I felt the gushing of icy cold water around me. But I couldn't see; everything was a dark swirling mess with the occasional human body part coming out at me and then vanishing back into the darkness.
I searched wildly both above and below myself. Try to find the light. I thought. But I could find none, no source glinting where the surface of the water was. The entire light source is gone. It went with the ship.
Picking a random direction, I started kicking furiously that way, hoping it was upwards. After what seemed like centuries I finally broke the surface and let out a gasp, breathing in the chill night air that felt like it was freezing my mouth on the inside. But it was a blessing compared to under the water.
Now that I could hear and see again I tried to put myself to good use. My mind was a cloudy mess but I pushed myself through the mass of other bodies and started calling for Jack. I must find Jack. I couldn't survive this if he wasn't with me.
But all around me were people screaming and thrashing about just like me. Screaming indistinguishable things and splashing more than swimming. But I seemed hardly better off in my chances among this crazed throng of bodies.
Suddenly I felt something grab me in the water, a cold hand around my arm. Apart from the cold it wasn't hurtful, the grip was desperate but soft, rather than the forceful and controlling hand around my arm I've had many times before recently. I stopped swimming and turned around wildly to see a mass of blonde curls in my face and two very big green eyes staring at me.
"Helga." I cried, recognising her and the memory flooded (no pun intended) back to me. We'd found her at the stern railing as the ship went down, and I'd pulled her over the railing. She gone down with us the same way we had, but I'd lost her almost instantly in the water.
"Helga. We've got to find Jack. Okay?"
She didn't say anything, just nodded and smiled at me. She didn't seem to bother about are almost certain doom, I suppose she was partly in shock. I could see ice already forming in her hair. Was mine doing the same?
Under the water her hand slipped into mine and clutched it firmly. I moved off again through the water, this time with a companion. I started calling Jack's name again. I carried on for God knows how long to no success, then suddenly a strong cry came up to me. "ROSE."
It was Jack's voice, I knew it instantly. "JACK?" I called, looking wildly about for the source of the voice. I must find him.
"ROSE." His voice called again, this time much closer. Through the mass of bodies Jack's perfect face came into view. He saw me and I him. I started fighting towards him, not caring about the cold, or all the screaming people around me, I only cared that soon I'd be with him again. He started moving with amazing speed through the water, still calling my name.
Suddenly another voice started calling my name, distant and far away, but getting stronger, a female voice with an accent to it. I looked around, Helga was still silent beside me, and I couldn't see anyone else around me calling anything understandable. Let alone my name.
I looked back to find Jack again. But I couldn't see him. No. Where was he? I must be with him. Everything seemed infinitely darker even above the surface of water. And then a strange feeling of warmth came to me. This is impossible? The voice was very clear and right beside me now. It was Helga's voice. "ROSE, ROSE. IT DREAM."
My body bolted upright and I found myself in a tangle of old blankets, covered in sweat. The warm moisture mixed with the cold water of my dream left my confused. I thrashed about in the bed a little, unsure if I was trying to get back into the water to save Jack or if I was just confused and panicking. "JACK?" I continued screaming, over and over again until a soft hand was forcefully put over my mouth.
"He not here." Helga said patiently and quietly, in her strong accent. "Rose, Jack gone. Only us." She explained, still keeping her hand tight over my mouth. "Shhhh, Madam Medfole be angry if you make noise at night. We need work remember."
Finally I came back to my senses. I stopped thrashing about and stopped screaming. Helga slowly took her hand away from my mouth and got up. I fell back on the bed and tried to slow my heavy and desperate breathing.
A gas light glowed into life out of the corner of my eye. Helga had lit it; she turned it down low and put the glass over it.
She came round to the other side of the bed and climbed in next to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and snuggling down though she did not close her eyes. I held her close and stared at the interior of our room as I remember everything. Jack wasn't here, he'd been gone five years now. Yet still the nightmares weren't any easier. But I needed to be good, Helga was right, we needed the work.
We were currently employed as waitresses by a Madam Medfole at her cafe in New York. We'd been here sometime now. Living up in the attic bedroom above the cafe with the one bed to share, the gas lamp as our only light at night when we closed the shutters to keep out the biting cold, but it also kept out any light, and our room is plunged in darkness. That's probably part of the reason for the nightmares; another might be the small river that runs not too far away from here. Sometimes late at night I can hear it faintly as I drift off to sleep.
Helga's very good. She always calms me down out night and keeps we quiet so that I won't wake Madam Medfole and she'll chuck us out onto the streets. Sometimes I forget that Helga lost people that night too, more people than me in fact. I lost Jack. She lost Fabrizio, but her parents too. I don't know how she lives without the nightmares. Madam Medfole and the other girls at the cafe don't like her because she is foreign and can't speak English very well; they put her behind in the kitchen and don't let her serve customers in the cafe. But I don't know how I'd survive without her. She is all I have of those days now. Trudy, Tommy, Fabrizio and Jack. They're all gone now. I was glad I had Helga to hold close at night, even if we were the last of us.