Victors of the Cup

A Harry Potter Fic

Just a little tale of the 2003 Hogwarts Quidditch Cup in musical form.

To be sung to the tune of World War III by Dos Gringos

Filius Flitwick really didn't want to be down in the dungeons at any time. They were cold, dark, dreary, and always seemed to have some infestation or another to deal with. Add to that the fact that blood prejudice was still alive and well with the Slytherins who lived down here, and it was no wonder why. Add to that the fact that he was going to meet with Argus Filch...who sincerely wished to torture the students he found breaking the rules, something which the diminuitive Professor could not understand in the least. A little youthful misbehavior was just the way of things. Detentions, yes, but Merlin's beard! The man still maintained the chains that had been outlawed for decades. Why Minerva had not replaced him after the war was one puzzle he had no satisfactory answer for.

At last he came to Filch's door. Hopefully this would be quick enough that he could go visit Poppy for a pain potion to head off the ache that came from firewhiskey overinduglence. Raising one hand, he rapped on the door, massaging the bridge of his nose. Grunts and shuffling sounds came from inside, presumably Filch heading to the door. If it wasn't...Flitwick ruthlessly crushed that line of speculation. He was entirely too imaginative for his own good sometimes. After a suspicious three minutes, Filch came to the door, looking about as well as he ever did. Not very, to wit.

"Ah, Professor. Good to see you. I figured you'd want to know about this latest infraction, since it seems to be your House that's spreading it."

Flitwick blinked and searched Filch for any clue as to what he was talking about. Well, there was certainly the trademark 'impending punishment' look on his face, an odd combination of sadistic glee at being able to target magically-gifted people, even if they were only students, tempered by the realization that the 'glory days' of corporal punishment were over and not coming back. His clothing was the same as always...shabby and covered in cat hair, cut and torn by Mrs. Norris's claws. He was missing shoes, and his feet were coated with some potion Flitwick could not identify, not being familar with any concotion in that particular shade of lilac that smelled like burning rubber and bubbled, whistling out syncopated three measure pieces of a song as each bubble popped. Something to ask Slughorn once he finished his business here and added an anti-nasuea draft to his list of things to pick up from Poppy. "I am always pleased to have information on my House's doings," he lied through his teeth, even as his gaze came to rest on a roll of stained, wrinkled, and possibly moldy parchment that had picked up a smear of jam from Filch's hand, and was recieving more as the man fingered it in excitment. "So what seems to be the trouble?"

"Well," drawled Filch with a evil smile, exposing teeth that would really benefit from a Scourgify or two, "Your students have been singing a highly inappropriate song lately. I've already gone and banned it, and I'm passing out copies to all the professors and prefects so they can cut it off at the source." He thrust the parchment in the small man's face. "Here's yours."

The professor frowned a bit as he cleared away some of the jam, salmonberry if he wasn't mistaken. He could not understand Filch's love for that insipid jam, but there you had it. And of course, the better question was why he liked it with bean sprouts and tuna salad. Fixing his eyes on the words scrawled on the page, he soon had to suppress the laughter which he knew Filch would not take kindly too.

-HP-

I was down on Hogwarts Pitch, flying my 260.

When the team came out to practice, so I headed for the trees.

I saw a golden glimmer, and it was just right there.

And for the hell of it I plucked that Snitch out of the air.

Now I never even noticed that the team was watching me.

And poor old scrawny me was surprised by their glee

I tried to take it back but by then it was just too bad

And a few seconds later I was number three and glad.

So here's to you Ravenclaws, victors of the Cup

That team I just here joined on sheer dumb luck.

Now the butterbeer's a-flowing and it's all because of me

'Cause I'm the bloody tosser who won us Cup `03.

Well you knew the poofting Puffs would have to get into the mess

The bookworms' audacity just had to be addressed

So they sent their Badgers to the sky but it was all in vain

As our Beaters and the Bludgers dropped them in the rain

So the Snakes threw down the gauntlet and it was a sight to see

All those purebloods all dolled up in the silver and the greed

And if you think we were happy when we beat the `Puffs there, mate

You should have heard the roar, snagged the Snitch in minute eight.

So here's to you Ravenclaws, victors of the Cup

That team who's got fortunes that are only going up.

Now `Puffs and Snakes are crying and it's all because of me

'Cause I'm the bloody tosser who won us Cup `03

The Gryffindors just smiled, when we took the lawn

Those red and gold robed lions a-flaming in the dawn

But cockiness like that just never goes over well

We mounted up our brooms and prepared to give `em hell

So they made their shots on goal, only scoring one.

Their Keeper missed ours all, he wasn't having fun.

Their suicidal bravery made us feel bad for them

So first game it was Chasers only, Finals, Seeker win

So here's to you Ravenclaws, victors of the Cup

That blue and bronze great eagle that keeps on soaring up.

Now the Lion's dynasty is ancient history

'Cause I'm the bloody tosser who won us Cup `03.

Durmstrang, you're next.

-HP-

Flitwick nodded as he finished reading the song, recognizing what that third year with the guitar had been practicing for. "Well, thank you Mr. Filch, I'll be sure to keep an ear out for students singing it."

Filch nodded and his smile grew wider. "Good of you professor. Just send `em down to me, I'll straighten them out." With that he retreated into his office, leaving a smell of wet cat and burning rubber behind.

Flitwick just smiled bemusedly as he walked away, pain and nausea forgotten. He could only guess what would happen if he walked into Ravenclaw Tower, singing the song. As the man headed for the stairs, the spiders were treated to the sound of the Hogwarts chorus instructor singing: "I was down on Hogwarts pitch..."

A/N: I'll be honest, I have no idea where this came from. Probably the line about 'suicidal bravery', which was lifted from the original song. Hope you enjoyed.