Disclaimer: I do not own FMA and the title is a parody of America's Next Top Model

A/N: I wrote this a while ago back in August... it didn't really feel good enough to be posted on here. So lately, I've been going back and editing it. Now, it's almost bearable to read... :)

Don't expect much though... :(

Enjoy~

Chapter 1

Every year, Amestris's state alchemists have to pass a certain recertification process in order to sustain an operating license. However, many state alchemists feel that this method is too mild and ordinary for their brilliant talent and skills. As a result of this, Fuhrer King Bradley introduced a new form of examination that had caused quite a stir among the military. A group of five state alchemists are brought together to compete in a series of challenges in order to obtain the grand title of Top Alchemist. The winner will not only be given special access to top secret researches within the military, they will also get an enormous increase in their annual funding.

"Mr. Elric! Mr. Elric!" Sergeant Brosh ran furiously while trying to catch up with the Elric brothers. "Wait! I have a letter for you from the Fuhrer. It's urgent!"

The 15 years old prodigy slowed down in his tracks and turned around with an irritated expression on his face. He quickly grabbed the letter from the breathless sergeant and tore it open impatiently. His brother Alphonse looked over Edward's shoulder to catch a glance on what was written in the letter.

It took Edward about 4 seconds to categorize this letter as "useless". Without a word, he threw it to the ground leaving a gaping sergeant behind him.

"C'mon Al," he motioned his brother to follow him. "We're going to miss the next train!"

Al, on the other hand, being much more mature and sensible than his brother picked up the letter and skimmed through it. His eyes widened in surprise as he realized what was written inside.

"Wait, brother, the letter said you have to be at central in 2 days for your state alchemist recertification. We can't leave now."

"Don't worry about it Al," reassured Edward. "I never go to these things anyway, it's just a formality. Besides, we have more important things to worry about, like getting our bodies back."

"You know, going this time might actually be good for you Edward," Sergeant Brosh suggested as he walked toward the two boys. "Word in central is that the Fuhrer had changed the reassessment process so it's in the form of a competition now. I heard that the winner gets this huge amount of money in their funding and special access to some of the top secret researches! With that much resources at hand, you'll bound to find something regarding the philosopher's stone, not to mention something that might make you grow taller, not that you're short or anything. I didn't mean that. Hahaha." The sergeant laughed nervously as he watched the boy's face darkening in an angry shade of red.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT THEY CAN'T EVEN BE SEEN THROUGH LAYERS OF MAGNIFYING GLASS?" Edward fumed as he glared daggers at the sergeant. Alphonse slapped his forehead in embarrassment.

"But wait! This is perfect!" the Fullmetal Alchemist's devious eyes suddenly gleamed with wickedness. A plan has developed in his extraordinary brain. "If I win this thing, then I can for sure find another lead to getting our bodies back. Not to mention I can rub it in Mustang's face and finally get some damn respect. Ahahaha, I can just see it now, his face filled with shock and amazement as I proclaim my new win in front of his disgustingly-sarcastic mug. Ahahaha! 'Why Fullmetal, I have never expected you to be achieve such great success in such a little time' 'Well you see colonel, those top secret researches turned out to be quite useful to us. Not only have we got our bodies back, I have also grown to being 7 feet tall. You see, greatness can only be achieved through hard work and determination, or in my case, winning a competition in which you had pathetically lost in' 'Well said, Fullmetal, let me bow down to you in order to honor your vast sea of knowledge' Ahahaha!"

As Edward was lost in his unrealistic fantasy, Alphonse quietly wheeled his brother back to the hotel room while hopelessly explaining to onlookers that his brother was not really crazy, just a little touched in the head.

A/N: Well, congratulations for making it this far, I hope nobody died from such a crappy story yet... ;)

btw, I might just delete the story based on how many reviews/alerts I get, I don't really want to poison any reader's eyes as they look at this...