A/N: This is my first time writing a story, the story takes place in an AU and has nothing to do with the normal series. It's a M/M so if you don't like these please don't read and choose a different story. I would really appreciate reviews and would be happy for suggestions. ^^
Insanity Is My Name
Kendall's pov:
I wake up, sleep still fogging my mind. I lay on my bed waiting for the fog to lift but I instantly regretted it because suddenly reality came crashing down, all my problems, all my lies, all well…. All everything that I am not ready to face. Fully awake I lie still in my bed and let the cold seep through me hoping that it would distract my mind of the world. I hate it… I hate the feeling of waking up all alone with no one beside me. Feeling that the coldness not helping me getting the problems of my mind I slowly get up hearing my bones pop. I look out of the window from my room and see the birds chirp, people walking down the street, I hate it! I hate that all of them are happy and not understanding my pain. I hear voices in my head, they tell me that I am useless, ugly and so many things more, they urge me to do things that I would never do. I slowly go to the bathroom, trying to be silent so I won't wake up my mom. I look in the mirror and see myself on it, I look terrible, like always…..
You are ugly, stupid and useless I don't even know why you are still alive; you should kill yourself right now!
I slowly look at the blade that I kept hidden so no one would see it, I grabbed it and held it in my hands.
Do it, kill yourself now! No one will care if you're gone, you just burden them anyways so slit yourself now! I bet everyone would be happy that you're gone! Your mom must be ashamed that you are a faggot! Your sister would be more than glad to have you gone and not need to tell her friends that she doesn't have a brother!
They always say that… Even though I know that it isn't true, there is part of me that thinks that what the voices say were true… I always see that sad look when my mom looks at me when she thinks I'm, not watching… I see the look of disgust that crosses my sister's face… I pulled my sleeves up and see the countless scars that I have… No one ever notices that I always wear long and dark clothes… I lay the metal blade on my skin and slowly slice it through my pale white skin… Watching how the blood seeps through my skin, I let out a sigh and close my eyes, relishing the stinging sensation; it helps me distract myself from my problems. I wait for a moment and let that feeling sink in, I wiped the wound clean and put a bandage around it and pulled my sleeve down. I went back to my room and changed my clothes, wearing a long sleeved black shirt and skinny black jeans with black chucks and left my house, I don't eat breakfast well I don't eat much at all, call me anorexic or whatever I don't care anyways. I walked to my school since it was like a couple of houses away, dreading the day already, I hate my school, I hate the people in it and… well, I just hate everything, not only the school, but everything I know, see and hear.
I bet you wonder how I became this fucked up, well my father and mother always fought each other when I was 8 and after the last fight I could remember my dad just packed his stuff and left without another word. At that time my father didn't know he had a little daughter, yeah my little sister Katie wasn't born at that time yet, she was still in the stomach of my mom. After my dad left, my mum went to a deep depression and always blamed me for it and said that she hated me a lot since I looked like my father, after that phase and Katie was born she ignored me, as if I I'd never existed…. She only took care of my sister and we never talked again well we did but not much so yeah, I don't hate her and still love her but I wished that she would have treated me better. My mom doesn't know that I cut myself and I don't want her to know, I don't want her to get more depressed than she already is… But I have to admit that I'm a good boy, I don't smoke, I don't take drugs and I don't do anything that gets me in any kind of trouble, I admit that I am a silent person but can you blame me?