Disclaimer: I don't own When you got it, flaunt it
Ulla's new Work
(a script)
Ten years have passed from "The Producers" events. Ulla is now a famous, powerful, rich and not so kind theatre star. Everyone knows her new attitude: vain and ambitious. Her blond hair now reach her knees. She lost her accent. Auditions have been set to find new actors for one of her shows. Will that remind her how she become what she's now?
Characters
Ulla
Perseverance, Ulla's assistant
Xavier, one of the judges
Flannery, one of the judges
Mr. Ian, owner of the theatre
Some aspiring actors
(Theatre)
ULLA: Well, good morning everybody. We are here for the auditions to find some protagonist maniacs for the show. The aspiring to the success can perform in the manner they find the more…effective. The judges and I will decide who will be considered "normal" and who will be kicked out! Perseverance, you can call the first one.
PERSEVERANCE: Ok boss, well…where's the paper? Ok, Holly Sucre.
(Holly, a young and fat man dressed of blue comes on the stage)
XAVIER: Good morning, tell us something about yourself.
HOLLY: Well, my name is Holly…
ULLA: We know that!
HOLLY: My motto is "give sugar to life".
XAVIER: Interesting…are you going to sing anything for us?
HOLLY: Yes, Life is like a cake is my song.
ULLA: Hope it hasn't gone bad…
HOLLY
Life is like a cake, life is like a cake
We eat it, we taste it, we eat it!
We…
ULLA: Thank you for the cavities, next!
HOLLY: Sour! (he goes)
PERSEVERANCE: Michael Sheridan.
(Enters Michael, a young blond and tall man)
FLANNERY: What are going to sing for us?
MICHAEL: I come from a noble family of artists and people of theatre, so I think…I know, that my act will certainly astonish you.
ULLA: Are you sure?
MICHAEL: Yes, I'm sure miss.
XAVIER: Well, self-esteem is important in theatre world…
PERSEVERANCE: But no one dares to have it greater than Ulla's…
FLANNERY: Ok, you can begin.
MICHAEL: Admire…
ULLA: I'm all ears…
MICHAEL (singing out of tune)
Oh, what is this feeling?
Oh, what is this melody?
ULLA: Stop! I only know that is not a melody!
MICHAEL: How was it?
MR. IAN: Well, we can define you…unforgettable.
MICHAEL: Really?
MR. IAN: We can use you voice as an anti-theft device.
ULLA: Go out! (she pushes Michael away)
PERSEVERANCE: I call?
ULLA: Obviously!
PERSEVERANCE: Tiffany Lorchester.
(No reply)
FLANNERY: Tiffany Lorchester?
XAVIER: (shouting) Tiffany Lorchester!
MR. IAN: You destroyed my left hear! Why have you screamed?
XAVIER: Everyone was doing it, I wanted to try too…
(Tiffany, a severe middle aged woman runs in the stage)
TIFFANY: Excuse me!
ULLA: Finally…were you contemplating the grass growing?
FLANNERY: We understood you name, so you can begin to sing.
TIFFANY
Where are you?
I'm looking for you?
You love me
I love You
I'm looking for...
ULLA: Can you look fro him far from here? Thank you!
TIFFANY: But...
ULLA: Next!
PERSEVERANCE: Sally Smith.
(Sally, a young happy woman dressed of pink enters)
SALLY: Good morning everybody! Mi name, as you know, is Sally and i really love singing, it's something that makes me fly in the sky, over everyday's problems and...
XAVIER: Yes, yes...can you show us something?
SALLY: Of course! (She waits) God, singing in a theatre has always been my drea,...
ULLA: Yes! Sing now...
SALLY
I have a dream...
ULLA: I think is gonna remain a dream, dear. Next!
XAVIER: I fear we're going to stay here for a long time before someone hope to melt Ulla's heart of ice...
FLANNERY: Who knows? Perhaps the next one is better than the others.
PERSEVERANCE: Gary Shobiz.
ULLA: Who?
(Gary enters dressed if red smoking and with an electric guitar)
GARY: (voice full of energy)That's me! The Rock shining star!
ULLA: (teasing voice) That's you? I suppose you're going to dazzle us with you...little and useless guitar.
GARY: Of course, gal!
ULLA: Gal?
GARY: Whatch this!
(Gary plays a beautiful guitar solo)
FLANNERY: Nice!
XAVIER: Very good!
MR. IAN: Compliments!
ULLA: Perseverance, register his name and send it to all theatres of the city. Everyone has to know him.
GARY: Really?
PERSEVERANCE: (confused) Really? Are all right?
ULLA: Really say also to them to...never employ or hire this kind of person and refuse to see him!
PERSEVERANCE: Ah...that's the Ulla I know...
GARY: What?
ULLA: Never call me "gal", next!
PERSEVERANCE: Anne Cross.
(Enters Anne)
XAVIER: (tired)Anne...say something.
ANNE: Okay...At first time I didn't want to come here. I was worried to not please you and I was very shy...my mother always said me to be modest and...
ULLA: Mod...what?
ANNE: Yes, modesty is a virtue that...
PERSEVERANCE: Ulla, do you have another problem?
ULLA: No, it simply reminds me something. My first casting...at the time I called it "costing". I was young...and beautiful! I sung a song...how was it?
ANNE: Well, I'm going to sing...
ULLA
When you got it...
ANNE: Miss, can I sing, please?
ULLA: Haven't you said to be modest? Shut up now!
ANNE: Can you repeat?
(Music)
ULLA
When you got it, flaunt it
Step right up and strut your stuff
People tell you modesty's a virtue
But in the theatre modesty can hurt you
When you got it, flaunt it
Show your assets, let them know you're proud
Your goodies you must push
Stick out your chest, shake your tush
When you got it, shout it out loud...
Now Ulla dance!XAVIER:Ulla?
(Ulla dances)
ULLA
When you got it, show it
Put your hidden treasures on display
Violinists love to play an E-string
But audiences really love a G-string
When you got it, should it!
Let the whole world hear vat you're about
Clothes may make the man
All a girl needs is a tan
When you got it, let it hang out!
Remember When Ulla dance?
XAVIER and FLANNERY
Yeah!
ULLA
Ulla dance again!ANNE: She dances again? Can someone stop her?
MR. IAN: Silence, please!
ULLA
When I was just a little girl in Sweden
My thoughtful mother gave me this advice
If nature blesses you from top to bottom
Show that top to bottom, don't think twice
Now Ulla belt!
Don't think twice!
When you got it, share it!
Let the public feast upon your charms
People say that being prim is proper
But ev'ry showgirl knows that prim will stop her
If you got it, give it
Don't be selfish, give it all a-way
Don't be shy, be bold 'n' cute
Show the boys your birthday suit!
When you got it, if you got
Once you got it, shout out!
ULLA, XAVIER, PERSEVERANCE, FLANNERY and MR. IAN
Hooray!
End