Severus looked at the note, rare tears springing to his eyes.
Hey Sev!
I know we haven't talked in a while;
It's been too long.
But seeing you at the Order meeting made me think, and remember. We had all those good times. I still have that invisible ink, I think. It's somewhere in this old house, probably. Yes, James and I have gotten married. I never would've thought, either. Don't hate him, and please don't be mad at me!
I forgive you for what you said, Sev…
We had a son, Harry. He looks so like his father, yet he has my eyes. James thinks he may need glasses. He's just started crawling, and he's bumping into EVERYTHING. I think he's just being a little baby. They're really very clumsy, you know. There's a picture in the envelope. I also went back home to Castleforth. Since Mum and Dad both went into a retirement home in Greenwich, the house had been bought by another family. I wanted to go in and see it, but you know I don't have to courage to go ask to have a look around strangers' house. I kind of cried. I went alone, because I only wanted to see it with you. James stayed home and watched Harry. You should go back; they renovated Spinner's End… You can't tell which house was yours, though. I think they took all of the old ones down as people left or passed away.
Anyway, please respond, Severus… I… I know we don't have much time. I heard you and Dumbledore talking… Well, anyway. I need to meet with you. At our old spot. You know the one, right by the lake? Yes, that one. I know you remember.
You always remember.
But anyway, stay safe always!
Love, Lily.
Severus looked at the picture. You see a young boy with black, untidy hair, looking almost exactly like his father. A great, burning hate boiled up inside of Severus. Then, the boy, Harry she said his name was, looked at him, and all hate simmered away. They were her eyes. Not just like hers. They were her eyes. Green as emeralds, and sparkling as such as well.
Severus' breath was taken away.
He stared as the boy crawled off the side of the photo, and then suddenly was back in the frame, rolling around, his mouth open in laughter. He stopped in the middle of the photo, upside down, and looked at the camera, smiling with his thumb in his mouth.
Severus slipped the photo into his cloak and composed his face. Then he apparated in front of Grimauld Place. At the meeting in the dining room, he ended up straight across the table from Lily and James. He wondered if James knew about the letter. Severus caught Lily's eyes, and she gave an imperceptible nod. She'd gotten much better with discreetness.
Two hours after the meeting, he was in his old neighborhood.
I told myself I'd never step foot here again. He thought. But he had. For her. She apparated into the area with a loud crack, but nobody was around, and no one heard it. It was awkward for a split second… and then she hugged him suddenly.
"I've missed you, Sev,"
"Yeah," How could he possibly explain to her everything that had been rolling around in turmoil inside him since he'd said the unspeakable word? He couldn't. "So you heard us speaking?"
"Yes; you were trying to decide whether or not to tell us, or to quietly move us. You were for not telling us."
"Because, with everything that we went through, with my grandfather's book and all the danger we were in, you never handled it quite well."
She looked hurt slightly, and he felt fifteen again. "Well, Severus, I'm not the same girl, am i? I'm not a girl at all, quite honestly! I'm a grown damn woman with a son, mind you, and I'm glad that Dumbledore told us."
"So why aren't you with James now?"
"Because I needed to see you; to let you know I have forgiven you. And also…" here she looked fifteen again, too.
"Because I wanted to hug you. Even if you were stiff with your hugs, I could tell that you loved them, and it made me love them more."
This really wasn't the girl from Hogwarts. She was more mature, more insightful, more inquisitive. And he loved it. He hadn't seen her in years, and all of a sudden, she was like a flame in his life again. A constant; always there. Besides the meetings, they'd had to do missions together, with and without James. But she never spoke beyond the mission. Never looked at him when she thought he didn't notice, like when they were kids. Never mentioned the incident: the one that ruined his life. And now, she was calling him. She wanted his attention, his company. She was like a phoenix. That word had burned her from his life, but now, years later, she was being reborn from those dismal ashes.
She hugged him again, and this time he lifted her up until she was on her tip-toes, and put his face in her hair at her neck. She let him, and hugged him back hard, her face on his shoulder.
X
Wearing all black, Severus was the only one who didn't look out of place. His pale white skin in stark contrast to the blackness of his cloak, he looked like Death itself; straight out of a Beedle tale. He had no tears; not anymore. He'd cried them all out before. Dumbledore had found him, and held him as he cried. The only other person to ever embrace him other than Lily Evans. His face was a mask: blank. All around him were Order members, friends, and family, crying and desolate, while he stood, solid as a rock. Dumbledore shed few tears, and held the ceremony. He lowered the caskets into the hole, and covered them with dirt, casting an anti-gravedigger's charm over them. Everlasting, even if the castor should die. An inscription put on it:
JAMES POTTER
BORN 27 MARCH 1960
DIED 31 OCTOBER 1981
LILY POTTER
BORN 30 JANUARY 1960
DIED 31 OCTOBER 1981
The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death
He went to their house after the funeral, instead of the ceremony like the ones who weren't going straight home to grieve or mourn. There was already a monument in the village square. The war memorial turned into their own personal shrine. Lily deserved it. Three people, James with his arms around Lily, who was holding Harry in her arms.
But now that baby had a scar on his forehead.
At the house itself, there was wreckage. He stepped into the house, the Fidelius Charm obliterated. He walked around. He'd been in this house, once. Just once. To accompany Dumbledore as he set the charm. He saw something he hadn't noticed before. Something that had slipped his mind: one of the mirrors..
The two-way mirrors he'd used with Lily to communicate before Potter had stolen them. It was disgusting. But she'd kept it. Did it even still work? He wanted to check, but couldn't find the other one. They were normal mirrors now, he'd guessed; their spell worn off with time and disuse. He sighed. He still had this, this one small trinket to hold onto Lily Evans, the girl he loved. But he couldn't find the other. Where was it?
X
This Potter boy was just like his father. He hated him. And yet, he loved him. Because he was her son. He had her eyes. And his whole being was shaken every time he looked into them. This, of course, the boy would never know. But he would. Forever. But he could never love the boy. Could never even like him. He could only keep from hating him because of his connection to his mother.
"Get back to work, Potter," he spat his name. "You and your little friends need to learn that curfew is curfew, and not to be gallivanting around after hours. Especially not with Sirius Black on your tail."
Harry stopped rubbing his scar and kept arranging the potions. Snape kept an eye on him closely, to make sure he didn't steal from his stash. Harry looked at him, then above him.
"Hey, whatsit you got a mirror for? Shouldn't you know that ugly mug by now?"
Severus leaned forward and spread his hands on the desk, "You are a nosy, conniving little brat that needs to keep your nose out of other people's business. Now GET BACK TO WORK, MR. POTTER!"
"Fine, jeez. It was a simple question." Under his breath he muttered as he got back to arranging, "Don't get your panties in a bunch,"
"DOUBLE DETENTION, MR. POTTER!"
"Damnit!"
"Triple! Would you like to continue, or get back to work?"
Harry silently got to working, but Severus didn't need Legilimency to know he was still cursing him out in his mind.
After Harry had finished his detention, after curfew, in the silence of his own cold and lonely bed, Severus cried; clutching the mirror in his arms tightly, thinking of their last embrace.
Her hair smelled of meadows, still. That had never changed. It was out, and wavy. Long and dark, and soft as nothing else he'd ever touched. In his rough world, she was like a puppy in a wolf pack. Small and seemingly frail, she was actually powerful, and exceptionally smart. The hug lasted so much longer than he'd expected, than he could ever hope for, and yet, when she pulled away, it was like it had never happened; it was far too short.
"Sev, please forgive me. I stayed mad at you, even though you tried to apologise."
He wanted to tell her how he felt. Was going to. Here he went, mustering up the courage… and…
"But I'm kind of glad for it, too."
And he was crushed. "Oh? And why is that?" he tried to keep his face stoic, but couldn't tell if he succeeded or not.
He strained to keep his voice neutral,
"It's given me time to really meet James… and for that, I'm so happy. Now I have Harry, and even though it's small, the house at Godric's Hollow.
"O-oh, yes. Ahem, that. Well, then, I'm glad for you, too."
But he wasn't. He felt a pain that couldn't be fixed. Not now, not ever. He knew he was going to die alone. Unloved and unloving, except for her. But she didn't love him, and love unrequited was not love at all, but a certain type of desperation.
"Oh, Sev, I don't understand why you hate him so much, still."
"Whoever said I hated him still?"
"Don't try to fool me, Severus Snape; you still hate him. Why? It's been years. He's not the same little boy that bullied you. He's matured, as well as you and I've."
"I don't hate him, Lily." Lies.
"You're lying…" his face was blank, carefully composed into a statue of nothing.
"Whether I am or am not, this subject is over. What else do you need to talk about?"
She seemed taken aback by the sudden force in his voice. But unlike when she was younger, she bolstered up, instead of backing down.
"I need to talk about why you hate my husband so much! I want you back in my life, Severus, but damnit, you have to have James and Harry, too!"
"I will never accept him in my life. I barely tolerate him at the Order."
"Then you're not in my life,"
This was not going as he'd thought. "Lily, that's not what I—"
"Well, that's what you're saying." She didn't let him finish; didn't have to.
He sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and bowing his head as he got his anger in control. She stayed silent and stared at him.
"I think," she started quietly after a minute. "That we should continue this later."
"Okay," he couldn't say anything else; didn't have the capacity to say anything else.
He never saw her alive again.