Something new

Self-explanatory-Lord of the files

Beast boy was walking back and forth in his room. Periodically he would grasp his hands together and breathe lightly into them. His hands were just too sweaty. His hands just didn't stop shaking. Grasping his hand harder made it stop trembling slightly, but he just couldn't stop. It was there on the front page. There in black and white; 'The anniversary of the Doom Patrol's last day'. He didn't mind at all. If only he could get his breathing settled. If only he could his hands to stop shaking. If only…if only. Every breath he took was painful, and every time he thought about it.

'I'm so useless,' he thought forlornly 'if only I was stronger then.'

He tightened his hands into fists and held them at his sides. His back started to shudder as he felt a new wave of sadness pass through him. The icy cold feeling of guilt coursed through his veins. The heat of embarrassment flushed his cheeks. The stinging agony of choice and past hit at his heart and lungs. Beast boy felt this entire pain and anguish course through his body and he was useless to fight it.

"I'm strong. I can fight this," Beast boy said gathering strength through his voice.

Beast boy then started to feel this weak strength from within him. This icy hot dagger that softly prickled his skin, while his thoughts started to wander. He then started to remember the better times. Better times in the Doom Patrol: not just his worst day in it.

"Hey BB," a booming voice shattered the calm "Are you alright?"

"Yeah Cy, I am."

"Just making sure…you kind of left in a hurry with the paper."

"Wanted to read the comics before anyone else took them," Beast boy said to a friend he kept no secrets from.

"Like I said, just making sure. I'll be in the garage if you need me," Beast boy then heard his heavy feet making a clear path down the hall.

Beast boy then went back to his hidden trails. Breathing in and out. He started to calm down a little. All the pain started to drift away slightly.

"I guess I'm ready for a new day," he said looking at the mirror.

Beast boy shook his head and then opened his door. He then made his way to the kitchen. Starfire and Robin were there while Raven was on the couch reading a thick novel. Starfire was trying to explain what Garsbag festival is and Robin fought to keep interested.

"Hello Friend Beast boy, have you recovered to whatever ailed you?" Starfire asked gleefully concerned.

"I just wanted to read the comics and you know how hard it is to get a newspaper to yourself around here."

Robin snorted unconvinced.

"If there was a picture of Slade in the newspaper it would be in pieces and I really didn't feel like taping pieces of pictures together," Beast boy said annoyed.

"Sure," Robin said.

The three Titan's then started to discuss Garsbag festival for a while, until Raven slammed her book shut.

Three heads turned her way and Beast boy asked, "Huh?"

"I'm going to my room," Raven said walking out of the room.

Everyone looked at each other and Beast boy shrugged.

"Well as I was explaining, Garsbag festival is to mark the aging celebration of Tamaran."

"So what happens on this celebration," Beast boy asked casually.

"Well…" Starfire said gathering the right words "We gather together and engage in traditional dances and songs. We then allow one to redeem themselves on this day."

"Redeem?" Robin asked.

"If one is guilty of a crime they are able to redeem themselves if they pass certain tests," Starfire said thinking her words carefully.

Beast boy leaned back and looked to the ceiling. He closed his eyes and thought quick thoughts of 'what if, what if'.

"What kind of tests?" Robin asked interested.

"It depends on the severity of the crime," Starfire said after a while.

Robin and Starfire continued to talk about random situations as Beast boy stared at the heavens. He lifted his hand up and looked at his green hands. His mutated genes meant that he could die in seconds or hundred of years, and there was nothing he could do about it. All he could do is pray and hope.

"What about abandon a team mate?" Beast boy asked after a lot of questions.

Starfire was quiet for a few moments before she responded, "One would have to go to the one in question and apologize."

"Makes sense," Beast boy said in a lazy tone.

Beast boy shifted his eyes and saw that Starfire and Robin were continuing to talk about the redemptions. His eyes focused on Starfire and her gestures as she talked. He then shifted to Robin who looked deep in thought.

"I'm going outside," Beast boy said to no one in particular.

Beast boy made his way out and then to the coast. He picked up a rock and skipped it. It jumped across the water a few times and stopped abruptly. A girlish laughter was to the side of his and he saw a rock whirl past. His mind was playing tricks on him again. Again with thoughts of her. Again with thoughts of that moment. Again thoughts of Terra.

"Well Terra," Beast boy said loudly "I don't care anymore. I've given and can't give no more. I'm sorry, but I just don't care anymore."

He then angrily picked up a rock and skipped it. It went until it was out of site. Beast boy sat down on the ground. His thoughts swirled around him as different memories came and went. It was like a squatter of a land. They would come and stay until his conscious came. Then it would leave, but others would take their spot.

Beast boy sighed and laughed out loud thinking, 'I need a vacation.'

The idea came to him again as he walked towards the tower. He really hasn't had a vacation in his life. All of he did was work related or forced. But now he could make his own trip and now he can get all this stress off him. Beast boy then ran towards the tower hoping to convince their stiff leader to get him some R and R.

"No," Robin said.

"Why not?" Beast boy said whining.

"What if we need you? What if you're attacked? Who would help you when we are here and your there?" Robin said punctuating each point with a poke in the chest with his finger.

"What if I take some one with me?" Beast boy asked desperately.

Sighing, Robin said, "Fine if you can convince one other person to come."

"Do you want to come?"

"NO!"

Beast boy knocked on the door.

The door slid open and Cyborg asked, "What up?"

"Do you want to go on vacation with me?"

"Nah, I can't really leave…without me the security would fall apart."

Beast boy's ears drooping said, "Ok that's fine."

"Sorry man."

Beast boy knocked to the door next to it.

The door slid open slightly and Raven asked, "What do you want?"

"Do you want to go on vacation with me?"

"I'd rather have all my hair plucked out slowly and painfully," Raven said dryly.

"So is that a yes?" Beast boy asked, being a smart-ass.

The door slammed in his face.

Beast boy knocked to the last door on this hall.

The door opened up and Starfire asked, "Oh hello Friend Beast boy! Is anything the matter? Do you require something?"

"Well actually," Beast boy started "I wanted to know if you wanted to go on a trip with me."

"That would be wonderful! Where are we going? When are we leaving? What should I pack for this trip? Is anyone else leaving? Oh this is so exciting!" Starfire said quickly and excitedly.

"Ok then," Beast boy said thinking of the questions "Haven't decided, undetermined, do not know yet, and nope."

"Whatever is the reason for not leaving?" Starfire asked.

Beast boy shrugged saying, "Maybe they didn't want to be with me."

Starfire said softly, "Do not say that Beast boy. All of us appreciate you."

Beast boy closed his eyes and shrugged, "Let's decide where we want to go."