A/N: This is pure crack and I REGRET NOTHING. Written for the Fallout Kink Meme. Prompt was the Courier and company troll the Legion with their secret girl language. I used the Gibberish rules here: wikihow dot com slash Speak-Gibberish
Sacred Rituals
"You must enter Caesar's tent alone," said the guard to the Courier. "Anyone else must remain outside." She gave him a blank look.
"I'm the Courier's personal translator," Veronica cut in. "I need to be inside with her."
"I'm afraid we can't allow that."
"Yothagothagu hothagave othaga gothagirl drothagess," the Courier held her stare.
"I, uh…" the guard scratched his head, "Fine. You may also enter, but I'd watch it if I were you."
"Thank you, othagidothagiothagot." Veronica waved as they lifted the tent flap.
.oOo.
"You're the courier who caused so much trouble for my Legion. And yet you dare—"
"Yothagothagu're thothage cothagothagur—"
"What are you doing?" Caesar turned to Veronica.
"She doesn't understand you," she said.
"Gothaagod, yothagothagu're othagold," the Courier shook her head.
"The fuck? Where are you from?" Caesar asked.
"The Courier hails from the mystical land beyond the Divide," Veronica spread her arms forth. "A land called Bothagullshothagit."
Caesar raised his eyebrows.
"BS for short," she added.
"How come I've never heard of this BS?"
"It's a very dangerous land full of dangerous people," she said, "So dangerous, the Enclave wiped them out of history to keep them secret. Courier Six here is one of the last survivors. And she's very dangerous."
Six crossed her arms and glared.
"Huh, how about that?" Caesar leaned back. "Very well. Just keep up with me, woman."
"Yes sir."
.oOo.
"…the question is, are you ready to get started?"
After hearing the translation, Six looked at Veronica and smirked.
"Her answer is yes, but first, we must enter a BS covenant." Veronica said for her.
"And what the hell is that supposed to be?" Caesar asked.
"It's a simple gesture of goodwill. Your men here will greet her in the BS custom and she will do the same. Once performed, she will be sworn to your servitude."
"Fine, fine," Caesar waved his hand. "Make it quick."
"I will need you," she pointed at Lucius. "You," at Vulpes. "And why not, you too," at the guard at the back.
The three men stood side by side in front of Six.
"Good," Veronica nodded. "Now turn around," and they did so. "And bend over."
They looked at each other and then at Caesar.
"Do it," Caesar nodded.
Hesitantly, they bent over. Six walked up to Lucius and give his behind a firm squeeze. He stumbled. Six chuckled and gave his ass a firm slap.
"You're clear, my good man." Veronica said.
Next was Vulpes. Six wrapped her fingers around his butt cheeks and there was an audible groan.
"Hothage othagis hothagot."
"Oh my," Veronica covered her mouth.
"What is it?"
"The Courier is displeased with your reaction."
"I…" Vulpes was ready to tell her off when Caesar gave him a sharp look. "I apologize."
"The damage is done," Veronica shook her head. "I'm afraid you must now perform the sacred BS ritual of Hothagelothagicothagopter Dothagick."
"And what is that?" Vulpes asked.
"It's simple. Just lift your tunic and do this," Veronica shimmied her hips.
"You… want me to swing my genitals at her?"
"It's a sacred BS ritual."
"This is ridiculous."
"Vulpes," barked Caesar.
Without another word, Vulpes stood upright and faced Six. He lifted the hem of his tunic and revealed himself to be very well hung. He started gyrating hips. Slowly at first, then when settling into a rhythm he quickened his pace, his member going round and round.
Six watched in silence.
"How long do I have to do this?" Vulpes said in between huffs.
"You'll know when."
"Mothage lothagikey." She reached down and gave his member a light stroke.
"What?" Vulpes jumped back.
"In BS, that means you've been forgiven," Veronica said. "That's an honorable gesture. She just granted you the gift of Sothagexothagy Tothagime. You may claim it in your tent anytime. Just let me know."
The Courier winked at him. Vulpes made no effort to hide his cringing.
"Well, that's it," Veronica said. "Courier Six is now at your service."
"Fucking finally," Caesar said.
"If I may, my Lord," Vulpes lowered his tunic, his hands never leaving the hem. "I would like to retreat to my tent and… take a bath."
"You may," Caesar nodded. "Go get yourself ready for that gift the Courier here got for you."
Vulpes couldn't leave the tent any faster.
Bothagullshothagit = Bullshit
Hothagelothagicothagopter Dothagick = Helicopter Dick
Sothagexothagy Tothagime = Sexy Time
8D