Warning: its more than just mild cussing lots of 'F' words. you have been warned. there are only two chapters and its two accounts about how Dean would or could have gotten the amulet from Sam. please enjoy and leave reviews.
Dean looked around the field. He felt fine physically. Cas had made sure of that. Every bruise every broken bone that Lucifer had made was gone now.
So ya physically he was peachy but his heart? His soul? No they couldn't be healed.
He was to be forever damaged, lost and broken.
This wasn't fair he thought as Dean watched Bobby get healed. Don't get me wrong he thought, he was glad that his father figure was ok but Dean really only had one thing on his mind.
Sam.
He jumped into the cage. He saved the world, Dean should be happy, even just a little bit but he wasn't, he was utterly destroyed.
The field was long and broken head stones surrounded him. Yup he buried his brother alright deep and deep into the pitch black of hell. Dean looked at the center, at where the ground had opened up and swallowed his last two family members to the grips of hell and he was useless to do anything.
He just stood by and bled everywhere while his family disappeared. He was fucking useless!
"Dean" Bobby's voice called to him but he didn't turn or answer him.
He couldn't.. "Go live a normal apple pie life" Sam's voice echoed in his head while the tears finally began to fall staining his battered face, and his battered heart. He slowly walked to the center, the dead grass touched his knees surrounded him, it was strange. He would end up home where it all had started, where he lost his mother to demons and fire and then 27 years later he would return and lose his brother to angels and hell fire.
Where was the justice?
He finally fell on his knees in the center of where his heart had died at and once again he prayed for death. Just once couldn't God finally listen and give the last Winchester what he wanted. Didn't Dean earn at least that much?
A few more minutes which passed like hours and more tears came as once again his prayers were ignored.
Fuck him he thought. Fuck God fuck the angel Fuck the demons and hell Fuck the world!
But Dean shouldn't be surprised, he could ask for something and he wouldn't get it. No one listened to Dean or ever cared about what he wanted but Sam did. Sammy had always cared about Dean and about what he wanted. His baby brother always tried to give him what he wanted. Weather it was someone to remember his birthday with a 6 year old Sam and one birthday candle in a cupcake or a knife that he admired Sam always tried to give his big brother the best he could get. But what Sam never knew was that all he wanted was for his brother to be safe and happy.
He couldn't even get that much.
Foot steps approached him friend or foe he didn't know and he sure as hell didn't care.
"Dean" friend his mind sighed sadly. "Come on boy. We should get going." Bobby's voice was gently and sad. His words were meant to reassure Dean but it pissed him off even more and made the tears come faster. "No" was all he could say.
"Dean" Bobby tried again.
"No" Dean yelled this time. A sob broke lose. "No." he said quietly.
Staring intently at the ground as if hoping a very tall man would jump right back up and smile at him and tell him its going to be ok lets just go home Dean, but no such thing happened. Why would it, it would mean something good for the Winchester and heaven forbid that should happen.
"I'm not leaving him." he knew Sam was no where near his big brother.
He was so far away an in so much pain. He knew Sam would suffer, far worse then what Dean had experienced and he couldn't take it. He wanted to die, trade places with his brother or join him in his hell any of those options worked for Dean but not this one, dear God not this one.
"Dean, Sam is no where near here. He's in the cage that's even deeper than hell" simple statement focus to the point and it killed him even more. "Shut it" Bobby snarled irritated about the angels lack of sensitivity.
"Dean" Bobby started again not wanting to leave the boy here all alone but Dean cut him off.
"Leave…I….I will meet you at your place I just….I….need time." he barely could breath. He was shattering and nothing could fix him no one could. Except for one who was to far to reach.
Bobby's hand was on Deans shoulder and gently squeezed it simply trying to reassure his oldest that he wasn't alone and then turned and left. Cas left too leaving Dean to his misery and despite his 'fathers' reassurance of not being alone the truth was he was alone, utterly alone.
The sun was lowering and Dean ran out of tears now he just sat in the numbing echo of who he use to be. He was nothing without Sammy.
His whole life was about Sam and he was gone. Dean felt like a part of him was missing.
A part of him was lost as the sun went down. He knew far in the back of his mind he knew he should leave but when he decided to make it a serious thought something glinted in the grass. The sun light had hit it just right and now gleamed in the over grown grass crying for Dean to see it.
Dean squinted and reached for the object.
His hands wrapped around it and brought it to his face and just stared at his palm. The familiar black cord hung loosely in his grip. In his hand he held the amulet.
The tiny gold whatever it was that Sammy gave to him at Christmas so long ago was back. He remembered when he through it away after he lost hope in his brother.
His heart ached at the memory pushing him back into tears.
He through it away and Sam had picked the necklace up and kept it. After all this time after all the shit he put Sam through his brother had kept it and left it for Dean. Silently asking for Deans trust for that brotherly bond back for that friendship they once had that could never be reconnected.
Dean wept and slipped the necklace back on, the familiar weight felt good he felt safe like a little piece of Sammy was and would always be with him.
He pulled what strength he had left and stood up. Staring at the field that held so much blood and pain for him and he hated it. It was meant to be a resting place and it turned to a battle field. Everything being destroyed.
Dean turned and made his way to his beloved girl and started her up.
As he stared through the destroyed window that served as a horrible reminder of resent events. Dean backed up and tired to leave his brother behind him. As much as he told himself he would move on and be safe with Lisa he knew that nothing in this whole wide fucking world would or could ever replace what he lost.
Dean backed away and drove thinking of wanting to get to Lisa's but really? Dean just wanted to run away from the pain. To bad Dean didn't stay an hour longer to find an unconscious body that was Sasquatch size with shaggy brown hair laying in the field waiting to wake.