Author's Note: Daria and all of its characters are property of MTV/Viacom. This is fanfiction and no money was exchanged for this story. It is non-profit and written for fun.
Mission: Ridiculous
by
Doggieboy80
"Good morning, Miss Morgendorffer," the digital recorder began - as it always did. "The two males in the picture are Beavis and Butt-head, last names unknown, originally from Highland, Texas."
Oh, boy, don't I ever know it, she thought and shook her head. Will I never be rid of these two morons?
She sat inside a library of some university. She was neither a student, nor a staff member. She just went inside, found a private reading desk and set up her Sony PlayStation Personal to find out her new assignment. She even had ear buds on for privacy.
"Last summer, they left Highland and somehow ended up in Argentina. At a live press conference with President Cristina Kirchner, they requested that she 'show her thingies.' Chaos erupted in Buenos Aires soon after that, and continues to this day. After that fiasco, the two ended up in Ireland, where they somehow received an appointment with Irish President Mary McAleese, where they asked her if she wanted to 'do it.' When the president called for security, the two were somehow able to escape. Martial law in Dublin was just lifted, but tensions in that region of Europe are still high. Next, they returned to South America, to Chile this time. However, security around President Michelle Bachelet kept them away, but their presence in the Southern Hemisphere has led to an increase of finger-pulling and lame propositions.
"Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to stop Beavis and Butt-Head and end their disruptive forays into world diplomacy. As always, should you or any of your IM Force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This recording will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Daria."
Two weeks before, the R&D department had introduced new assignment devices, which didn't self-destruct after the message was played, but instead disintegrated the disc into powder. Daria was suddenly faced with a machine that still used the old method, and to her shock and irritation, it smoked and burst into flame.
Oh, crap! she thought and jumped to her feet. Before she got ten feet, fire alarms were set off and she calmly moved towards the nearest exit. Then the sprinkler system turned on.
To Daria's total disgust, the sprinkler head directly above her head malfunctioned. So, instead of a spray shower of cool water on her head and the surrounding area, she got the full effect of a waterfall on her head and body.
I'm going to go to R&D personally and string up those idiots by the balls! That water's ice cold!
One student who passed Daria glanced at her face and front, looked away, then did a double take, his mouth open. She ignored him and stepped outside. Several male and a couple of females that waited outside gave Daria the once over and she walked on past them without a glance.
"It's still cold!" she muttered, then noticed that one man she passed smiled as he looked down at her chest. She blinked and looked down as well.
It is said that the coward dies many, many deaths before the final one, but the humiliated die much more colorfully. Daria saw that her new, white blouse, as well as the white bra she wore underneath it, had become as transparent as the T-shirts of those girls on Spring Break from Florida. Her face turned a beet red and a strangled cry escaped her lips.
"Woo-woo, baby!" a voice behind her said and she turned around to see several male students run up towards her.
"Yeah!" one said. "See, I told you!"
Daria turned and ran, pursued by at least a dozen students. Dammit, all we need now is for some idiot to play Yakkity Sax.
From an open window of the building Daria ran by, the sounds of Yakkity Sax could be heard loud and clear. It even drowned out the cheers and whistles of the students who chased her.
Then she saw the person with the video camera directly ahead of her.
I ought to shoot Jim Phelps for talking me into taking this job.
oooooooooo
Jane Lane waited as the list of new videos came up on the Sick, Sad World website. She sipped her coffee and saw one that was labeled, Benny Hill on University Campus?
"Very unlikely," she said, but clicked on it. "Especially since he's been dead for more than fifteen years."
Then the video downloaded and played. The sight of the woman with the see-through blouse running from her admirers made her blink and stare intently. "That can't be," she said, a smile now on her face. She played the video again and watched for the woman again. "Oh, yes, it is her."
Jane laughed and put a blank DVD-R into the DVD-ROM slot. Daria's going to kill me for recording this, but it'll be worth it.