one day I didnt tell Peter that ever since after Kate died I was depressed and wished it had Been me on the plane when it had blew up that day at the hangar .

while sitting out on the patio at June's my mind flashes back to me saying that day after the explosion happened " "I can't- How am I supposed to go on? We were supposed to have a new start. We were finally together and now…"
Peter smiled sadly and patted my shoulder
We are going to find who is behind all this Neal. I promise."

Moz comes in and sees I'm outside with my back to him and says "you okay mon fere" I scream "NO MOZ KATES DEAD IM DEPRESSED AND PETER HAS NO IDEA " I start crying " I'm sorry i screamed moz i have been depressed ever since that day Kate was Killed and have been on meds to deal with it and they havent helped me at all" .

I guess I should tell Peter and Moz said "yes you should Neal he needs to know " Moz doesnt know I did think to try to attempt suicide and little did I know Moz called Peter and he came in my apartment and said "Neal how are you holding up" I said " IM NOT" and wipe my eyes "Neal your more than my CI your a friend to me and your family to Satchmo El and I " I look down.

I look at Peter "Peter theres something you dont know I had been thinking of ending it ever since I been depressed " Peter looks at me " are you serious Neal I'm here for you as a friend and your handler".

I try not to cry after Peter said it but tears fall down my face he was right after all him elizabeth and satchmo are the family I never had since i had the worst childhood and Ellen and Kate both pass away .

" what am I Peter I'm nobody just a Depressed man who thought of ending my life" Peter said " Neal dont you dare El me satchmo June Mozzie Diana and Jones would miss you So Much".

I look down knowing I just released the pain that has been built up inside me ever since Kate died and start sobbing " Neal your gonna be okay I'm here as a friend for you" Peter said .

I looked up and Peter saw the sadness in my blue eyes " I'm Sorry I'm this way Peter " I should Not be this way but I am and next thing i know Peter hugs me and I lay my head on his shoulder. "I'm gonna help you through this Neal I cant lose you I had read about the things depressed people do and I thought of you " Peter said while he held me .

I wiped my eyes Peter had Knew now what I was going through but I would be okay since my new Family that I have now was protecting me and I would be okay .