off!
Pink Panda Thing: (evil laugh) Revenge is mine! Mine! ALL MINE!!
Kurama:(finally gets fed up with Yusuke's childness) Yusuke, if you let go of me, I promise we can makeout later! .
Yusuke: Piiiiiiiiinkyyy Sweeeaaarr??
Kurama: Yes. Pinky swear.
Yusuke: No crosses count?
Kurama: No crosses count.
Yusuke: You swear on--
Kurama: Yusuke please!
Yusuke: Ok! (lets go of Kurama)
Kurama:(sigh) Finally! Hiei hold still!
Hiei: (still running in circles) I can't see!!
Pink Panda Thing: (is covering Hiei's eyes) Weeeeeeeee!!
Kurama: Kid... Child... er... Whatever your name is stop covering Hiei's eyes!
Pink Panda Thing: Awww... (stops covering Hiei's eyes) No fun!
Hiei: (runs into a wall) Ow... X.x
Kurama: (grabs his kid quickly before Hiei has time to kill it) Phew...
Pink Panda Thing: Yay! Mommy! (huggles Kurama again)
Kurama: .
Hiei: (regains conciuosness) Damnit! Keep that thing away from me!
Pink Panda Thing: Shut up or I'll jump on you again!
Hiei: GAHH!!! (puts helmet on) You'll never get me alive!!
Kurama: Hiei stop being so over dramatic!
Hiei: The thing jumped on me!!!
Kurama: Oh please...
Hiei: But that thing is pure evil! EVVIIIIIILLL!!!!!!!
Kurama: As I said... over-dramatic.
Pink Panda Thing: I like bacon!!!
Kurama: .
Kuwabara: Ok that thing is just weird.
Kurama: It's not a thing! It's living and breathing just like us!
Kuwabara: Well it doesn't have a name!
Kurama: Sure it does!
Kuwabara: What is it?
Kurama: Er... um... I don't know... What is your name?
Pink Panda Thing: (looks up from eating bacon) McBob Morganshife!!
"Dun dun DUN!!"
Hiei: What kind of name is that?
McBob Morganshife(Pink Panda Thing): A good one!
Kurama: Well it certainly is... interesting.
Yusuke: (busts up laughing) What a dumb name! Our kid is NOT going to be named McBob Morganshife!
Kurama: (glare) And why not?
Yusuke: (coughs) Well... Um... It just sounds stubid!
Kurama: We can't re-name him Yusuke! He's been called that all his life!
McBob Morganshife: Actually all my friends thought McBob Morganshife was too long, so they all called me Bob!
Yusuke: See! That sounds better! Bob it is then!
Kurama: We have to make sure it's ok with him first! (looks at McBob Morganshife) Is that ok if we call you Bob?
Bob: Of coarse it is! Whatever you want Mommy! (eyes twinkle happily)
Kuwabara: Mom?
Hiei: The damned thing thinks Kurama is it's mother!
Bob: My name is Bob, not thing! And Kurama is my mommy! Don't make me jump on you!
Hiei: AHH!! (puts on helmet again)
Kurama: (sigh) Good. We got it settled then. We will call you Bob.
Yusuke: Good! Hey Bob!
Bob: Hey Daddy!
Kuwabara: (pales) Daddy?
Bob: Yup Yusuke is my daddy because he loves Mommy!
Kuwabara: (pales even more) Yusuke loves Kurama?
Bob: Yup! Duh! You didn't comprehend that when you saw Daddy hugging Mommy? But then you came in and ruined it! I should jump on you too!
Kurama: Bob! No jumping on anyone anymore!
Bob: Aww. But Mommy!
Hiei: HA!! (jumps out and sticks his tounge out at Bob) Shows you, you evil little...
Kurama: Hiei! You don't want to know what I'll do to you if you finish that sentence!!
Hiei: Urrgh! Fine! (mumbles something)
Yusuke: (comes up behind Kurama and turns him around) Now where were we? (kisses Kurama full on the lips for second and then smiles giddily) Yup thats about right!
Kurama: Y... y... Yusuke! (blushes VERY badly)
Yusuke: What? Do you know how long I've been waiting to do that!?
Hiei: Well we all know who is the seme in this relationship.
Kurama: And what is that suppose to mean!
Hiei: It means that your more uke-ish then a girl!
Kurama: I am not uke-ish!
Hiei: Oh please! Long hair, loves flowers, and don't even get me started with your nagging. Face it Kurama! Your should just get a sex change!
Kurama: Damnit Hiei don't call me a girl!
Hiei: I'm not calling you a girl! I'm saying you practically ARE a girl!
Kurama: Same thing!
Hiei: Is not!
Yusuke: As I said. Married...
Hiei and Kurama: SHUT UP YUSUKE!!!
Kuwabara: Am I missing something?
Hiei: Kurama's lack of tits? Yes.
Kurama: Hiei I'm SOOO ready to smack you!
Hiei: See! Only girls smack people!
Botan: Ok! ENOUGH!!
Yusuke: (jumps) Where in the hell did you come from?!
Kuwabara: Yea you didn't even knock!
Botan: (glares) Neither did you!
Kuwabara: Good point.
Botan: Besides you could here Hiei's and Kurama's bickering from outside!
Yusuke: Damn they were pretty loud.
Kuwabara: Yup. I think Kurama was louder though.
Yusuke: Hm. I wonder if he's that loud in bed...
Kurama: Don't even start Yusuke!
Botan: Kurama, did you ever think maybe you and Hiei should get married?
Kurama: Botan not you too!
Bob: Nooooooo!! (jumps into Kurama's arms) Only Daddy can marry Mommy!!
Botan: What the...
Kurama: (sweatdrop) Uhh... This is Bob. Mine and Yusuke's... er... child.
Botan: Child? Yusuke? Yours? What the hell is going on!!
"Dun dun DUN!!!"
Botan: What in the hell is that?
Dundundun Guy: Hello! (waves)
Botan: Er. Hey... To you... Too...
Kurama: That's the Dundundun Guy. Hiei wants to kill him...
Hiei: Damn straight! (glares at Dundundun Guy while sharpening his Katana) Just you wait damnit.
Dundundun Guy: Eep!
Kurama: BUT!!! The director won't let him.
Director: Damn striaght! (gets out beating club) Hiei!!
Hiei: You can't beat me on telivision!
Director: Try me. (gets a dangoruos look)
Hiei: AH!!! (runs away from crazy director) ALL OF YOU ARE FUCKING LUNATICS!!
Director: (chases after Hiei waving the club around in the air) Damnit you little bastard get back here!
Hiei: Hell no! (runs faster)
Botan: Oooookkkkk. 0.o;
Kurama: Er. Yea... Hopefully they wont do a lot of that during the show. Heh heh. --;
Bob: Yea get him! Get him! Beat 'im good!
Director: (starts to get slower and pants heavily) Damn (pant) You (pant) Get (pant) Back (pant) Here (pants and nearly falls)
Hiei: (snorts) Like I'm that stupid. I'm not Kuwabara!
Kuwabara: Hey! Squirt shut your trap! Besides why don't you just turn around and kill her with your Katana, if your so smart?
Hiei: Hn. Because I can't baka! One! They forced me to sign a contract stating and I quote "Hiei is not aloud to kill, hurt, or cause any physical damage to the director".
Koenma: (pops up behind the director) Two!
Director: (falls and clutches heart again) Damnit! Your ganna give me a heart attack!
Koenma: (sweatdrop) Sorry. (clears throat) If Hiei were to kill a human he would be stripped of all his rights and be put through the worst punishment imaginable! And since the director is a human, Hiei would be at fault for killing a human.
Hiei: So not only would I be kicked off the show, which wouldn't be so bad, I would be fucking tortured!
Yusuke: Damn. That's gotta suck.
Kuwabara: Whats the punishment?
Koenma: He would have to watch Ted Kennedy strip and endure a lap dance while listening to Brittany Spears' "I'm a Slave for You".
"Dun dun DUN!!"
(everyone gasps)
Dundundun Guy: For once I get a dramatic scene right!
Botan: Oh wow. That is horrible!
Yusuke: I think I'm ganna puke just thinking about it.
Bob: For once I pitty you.
Kurama: Oh dear.
Kuwabara: Who's Ted Kennedy?
Hiei: Hn. Baka.
Koenma: Yea. Not to mention Ted would be eager about it. (shudders) Ahem. Anyways. I think that we have established that I will be able to leave now.
(weird instrumental music plays in the backround)
Koenma:(sings) So long. Farewell. It's time for me to leave now. I know---
Kurama: Koenma it's a soap operha, not a musical.
Koenma: But I wanted to make my leave dramatic.
Kurama: I think hearing you sing is dramatic enough.
Koenma: But--!
Botan: Koenma just leave!
Koenma: Fine! I hate you all too! (you here a big pop and he's gone)
Bob: Thank God. I think hearing him sing is one of the worst things imaginable.
Everyone: (nods and agrees)
Yusuke:(stretches)Well... I think its about time to rap this up!
Kuwabara: You mean the shows over?
Yusuke: Der!
Kuwabara: But I just got here!
Hiei: Even more of a reason to end it now while we still can.
Director: No!! I'm the director!! I say when we can end the show.
Yusuke: Oh my-- Fine! When can we end this stupid thing so I can have a break from all this.
Director: When I say so!
Kurama: And whens that?
Director:...
(Is quiet for a couple minutes)
Bob: Well?!
Director: Shut up I'm trying to think!
Hiei:(rants) Whats there to think abou--
Director: Alright!
Botan: (sweatdrop) Alright what?
Director: It's over.
Kurama: What's over?
Director: The show damnit! You wanted it to end so bad so it's over.
Yusuke: Finally! (grabs Kurama around the waist) Let's go darling!
Kurama: (sweatdrop) Shouldn't we atleast say goodbye first?
Yusuke: (turns to the camera) Bye! Now lets go! (heads for the door)
Kurama: (is dragged by yusuke)
Bob: Mommy! Daddy! Wait for meeeeee!! (runs after them)
Hiei: Hey wait!
(Kurama, Yusuke, and Bob leave)
Hiei: Damnit! They left me!
Botan: Well goodbye everyone! See you tomarrow! (drags kuwabara)
Kuwabara: Ow! Botan!
Hiei: What the...! Where's everyone going so fast!
Botan: (ignores him)
(Botan and Kuwabra leave)
Hiei: Damnit I'm stuck here! I can't drive!!
Dundundun Guy: I'm still here!
Hiei: Shut up!
Dundundun Guy: Meanie!!
Director: (laughs evily) Finally... I have you all to myself! (gets out beating stick) C'mere Hiei!
Hiei: (gulps and runs like hell)
Director: (chases after him) Get back here you little bastard!!!
"Dun dun DUN!!"
Hiei: Damn you!! DAMN YOU ALL!! I WILL KIIIIIIILLLLL YOOOUUU!!!
Dundundun Guy: (snickers)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/n: Sooooo??? Like it? Love it? Hate it so much you wish you could burn it in a pit of doom!? Well either way your stuck with it. And for all you Kuwabara lovers don't get all pissy. I love Kuwa-chan too. It's just nice to torutre him once in awhile. Well... Hope you review.