"Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun." Woody Allen

Monday mornings were hard for everybody in the metropolis of Central, which of course didn't count out the soldiers of there military. Riza Hawkeye walked down the corridors of the base to the office she had occupied for the last five years. She opened the door and was greeted with the faces of her colleges, well almost all of them. One in particular seemed to be missing from the usual group.

"Where is Col. Mustang?" She looked around at the other men in the office. "He's an hour late, this is unacceptable, does anyone know where he is?"

Havoc's head popped up with a sour look on his face. The cigarette he was smoking was almost gone meaning he must have lit up quite early that Monday morning, when he finally decided to speak up. "The chief had a date last night, a very hot date might I add." He said as his cigarette still dangled from his lips as he breathed out a cloud of smoke. "God, wish I could have a date every night." A smile crept onto his face. "Like the one he had on his arm last night, big rack and all."

Riza glared at him and reached for her gun holster to shoot Havoc's cancer stick right out of his mouth. "Lt. Havoc you better take out that cigarette or your going to end up with a hole in your throat." She said as she took the gun out and aimed for his throat. Havoc, seeing it as more than a threat put out the half smoked cigarette on the sole of his shoe. "And please don't refer to women like that, there's more to us then our chest."

"That's not what the colonel says." Breda laughed out as the rest of the group joined in. "He's gonna be a dead men when he walks in the door, my guess is Riza will go straight for the family jewels."

With that statement from Breda the office door swung open to revel, in all his glory, Roy Mustang. He swaggered in with a look on his face that said 'I got laid, don't you wish you did too'. He looked up at his command and then looked up to the clock, which happened to read 8:00. "Good morning all, sorry I'm a little late I had some before work errands to do."

"Yeah what was her name chief?" Havoc said as he put his feet up on the chair.

Roy looked at him with a frown spreading across his face. "Lt. Havoc that is not what I did and my personal life is none of you business." Roy walked passed his subordinates into his office with Riza right on his heels.

The door closed and the colonel took his place at his desk. "Sir I'm going to be quite frank," Riza started, "You can't be late because you were escorting some floozy home after you screwed her all night. Last I checked you were our boss not some hormone driven teenager, you should be here on time."

Roy was shocked at his lieutenant's language, she was usually such a proper woman and for this to come out of her mouth was bad news for him. It was time to turn on the Mustang charm. "Your right Hawkeye and I am sorry I'm making a bad example for the rest of the group. I do hope you accept my sincerest apology for my actions." He smiled at her and her motioned for her to come closer. "So, now that that mess is all taken care of why don't you go get me a coffee, I'm exhausted." He yawned and stretched out his arms. "Melinda just couldn't get enough last night." He murmured under his lips.

"Sir I'm not your maid, why don't you get it yourself." She saw a smile cross his face when she mentioned maid and smacked her forehead. "Please don't be such a pervert sir, I have work to do and so do you."

He smiled and looked up from his paper work at her. "You know I would be so much more willing if you would put on that mini skirt I gave you" He winked at her suggestively.

Riza had about enough at this point and looked at him with fire in her eyes. "Sir, do your work. I thought they referred to us as dogs of the military not pigs." She left the office and slammed the door behind her.

"She must be PMSing" Roy said as he looked over the paper work for the week.

It was a few hours later since Riza had had her argument with Roy. She was still silently fuming at her desk. How could the colonel say those things to her, and make those claims about women in general? He didn't know what it was like to be a woman in such a male dominated career, it was hard enough, he didn't have to make it worse.

The clock struck noon in the office and all of the command started piling out to make way to the cafeteria for lunch. Riza was about to leave when she spotted Edward Elric stomping down the halls in a hurry towards the office.

"Hello Edward do you have a report for colonel Mustang."

He frowned a pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. "Yeah I got colonel prick's report right here, you know what Al and I found out…nothing. Nothing at all except that bastard sent us to some town where half of its population were inbred hicks who stole my arm and tried to sell it!" He thrusted his automail into the air unmercifully make several stabbing notions with the prosthetics arm. "When he gets back from lunch 10 pounds of steel is going into his shit eating grin!"

"I almost want to let you do that Edward." Riza sighed and looked at the blonde alchemist.

He looked at her with concern; she looked upset, the bastard had upset his most loyal subordinate. "What's wrong Hawkeye?"

"Ed, he just made some comments to me that were somewhat sexist and have been upsetting me all day, don't worry I'll get over it. I'm sure he didn't mean it" She bid him goodbye and made her way towards the cafeteria.

Edward frowned, Mustang always had to prove he was a man even if it meant hurting his friends in the process. Ed walked down the hall when a light went off in his head; an evil smirk crossed his face slowly. "Maybe it's time Mustang got a taste of his own medicine." He laughed and started to formulate his evil plan for revenge.

It was pitch black in Central as Ed snuck into Roy's house. He walked around all the furniture and other objects as he came to his bosses' bedroom. He quietly dumped a bag of chalk and a book onto the floor as Roy kept sleeping unaware of the uninvited visitor. Ed began to draw an array around the bed as Roy continued to snore; he finished up and looked at his handy work. He couldn't wait for the morning to come were his last thoughts as he snuck back out off the house.

A/N: Okay hope you like it; good reviews will encourage me to continue this story.