22 May 2009

So – Now What?

1

Lorelai slowly let the phone drop into her lap. Rory had called her right after Obama's town meeting was over and she was on her way back to her motel room to write up the story and email it to Hugo Gray. She sounded so excited and so happy. It was the very first story that she was getting paid to write. Although she had written articles while at the Stamford Eagle-Gazette, none of them had seen print.

Lorelai knew she told Luke she would call him right after she talked to Rory, but after that first call when Rory had settled into her motel room, Lorelai didn't have the energy to talk to anyone, even Luke. Lorelai looked at the clock – it was a little after eight. She knew Luke would be concerned, if he wasn't too busy to think about it. So she punched in the numbers of the diner.

"Luke's."

Hey, Luke, it's me."

"Oh, hey! I guess you finally heard from Rory. What took her so long to get there?"

"Actually, she called a couple hours ago. Something was wrong with her plane and they had to wait for another one. She called about an hour after you left here."

"So why wait so long to call me?"

"Umm, I just figured you'd be busy so I waited until she called again, after the town meeting was over."

"Yeah, we were pretty busy. So, is everything okay with her?"

"Couldn't be better. She didn't talk long the second time. She wanted to get back to her room and write up the story and send it to her editor."

"Well, I'm glad everything's all right."

After ten or fifteen seconds of silence, Luke asked, "Are you still there?"

"I'm here. I just…." Lorelai sighed a very telling sigh. "I don't think I can do this."

"Do what?"

"Not be where I can't see Rory whenever I want to."

"You've been apart, plenty of times."

"I know, but it was always just a few miles away, not hundreds. Even when she was living in the pool house I always knew she was only thirty, forty minutes away."

"So, you'd rather she was back home, hanging around town, maybe working in the book store?"

"No! Of course not!" Lorelai exclaimed. "But she could have gone to a graduate school -- Yale or Harvard, like Paris is doing. Christopher would have been more than glad to pay for it. She could even go for her doctorate."

"I don't know, but it seems to me like she didn't want to keep going to school. I got the impression she wanted to write, to work."

"But…."

"You said you talked to her after the meeting. How did she sound?"

"She was – over the moon! She was excited, and thrilled, and …."

"And happy?"

"Yeah," Lorelai sighed. "She was. Ecstatic, even."

"And that doesn't tell you something?"

Lorelai was silent again for a handful of seconds, then she said, "But how do I get by without her? I keep imagining all these horrible scenarios about things that could happen to her, and I'll never see her again."

"They won't happen. And you will see her again. Sooner than you think."

"How do you know?"

"I just know, trust me. And as far as getting by without her – there are so many things you can do to keep you mind off missing her."

"But I don't want to not miss her. I want her in my mind all the time."

"Which isn't healthy. You need to keep yourself occupied."

"Like -- how?"

"Well, work, obviously. And are you still going to dinner at your parents Friday nights?"

"Yes."

"So make it two nights a week instead of one. Maybe Tuesday nights as well."

"I suppose I could try it. We ARE getting along better now."

"And what about you and Sookie having a girls' night out after work? I'm sure Jackson wouldn't mind."

"No, he's pretty good about things like that."

"And you could have Lane and Zach and the boys over for a pizza dinner once a week. Or even baby sit Kwan and Steve to give them a night out."

"I could do that."

"And since Sundays are pretty slow, I could close up early and you and I could go out to eat, or to a movie. Maybe even two nights a week."

"Could we go back to Sniffy's?"

"Sure we could. In fact we probably ought to. Maisy really gave me hell when she found out we split up. She blamed me for it, of course."

"Well, then we'll have to set the record straight."

"But that's the thing, I couldn't argue with her because it WAS my fault."

"No, Luke, it was mine. I was the one who gave you the ultimatum, and then went to Christopher."

"You're wrong. If I had told you about April just as soon as I found out about her and let you in, we wouldn't have had all the problems we had with Anna, and we would have gotten married. I did things all wrong. I was stupid and I screwed up, screwed us up."

"You weren't stupid, Luke, you were – confused, and in shock. That was a major bombshell April dropped on you."

"Well, maybe so. But it still feels like my fault."

Then there was silence again, for almost a minute.

"Luke, I know it's still too early to close, but do you think you could come over? Soon? Now?"

"Uh, I guess. I can't leave Caesar here by himself. But I'll call Zach. I'm sure they can use the extra money. I should be there in a half hour."

"Okay. I'll be waiting."

2

It was closer to thirty five minutes before Luke drove up in Lorelai's driveway. When he got to the front door, he wasn't sure if he should knock or just walk in. Their newly reformed relationship and its boundaries hadn't yet quite defined. So he opened the door and yelled out to her.

"Lorelai?"

"In here, " she replied, her voice slightly muffled.

Luke walked into the kitchen and sat a Doose's grocery bag down on the table. He found her sitting on Rory's bed, in the dark. He took both her hands and pulled her up from the bed, all but dragged her out of the bedroom, and closed the door.

Lorelai saw the grocery bag and asked what was in it.

"I bought you a couple pounds of coffee since I know you're still out. And two bags of Oreos and a gallon of milk."

Lorelai put her arms around Luke's neck in appreciation.

"Rory was right," she said into his shoulder. "You always take care of us."

"I do what I can."

Luke put the milk into the refrigerator while Lorelai made a pot of coffee. Nothing was said until Lorelai had a steaming cup in front of her. Luke figured she would talk when she was ready. And he was trying to think of more suggestions to keep her busy so she wouldn't miss Rory quite so much. But he wasn't ready for what she finally said.

"There's something else I've been thinking about," she said. "About you and me. I keep thinking, 'So, what now? What happens with us? How do we start over?"

"Slowly, I would think. Don't rush into anything? Let it happen when it does?"

"That makes sense. But – I keep thinking about everything that happened after I left you and Christopher and I got together. I should have seen it. Sookie told me as soon as I told her we were together. And even Christopher knew it."

"Knew what? What are you talking about?" Luke wasn't really happy with Lorelai talking about Christopher.

"He was the rebound guy. He's the one I went to when we broke up. And I shouldn't have. He wasn't supposed to be my rebound guy. The rebound guy was supposed to be a cabana boy at Atlantic City, or a tennis pro, or a pool boy, not the father of my daughter."

"I still don't know what all of that has to do with us."

Lorelai found it hard not to start sobbing. "I don't want you to be my rebound guy because Rory's gone. I don't want to be with you now because I'm depressed and sad and I miss her so much, and then later, when things are better, when she comes back home, you and I split up. I want to be with you always, and I'm just afraid…."

"I'm not your rebound guy. I've been here a long time – years, if you recall. And I plan on still being around. I can wait, if I have to. I don't want to rush things with you, with us."

Lorelai sniffed, then said, "That's what Christopher said. He said he was willing to wait forty years, but he changed his mind and then we – well, you know the rest."

"Can we NOT talk about Christopher?" Luke couldn't keep the irritation out of his voice.

"I'm sorry. I know it's making you angry, but it's the only way I can make my point. I don't want us to be together just until Rory comes back and then …."

"I know. You already said that. And I told you -- it's not going to happen. What we feel, what's between us, this isn't some new thing. We had these feelings even before we knew it. Everybody tried to tell us. Lorelai, it's going to last. It has to. We've gone through too much together and we still love each other."

"But is that enough? Is loving each other any guarantee we'll stay together – forever?"

"Lorelai, I know where this is coming from. You always had it in your head that no matter what Rory did with her life, no matter who she was with, she would always be here, in Stars Hollow. And now that she's not, you feel like there is nothing you can depend on."

"I don't think that."

"Of course you do. But think about this – what if she had married Logan and move to California? Not only would she be thousands instead of hundreds of miles away, but it would be permanent. At least now you know she'll be home once in a while."

"I suppose."

"And the campaign is sure to find its way back to New England. There's no reason why you can't go to New York or Boston or any other city to see her, even if it's only for a few hours."

"I could, couldn't I? I didn't even think about that."

"And don't forget about all those emails and phone calls and post cards. And she's sure to send some pictures from her phone. I'm not saying it won't be hard not seeing her every day, but it'll get better."

"I know. It's just hard right now, you know? Really, really hard. And I miss her. I miss her so much. I didn't think it would be this bad. God, I'm such a basket case!"

"You're a mother who loves her daughter more than anything else in this world. Why would you think you should feel any different?"

Lorelai smiled at Luke, a warm, appreciative and loving smile. She finished the coffee, then opened a bag of Oreos while Luke refilled her cup. Then he poured himself a class of milk and took a couple of cookies for himself.

"Doose's was out of Mallomars," he said. Lorelai only nodded in acknowledgement.

Nothing else was said for a while. Lorelai finished the pot of coffee and Luke had a third glass of milk. Together they polished off the first bag of Oreos -- Lorelai mostly.

Finally, tired of the silence, Luke asked, "So, where does Rory go next?"

"Umm, I don't know. I don't think SHE knows."

"Why wouldn't she know?"

"She told me she had to be on the bus by seven tomorrow morning, but she didn't say where they were headed, so maybe in all the excitement she forgot to ask."

"Seven's pretty early."

"Yep, it is."

"Don't call her before six."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about letting her sleep until six o'clock. That's seven our time. Don't wake her up earlier than she needs to get up."

"I don't have to call her. She can get herself up just fine. She was getting herself up the whole time she went to Chilton, and to Yale. I certainly don't have to start waking her up now."

"You heard what I said – seven o'clock, Stars Hollow time."

"God! Am I so pathetic I can't even let her be a grownup?"

"You're no more pathetic than I am," Luke said. "I'll probably call you about 6:55 to make sure you're awake so you can call her."

Lorelai smiled a genuine smile, for the first time since she and Rory arrived at the airport.

"We're quite a pair aren't we?" she asked.

"Yes, we are."

Lorelai reached out and put one hand gently over his. "Luke, will you spend the night here tonight?"

"Uh, sure, if you want me to."

"I don't mean we have to have sex or anything, but I don't want to be alone tonight. This house has grown ten times bigger than it was, and it just feels so big and lonely."

"Of course I'll stay."

"The new couch is more comfortable than the old one. I guess it's not that new any more. But it's still comfortable. Unless you want to make up a pallet on the floor. I know you sometimes did that, but I can't remember any specific dates or anything."

"The couch will be fine. But you have sleep in your bed and not Rory's."

But…."

"No buts. Right now Rory's room is off limits. Where you sleep tomorrow night is up to you, but tonight you sleep in your own bed."

"Am I that predictable?"

"Sometimes you are."

Lorelai got out the extra blankets and sheets and a pillow and made up the sofa for Luke. Then she went upstairs, leaving him to turn off the lights and lock the doors.

"Don't forget to set the alarm," he yelled after her. "Six fifty-five, and no earlier."

Luke settled down on the couch and decided he liked the old one better, but it was okay. He was almost asleep when he got a feeling he was being watched. When he looked up, Lorelai was standing half-way down the stairs as if she were waiting for something.

"Is everything all right?" he asked.

"No. It's too quiet up there. And too cold. Would you…." Lorelai took deep breath. "Will you sleep up here – with me?"

"Sure. If you really want me to."

Lorelai nodded. "I really do."

"Okay. I'm coming up."

Lorelai turned and went back upstairs to bed with Luke following behind her.

The End