Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or any of its characters.

This is a one shot…I think

Dedication :This story is for my friend Sammi, she is an amazingly strong woman, and inspired this particular story from me. Sometimes woman do not know how strong they are until they have to face a huge amount of adversity. I hope you all remember that no matter what others may make you feel you are all incredible treasures, even if others don't always let you know it!

Jen

Self Discovery

Tonight was a particularly bad night, I had been forced once again to sit through a meal with my parents while my father talked about how wonderful Sam was. Sam, the man who had taken everything from me, the man who had taken away my innocence, my heart, my entire being. Sure he was great, great at destroying someone who loved him to their very core.

I fiddled with the fish and rice on my plate, the very mention of Sam had made me lose my appetite, even if it was my dad's famous fish fry. I didn't understand why suddenly everyone seemed to be talking about Sam. All of the tribe alders were treating him like some sort of God, and it hurt to see even my own family fawning over him. Only my brother Seth seemed to know how much I was hurting. He was such a good kid, and I wished that I could go back to being my easy going, carefree self that I used to be just for him, but the pain had ripped out a part of me, and now even pretending to be happy hurt too much.

I thought back to when thinking of Sam had brought me joy instead of gut wrenching pain and despair. There was a time when the very thought of him, of his bronzed face would cause a shiver of pleasure to coarse down my spine. His eyes had been soft, his hands tender, and his words sweet as honey. We were planning on getting married once. My heart had belonged to him, and no other. He had been my first crush, my first kiss, and my first ……well what did that matter now, now he was nothing except a constant thorn in my side.

I asked to be excused from supper and scraped my plate into the garbage before dropping my dishes in the sink. Seth's glance was concerned, but I turned my back on him, and made my way into my bedroom, I didn't need or want anyone's pity.

In my room, I flopped onto my bed, laying there staring at the ceiling. My room was the same that it had been since I was fourteen, covered in posters with a smattering of stuffed animals scattered around the room. I reached for a pillow and pulled it against my face as once again I felt tears slipping out against my will. I gave myself over to them, letting myself remember when I loved him and I thought he loved me too.

Sam had first noticed me at a bonfire, thought I had noticed him long before that. He had asked me if I wanted to walk along the beach with him, and my seventeen year old heart had skipped a beat. That night, after walking along the moonlit beach for hours, talking about our likes and dislikes, music, family, our cultural beliefs, Sam had offered to walk me home, and I had accepted happily. At my door he had asked to see me again, and I had nodded, to afraid to speak in case I might shatter this perfect dream.

I had floated to my room after he had left, and had written in my diary that I was going to marry him, and have his babies. I was smitten. Over the next few months we had dated, and I had received my first kiss, followed by many more. On my eighteenth birthday Sam had given me a promise ring, it was made of wood, with a carved mayflower on it, he had carved it himself, and he had asked me to marry him, and I accepted. Every one of my dreams was coming true.

The night he had proposed to me, I had given myself to him fully. I would be lying if I didn't admit that it hurt, but he had been gentle, and had kissed away each and every one of my tears as he eased me through the pain, until finally my body had attuned itself to his. After the pain came pleasure as he claimed me and made me his, and brought me to the peaks of passion for the first time. Never had there been a luckier girl than me, Leah Clearwater. How naive I had been, I had actually believed in happily ever after then.

It was only a few weeks later that everything changed, Sam began acting oddly, he was sullen, and fit to flashes of anger that were unlike his usual demeanor. Sam was worried, and upset, unsure why he was lashing out. Then suddenly the next day he had disappeared.

I had been beside myself, terrified that he was hurt or injured, and our people searched the forests for him, finding nothing. It went on that way for weeks, until just as suddenly he showed up again out of the blue. I had thrown myself at him, and he had accepted my embrace, my world was right once more.

Having been so worried about him, I hadn't hesitated to give myself to him again, this time he had been very different, rough, and distant, but the fact that I loved him, and that he was home and safe once more pushed everything out of my mind.

We had had a family dinner the next weekend, and even had family visiting from far away. I was so excited because my cousin Emily was coming to visit, and she was my best friend. I had dressed specially for the dinner, knowing that it would be the first time I had been able to introduce Sam to most of my family, and I wanted to make an impression.

When Sam had arrived and I had introduced him to everyone, he had started acting even more strange, he simply sat at a table staring at the ground. The only person he would speak to was my father. It seemed to be the same everywhere we went, Sam would only speak to the elders of the tribe. He had left the party abruptly, not even looking at me as he said goodbye, but I let it go, knowing that he was sorting things out, that he was working his way back to me, or so I had thought.

The next day he didn't answer the phone or his door, and when I finally found him, and threw my arms around his broad shoulder's to hold him close, he had shrugged me away. I didn't understand, he was my fiancé, we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, and yet it seemed as if something had changed. I had tried to hug him again, but he had grabbed my wrists in his hand, and told me that it was over. Everything was just suddenly over. My head didn't understand his words, my heart hammered in my chest as the man I loved held me at a distance and told me that he had been wrong, that we were not meant to be together.

I felt a part of me break away as I struggled to understand what he was trying to say. I ignored his words, thinking that he was trying to stay away from me because he thought he wasn't good enough, but when I tried ti get close one last time he had pushed me harshly away, yelling for me to go. He said that we were never going to be together, and that I needed to move on, and with that he had turned and had left me there…..broken in pieces.

The days had blended into weeks, then months, and the pain had only gotten worse with each day. A few days later when I had been running to the store from my mom I saw a sight that had taken what was left of my heart and demolished the remains into nothingness. There was my cousin Emily walking hand in hand with Sam, my Sam. He smiled at her with so much love and adoration that I was violently ill from the sight of it. I had run home, chore forgotten, and I had locked myself in the bathroom, turning the shower and faucet on high to drown out the sounds of my sobbing.

I had lost everything, my love, my best friend, for how could I ever trust her again? I had no one, no one but myself, and I had decided that that was all I would need from now on. I would never allow anyone to hurt me the way Sam and Emily had, never again would I give my heart to someone who would have the power to crush what was left of it.

Over the next few months I forced a change inside myself. I became strong, hard and unbending. I watched as other boys of our tribe started to follow Sam and to behave as oddly as he had, until finally even my younger brother Seth had started to act oddly. I refused to ask, letting others know that you cared for them only allowed them to have power over you, and I wouldn't give anyone that, not even my younger brother.

As I sat here now, in my room thinking about everything that had taken place in the last few months I felt an anger burning in my chest unlike anything I had ever felt before. The tears subsided as a raging fury seeped through my mind, obliterating all self pity I had been feeling only moments before.

I grasped my pillow, my fingers clenching the fabric in trembling fingers as the anger that had filled my mind had raced through my body. My heart was racing, and I felt a sweat break out over my body. I jumped up off of my bed, racing for the door, not knowing where I was going, but knowing that I needed to move, to go somewhere.

I sped through the hall and out the door, unseen by my family as I bolted out into our yard, into our darkening yard. I turned in circles, feeling my heart beat in my ears, the sound was deafening. I tried to take deep breaths, to ease the shaking that seemed to be spreading across my chest and shoulders. But the anger that was branding itself into my mind seemed to be taking over my body.

What was wrong with me? I could barely sort out a single thought, feeling only the intense anger and madness that seemed to be taking over my entire body. My arms began to shake, the muscles moving under my skin of their own accord. I glanced around to see if anyone was near, seeing this happen, but I stood there alone in yard as the sky darkened around me.

Suddenly there was only one thing in my mind that made sense to me…Sam. This anger was meant for Sam, and I was going to go there and give it to him. I turned and started to run, going into the edge of the woods so I would run into anyone who might prevent me from giving him the full measure of my wrath that he deserved.

I raced along inside the tree line as the anger pulsed through my trembling body, leaping over tree trunks, and dodging rocks. With each breath I took , and each step that took me closer to confronting Sam, I felt the anger pulse through my veins, taking control. I felt it burning along my arms, body, and legs as I raced. The anger burned brighter, and it seemed as if suddenly my strides took me further, faster, closer to my goal. I stretched out my body as I ran, hardly feeling anything as the anger pulsed through me. I screamed out to the sky as I felt the breeze caress my body as I raced through the cooling forest, and it came out as a howl of joy.

I glanced down to watch my feet fling over the ground, and stumbled as I took in a pair of large light brown paws keeping pace beside me. Wait, they were not beside me, they were me! I stopped short, dirt flying around me as I stopped suddenly from such a speed. I glanced over my shoulder and saw a thick coat of brown fur, and a bushy tail arch high. Looking down, I stood their shocked as I took it what I knew to be me, The large, yet delicate paws that were lean and muscular. I glanced around and ran to where I knew the nearest water to be, and I raced along until I reached it.

I stepped cautiously to the water's edge and looked into the reflective surface to fine a beautiful wolf looking back at me, her warm brown eyes explaining what I already knew, we were one her and I. Instead of panicking, I was filled with a sense of power, now not only would I confront Sam, but I would be able to make him see how rare I was, and what he had lost. Without another thought, I turned and dashed into the forest once more, racing on my newly discovered paws that were powered by the anger in my heart.

I raced through the brush, feeling the ferns slid past, relishing in the speed, and the feeling of being free in a shape such as this. I ran along until I burst out in the clearing that was the yard of Sam's home, the home that would have been ours.

A growl emanated from my lips, and I bared my teeth as a snarl burst forth at the new reminder of what would never be mine. The sound I made was deafening, and a flurry of activity sounded from the house. Quil, Embry, Jacob, and Jared ran out of his house. The sight of them surprised me, and I took a step back until the shocked look that spread across their faces, reminded me that I was now a powerful wolf, and they were no match for me.

I growled once more, trying to draw Sam out of his house, but was having trouble focusing because all of the boys had begun speaking.

"Who is it?"

"I didn't think there was anyone else…?"

"Sam, you need to get out here!"

Sam came out of the door, and looked in my direction. I stepped forward and growled at him, lowering my ears. Sam stepped forth, "Brother, I know you must be afraid right now, but everything will be alright." He said speaking softly. I shook my head, nothing would be alright again, and those soft spoken words were only confusing me, reminding me of when he had whispered in my ears with that same soft tone.

I jumped forward snarling, and I saw him approach, carefully taking one step at a time. I jumped at him then, wanting to rip him to pieces, to make him feel my pain, but I saw the boys fly off the porch in my direction, and I froze as I watched them change before my eyes, bursting out of their skins as wolves, becoming as I was. Another wolf burst out of the house behind Sam.

This wasn't fair! They surrounded me, keeping me from Sam, and my mind flooded with voices.

Calm down

We know your confused, but you can't attack Sam, he's our leader

What is your name? Who are you?

When did you phase?

I had no idea what was happening, but I shook my head trying to ignore the voices, to rid myself of them. Suddenly the mass of furry bodies surrounding me parted, and a slightly larger black wolf came forward. It stopped in front of me, and his voice rang through my head with such power that I cowered before it.

Brother, you must calm yourself, find your center, and then you can phase back to human form. Tell me your name.

This wolf was Sam, I knew from the voice that curled around my consciousness, and the gleam in his dark eyes. I didn't want to answer, but something inside me was drawn to answer him. I could not ignore him. My hesitation caused him to ask again.

What is your name? He asked firmly, and I felt all control leave me. I had to answer.

……Leah………………………….

The other wolves jumped backwards, leaving a huge space around us. The large wolf that was Sam also stepped backwards, looking at me.

Leah? How….When…It isn't possible. He stated.

What isn't possible? The fact that you ruined me? I raged, finally finding my voice, even if it was only in thoughts.

The fact that you took my heart, my soul,……….. my virginity and threw it all away? Because those all seemed as unlikely as this does right now.

I could feel the minds of the others in my head, they were uncomfortable, but I didn't care. I had become hard and angry, and it was damn time that everyone knew what had made me become that way.

Leah, we need to talk about this, it is not supposed to be this way. I had no choice. Sam's words swelled through my mind.

I know it was not supposed to be this way, you were supposed to be mine! To marry me! To love me the way I loved you. What choice did you give me? I seethed back at him. My anger causing those around us to slink further back as if it would distance them from my wrath.

Jacob, Go get your father, and Harry, we need them, and hurry.

A russet colored wolf dashed quickly away, and Sam turned away walking slowly back towards the house.

How dare he turn his back on me! I was about to jump forward, to use these new teeth to grab Sam and to make him turn to face me, but a light colored wolf, who was more gangly than the rest moved up beside me. His shoulder rubbing mine gently. I almost snapped at him until the soft familiar voice of my brother floated into my mind.

Lee Lee, it's going to be okay. I am here for you. I know that you have been hurting. I think you will understand more after we speak with the elders. Even if it won't make things righ, maybe it might make them more bearable…..

One by one the other minds slipped away, and the silence confused me. Seth must have heard my thoughts because he responded to me

They phased back into human form, we only talk like this in wolf form. It is only you and me now. You will need to calm down to turn back again, I will get you a blanket, since I doubt you have anything to wear with you.

Seth bounded off with his usual boyish enthusiasm, and I was alone in my mind again. If I was stuck like this, I was going to have to make the most of it. I promised myself that no matter what happened, I would never let Sam forget what he had done to me, and having him in my mind to feel the pain I had to live with was going to give me a sadistic sort of pleasure, that my softer self would never have been able to enjoy. I would never again give my heart to someone who didn't deserve it, for somewhere deep inside, as much as I still hurt, I knew I was special. And as much as I was worried about what all of this was going to bring, I was going to try to make the best of it.