Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize is mine.

A/N: As you could see from my profile, I am a rather prolific House writer...but I'm trying my hand at Castle. So, here it is, my first (maybe of many) Castle piece. I started watching this summer thanks to a great friend and beta who is my twin soul, and I guess I should say right now: I have not seen the last two episodes of season three. I am aware of what happens in the finale - so I will say this, this story is not a post-ep of anything, and definitely not the finale.

So, Melissa, this one is for you. I hope you enjoy it. Happy Birthday!

A/N: Thanks to Kara for keeping me on track with characterization. Credit is also due to the book "The Redbreast" which is where this idea originated from.

i.

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"Kate."

Her name fell from his mouth, tasting unnatural on his tongue. He hadn't spoken in days, let alone said her name. There was no reason to any more.

Clearing his throat, he continued. "I – I just wanted you to know that we found your body today. I know it's been a week since I last saw you, but that's how hard you were to find…Ryan and Esposito, and I, we worked around the clock trying to find you, following the clues, you know. But we were too late, and I'm – I'm really sorry, okay?" His voice broke and he quickly glanced around to make sure his mother and Alexis were still out of the room. "But I – we – we're going to find the guy, all right? There were fibers under your fingernails. I know you got a piece of him. Lanie was going on about how smart you were." He chuckled weakly and then dropped his voice, though he didn't really know why. "But I knew that already."

He stole a glance around the room again. "I – I should probably go now. But I'll – I'll keep you informed. We're going to get him, Kate. I won't have it any other way."

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ii.

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"I really wish you were here today, Kate. You always knew exactly what to say about Alexis. She – uh – she didn't take the news well at all. I'm really worried about her. She's hiding in her room." He threw a hopeful glance in the direction of his daughter's room, but the door was still shut, as it had been for the past half hour. He might only have been imagining it, but he thought he could still hear her muffled cries through the heavily polished wood.

"It was weird, you know, breaking the news to her," he mumbled. "I'd seen you do that so many times, tell families that their loved ones were gone…You had this way of doing it, this – I don't know – it was just something about you that just made them feel so reassured…even though it was the worst day of their lives, you made it seem like it wasn't…that life would go on somehow." He sighed. "I don't think I did that well with Alexis.

"She was sitting down, like your victims' families always were. And I took her hand, but she could see something was wrong, just from my face, I think. And I tried to tell her gently, but she guessed before I got to the part where your body had been found. I didn't say where though. She didn't need to know those details. I try not to think about them myself."

He could feel the emotions building inside him again. "I should go."

Beep.

iii.

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"Good news today, Kate," he began, in as matter-of-fact of a voice as he could muster. "Lanie said the fibers under your fingernails came from a pair of denim jeans. She said that if Ryan and Esposito can round up a suspect, she'll be able to match the fibers, and we'll have this son of a bitch."

He paused. He could almost see her indulgent smile, the way she looked at him when he seemed so enthusiastic about a lead she had already given up on. He shook his head, trying to clear the mental image.

"Your father came to town today for, you know, the funeral. That's tomorrow…there's a memorial first. Ryan and Esposito are trying to get me to speak at it, but I – I don't know if I can. Kate, you are…" he hesitated, and then whispered, "No words could ever be enough to describe how I feel about you."

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iv.

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"It was a beautiful service, Kate," he began lightly. "You would have been so happy…I hope you thought my words did you justice. Lots of people gave me compliments on them, but yours is the only approval I care about. I hope you liked them. Alexis said she thought you would have liked them, so hopefully that's a good sign. She's doing okay, by the way…Alexis. I think she's doing okay."

He ran a tired hand through his thick hair. "Still no leads on your case, though. We've been dragging in suspects, anyone we can find with any connection at all, but no breaks yet. I wish you were here…We need you so much.

"Martha keeps insisting that I take time off, but I just can't get my mind off this, off you, your murder. No one should have to suffer the way you did, locked in a basement and tortured for days until you were finally…" He broke off and sighed. "You know I wouldn't have written it this way."

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v.

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"Gina called today to offer her condolences…I know you didn't like her much, but I thought you'd want to know…She also wanted to know what I planned to do about Nikki now that you're…" He cleared his throat. "Well, anyway, I told her I didn't know." He shook his head. "What would you want me to do, Kate? What would you do?

"I mean, I could continue…I'm sure Ryan and Esposito would let me tag along. But it's – well, you know it's not the same. And at any rate, you were my muse, not the cases we were working on. I'm not sure doing the police work just to do it would be really helpful…And what to do about Nikki? I know I promised three books after the first, but without you, is it really right?" He sighed. "It doesn't feel right."

He swallowed heavily. "I don't know, Kate, I just don't know…"

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vi.

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"Hey again, Kate. Just thought you should know we hit a dead end on the last lead we had…Things are just not going our way. I really wish you were here…you could make those connections on that board of yours. I know you thought I was helpful, but I'm only half as good without you, maybe less. I'm so sorry…I wish I could do more."

He hesitated, then said, "I thought you would want to know; I talked it over with Alexis, and we decided that I should continue with Nikki. This isn't the end I would have chosen for her – for anyone. And I…I thought maybe I should continue with her, you know, in your memory. I'd like to think that you work here wasn't done…and I don't want Nikki's work to be done either. She'll continue it for you, Kate." He paused to swallow the lump that was slowly building in his throat.

"I – I really wish things weren't this way. I can't believe there are so few trails of evidence around his guy, so few leads to chase down. I know I'll never give up. I understand now, that way you felt about your mother's death. You hunted down her killer for more than twelve years. I owe at least that much to find yours. We'll never give up, Kate – I will never-"

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vii.

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The number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please hang up and try again. Beep. The number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please hang up and try again. Beep. The number you have dialed…

A/N: Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a review if you're so inclined!