Archiving: Only with the permission of the author.
Disclaimer: Bioware owns it all… nothing is mine, don't sue.
She was sitting quite comfortably on the small dirty patch of earth next to the strange little hole in the back of the camp. From this place she could watch her comrades going about their business perfectly...
Oghren was telling his war stories to a pack of half-drunk emissaries, spilling his ale while showing off his favourite type of attack. Leliana couldn't help but smile as his heavy body stumbled about, swinging his axe from left to right in a blaze of drunken fury.
"...ripped open their chests... ...bloody hell!"
A snicker escaped her lips. He was the funniest little man she'd ever seen. Times were tough, and she appreciated every excuse to smile once in a while.
Next to the drunken dwarfs' tent she could see Kaala, leaning heavily against the hard fabric of the makeshift housing. The lithe elf was obviously a goner. Her small hands still clasped the bottle of wine she had bought in Denerim earlier that day, but her head hung low and her mouth was wide open, obviously snoring.
Zevran and Alistair seemed to be discussing swords and wet stones, by the look of it, and Wynne obviously had already gone to bed. Though she couldn't understand how in the Maker's name the old woman could sleep, listening to all that ruckus.
It was chaotic, it was loud, and it was full of life. In the glow of the fading fire everything seemed so beautiful, magical even. Shadows danced on her companions' faces, making them look so soft and tender, betraying the fact that every single one of them was tired as hell, weary from the daily fighting.
But evenings like these made it all worth it. Once, she would've loved to join them, be in the center of it all. But lately... lately everything seemed to have changed. She couldn't exactly say when it happened, or how it had happened, but... things were different now. Her feelings were different now. Especially after what had happened with Marjolaine today, after killing her...
Her smile faded away and her arms went up to hug herself. She would never really get over that. Marjolaine was the first and only person she had loved utterly and deeply. Who she trusted without giving it a second thought. Her trust had been betrayed, her heart had been broken. Leliana pulled her legs up and hugged them, resting her head on her knees. She could feel the wet streaks running down her cheeks, but she didn't care to wipe them away. They would cease falling at some point. But right now, her body was shaking in agony, remembering times when everything had been different, remembering how happy she had once been. Forcing her to admit, even, that she hadn't been happy in a long, long time. But one day, she would learn to live with the pain, just as all the others before her had done. Alistair was a baby boy, but somehow even he was strong enough to overcome great pain. She had never known Duncan, but it was clear to her that he had been very dear to Alistair and that the Warden was hurting more than he let on.
Every single one of her companions had suffered, had lost someone, had lost their home, their livelihood, even to some extent their life. Who was she to complain about the loss of a long-gone lover?
Sighing, she rubbed her eyes and started scratching her red scalp. Her body felt like she had been beaten, which was a quite accurate feeling, remembering the amount of heavy blows that had been directed at her this afternoon. She carefully got up, trying not to tense up too much, knowing it would only sting more. She was in pain, and on top of that tired, crying always made her tired, but she knew with all the burping and laughing of Oghren, she wouldn't be able to sleep, anyway.
So she slowly went to her tent, grabbed a few linens and walked to the main entrance of the camp. She patted Kahless on her way out, revelling in the feeling of his warm dog skin beneath her trembling fingers. His intelligent eyes burnt into hers, and she almost felt like he knew exactly what was going on in her mind. The Mabari's muscular body pressed against hers, offering her a kind of comfort she had never had before. She knelt down and embraced him, clinging to him desperately. Leliana ran her fingers through his supple coat, enjoying the feeling of a living creature in her arms, so soft, so warm... She gave him a tender kiss on his head and plucked softly on his ears, while he just sat there, looking at her.
"You are a handsome dog. And so understanding."
With that, she left him to chew on his bones and headed off to the little stream that was running behind the fallen tree. Maybe taking a bath would help her settle down for the night...
TO BE CONTINUED.