Disclaimer:The characters and storyline belong to Shed Productions. No copyright violations intended. The actual arrangement of words herein is mine.

Pairing:Helen / Nikki

Rating:18

Summary:Helen and Nikki have an opportunity to experience life outside of Larkhall, though it is not under the happiest of circumstances.

Spoiler/Other Info: I have taken a great deal of liberty with the actual storyline from the show and especially the chronology of the love story between Helen and Nikki for the purpose of this story.

Chapter 1

Courtyard Garden at Larkhall

It was an unusually chilly morning as Nikki toiled in the garden. She had taken to getting out of bed early in order to catch Helen on her way in almost every morning. Over the last few weeks the interactions between them had been brief and scarcely the familiar they had been growing into over the past months. As Nikki glanced towards the gate looking for Helen, she saw the clouds in the distance. They were rolling towards her with a foreboding that could only mean something bad was about to happen. She was lost in thought when she was jarred back to reality by the familiar sound of the main gate opening. Her attention turned towards the sound and there she was; the object of Nikki's affection.

Helen arrived at around the same time every morning but today she was a bit earlier than usual. She smiled as she passed Dominic McAllister at the gate and gave a casual wave to one of the other inmates who was walking in the courtyard. She was wearing one of her usual conservative gray suits but today she had on a beautiful green blouse to accompany it. The blouse was just the right shade to set off the green in her dark hazel eyes. Nikki's spirit lifted at just the sight of her. She was falling for Helen in a way that was unexpected and elating. Since Nikki had her heart broken by Trish, she was certain she would not find love again until she was outside Larkhall, if at all. Nikki dusted the soil from her gloves and removed them as Helen approached her.

"Good Morning Nikki," Helen said casually as she walked towards Nikki.

"Good Morning to you Helen," Nikki replied with a smile. Helen gave the tiniest of smiles and continued walking. "Wait up. What's the matter?" Nikki inquired as she placed her hand on Helen's arm.

Helen felt a shot of heat and electricity course through her body as Nikki's hand rested on her arm. "Nothing Nikki, I'm just in a bit of a hurry. I have a full schedule today, that's why I'm in early."

"You don't have two minutes to spare for an old friend?" Nikki inquired with a wink.

Helen couldn't help but smile a genuine smile this time. Nikki had a way about her that seemed to bring Helen out of whatever doldrums she was in.

"That's better. Much more becoming of a woman of your beauty."

The smile left Helen's face. "Nikki please. You have to stop talking like that."

"Why?"

"Because it's inappropriate." Helen began to walk past Nikki.

Nikki put herself between Helen and the path. "Are we ever going to talk about what happened?"

"There's nothing to talk about Nikki. It was a mistake, it didn't mean anything." The words were barely out of Helen's mouth before she regretted saying them.

"Right then, well you'd best get on with your day Miss Stewart." Nikki turned back to her gardening.

"Nikki…" Helen paused, waiting for Nikki to respond but there was nothing. Helen left Nikki to her gardening, glancing back only to see Nikki still ignoring her. Nikki looked up to watch Helen walking away and began to understand why those storm clouds were rolling in.

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Inside the Wing Governor's Office

Helen sat behind her desk trying desperately to focus on the mound of paperwork in front of her but her thoughts kept returning to Nikki.

'Why did I say that to her? Even if it were true why did I have to be so cruel about it? She deserves more than that from me, after everything she's helped me accomplish with the other lifers in here. Even if it were true...' Her thoughts trailed off to that afternoon in Nikki's cell...

Nikki and Helen sat beside each other on Nikki's bed. Helen was tearful and had her head on Nikki's shoulder. Nikki had her arm tenderly draped around Helen and whispered softly into Helen's ear, "Hush now. Everything is going to be okay. You're just having a bad day."

"I don't know Nikki. It seems like everywhere I turn I'm hitting a wall. I can't get any of the staff on board with my changes and no one seems interested in making this place better." The tears began to roll down Helen's cheek.

"They're just a bunch of pricks, pay no mind to them. They haven't got a full brain among the lot of them."

A brief smile crossed Helen's face as she looked at Nikki. Helen was taken by Nikki's beauty and in that moment felt something that was foreign to her. "Nikki, I feel… I feel like you're the only friend I have here. How odd is that, eh?"

"Well, I'm not surprised a bit given the availability of choices."

Helen sighed heavily, beginning to feel her shoulders relax. "Thanks for talking with me Nikki."

"Anytime guv. Feeling better?" Nikki asked as she smiled at Helen.

"A bit," Helen smiled back. She made no move to get up and leave the cell, instead she lingered as Nikki rubbed her back.

Helen lifted her head from Nikki's shoulder and paused to look at her. Again she was awe struck by her beauty. Nikki gazed deeply into Helen's eyes and leant into her and then, Nikki kissed Helen. Once, sweetly... then a second time, still tentative but beginning to melt... and then again, more deeply and fully. Nikki wrapped her other arm around Helen to pull her closer. Helen, whimpering, returned the kisses, just a little at first, but then more. Just enough. However just when Helen was beginning to surrender to the kiss, she jumped to her feet and moved toward the door with a look of utter shock on her tear-stained face. Outside Nikki's cell Helen brought her fingers to her lips and lightly touched them.

Helen was lightly touching her lips again when a knock at the door roused her from her daydream.

"Uh, yes. Come in."

Dominic entered the office holding a bit of paper. "This message is for you Miss. It's marked urgent. Your secretary asked me to bring it in."

"Oh, thank you Dominic." Helen took the paper from Dominic and began to scan the printed words. Dominic turned to leave but was stopped by Helen. "Just a moment Dominic." Helen continued to read the message and her shoulders visibly fell. "Please bring Ms. Wade to see me."

"Is there a reason I should give her?" Dominic inquired, seeing the distress in Helen's face.

"No. Just tell her I need to see her."

"Right away Miss." Dominic exited the office, closing the door behind him.

Helen was rereading the message from Governing Governor Simon Stubberfield; Nikki Wade's mother has died. She will attend the services. Call my office regarding the details.

Helen kept reading and rereading the message as she waited for Nikki to arrive at her office. 'What am I going to tell her? What do I do? I've had to tell inmates before that their parents or a loved one have passed away. Why am I having difficulty with this?' Another knock brought Helen out of her thoughts. It was Dominic.

"Yes."

"I have Ms. Wade for you Miss."

"Thank you Dominic. That will be all for now."

Nikki entered the office without a word and without any eye contact with Helen. Helen rose from her desk and gestured to the chair in front of her desk. "Have a seat Nikki."

"I'm alright. What's this about?"

Helen came out from behind her desk and took the other chair next to Nikki. "Please sit down Nikki." There was a pleading tone in Helen's voice that moved Nikki. She sat and looked Helen in the eye. Helen's eyes were tearful.

Nikki's demeanor softened at the sight of Helen on the verge of tears. "What's the matter?"

"Nikki. I have some difficult news." Helen looked lovingly into Nikki's eyes and could not keep from reaching out to her. She placed her hand on Nikki's, "I don't know how to say this."

"What is it Helen? You're starting to scare me."

"I'm sorry Nikki. I received a message a few moments ago from Simon."

"What's this about, I haven't done anything." Nikki responded angrily.

"I know Nikki. It's just that…" Helen turned to her desk to reach for the message but stopped and turned back to Nikki. "I'm so sorry Nikki. Your mother has passed away." Helen squeezed Nikki's hand waiting for her reaction to the news. Nikki was stunned and didn't move or speak for several moments.

"When?"

"It doesn't say. Nikki, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"Do? What could you possibly do from in here?" Nikki got up from the chair and began to pace around the room. Helen watched her helplessly.

Outside the office Jim Fenner approached and reached out to knock on the door. Dominic stopped him. "Sorry Jim, you can't go in there just now."

"Why not? Who's she got in there?"

"It's Nikki Wade. Her mum just died. Helen is giving her the news."

"Ah, well. I'll come back later then." Jim turned down the hall but then glanced back towards the office with an inquisitive expression. "Any word on if she'll be going to the services?"

"I don't know. Word literally came in a few minutes ago."

"Oh, of course. Keep me posted." Jim walked off down the hall.

Back inside Helen's office Nikki had stopped pacing and now stared out the window, arms folded in front of her. The clouds were heavy over the courtyard and Nikki smirked at her thoughts from earlier this morning. 'Something bad for sure.'

Helen got up from her chair and went to Nikki at the window. She placed her hand on Nikki's back and began to console her in the same manner with which she was consoled that afternoon in Nikki's cell. Nikki lowered her head and began to cry.

"17 years. Why did I let 17 years go by without a word?" Nikki was sobbing now and turned to face Helen. "I'll never get that back, I'll never be able to say goodbye."

Helen circled her arms around Nikki and she collapsed into Helen's embrace. She was weeping uncontrollably and Helen felt oddly connected to her in this sorrow. Helen's eyes began to well up as she comforted Nikki.

As Nikki continued to sob in Helen's arms, Helen eased her down to a bench that was below the window. After a few minutes Nikki's tears began to subside, Helen took a tissue from the box on the bench and lifted Nikki's face. Looking tenderly into Nikki's eyes Helen gently dabbed the tears away. The urge to kiss Nikki overwhelmed Helen but she restrained herself. 'How can I be thinking about that at a time like this? She is so vulnerable and so beautiful. God, I'm losing my mind. '

Nikki reached up and touched Helen's hand that was holding the tissue. She took the tissue from her hand and turned away from Helen to blow her nose. Helen kept her hand on Nikki's back. Nikki leant forward on the bench and put her elbows on her knees, holding her head in her hands. "I never thought I would lose her before I got to see her again. I always assumed there was more time and that eventually everything would be okay with us. I shouldn't have been so stubborn."

"Nikki, don't do that to yourself. It isn't fair to you. You had no idea this was going to happen. It doesn't do you any good to beat yourself up about it."

"Deep down I know you're right Helen but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I just wish I could have said goodbye."

"You can Nikki. It's been arranged."

"What are you talking about?"

"In the message Simon, he said that you would be going to the services. You'll get to say goodbye to her then."

"When do I go? How am I getting there?" Nikki shook her head and placed it in her hands. "God my head is swimming."

"I don't know all the details. As soon as I got the message I sent for you."

"Right. Who will be taking me then?"

"I'm not sure yet, I haven't really had a chance to think that part through. Listen, I'll have Dominic escort you back to your cell and I'll get the details from Simon."

"Can you walk me back Helen? Please."

The pleading look in Nikki's eyes melted Helen's reserve about spending too much time with her. "Of course Nikki." Helen was standing now looking down at Nikki. Nikki looked up at her longingly and Helen softly brushed her check with her the tips of her fingers. Nikki smiled softly and leant into the touch.

"Thank you Helen. This means a lot to me."

"Let me make a call to Simon and then I'll walk you back." Helen crossed over to her desk, picked up the phone receiver and dialed Simon's extension. While Helen talked on the phone Nikki couldn't help herself but to watch Helen's every move. Even now, in the midst of her heartache, her attraction to Helen was almost more than she could bear. Helen hung up the phone and turned back to Nikki.

"I'll be going to see Simon this afternoon. I'll find you as soon as I get back."

"Alright Helen. I guess I should be getting back on the wing then." Nikki stood up and walked over to Helen, taking her in her arms and holding her. Helen caught her breath as she felt Nikki press into her. She returned the embrace for a moment and then Nikki let go. Looking deeply into Helen's eyes Nikki said softly, "Thank you."

Helen reached out and grasped Nikki's hand. "You're welcome Nikki."

They both turned for the door and exited into the hallway.