HELLO! :) I am so excited to start this story. but first, I DON'T OWN ANY TMNT! I am open for any comments that you have for me. I hope that you enjoy this story.

Raph's P.O.V.

Why do I have to live this life. My brothers would be better off with out me. I try to do my best for them but my anger always gets in the way.

That's why I cut. That's why I want to kill myself.

Its not like I want to leave my brothers behind or leave Splinter. I just think they would do better if my anger wasn't such a big deal. especially to Leo. I never mean to hurt him. I just hate myself for being this way.

I look over at the clock and see that it's 7:47. I have missed 47 minutes of training. Shit. I get up and put the bandages that me and my brothers wear over my wrist, that have fresh new cuts and old scars. I grab my sais and walk out of my door.

As I get to the doorway of the dojo I see my brothers and Master Splinter going over some new moves. I see the look on their faces, they seem happy. Happy that I am not with them in training today. Not one even tried to wake me up. I don't blame them.

I walk in and my families expressions change quickly from happy, to disappointment. I stand next to Mikey so then that the line went Leo, Donnie, Mikey, and then me.

"Raphael, would you care to explain why you are late to training again." Master Splinter asks. I say the same thing that I use every time. "I slept in Sensei." I lie. I haven't gotten hardly any sleep in weeks. Last night I didn't even want to close my eyes. I didn't want to see that image again.

Splinter sighs as he says "We will now have a free for all. Last turtle standing wins." We all get in our positions and we charge each other. I go after Mikey beating him easy then charge Donnie but Leo beats Donnie before I can get to him. This means that I am going to have to go against my older brother Leo.

Leo charges me first as I block his attack. I use my sais as he uses his katanas. We go at it for awhile until both of my sais are out of my hands he kicks me into the wall and then grabs my wrists. I hiss in in pain. Shit. I open my eyes and see Leo giving me a confused look. I kick him off and leave the room. I need to clean up and fix this.

Leo's P.O.V.

I watch Raph leave the dojo and I wonder what happened to him. I know that I didn't grab him that hard. Master Splinter dismissed training and my other brothers ran out of the room. I walk out heading to my room. I look at my hands and I see a dark red substance on my hands.

Blood

I run until I'm at Raph's door. I knock multiple times. I hear some cursing and shuffling in the room then the door opens. I stare at Raph and he stares back.

"Raph, can I come in." he nods opening the door wider and walks further into his room. I walk in and close the door, then lock it. I turn back to Raph and he's sitting on the bed. I sit next to him notice that he has changed the bandage wraps we always wear. look at his eyes and ask,

"Do you cut?"

He looks right at me and smiles a little "Are you gonna try and help, now that you know the truth. I'm not gonna be a burden on you and the rest of the family." Is he crazy?!

"Raph, you're my brother, I care about you. I need you to stay alive."

He laughs a little at this then quickly changes to sadness and uncertainty, "No you don't. You just need me alive so you can be the perfect brother. My anger is to much. I don't want to hurt anyone of you."

Why have me and my family never noticed this before?

"Raph, you need to come with me." I demand. I need to take him to Splinter. "I'm not going to see Splinter" Raph replies. Damn.

"Raph, we need to tell someone-"

"Well what do you expect me to do?" I ask getting annoyed.

He looks at me with his piercing green eyes and responds with one word.

"Nothing"