Sex-ay!
by Tabris Macbeth
rated PG for sexual content
disclaimer: Someday, I shall own the hearts of the people. Even then, I will not own Teen Titans.
"Raven, seriously, you need to relax."
And how was that going to happen? She knew now it was a trap. She had indulged Starfire and Terra's need to do some female bonding, she allowed herself to be dragged about the mall, she had tolerated that sugary j-pop that the dancing game at the arcade was always regurgitating, she had even swallowed her pride and stepped into a photo booth with them. But here, right here, was where she had to draw the line.
Right in front of the lingerie section of the department store.
"Mm hmm. I will if you two will."
They had seemed just a little...fidgety when they got here. They had just been in a flurry of looking through and trying on clothes up until they had reached this particular point. It was almost as if they wanted Raven to go first, afraid of whatever unseen evil that might be lurking beyond the racks, waiting to abduct unweary young ladies as they went about the business of casually browsing through underwear and such.
"Truthfully...we..."
Oh lord. Starfire was blushing. Why was Starfire blushing?
"Yeah, we should probably tell you..."
Terra shyly looked at her feet, like a child about to ask for some outragous favor from her parents.
And just then, she realized their plan.
"Do I look like Robin or Beast Boy to you?"
Of course. That had been the plan all alone, hadn't it? Drag along the single girl and bounce ideas off her on how to titulate their unoffical boyfriends. Not exactly what Raven liked to think of as "female bonding".
There was an uneasy silence. Good. That beast had been slain. They could go pay for what they already had and-
"PLEASE?"
Raven rolled her eyes. And so began another chapter in the day that wouldn't end.
"I somehow have faith in you two being able to choose evening wear without my assistance."
"But Raven!" Terra whispered, "I can feel people watching me when I look through the lingerie!"
"Mm hmm. Sounds like of the Illuminati to me. Surely, the All-Seeing Eye has cast it's gaze upon thee. And what's your trivial problem, Starfire?"
"I...am afraid I know little of Earthly nocturnal garb. Beast Boy made a suggestion that I try a 'g-string', but would it be more appropriate for me to attempt sizing myself for an-"
"No."
"But-"
"No. Just...no. I'll tell you what that is once I'm sure we're out of earshot of any fanboys."
"What about fangirls?" Terra grinned, "Y'know, you've got quite a female following. And that reminds me I wanna show you this one fanfic about you and Jinx later..."
Raven raised an eyebrow.
"And...why, may I ask, were you looking through that kind of material?"
"What! Whoa, no! No, no, no! I-It wasn't like that! It was actually all, like, intelligent and stuff! Like, you and Jinx are fighting, and, like...something about Frankenstein and feminism...anyway, it seemed like something you'd like."
"Mm hmm. And how did you come across this story?"
Terra turned her attention to the nearest rack.
"Just...sorta...kinda...stumbled across it. I don't go looking for...ooooh! Starfire! Feel this!"
Starfire rubbed the fabric of the nightgown against her cheek and cooed.
"It is so soft, not unlike the highly insulating silk of the hibernal cocoon of the Septerra Prime weaving worm! Please, Raven, going us feeling this fabric!"
"Uh, that's okay. You two go ahead and molest clothes without me."
Terra checked the tag and frowned.
"Darn. Too big."
"Does that surprise you? You're a twig, Terra."
"No, I'm not!" Terra pouted, "I'm just...late for a growth spurt or something."
"No, your a twig. A twig with the metabolism of a humming bird. Maybe you should be in the children's section."
"Oh, this from the wisp of a girl? I swear, Raven, if you were any smaller, I could bench press you."
"Excuse me?"
Terra turned her attention back to the nightgowns.
"Uh...just saying you're petite...nothing wrong with being petite..."
She would let her win this one. Starfire, off in more..."mature" territory, seemed to be desperately signaling for help.
"I know where this will lead, and yet..."
Raven cringed at every "mature" piece of evening wear she passed. What was Starfire doing here? No, wait, she had a good idea about-
She caught sight of something hanging off to her left. A midnight blue silk nightgown, a small black butterfly embroidered in the upper-middle part of the chest. On the same hanger with it was a black lace robe, obviously made more with decoration in mind than for the sake of practicality.
Sweet Heavens above, she needed that outfit.
She gave it a slightly forlorned look as she passed it and approached Starfire.
"Raven..."
Blushing again? Oh, good lord, what was this about?
"Do...you know..."
She bit her lip and giggled, having trouble bringing herself to grant her friend any mercy.
"What Earth boys find attractive? Yes, unfortunately, I do. If it was anyone but Robin, I'd say save yourself some money and just stand there naked while he ravages you."
"But...perhaps...if I were trying to find an article of clothing that Robin would find to be aesthetically appealing...and this question is purely theoretical!"
"Mm hmm. The poor guy would probably get a brain hemorrhage if he saw you in anything too revealing. Go with something red. Not too revealing. Maybe kind of...cutesy, if they have anything like that. You know, something with bows and...whatever."
Starfire bit her lip, looking inbetween the lavender nightgown she had been eyeing earlier and the red one hanging nearby.
"Or not. If you just want something comfortable, go with something that actually covers your private parts."
"'Private parts'? Oh! Like my grebnaks?"
"Yeah, sure." Raven shrugged, "Or...y'know, other things. Whatever."
Alright, Starfire's dilemma was solved. Now to get back to that sweet, beautiful nightgown that destiny itself had carved out of the night sky just for her.
"Other things?"
Or not.
"You know...uh...come to think of it, I don't know much about Tamaranian...um...things."
"What are these things of which you speak, Raven?"
"Okay, look...do you know anything about..."
Raven braced herself.
"Reproductive organs?"
An enlightened smile crossed Starfire's lips.
"Oh! You speak of my vagina, correct?"
She winced, quickly scanning the area for any overeager fanboys that might be stalking them to suddenly pop their heads up.
"Yes. That."
"So, if I did wish to make myself aesthetically pleasing to Robin- and this question is purely theoretical, of course!"
"Of course."
"Then perhaps I should wear an article of clothing that reveals my vagina? I believe I recall seeing a type of undergarment which lacked-"
Without a word, Raven grabbed the red nightgown and tossed it to Starfire.
"There you go. Problem solved."
"Voluminous thanks for assisting me in this delicate matter, friend!"
Alright, now to get back to that precious-
"Hey, Raven!"
Thing that would forever remain out of her grasp.
"Could you help me with something? Thanks!"
Of course. Terra needed help, too.
She dragged Raven along before she could respond, dragging her past that gorgeous nightgown that shown like a fading beacon to all sense of hope and sanity.
"So, I take it the Order of the Perfectibilists is still keeping an ever-watchful eye on you as you look through undergarments."
Terra stared at her a moment before laughing.
"You're funny, Raven! Anyone ever tell you you have a great sense of humor?"
"All the time. And I'll settle this for you right now: Get whatever is totally inappropriate for a girl your age."
"Huh?"
Oh, for goodness sake! At this rate, someone was going to snatch up that nightgown before she even had a chance to feel the fabric. It looked like it was so smooth, so soft, that it would gently flow over her skin as she put it on, deep indigo gracefully falling over her form...
"Oh, yeah," Terra blushed, "I'm kinda...yeah. But I really wanna put some thought into this. I mean, y'know, just in case...me and Beebs ever wanna...y'know..."
"Have sexual intercourse with each other, yes. Many thanks for putting that wonderful parade of imagery into my mind."
"Raven! It's not like that! I mean...I-I'm not just gonna jump his bones the second I get home or anything! I mean...it's just...if he ever wants to...y'know..."
"And unfortunately, I do."
"I-I wanna wear something nice. Something he'd find pretty."
"What about you? Do you want to...carry out the act of reproduction with..."
She was going to need such a long shower after this.
"Beast Boy?"
Terra quietly browsed over a rack, picking out a summery looking piece.
"Well...if Beast Boy wants to..."
She checked the size.
"Man. Do I have to go to the kid's section to find something my size?"
She giggled to herself for a moment.
"That'd might be kinda kinky, huh?"
"You didn't answer my question."
Her gaze stayed on the nightgowns in front of her.
"Okay, I'll ask this. Do you think Beast Boy likes you?"
She finally looked up at her.
"Of course, I think he likes me! We're like best buds!"
"So, do you think he would make you do something you weren't comfortable with?"
"Well, no, I...guess not..."
"No. He wouldn't. He really cares about you, Terra. He isn't going to force you into something you're not ready for. Besides, this is Beast Boy we're talking about. How do you think he'd respond to seeing you scantily clad?"
"Hehehe...yeah. Beebs musts have totally freaked with you the first time."
Back at the Tower, an unnatural cold washed over Beast Boy's body. He didn't know why at the time, but he couldn't help but shiver. It was a shiver that reached down into the center of his very soul.
And then he cried. He didn't know why, but he cried. He feared it...
He feared what was to come.
"Excuse me?" Raven said, raising an eyebrow under the shade of her hood.
"What? You and Beast Boy never...y'know..."
She was going to need such a very long shower after this.
"No."
"Really? Beast Boy-"
"NO. No, I have never had sexual intercourse with Beast Boy. I never will have sexual intercourse with Beast Boy. I have no desire to have sexual intercourse with Beast Boy. And it's perfectly logical to assume that at any point in the future, I shall still be lacking in any desire to have sexual intercourse with Beast Boy. And furthermore...I think I vomited in my mouth a little..."
"Oh...kay...you coulda just said BB was lying."
"Yes. Yes, I could have. I want you to tell him that, for all he will hear from me is sound and fury signifying nothing."
After a good few seconds quietly passed, Terra blinked.
"So...never even went out with him?"
"No. Never. One could misconstrue his attempts to demolish my emotional defenses as a crush...if one had some sort of mental defect or something of the like."
Terra swallowed hard at that bit of information.
"So...he's never had a crush on you?"
"Well...Beast Boy's special."
"Raven! That's just mean!"
She had to crack a grin at that.
"That's not what I meant. I mean, he obviously has a deep seated need for attention. It makes sense that he sees people like me as variable font of untapped attention, so he clings to me like a lamprey. Even if he doesn't get me to laugh, I'll find it hard to ignore him, and I'll give him the attention he so craves. If anything, what he feels for me is more of an emotional need than a crush."
"So...am I just, like...some sorta emotional utter he's sucking on?"
"Poetic way of putting it, Terra. No, you're different. His fixation on blondes aside-"
"He likes blondes?" Terra smiled enthusiastically.
"Yes. Ugh. There was this one time when I got my hair dyed, and...as I was saying, you actually satisfy his need for attention. While the rest of us may applaud his childish antics...or tolerate them...or try to block them out...you truly indulge him. I think...you may even inspire him. I guess you could say you're his muse. I can't believe I'm saying this about Beast Boy, of all people, but he really has grown up a little thanks to you. He's really fallen for you."
Terra brushed away at an errant strand of hair, her hand wiping away something from her eye.
"Raven...are we friends?"
And for the longest moment, there was silence.
"Get something casual and girly."
"Huh?"
Raven scanned over the racks.
"Beast Boy likes that 'girl next door' look, I guess. Pretty, but approachable. Like a childhood friend. You'd look good in autumn tones."
Without even thinking about it, she turned back to Terra.
"Maybe we should be checking out the less 'adult' sections. Panties with a daisy print on them would suit you pretty well."
"Raven...you said 'we'. And were you just thinking about me in my underwear?"
"Well, obviously, you should get a nightshirt, as well. I hope it goes without saying that I'd rather not have you wandering about topless in the middle of the night as you fetch a glass of water."
"You sure? I mean, you're not attracted to Beast Boy, you've got that loyal female fanbase..."
"Raven! Please observe this nocturnal garb!"
Thankfully, Starfire spoke up before Terra started to probe too deeply. Figuratively speaking.
"Does this not have your titleage plastered figuratively all over its surface area?" she smiled, holding up that nightgown that until just now Raven had forgotten about.
"Oooh! Sex-ay! That definitely has your...whatever Star said on it, Rae! You should totally get it!"
"I don't know..."
"C'mon! Look at it! It was made for you!"
Ever so slightly, a smile curled up her lips.
"I'm sure Jinx would like it."
Which curled back down.
author's notes: I whipped this baby together in a frenzy, I went up against some very stiff compitition, by some miracle, I came in tied for third. Just getting in the top three was sweet, but...sweet lord, it was close! Just one point seperated first from second, and second from third. It was so, so close, and those who voted for me have my dearest thanks! The ones that didn't can go bugger a monkey.
Anyone get that Tempest reference? Yeah, as an honest-to-goodness descendent of Macbeth, I'm obligated to make a Shakespeare joke now and then. But it's not just that. In Spellbound, there's a line Raven says at the end that's similar to a line from The Tempest ("You taught me spells, but I just learned a curse."). Thanks to for that!