A/N:

this is a restart of my original story Coming back under the same name.

AU that takes place just after the Victory Tour, Katniss and Peeta having been forced get engaged. The end game is Everlark but I always had a problem with Peeta forgiving everything Katniss did and after being through a war, his friends and family dying (which I'm not blaming Katniss.) and a hijacking he found his way so easily back to Katniss. Nah I don't think so.

This will start and go through a AU Catching Fire before going onto an altered Mockingjay as they find there way back to something resembling the end of the original. Hope you enjoy, let me know.

Sorry about any grammer mistakes.

Thanks.

Chapter 1. Alone.

Katniss's POV.

I'm parallelized to stop him, to move even and every nerve in my body; head to toe throbs with intensity that takes my breath away. I don't stop him, I don't even ry to stop him kissing me, but, I kiss him back. This only serves to further any lose of self control. He groans into my mouth, his tongue forcing its way inside and massaging mine and a part of me feels like I'm on a completely different planet. His hands run down my sides then travel back up, sliding under my shirt. In a single swift movement his strong arms tear my shirt in half, ripping it off my, now, very exposed and extremely sensitive body.

He moves his fingers, weaving them into my hair, tugging, enough force to leave them tingling. Gripping the bottom of his shirt it quickly, though in better condition joins mine on the forest floor. Leaning in, our bodies flush against each other, not caring about the parts of tree roots and rocks digging uncomfortably into my back. I can feel him, feel how aroused he is and he kissing stops; leaning down, whispering and tickling me, "Stay with me?"

In that moment so many things go through my mind and I know what he's asking me. Back then, before the Games there would have been only one person I saw doing this with, it was him. We match, we are alike with the same skin tone and eye's that match with colour, passion and a burning desire I see reflected in mine. Several fantasies detailing precisely what will happen. Peeta, beyond a shadow of a doubt I'm going to prove Haymitch right; "You could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve that boy." by uttering my next two words. "I'm staying."

Two, almost three hours later, Gale and I are walking towards his families home in the Seam, hands linked. He wears a grin, large and toothy. While I stare in silent utter shock. I can't go home, I can't bare to face anyone back there so Gale's house seems like a good idea. Mid-afternoon and I'm desperately hoping that his home will be empty; the siblings still being at school and his mother out working. The thought of facing anyone at this moment is horrifying.

"You where wrong." he says, out of the blue, sounding happy. Turning to face him, confused.

"About what?"

"What you told me this morning in the woods." honestly I can't remember what we talked about this morning. I'm having difficulty remember between the many lies I have to keep up with. So carefully I ask, "What did I say?" carefully.

"you told me that your decisions had all been made for you."
"They have." shrugging because it's the truth of the situation I have landed in. at the moment though part of my worry is nothing stays hidden for long and how will this affect my life now.

"Right, but they weren't made by you, they where made for you."

"It doesn't matter."

"How can you say that Catnip, you say that just as you say it doesn't matter what you feel for me, it does Katniss, it really does."

Sighing, hesitating for a moment and thinking. I don't know if it matters how I feel for him, I don't really know anyway and trying to sort it out with him here after us both still in a delirium from what we just did. "Gale I can't deal with this at the moment, please."

he brings his hand to my face, tilting it up and kisses me. "Okay... I'm just glad this happened." he beaming at me when he asks. "Aren't you... baby?"

A loaded question and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that name. Opening my mouth, really having no idea how to respond to his question all that happens is a small squeak. Thankfully, he doesn't force an answer, pulling me up the front steps and into the little house he shares with his family. We're not alone in the house, noises coming from inside the kitchen. I frantically, try and sort myself out in the mirror, shirt ripped I tuck it away, closing my jacket and tucking several strands of loose hair that came out of my braid back. Hazelle, singing softly while preparing dinner I prize my hand from Gales as she brightens and smiles when she turns to see us.

"Hello Honey." greeting me with a hug and kiss on the forehead. "It's good to see you back here."

"Yeah it is." guilty. I already feel bad and this just makes it worse; I haven't spent a lot of time with Gale's family since returning from the Games and Victory Tour. I thought she'd be at Haymitch's house but she quickly explains that.

"Your mentor was in one of his moods today, dear." she hums, moving around and putting stuff in the oven.

"I should be going..." suddenly the very being here is too much, it's too much to be round Gale at the moment; I need the silence given when alone to even begin and sort this whole mess out in my head. Briskly I walk until I get to the edge of the property and feel Gale's hand grab my arm, attempting to turn me but I don't and can't face him.

"Wait, Catnip?" affectionately but with an uncertainly in his voice. "What's wrong? Are you mad at me or something?"

"No... I'm mad at myself." honestly, something I'm not very good at.

"Don't be, After all, it was the capitol that made you go through everything with HIM, otherwise our Sundays would be the same as usual."

I can't decide how to respond to that in my mind, Kiss or punch him, but it's all true and I know it. Faking a romance with him so that we would get sponsors, fake how deeply I felt for him to convince the capitol of the berry stunt that Snow thinks was out of spite; fake being over the moon about being engaged to him during the announcement on the victory tour and then I will need to fake my happiness about marrying him before the start of the next Games. All of it, based on lies.

Why do I feel like I've betrayed him them. Because I have, in the most despicable way I have betrayed him, he who has saved me from a life like Haymitch and my of the other Capitol whore Victors and the only thing I have to do is love him.

"What?" startled, I didn't catch anything he said.

"Catnip, I love you." pulling away, breaking into a run as tears slip down my cheek.

I don't.

I'm not brave enough to go anywhere near Peeta, I'm a coward. In the woods, I'm not scared of much, a predator like so many things out there. But in real life, back in the confines of the fence, despite the layers I'd put up to protect me Peeta sneaked passed them all. He has the potential to hurt me; vulnerability that I despise and after what i've just done why wouldn't he want to hurt me?

To see him now, I know I wouldn't be able to stop myself from coming clean right away, tell him everything; though, I'm almost certain he'd be able to tell with one glance at my face. I can't face the reaction, not yet.

First I thinking about running to Mum and Prim but they to, I'm unable to face. I have no one. I don't know why but I return to the woods, sprinting through them and coming upon the place where it happened. The Lake. I sit on the opposite side but after a minute I'm pretty sure that no matter where I go I won't need anything to remind me of what happened; it's all I'm thinking about. I feel ashamed, hurting in places I don't want to be hurting.

It was pretty obvious in the time that Gale and I spent together that he had a lot of sexual experience- more than Peeta or even me anyway. Why wouldn't he? He's older, attractive- I've heard the rumours of him spending a significant amount of time with a few merchant girls at the Slag heap. He knew exactly what to do, or, what he thought would do but I didn't like it, did I?

. In all the time we spent together out in the woods, hunting, foraging, trying to feed our families and just survive we learned a lot about each other and our bodies. Carrying me home when I injured my ankle, swimming together in the stream, hunting down game in the forest; those moments we discovered each others mannerisms, movements and tendencies. I thought that with him, with the time he's been... romantically feeling something for me he would have applied what he knew. 7

And yet, with him there was an urgency. Something I've never felt with Peeta. It was obvious that he wanted me, asking me to stay told me as much but with every movement, every touch and stroke he seemed to exude it. To rough, everything was too rough that I liked, impatient, as though I would disappear at any moment. I can't say that it surprised me because at any moment I might disappear, he passion and fervour was intense. Some part of me though is singing with want. Thinking about it, replacing the thoughts that leave me ashamed and wanting to burn in hell with the second time he took me, rough against the tree half naked; he could wait to strip. It turned me on and I squeezed both my thigh and eye's close wanting the feeling to leave.

How could I have done something like this. The whole district knew we where engaged, Adultery never happened in our district and if it did those people where outcast, even at the hob I had seen friends and family, Sae turn on those found about committing it. Twelve had views set in stone on the matter.

But, then again I think to myself circumstances weren't exactly ordinary in my case. Torn away from the District to be in the Games, becoming a lover on screen to a boy no one knew him and I knew of each others existence. It was a little strange. My mind wanders with curiosity, wondering how much of my infidelity boils down to the fact I was curious to see what I'd lost, what I gave up by saving him.

Peeta...

My sweet, sweet Peeta. He worshipped me from afar, never having a chance to show me his affection. He took a beating to save me at my weakest point in life. He did everything to protect me in the Arena; risking his own life, suffering horrible injuries and willing to end his life to give me mine. I could have chosen, right then at the moment and I wouldn't be in this position, I could have let him die. But I didn't, I couldn't and whether that was love or not I haven't worked out yet. I think back to that night, that night I gave myself to him.

He kissed me, everywhere, taking hours to map my body out with his lips. He didn't know my body well, at first, but he took his time learning it and I relished every moment of him doing so. His ever so gentle touches, my body trembling in his trail, sighing with pleasure at each and every kiss and caress. I cried out so many time that night as he tipped me over the edge again and again into the early mornings. Sometimes, slow and steady, other times it was a pure primal urge that took over us. Rough, slow, gentle, hard and passionate, everything was just more with him.

I know for a fact he isn't capable of doing this and no matter the excuse I try to conjure that might justify my actions, I know nothing earlier today had anything to with Peeta or anything he's done for me.

I try for a moment to compare the two but it's pointless; bakers and miners, merchant and seam both completely different in their own ways and I would be lucky to end up with either of them; though at the moment I think they'd be unlucky to have me. I was going to pay dearly for my stupid and selfish actions. I was going to be alone and rightly so.

Would he throw me out of his life, stop acting as though we where happy and engaged. That could jeopardize everything and it would be my fault. This is going to devastate him, break his heart I'm absolutely sure of it and I can't handle that even though I deserve it. I have, most likely, killed us all.

I hadn't realised it but I'd moved, walking towards home getting as far as the Victor's Village as the sun hung low over the horizon. Really, if I'd thought about it for longer than a second, his house would have been the one to go to. We can't do anything but be honest with each other.

Knocking on the door, like usual there's no answer so I let myself in, settling on a couch as he takes up the other one. I find myself drifting off but his loud, gruff voice wakes me.

"What the hell do you want, sweetheart?"

"I slept with Gale." whispering so softly, I think he might not have heard me.

In response, Haymitch reaches across. I don't expect it but I deserve it and more. The slap is hard and my head snaps to one side leaving me with a red, stinging hand print and Haymitch looking at me with an expression of complete repugnance, head shaking.

He snorts. "You know I wasn't looking or needing another reason to add as to why he is too goof for you." saying disgustedly. I can feel the tension, the anger in his voice. "He called earlier looking for you, nice to know you where off fucking tall and dark, you've really fucked it here sweetheart." rising and pacing around the room; beside himself.

"I know." averting myself from making eye contact and starting to fidget. "I just... I …. didn't know who else to tell, I know you'll be honest with me."

"Honest with you? If you want me to be honest you deserve a punch in the face, and I'd be willing to do it for the boy." he spits bitterly at me, pacing more. Shaking his head in defeat. "I should have been protecting him... more than I ever did you."

fighting back the tears I know he's right, Peeta was the better of us all and deserve to be protected. I was ignoring my responsibilities and being selfish, risking everything. Being with Gale, was insignificant compared to the loose we all face now because of my actions.

"Whatever the cost sweetheart," Haymitch continues, "You need to do anything in order to keep things with Peeta status quo." sitting and uncorking a bottle of clear liquid. "If that means you never tell him or that you do and he nevers speaks to you again save for the camera, so be it."

a brusque nod, understanding what he said and I leave his house, not needing anymore of a lecture I pull away when he tries to stop me.

There's a light-smoke coming from the chimney, a low light illuminating the first floor from perhaps the fire. I understand that the longer I keep this from him the harder it will be, so dreading the next moments I open the door and let myself in. Here's hoping.

Everything is dark but I see his silhouette in-front of the blazing fire. He doesn't turn to face me.

"I called in on your mom and Prim, they hadn't seen you, neither had Haymitch, Madge or anyone in town... Darius had..." his voice detached. "The forest with Gale."

"I was..." could I do this, did he already know or suspect. If Darius had seen us how many more on my walk holding his hand to his house. "I was with Gale."

He finally turns, the shadows cast, his face looking very ominous. Looking straight at me in the eye's the shadows hiding one of his, darkened. Something is very un-peeta-like about the way he is staring at me, something eerie. "Explain." asking, his voice flat. I know he knows, he is looking for a confirmation though.

"Inexcusably." I sigh, not crying or trying to cling to him and beg forgiveness. I want to but I don't deserve it. I just stand there, completely numb awaiting his reaction before lowering my head and casting my gaze to the ground.

Footsteps approaching me, a hint of warmth as he brushes past me and heads through to the kitchen leaving me confused for a moment. I stand there not knowing what to do, follow him or not but he soon returns and what I see, tears begin to fall from my eye's.

Bags, two of them that I know are mine from when I brought my possession over to his house. Again he brushes past me opening the front door and placing them on the porch, turning and holding the door open.

My heart breaks right there. I have to try and comfort him, I don't know if I can but I have to try. At the least, he deserves, though he may not believe it, I love him. Losing him, will do that, it will show you how much maybe more than ever how much you love someone.

"Peeta-"

"Get. Out." his voice is hard and flat, his eye;s not meeting mine. Very quietly I go, the moment I step outside the door slams closed and I know everyone in the Village heard it. The flicker of light between the curtain of Haymitch and my house is evidences. I sit on the porch steps, not moving. I can't let this happen, getting back up and going to the door... it's locked and I can't see anything in the darkness.

Heaving the bags up, all my possessions must be in them I take them over to my house. The door opens and my mother and Prim stands there. Watching as I sit the bags in the entrance way I can only look at them. Mum eye;s can't meet mine and the second I meet Prim she turns and walks up the stairs away from me.

I'm alone.

That night it rains, heavy and I cry knowing the sound of my uncontrollable sobs, wailing, sniffing and crocodile tears will be masked. How could I have done something so horrible to someone so kind. Several hours pass, I don't know how many but it's late in the night and the rain hasn't let up when my mother bursts into the room in a panic.

"GET UP NOW!" screaming as she moves around and gathers a few items into a large duffel bag.

"What's-" my arm in a hard grasp and I'm dragged out of bed, still wearing one of Peeta's shirts and my sleep shorts. Down the stairs to Haymitch and Prim, plus three men dressed in all black holding guns. Haymitch has my bow, immediately I go for it, two soldiers stopping me and Haymitch?

"Easy sweetheart-"

"We need to go, peacekeepers are coming." a taller, very dark skinned man, like thresh says. PEETA!

"What about Peeta?" frantically shouting as I'm pulled from the house, down the steps. A hovercraft waiting in the middle of the street as we're rushed through the rain, soaked and on board. Gale is there, wait... what? huddled into a corner, the children crying he spots me but is unable to move passed the guards who force him back sitting.

Peeta, turning mum, Prim and Haymitch on board I spot Peeta coming out the house further down with a guard and my heart relaxes.

"NOOOOOOOO!" screaming as the sight unfolds before me. Peacekeepers fold from round the corner of his house, Peeta and the guard breaking out into a run. Someone holds me, lifting me off the ground and dragging me back wards as bullets fly hitting the craft. The person slips and I slam my head against the ground. Vision fuzzy, but still I see it unfold before me. First the guard takes a bullet to the chest, falling in a heap whilst Peeta takes one to the thigh, falling he picks himself up onto his knees and our eye's meet for the briefest of seconds. His chest explodes in a torrent of red, staining his white t-shirt before slumping to the ground.

I feel the craft lift, the door closing before I lose myself to the darkness...

waking up, on a cold had table the engines of the hovercraft humming softly. My head rolling to the side, Haymitch is there alone with my mother and Primrose all wearing the same look. My tears fall as Haymitch, noticing me comes to my side.

"Peeta..." I croak out and the tear that falls from his eye;s is all I need to understand. I am truly alone now.

A/N: as I said, Everlark endgame. See you on chapter 2.