The sun was beginning to peek through the bottom of my damask curtains, sending a plane of light into my eyes, but I was already wide awake. My recurring nightmares tend to mess up my sleep schedule, and I only slept three hours, at most, last night. I got out of bed, knowing that if I went back to sleep, I'd be even more exhausted by the time I needed to start getting ready for school. I drew open the curtains and threw on my bathrobe, then went downstairs to start a pot of coffee.
I was surprised to see my little sister sitting at the kitchen table. Well, I think of her as my little sister, even though she's only 20 months younger than me. She glanced up at me, but quickly turned back to the thick book perched behind her cereal.
"Good morning to you too, Sylvia" I said sarcastically under my breath. I started the coffee and poured myself a bowl of Cheerios, walking over to put it at the seat across from her. I peered over at the text she was engrossed in. "The Jungle?" I asked, "Didn't you finish that like, back in June?"
"I'm skimming, for the inevitable pop quiz," she said with a smirk. "Did you even start it?"
"Fuck you," I said, flipping her off but smiling and suppressing a giggle. "Don't be so haughty, you think my grade's so hard but you're still in four eleventh grade classes," I said, pointing my spoon at her.
"Still better than your whopping one advanced placement class," Sylvia said, returning the bird with a grin as she went back to her reading.
"Whatever," I said, taking my cereal with me as I went to pour my coffee into my thermos. "I'm just going to cheat off you anyways."
I walked up to my room to start getting ready. The sun was shining brightly through my curtains now, so I drew them before sitting down at my little vanity. I rarely put on makeup, just a quick swipe of lipgloss and a bit of brown mascara. I threw my messy hair up into its usual topknot. I was more concerned with what to wear. I wasn't the type to plan back to school outfits months in advance, but I was suddenly self conscious.
My messy closet was no help, I could hardly distinguish the mostly black items from each other, and most of the colorful stuff was summer clothing, and it was definitely already too cold to wear that. I threw a pair of black leggings on the bed, followed by my chrome Dr. Martens and a Wednesday Addams style shirt. I reached for my favorite jacket, and as soon as I touched it, my vision became blurred.
Ugh, not today… I thought, hobbling slowly over to the bed feeling very lightheaded. I held onto the jacket though, willing myself to deal with the intense, unpleasant sensation of deja vu to experience the full flashback.
I walked through the Camden Market in London, four years ago. My dad walked ahead of me, and my heart ached at the sight of him. I swallowed hard, and moved forward in the vision. It shifted quickly, and we were in a shop in leather lane. Then, I was wearing the jacket in the mirror, looking excitedly, hopefully at my dad's reflection. The vision jumped again, and we were walking down the street drinking coffee back home in Rochester, the jacket hanging loosely over my shoulders. My vision cleared, and I saw my room vividly again.
I wiped a tear away, holding the jacket to my nose and inhaling deeply as if to hold onto the memory. I had always experienced strong, almost preternatural deja vu, though it had increased in intensity after my father passed away last year. Now, it seemed any spike in my emotions upped their frequency. It was a weird thing to deal with, particularly now that it was happening more often when I was at school. Now I was dreading the day more than I already had been.
I hopped in the driver's side of my Ford Escape, Sylvia already waiting with the car on and still engrossed in her book. I threw my satchel and my purse in the backseat, then backed out and headed to the school.
"Excited for the year?" Sylvia asked dryly, eyes still on her book.
"Excited for it to be over," I said with a sigh. "Though it's not like much will change after graduation."
"You know, there are tons of schools with December deadlines, you could put in just a little effort and expand your options. You don't have to stay in Rochester, Liv."
"You know that's not true," I muttered resentfully under my breath. "Maybe you can justify jetting off to an expensive school, but someone has to take care of mom. I guess I could transfer in a few years, but not now. I can't leave her." My voice choked up on the last sentence and my words hung in the air.
"You're right," Sylvia said quietly after a few seconds. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
We pulled into the school parking lot after finishing the drive in silence.
"See you in English," Sylvia said as we headed towards our separate friend groups. Her voice was kinder than it had been all morning.
"See you," I reciprocated, heading to the fountain where the seniors gathered before first bell. My friends Sydney and Diana were near the back wall of the enclosure, sitting on a bench in the shade. I waved and grinned, walking across to join them.
"Liv," Diana said excitedly, standing to hug me. "It feels like it's been forever."
I snorted as she released me, taking the seat between her and Sydney. "Y'all were over last weekend."
"Four years and you still can't drop the "y'all"," Sydney said, poking me.
"Hey, I have next to no accent," I said defensively. "Y'all is a logical contraction."
The ten minute warning bell rang, and Sydney and Diana stood up. "Wanna walk to class with us?" Diana asked.
"No, I'm right over there," I said, pointing to a door on the opposite side of the fountain. "I'll see you guys at lunch?" They nodded and waved goodbye, walking through the doors to the cafeteria.
The enclosure cleared out quickly, leaving only a group of five girls I'd never seen before. I gaped at them, unable to stop staring at them. They were all beautiful, almost inhumanly so, and my stomach wrenched with jealousy as I noticed two of them holding hands. I swallowed hard as the shorter of the couple, a pixie like girl with short black hair, stood on her tip toes to kiss a taller, honey blonde girl. I blushed hard and dropped my gaze to my shoes, but I felt their eyes on me instantly. I shuffled through my satchel to grab my schedule and folder for my first class, so it would look natural when I hurried off, but when I looked up, two of the girls were staring at me intensely.
A tall, lithe girl with long bronze hair gazed into my eyes intensely, inquisitively. I held my breath, staring into her pitch black eyes that seemed to see right through my soul. I looked over to the couple, and the blonde was staring at me with pity in her eyes. My face screwed up, confused by the look on her face, but suddenly I felt at ease. The black haired girl whispered into her ear, and both of the girls ceased staring at me immediately. Then suddenly, without any of them saying a word to each other, the group split and headed separate ways. I looked down as a statuesque, curvy girl with light blonde hair walked by. After they walked by, I hurried to head to my first class, but not before I saw the short haired brunette she walked with swing her arm over her shoulder, turn back to look at me, and wink.
I was flustered as I walked into Calculus, scanning the room for a seat nearest the back. To my despair there were none, and only two seats available. One next to my long term archnemesis, Adriana Wright. Out of the question. The other, however, was next to the bronze haired girl from the fountain, causing me to blush even more profusely. She looked up and stared at me again, those hard onyx eyes glaring as she scowled at me. I looked behind me, confused. Surely she must be looking at someone else? I'd never seen her before in my life, I had no idea why she would be such a bitch. I looked around, making sure there were no other seats, just as an eleventh grader took the seat next to Adriana. I sighed heavily, sitting into the seat next to the girl without looking her way.
The class was animatedly talking, catching up and talking about summer vacations, but I had no interest in talking to any of them. Charlotte High School was so small, I'd been in classes with the same 150 people since I moved to Rochester in the middle of freshman year. I sat in silence, staring at my desk. You're probably just overthinking, I told myself as I mustered up all my courage.
"Are you new here?" I asked in a chipper tone that did not come naturally to me. The girl glanced up at me, still looking at me strangely, but now with more skepticism than disgust. I cleared my throat, willing my voice to drop back to its usual register. "I mean, I've never seen you before, I don't think. I'm Liv, Liv Young," I said, extending my hand.
She stared down it as if it was poisonous and I retracted it immediately. I thought my blush would never recede. "Edie," she said quietly, looking back to her desk.
Wow, fucking rude, I thought. I turned my head to look towards the teacher's desk, and mercifully, the bell rang. She stood up, walking towards the podium and starting up the projector.
Every first day of the school was the same. Syllabuses, major projects, test frequency, grade percentages. I began to space out around the second paragraph of the syllabus. My mind drifted to the couple in the group of new girls. At least, they seemed like a couple. Most of the gay girls at Charlotte were either closeted, or knew better than to PDA in front of classmates. I hoped they'd eventually adapt to the norm, it was stupidly difficult for me to watch happy couples, particularly girls. I'd never dated anyone, nor expressed my preference for women to even my closest friends. I couldn't even imagine the happiness of being with someone who loved you back. My only experience with romance was a long series of unrequited crushes, or at least I thought they were. I would have never told any of them anyways.
I leaned my head on my hand and gazed around the classroom. I tried not to look at Edie, but in my periphery, I could see a smirk on her lips. I looked at her with a skeptical expression. What the hell was her problem? Instantly her eyes shifted to the projection on the whiteboard, where they stayed for the remainder of class.
I couldn't wait for the class to be over, I was so uncomfortable. Who was this new girl to be a snotty brat to people as soon as she started school? I hoped she'd be as rude to bolder girls and become become a social pariah. Beautiful or not, she shouldn't get away with being a bitch.
The bell rang and I rushed out immediately. As I walked through the door I glanced back and saw Edie sitting still in her chair, seeming to be waiting for the class to leave. Glad to have a head start, I rushed out of the classroom and across the school to English.
Sylvia had been right. There was a pop quiz, and the entire class, excluding her of course, groaned as the teacher passed out the paper right after finishing the syllabus. Assigned seating prevented me from sitting next to her, which ensured I'd actually have to do my own reading for the year. Maybe I can pay her to write my essays though, I thought idly after finishing, waiting for the bell to ring. I was anxious to tell Sydney and Diane about the weird new clique of pale models and how rude Edie had been to me in math.
But when I got to their table in the cafeteria, I was dismayed to see the girls sitting just a few tables away, well within earshot. Guess I won't be ranting now... I put my tray down, annoyed, and tried to join in on my friends' conversation.
"So apparently she and Edie are actually sisters, but Rosalie and Jessa are adopted twins," Sylvia said. I groaned, and they both looked at me. "What?" Sylvia asked.
"The new girls?" I questioned. They both nodded, and I looked over at the girls and then back to my friends in silent communication. "Who's she?" I asked reluctantly. "I mean, who were you talking about?" After Calculus with Edie, I really didn't want to pretend to care, but it was obvious they were going to be the hot topic of the day, so I let Sylvia continue.
"Eleanor, the one with dark brown hair, kinda butch" she said, her voice dropping a bit. I peered over at them to see Eleanor sitting with her arm around the modelesque blonde.
"And the… tall one?" I asked, not wanting to sound envious of her beauty.
"That's her girlfriend Rosalie" Diana whispered scandalously. I rolled my eyes. For being in New York, kids at Charlotte High could be so backwards. "She was in my French class, she totally showed off talking to the teacher for like, five minutes."
"Of course she did," I muttered. Beauty and brains, not fair, I thought.
"Alice and Jessa are together too, the little black haired girl and the other blonde," Sylvia said. "And then the other one's…"
"Edie," I interrupted. "I met her." My voice betrayed the bitterness I felt towards her.
"Oh… is she… nice?" Diana asked tentatively.
"Hardly," I muttered. "She glared at me when I introduced myself, then laughed at me when I couldn't hide my embarrassment." I was almost whispering, I could see Jessa staring at me even though I wasn't looking at their table.
"Wow, that's weird," Sylvia said. "Eleanor seems really nice. She said their parents are great, I don't know what Edie's problem could be."
"Their parents?" Diana asked quizzically. "They're all related?" Her face screwed up in disgust.
"No no, they're all adopted," Sylvia said with a giggle "Well, Rosalie and Jessa are fraternal twins. She said their parents are like, super young," she continued. "Also, their parents are both women," she said, pointing her fork at Diana. "Edie, Eleanor and Alice were all adopted when they were younger. So technically only Rosalie and Jessa are actually related."
"That's still super weird," I said, "That's got to be against some law for their parents to allow that."
"Who knows," Sylvia shrugged, sipping her soda. "If I had a hot adopted brother…" Her face screwed up. "Nevermind, ew, that's actually still really weird." The girls started cracking up, and I finally felt normal again after the weird start to the day. As soon as I did though, I noticed Alice, Jessa and Edie stand up and walk out of the cafeteria.