Esme

I went hunting alone. All 6 of our children had gone up the coast of Canada for the weekend. They would be back home tomorrow. Carlisle had something he had to do at the hospital, and he said it wouldn't take long, so I decided to hunt. This was a bad idea.

I wasn't a newborn, I had been a vampire for decades, but I hadn't hunted in a while. I had waited too long, and when a wind picked up and I caught the scent of fresh human blood, I couldn't stop myself. I was running, despite my minds' screams for me to stop, I didn't have the control to stop. Not the control Bella had when she was a newborn and turned away from the blood. Not the control Carlisle had when he resisted all the blood he could have drank as a newborn.

But I wasn't a newborn, why was it still so tempting after not having it for decades? I climbed the rocks and stopped at a ledge where the human was sitting, her back to me. She was putting a bandage around her leg that she had just cut on a rock. She didn't know I was there; I didn't make a single sound getting up here.

I took a few silent steps forward before I crouched down, I snapped her neck from behind, she wouldn't have felt it, it was too quick, and she didn't know it was coming. I drained her blood. All of it. My mind was still screaming at me to stop.

When I finished, it took me a few seconds before I snapped back out of my animal state, and I realised what I had done.

"No." I whispered to myself. I dropped to my knees. My clothes were covered in this girls' blood, my hands were red. Tearless sobs started to escape me. I looked at her bag, and was tempted to find her name, but I knew it would only make it worse.

"You deserve worse. You're a monster. Carlisle won't forgive you for this. Hopefully, he'll kill you."

The thoughts ran through my head multiple times.

I moved to the other side of her to see her face. She was young, not much older than Bella. She had light brown hair, which now had red soaking through it. Her skin was spotless, she had green eyes. I closed her eyes over and fell backwards from my kneeling position. I was crying again, and I moved myself backwards away from her.

I didn't know how long I was there. It was early afternoon when I left the house, it was now getting dark. Rain had started pouring. The girl and I were now both drenched.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered to her.

I noticed a dry spot on the other side of the wide rock ledge. A rock a few metres above it was covering it, creating a small shelter. I stood up and carefully scooped up the girl, moving her from the dirty ground that was now made of mud mixed with blood. I placed her gently onto the dry rock. I brushed her hair out of her face and behind her ear.

It had been so long since I slipped up; I didn't remember what to do. I couldn't just leave her here, and I didn't know how to dispose of her body. I couldn't tell a human, or the chances are that our secret would be out, and the Volturi would be on the next plane over here.

I just sat down in the place I was before, and kept crying tearlessly. I hugged my legs to my chest, and sat there for what seemed like days, weeping. I couldn't believe the person I had become. A puddle formed in front of me, and when I leaned over it, I didn't recognise the monster staring back at me. I jumped backwards, hitting the rock again. I knew it was me, but my eyes were crimson.

I was breathing heavily, and the rain started dying down.

"Esme?" I heard Carlisle's voice. It was in the distance, he wasn't here yet, he might not know.

"Of course he knew, he could smell it." I thought to myself.

I quickly washed my face and hands in the clear puddle before me, which had a red tint afterwards. There was no blood on my lips, or my hands now, but it was still on my clothes, and there was no way for me to hide the red eyes at this moment.

I decided I would turn the other way, then he wouldn't see.

"Esme?" He spoke again, softer. He was right behind me now.

"Don't come closer." I choked out between my sobs which I was now trying to supress.

He sighed, "Esme, sweetheart, it's okay."

"No, no it's not. I shouldn't still be doing this. I'm not a newborn, you and the others don't anymore, why do I?"

"They all had their slip ups." He reasoned.

He sat down beside me and was now cradling me in his arms. I was leaning against his chest.

"I have been looking for you for so long." He whispered.

"I was hoping you wouldn't find me…" I said quietly.

He kissed the top of my head, and was stroking my hair. I didn't realise I was still sobbing.

He placed his finger under my chin gently and lifted my head to look at him. He looked at my eyes immediately before kissing my lips once. He was soft, gentle. It shocked me that even though my eyes were crimson, my clothes were still covered in human blood, and he knew exactly what I did, he could still love me.

"Esme?" He broke the silence that had fallen over us. I was still in his arms.

I looked up at him forgetting about the eyes.

"Why don't you go hunt a deer, then have a shower at home? I'll take care of this." He smiled warmly, comfortingly.

I looked over at the girl before he turned my face back to him, "Don't look, you'll feel worse."

I nodded and we stood up.

He kissed me again, "I'll be home soon."