Disclaimer: I do not own any Sailor Moon characters, they belong to their rightful owner, Naoko Takeuchi.
After fighting and saving the world for years, you realize that you can't save everyone. No matter how much you try, no matter what you do, no matter what superpower you have, you just can't save everyone. There's always that 1 person or a few people (depending on who's attacking that day & how much help you have) that you can't get to fast enough, that you're hands ended up being tied up with others…and they end up getting mortally injured, or worse, they end up dying. Dying. Like that's some serious shit. For them, there's no coming back. There's no Usagi and a magical Silver Crystal to bring them back. Once they shut their eyes for the last time, they're finished.
After the ordeal, you can't help but feel responsible for their deaths. Like it's your fault. And you can't get their faces out of your head, you have nightmares about that person or that group of people who dies on your watch. And last, but certainly, certainly not least, you wonder about who they are, or rather, who they were. What were their names? What did they do for a living? What do their families think? And oh god, how in the hell are they coping with this? The weeks are filled with endless guilt, pain, and nightmares. And those are perhaps, the worse parts of it all.
Yeah, I've got these bad ass superpowers that can help save the world, or maybe a few people, however you want to look at it. I don't know and I don't care. Yeah, it gets to that point. To the point where I doubt my powers, where I doubt my abilities. I've talked to almost everyone about this. And I know that Artemis, Luna, and the girls say to keep going. That we save billions of lives every time we fight whoever the "big bad of the day" is. That everything we do is for the greater good. That at the end of the day, those lives we couldn't save didn't die in vain. And that we're doing a damn good job, and no matter what, to never ever give up. And I don't want to do that, I really really really really don't. I love helping and saving people. Half the damn time, it's what gets me through the day. Knowing I saved someone's life, knowing they get to go home to their families...alive. It makes me feel 10 times better than I'm already feeling, even if I'm already in a good mood or if it's been a decent day.
But sometimes, sometimes, on some days after we save a few lives, I start to think about the lives we didn't save...and then the process of guilt, pain, and nightmares start all over again. Every now and then, I start to feel a certain way about saving lives. Even though I hate feeling like this. Even though feeling like this makes me feel weak and horrible, it crushes my heart, scorches my soul. Every time I feel this way, I feel like I shouldn't be a Sailor Senshi. A defender of love and justice. A defender of our dear and special planet. A defender of our lovely home and our precious families. Because a Sailor Senshi shouldn't have these thoughts in her head. And she sure as hell shouldn't feel this way at any point and time…..
But I feel like if you can't save everyone, then what's the use of saving lives at all?