Snow in Autumn
I am weak, and I know it. This illness resides deep inside my bones, and I will soon leave this mortal coil. I require assistance to sit up, and must be propped up with pillows. Standing unaided is simply out of the question. I am fading fast.
I reach over to the bedside table, shifting the many blankets I am covered in, and withdraw a picture of the thing dearest to my heart.
Why, you may ask, do I not have the actual thing that is dearest to my heart? The answer is simple; he will not let me have him. Indeed, he will not even come near me. He is terrified of me; I can smell his fear whenever he is just outside my room, politely telling Hatori that he would rather not see me, thank you.
Oh, otouto, why will you not let me bask in your presence, if only for a moment? It started in early childhood, I think, when you lay on the floor, next to the discarded whip that I had used on you earlier. You whimpered as I dressed your wounds, but could do nothing- you were as powerless then as I am now. But the dynamics of power have changed; you are stronger, and I am weak, helpless. You could kill me, and one day I fear you will.
The death of an era is upon us, beginning with my decline, climaxing with my death, and being reborn with the new head being appointed. Where will they be from? So many possibilities…
I begin to cough, and collapse against the pillows, as helpless as a newborn kitten. As the spasm subsides, I can taste blood, just as I have for the past week. I do not have much longer in this life, but before I die, I wish to see him. My otouto.
I send for Hatori and give him my request. He is expressionless, as he bows, and moves to walk out of the room.
"Tell him it's urgent." I call after him faintly. He gives no sign he has heard, simply carries on. Oh, my faithful dragon, can you not bear the thought of my demise?
After a few minutes, I feel the strength returning to my limbs. Well, what little strength I have, anyway.
Otouto, why do you shy away from me, as an abused dog shies away from it's new owner? Can't you see, I am the only one who understands you- truly understands you.
The rest of the Zodiac you barely interact with; you fight with the cat a little- wretched thing- and are friends of a sort with Hatsuharu. Yet you reject his advances. Why? When I am dead and buried, you will need someone else to protect you, and the faithful ox seems adequate for the task. No, not task- honour.
And as for your fan club- pah, a bunch of chattering little twits, who have about one grey cell between them, I should think. They don't love you- they love only the Prince, your mask. Really, they don't even love the Prince; they are simply in awe of him. And why should they not be? For the Prince is all a girl could want- charming, polite, handsome…The perfect boy.
But lately, I have noticed that you appear to becoming attached to a certain member of the aforementioned fan club; Honda Tohru, an airhead if there ever was one. Her brain seems to have vanished, if she ever had one. Otouto, why her, of all people? At least that Motoko girl has some intelligence. And she's better-looking.
Really, I thought you had taste.
But never mind that- there are more important matters at hand, such as your imminent arrival. I prepare myself, rearranging the many blankets and quilts which swaddle me, and straighten my kimono- I wouldn't want to appear sloppy, after all.
A maid runs in, bowing, and announces you. I vaguely look her over, mildly wondering if I should bother killing her, just so that the others know that I am not a total wreck. Maybe, maybe not…Something to ponder and decide at another time.
Hatori shows you in, face frozen in a calm rictus, to the outside world the perfectly composed doctor. But I know better; that is my power, and my curse.
I can see inside each Zodiac's head, and know their deepest fears, most passionate desires, everything. I have seen the cat's hatred of you, and Hatsuharu's- dare I call it?- love of you and all you embody. His devotion to you runs as deep as Kyo's grudge against you does. He will protect you, I am certain.
Your pale face is as expressionless as Hatori's as you walk over to my bed, with every step, every thought screaming your reluctance.
I give a small smile as you approach, and you are confused. You do not realize why I smile; that the reason is far more complex than you could imagine.
I utter the next words breathlessly, seeing your true perfection.
"Yuki…"
And there came the snow, not in winter, but in autumn, when the leaves were dying in beauty.
END STORY
Snow in Autumn
Written by Cerberus
For Tegan