Dean picked up the blade with a shaking hand, the woman stapped in Dean's former place looked up at him with wide tear filled eyes. She watched him lift the razer and her bottom lip began to quiver, a tear sliding down her cheek.

"Please" she whispered her soft voice barely reaching his ears.

Dean bit his lip his eyes locking onto the blood stained razer clasped so tightly in his hand that his knuckles were beginning to turn white. He knew whose blood stained the blade, he'd watched it obtain the colouring, he'd felt it as it was stained. He glanced to his right where Alistair stood watching him, a self satisfied smile spreading over his face, his black eyes filled with triumph and amusement. Dean shuddered anger and fear surging through him as the black eyes watched him. He never wanted to have to look into those eyes again, for thirty years they had tortured him without respite. The woman was shaking now, tears streaming freely down her cheeks as he stepped up to her. He couldn't help wondering what she had done to end up in hell all he could see before him was a woman, her face young and scared.

"Oh God" she breathed and Dean knew she had seen what was coming in his eyes, no matter how much he might be hesitating the decision had been made, he knew only too well the kind of pain he was about to inflict. How could he be doing this? How could he be going to torture this woman just to spare himself the pain? His hands began to shake uncontrollably.

Pain

No, he couldn't bear it anymore. The pain had stripped away everything of him, he was nothing now. All he could do was stop the pain, they'd broken him.

"God can't help you dear" Alistair said menacingly, "Go ahead Dean or do you want to be put back on the rack?"

No.

Dean lowered the razer, warm blood flowing over his hand as it bit into her flesh. She screamed in agony but he didn't stop, he couldn't, he was broken.

Dean's eyes flew open focusing on the cream ceiling above him. His victim may have vanished but he couldn't remove her from his memories. He could see clearly every cut he had made, every plea he had ignored and worst of all he could still feel the pleasure he had taken in it, in causing her pain in order to alleviate his own. But there was something else, she was familiar to him, even then . . .in hell. . .seeing her had sparked some memory in him, something that had been long forgotten, just another part of him that had been lost during his years of torment, even now he still couldn't place it.

The hole inside him seemed to grow as the memories continued to surface and Dean sat up angrily throwing the bed covers aside. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and placed his face in his hands feeling the sweat that had collected on his forehead. Of all the memories of hell this moment seemed to stand out most clearly in his mind and featured so repetively in his dreams. He just couldn't fathom why? He had tortured countless souls in the years that had followed what was so rememberable about this one? Perhaps because she was the first one? The one he now knew had been the one to break the first seal. Dean rubbed his eyes with the palms of this hands and stood squaring his shoulds as though trying to throw of the weight that had been pressing down on him since Castiel had pulled him from hell.

"Dean?" Sam sat up yawning rubbing a hand over his head and causing his already messy hair to stick up in all directions, "You okay?"

"Fine" Dean muttered turning away before Sam could examine his face too closely, the dream hadn't entirely loosened its hold on him.

"You dreaming again?" Sam asked from behind him and Dean sighed not turning around.

"Yeah Sammy just more of the same" he had to work at keeping his voice even, he wasn't ready to deal with Sam just yet, not straight after waking from his own portable hell. Something had come between them and Dean wasn't sure how to fix it, he wasn't sure at the moment that he wanted to fix it. Sam was keeping secrets from him and Dean knew it had to do with his demon powers but he no longer had the energy to argue with him. Nothing Dean had said before had stopped Sam playing with the fire and he knew nothing he said now would change that. He was tired. He turned and pulled on his jeans grabbing his jacket off the table as he moved towards the door. "I'm going for a walk" he muttered coolly and before Sam could reply he had closed the motel door behind him.

Dean knew that dawn wasn't far off but it was still cool and dark as he walked slowly down the street kicking pepples idly as he went. The images from his dream were swirling round and around his head no matter how hard he tried to push them out.

Was this his punishment? For torturing souls as he had, was this soul, the first one, to torment him for the rest of his existence? Dean refused to call it life, what he lived wasn't life, it was a joke.

"Hello Dean" a familiar voice said from his left and Dean's head jerked up looking round at the source. He was slightly surprised to see that he'd reached the end of the street and was standing on the edge of a park, empty and silent in the night, the various structures glistening with dew that reflected the moonlight. For anyone else it might have been hauntingly beautiful but for Dean he barely saw it, he rarely saw anything anymore. A figure was sitting calmly on a park bench, a tie loosely hung about his neck and a trench coat covering his clothes.

"Castiel" Dean replied suppressing a groan with difficulty, he wasn't sure he was in the mood to deal with an angel right now, even if it was the only angel he could remotely stand. He turned and sank down onto the bench beside the angel, he was so tired, he couldn't remember the last time he had slept for more than a few hours. For that to happen he would need to sleep without dreams, fat chance of that. "Bit early for a social call don't you think Cas?" he remarked idly not really caring one way or another what the angel was here for. Since he'd found out about Uriel's betrayal and consequential death Castiel had been behaving unusually seeking Dean out more often and usually for no particular reason that Dean could find.

"This could not wait"

Dean leant back in the seat and closed his eyes, it seemed this wasn't one of those times.

"Do you remember anything of when I pulled you from hell?" Castiel asked after a moment when it was clear Dean wasn't going to answer him. As usual his voice was calm and even, his face expressionless.

"No"

Castiel nodded as though this was what he expected, "We have a problem."

"No shit! Exactly what problem are you referring to Cas? Cause last time I checked we were riddled with them."

Castiel didn't react, despite his constant sarcasm and jibes directed at the angel Dean had yet to break the calm demeaner that surrounded him.

"When I raised you, we'd had to fight our way through to reach you. All was chaos and I only had a slim opportunity to grab you. I took it but in so doing I was perhaps not as careful as I should have been."

Dean's eyes flicked open and he sat up ever so slightly on the bench. An angel admitting a mistake? He'd never heard Castiel be so forthcoming with information before, was he going to admit that he hadn't brough all of him back? Or that he had been damaged further on the trip back upstairs?

"Spit it out Castiel"

"When I raised you, I believe another came with you."

"What like a hitchhiker?"

Castiel nodded, "Exactly, a soul grabbed hold of you but in the confusion of the moment I failed to notice. The soul was weak and badly damaged not much humanity still resided in it which is perhaps why I didn't sense it."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"At first I believed it to be inconsequential but I received orders to locate the soul" Castiel seemed to hesitate and Dean watched a frown growing on his face, he'd never seen the angel so agitated.

"And?"

"I can't find it" Dean knew that if the angel was capable of anger and frustration on a human level those last words would have been shouted.

"So why come to me?"

"I believe if anyone can locate it, it would be you Dean" Castiel turned towards him, earnest now "Angels are not the only ones searching for the soul, demons are hunting it too and we do not know yet what this means but it is imperative we find the soul first."

"Right, and how do you suggest I go about finding it?"

"Just keep doing what you are doing Dean" Castiel replied, cool and detached again as he got to his feet, "You will know it when you see it. I'll be in touch."

The dark park was empty and silent once more except for Dean who still sat slumped on the bench. The moonlight had faded as Dean and Castiel had been speaking and Dean glanced up just as the gathering clouds broke and rain came streaming down. Dean didn't move just let the rain soak in through his clothes, right now he didn't have to pretend, his surroundings were as dark and desolate as he was.