Lemony: HELLO READERS!
Wicked: Gah! Why do you feel the burning urge to scream in my bloody ear!?
Awesome: Cool out, Lemony. I know you're happy to be writing again bu-
Lemony: YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M WRITING AGAIN! Ok readers, I literally was just kicked out of MY OWN FREAKING bedroom and while I was in the living room on the couch I thought about a friend of mine. Hehhehee, you know you who you are...and the combination of late night-ness, junk food, and sexual things I thought of this fine one-shot!
Awesome: Wait, somebody kicked you out of your bedroom?
Wicked: Who the hell is upstairs Lemony?!
Lemony: *shugs*
Fruit by the foot
"No...no...no..." Rukia Kuchiki said to herself as she flipped through a department store catalog she found in the World of the Living. She had been scanning the pages for nearly half an hour hoping something would pop out at her. The younger Kuchiki had been searching for a gift, and not just any gift; it was a gift for her lover, Gin Ichimaru. The young couple had quickly been approaching their first year anniversary and Rukia honestly hadn't the slightest idea what type of present she should get him.
Let's pause for a moment. Perhaps now would be a good time for an explanation. You see, Gin Ichimaru was not the traitorous snake everyone believed him to be. In all actuality the silver-haired man defected from the Soul Society under Head Captain Yamamoto's orders. Everyone's favorite fox-faced captain was sent to Hueco Mundo as a spy during the Winter War. Gin was responsible for relaying information on Lord Aizen and his deathly Arrancar army. Of course everyone believed his betrayal to be true which made his roll all the more believable. Only Gin and the Head Captain knew the truth. Of course, this assignment nearly cost Gin his life. Had it not been Unohana and the diligent efforts of Squad 4 he would have certainly died. The fox-faced captain spent five months in intensive care before finally recovering from his near fatal injuries. Thereafter he was reinstated as the Captain of division 3 and sometime later he and Rukia began their dalliance. Naturally, he was still the sly, sarcastic, grinning creeper he'd always been but now everyone knew he had a sense of honor about him and Gin was treated as a hero.
Fast forward one year later and you'll find Rukia, sitting in a large recliner in Kuchiki Manor, thumbing through various catalogs trying to find the perfect gift for her silver lover. Why'd he have to be so damn hard to shop for? They'd been together for a year now and Rukia still had a hard time trying to put her finger on the man...no pun intended. Rarely ever could she tell what he was really thinking...unless it was sex. Then it was obvious.
But the question still remained, buzzing around her head like a pissed off bumblebee; what could she get him? Luckily for her money was no object. Thank you Kuchiki fortune. She could have bought him a Ferrari, but then what would he do with that? A blinged out watch like those rappers in the World of the Living? No, Gin really wasn't a jewelry kind of guy. A nice suit maybe? But, Rukia didn't know his measurements exactly. Hmmm...
The raven-haired girl continued to search the catalog coming across a whole manner of gift ideas. Suits, ties, shoes, golf clubs, tool kits, cologne..alas none of them said 'Gin'. Rukia sighed, they were supposed to have a dinner date tomorrow to celebrate and she needed to think of something fast. Of course there was always the age-old gift of sex, but that was a given already. Those two couldn't be in each other's presence without getting a bit frisky. So that was an automatic no go.
Rukia honestly wanted to get him something unique...one of a kind...something that no one else could give him. But what? The younger Kuchiki scratched the top of her head while she pondered. Maybe she was thinking too hard...maybe she should let an idea come to her...
And come it did!
Rukia had been so determined to find something in the catalog she flipped all the way to back of the book and found an advertisement. Almost immediately the younger Kuchiki rolled her eyes. Who should be plastered in the back of the book as an advertisement but everyone's dearest, dimwitted smut writer Lemony. This time she wasn't advertising her magazine or magical boner potion, the hottie herself was advertising an advice column. Rukia actually giggled...who in all of the universe would ask her for advice!?
ASK ME ANYTHING! Is what the title read and just below a picture of oh so sexy Lemony was a direct line to her email. Rukia pursed her lips, hell what did she have to lose?
A few minutes later, the raven-haired girl found herself upstairs in her bedroom; glued to her computer. She had decided that contacting that nymphomaniac couldn't be the worst thing she'd ever done. In fact Rukia was quite curious as to what Lemony might think of.
Sighing, Rukia logged into her server. Even Lemony's website was as loud and colorful as she was. Everything on the page was bright yellow and one couldn't click on anything without seeing something mildly sexual. Rukia actually squinted her eyes when she looked at the menu. Did...did this woman really have an entire page dedicated to selfies? She did!
The raven-haired girl took a deep breath, sighed, and opened a chat box. She truly was desperate at this point
Chappy_Ru13: Um...hi.
Lemony_Is_Pretty213: Hello there, how may I advise you today?
Chappy_Ru13: I was wondering if you could help me with my boyfriend...
Lemony_Is_Pretty213: IS THAT BASTARD CHEATING ON YOU! DONT WORRY HUNNY! YOU GRAB A GUN AND I'LL GRAB A SAW! WE'LL BURY THAT PIECE OF CRAP BY A LAKE!
Rukia blinked insanely at the message and then quickly composed a response.
Chappy_Ru13: No! No! No! He's not cheating on me!
Lemony_Is_Pretty213:...oh. Then disregard that last message, dear.
Chappy_Ru13:...
Lemony_Is_Pretty213: Let's start over. How can I help you today?
Chappy_Ru13: Its our one year anniversary and I dont know what to get him...
Lemony_Is_Pretty213: Oh well thats easy, give him sex. Men love that.
Rukia pinched the bridge of her nose. This bitch was stupid as hell. Exhaling deeply the younger Kuchiki typed her reply.
Chappy_Ru13: I wanted to give him something personal...
Lemony_Is_Pretty213: Have you tried anal?
Rukia nearly fell out of her chair when she flopped backwards out of exasperation. Somewhere in the world that sexual psycho was behind a computer keyboard laughing insanely, she was sure of it! Almost immediately she got a new message from that lemon-yellow lunatic.
Lemony_Is_Pretty213: Im totally kidding...or am I? No seriously Im joking, tell me about your boyfriend Chappy my love.
Chappy_Ru13: Well...he's very unique. I can't quite put my finger on it.
Lemony_Is_Pretty213: I see...well the best advice I can give is not to get him anything that can be bought with money. A unique man should have a unique experience. Instead of buying him something material try cerebral.
Chappy_Ru13: What do you mean?
Lemony_Is_Pretty213: Anyone can buy something. Im saying give him new memories. Those are a hundred percent original and no one can replicate them no how hard they try.
Rukia actually sat and thought for a moment. New memories? That did sound like something good...besides even if she and Gin didn't work out no could take away their time together or the happiness they shared. Perhaps that sexy screw-loose was on to something...
Chappy_Ru13: I wouldnt even know what to do...
The was a brief pause before that wacky woman responded.
Lemony_Is_Pretty213: Here's what you do hunny...
Rukia eyes scanned the next message from left to right. Her mouth dropping open as her brain processed the words. Lemony truly was mad as ten rottweilers shoved into a refrigerator! The younger Kuchiki turned an unreal shade of red as she continued reading the lengthy message. What Rukia hadn't realized is that her mouth dropped lower as she continued reading. Lemony's idea was unique indeed, unlike anything the raven-haired girl had ever heard. There was no way someone as vanilla as Rukia would come up with such a thing but that deviant babe Lemony had pulled one out of her bag of tricks.
The raven-haired girl had finished reading the message and tried to think of a reply.
Lemony_Is_Pretty213: Chappy? Are you still out there? Goddammit! I scared another one!
Chappy_Ru13: I'm here...just...wow...
Lemony_Is_Pretty213: Don't tell me that's too wild for you...?
Chappy_Ru13: It certainly is different. But I think he'll like it...what do I have to lose?
Lemony_Is_Pretty213: Thats the spirit! Now you've got some preparation to do! Like my old physics professor used to say! LETS GET BUSY!
Chappy_Ru13: I will! Thank you Lemony!
Lemony_Is_Pretty213: Anytime...:)
Rukia gently closed her laptop and sat at her desk for a moment. Lemony's suggestion was a bit wild but not extreme. It certainly was creative, Rukia would give her that. Not mention cheap as hell. When people say the best things in life are free (or close to it) they aren't kidding. her jaw set with determination, Rukia rose from her desk and left her room.
She had to take a trip to the World of the Living.
Later that day, the younger Kuchiki found herself in the World of the Living...in a grocery store...on the cereal and grain aisle to be exact. She had been standing, blinking at the shelves of fruit snacks. She needed something called Fruit by the Foot. Needless to say someone born and raised in the Soul Society would have next to no idea what such a thing was. Of course everyone else knew they were candy ribbons of fruity happiness and sugary joy, but Rukia had no idea what bliss in a foil wrapper was.
"Lets see...Welch's...Sunkist...Mott's...Ha! Fruit by the Foot!" Rukia said as she picked up the green box and examined it. It was a fruit snack alright, Berry Tie-Dye flavor to be exact, pack of six. Luckily, Lemony's devious little plan only required one. The younger Kuchiki simply shrugged and went to the checkout counter. Well, if this didn't create new and exciting memories for Gin nothing would.
~Fast Forward: the following night!
"Dinner was wonderful!" Rukia gushed as she and Gin walked hand in hand from the restaurant. Gin smiled down at her and squeezed her hand.
"I'm glad you had fun, rabbit. Happy anniversary." He purred. "But I really should get you home. Wouldn't want Brother Dearest to come looking for you. I'd hate to end such a beautiful night with a decapitation..."
"Oh stop," Rukia chided, "You know he's on a mission in Hueco Mundo. Since he's gone that means I'm in charge, and I gave all the servants the night off. I have the entire manor to myself tonight."
Gin arched a brow. "Do tell..."
"That means you can spend the night..." The raven-haired girl said silkily, "And I can give you your anniversary present."
The fox-faced made an exaggerated motion of looking stunned. "You got me something? Oh rabbit, you shouldn't have!"
If Byakuya were home Gin would have said goodbye to Rukia at the door. The silver-haired man knew the King of Cock-blocking was away on an assignment, he was just trying to be a gentleman about the whole thing. Now that he knew Rukia had no qualms about inviting him in, the fox-faced captain was going to celebrate their anniversary the right way.
With Rukia's legs thrown over his shoulders.
He eyed his girlfriend for a moment then let a tongue slide across his thin lips. She looked absolutely sinful tonight her little black dress. Her ink-black hair was pulled into neat bun out of her pretty face, which was accented by a pair of midnight blue dangling earrings. He noticed goosebumps appeared across her creamy skin. Shrugging off his captain's haori he draped it around Rukia in gentlemanly manner. The younger Kuchiki looked up at him and gave him a small smile, unbeknownst to Gin she was nervous not cold.
Gin honestly couldn't believe they had been going strong for a whole year. It seemed like only yesterday Rukia was absolutely terrified of him. Ah, good times. But now they were an item and Gin was going to make sure it stayed that way.
After walking for a moments in the cool night, Kuchkiki manor began to appear along the horizon. Rukia felt like a cave full of bats were fluttering around her stomach; needless to say she was nervous as all hell. She'd never done anything like this before and was a little apprehensive about the whole thing...she wondered how Gin would take it.
More than likely very well.
Rukia let her eyes fall onto her silver lover. He looked immaculate in his dress robes this evening, his molten hair was brushed to silky perfection, and of course his teeth were clean and sparkling. How could she ever have been afraid of him?
Finally they reached the front door and Gin followed Rukia inside. It was now or never...
Suddenly Rukia turned and wrapped her arms around Gin's neck, pulling him into an absolutely heated kiss. The silver-haired man was completely taken aback by the ferocity in his little lover but nonetheless accepted it. He actually chuckled into her mouth when she yanked him down. Normally he was the aggressor in these types of situations. Maybe it was celebration that got his rabbit in the mood.
The couple stumbled into the sitting room, knocking over a few trinkets along the way. Rukia had two handfuls of dress robes as she practically shoved Gin onto the couch and climbed on top of him. She forcefully parted his lips and let her tongue dart in and out of his warm mouth. Gin found himself heating up quickly under Rukia's rough passion and made a move to tug down the straps of her dress. Rukia pulled away from him for a moment and Gin had to fight to keep his aloof smile in place.
"I haven't given you your present yet..." The raven-haired girl rasped. Gin's chest rose and fell heavily when he responded breathlessly.
"Can it wait?"
"No," Rukia told him, "I think you'll like it..."
"I'll do anything to get inside you right now..." Gin growled lustfully, Rukia smirked.
"I'm glad to hear that..." Just then the younger Kuchiki stood and sashayed into the kitchen. Gin longingly watched her go, cursing the day in his head. Dammit! They were so close! They hadn't even discussed giving stupid gifts anyways! Rukia returned a few moments later with her hands behind her back and a grin that put Gin's to absolute shame.
"Ok..." Gin purred, "Let me have it..."
Oh, she was going to let him have it alright.
From behind her back Rukia produced a single Fruit By The Foot and let Gin see. His smile faltered and his eyebrows drew together in confusion.
"A...fruit snack?"He hummed, "You got me...a fruit snack?"
"It's not for you..." Rukia purred coquettishly, "It's for me..."
Rukia approached Gin slowly, standing directly in front of him, The silver-haired man looked at Rukia from head to toe, his eyes lingering every so often. She had an absolutely devilish look on her face as she brought the candy to her mouth and tore it open the wrapper with her teeth.
"Rukia..." Gin said. "What are you going to do with that...?"
The younger Kuchiki smiled broadly, "I'm going to eat it silly..."
With that, Rukia dropped down in front of him and went to work undoing his robes. Gin mouth fell open when he realized what she meant. He had his hands out in front of him, refusing to stop her. After a moment of struggling with the knots in his sash, Rukia parted his robes and Gin length sprang out; rock hard and ready to play. The raven-haired girl bit her lower lip as she looked it at. Gin's long cock was thick as her fist and corded with a pulsing vein that stretched all the way down his shaft. A murky droplet of pre-cum sat on the tip and Rukia immediately used her thumb to smear to the warm fluid around the head of his shaft. Gin let out a hiss when her hot little hand wrapped around him and began to move the stiff muscle. His head flopped backwards on the couch on his enjoyed her gentle ministrations.
This erotic little massage continued for some time, Gin hissing and grunting every now and again. When Rukia thought he could get no harder she began to wrap the fruit ribbon around the base of his cock. When she had run out she licked her lips and slid her mouth over her silver-haired boyfriend.
Gin nearly flew off the couch when he felt Rukia take him down her throat. His lips curled back into snarlwhen he looked down and realized what she was doing! The red and blue fruit snack was wrapped snuggly around him and Rukia sucking him as if she was starving! God, how had she thought of this! Honestly, it was Lemony's idea. Simple, freaky, and effect.
Rukia bobbed her head up and down, her lips pursed and wrapped around her candy-coated lover. The yummy snack combined with his manliness was like nothing she ever tasted and Rukia wanted more. It was like her sweet tooth couldn't get enough of either. What Rukia hadn't realized is that although she was getting a delicious treat, Gin was getting one of his own. He could feel her cheeks sink in as she sucked him, her tongue swirling around his shaft as she ate the thin red and blue candy. He began to grate his teeth as the Fruit by the Foot began to dissolve and he could feel Rukia's mouth more and more. The snack began to melt in her mouth and so did Gin, Rukia happily devoured both of them.
Rukia began slurping up the dark blue mess she had made, the sounds echoing through the sitting room were absolutely hot. Gin groans grew louder and the moment he looked down he saw his innocent lover, still wrapped around him, eyes closed in bliss, her puckered lips glazed with a light blue tint. The silver-haired man did everything in his power to keep his balls from drawing up, his stomach getting tight, and pleasure rocketing down his spine. A thin sheet of sweat covered his face as his mouth dropped open and he arched off the couch, shoving every inch of himself down Rukia's throat and exploding almost violently as his lover swallowed him down. He twitched insanely for the next few moments, fighting to empty every drop he had within him and Rukia hummed sexily as she felt his warm, sticky cum fill her.
After what felt like an enternity for the both of them, Rukia pulled away. Licking the remaining Fruit by the Foot off her lips with a satisfied pop.
"Happy Anniversary..." She purred to Gin who was still breathing heavily, he was still a bit dizzy from that quick release.
"Happy Anniversary." Gin replied, sounding breathless. Just then he reached into his robes pockets and pulled out a small pouch of Gushers. "Now are you ready for your gift?"
Bet you'll never look at fruit snacks the same way again.
THE END!
Awesome: *Slowly creeps up the stairs with a baseball bat* Of all the times for me not to have a fucking burner...this muthafucka is about to get the wet-work...
Wicked: *creeps behind Awesome* What if it's a burglar?
Lemony: *Creeps behind Wicked* What if there's more than one?
Awesome: WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP? *opens Lemony's door* WHO THE HELL ARE YOU! WHAT DO YOU WANT! *swings bat violently*
Wicked: AWESOME STOP! LOOK!
Awesome:...OH GOD! GRANDPA! ARE YOU OK?!...
Lemony: That'll teach you to take over my room, old man. I hope you roll over in bed and something starts vibrating and gives you a heart attack, you ancient fart...REVIEW!