A/N: This was my very first story as ff writer, so it's quite old. 6 years is a long time, but I managed to get myself to work and redo it at last. Writing in progress, end in sight.
Lots of praise for my beta PH03N1X 50NG, who was so quick in checking and giving advice – and I have to admit it was LOTS of work.
THANK YOU so much for until now!
Warning: explicit slash scenes later on, some swearing. Aragorn was never supposed to be a king in this story.
I don't own anything from LoTR.
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Do Not Hide Behind Anger
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Chapter 1
Why Can't I Understand?
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Legolas was furious. In fact, he was more than that. He was absolutely livid, so much so, that his every move was like fire. He wanted to win this fight. Aragorn simply did not understand him anymore. What was wrong with his friend? What was different from before? What made him so wild, so unmanageable?
He had just asked the elf questions. And now they were fighting.
"Legolas..." Aragorn said had jumping back before the elf could cut into his flesh. "Legolas! What's wrong with you? I thought you wanted to kill the orcs, not me!"
Legolas held still for a moment, his ever so fiery eyes never leaving the man as if he searched for any movement – an attack to block – which could easily cost him his immortality. With still narrowed eyes, he let his arms fall to his sides.
Aragorn scanned the elf's face. He was so still and looked so lost. His cheeks were flushed with heat from the effort of the fight, his chest lifting and falling rapidly. Sweat covered every inch of his skin. He was so beautiful, so perfect... But he looked so alone at that moment.
Then Legolas flashed him a little smile. Aragorn knew this fake expression as he had seen his friend use it often lately.
"I am sorry, my friend," Aragorn apologized. "I did not know you would get so upset from trying your strength on an old fellow."
Legolas tried to brighten up, but he failed miserably; his smile never reached its owner's eyes. Aragorn did not like this forced cheerfulness. The elf was hiding something, something he thought the man may not be able to handle.
Because if it was not so, Legolas would tell him.
He surely would. Actually...he may have done it before. When they had fight to protect the one ring. Side by side and not against each other. But now? Something was utterly wrong. Were they still friends?
He believed so. But why was Legolas treating him like a stranger now? Or worse, an enemy.
"I only asked if something is bothering your heart. But when you said you needed to expel some of your spare energy, I did not think you would fight me like I was evil. We did not come here to battle each other but to seek out the area where the greatest numbers of orcs could hide. As you know very well, we cannot rest until these forests are safe to walk again."
"You do not have to tell me that," came the angry retort. "I am an elf and I understand these needs better than any man ever could!" Legolas told him in a suddenly cold voice.
'There it is.' Aragorn thought to himself. 'He is angry again. What can I say to him that will not infuriate him like that? What happened to his old self?'
There he was again with questions he could not answer and it was clear that Legolas would not answer them fort him either. He had been so eager for the elf to tell him what was wrong. But when it came time to Legolas to answer, Aragorn never seemed to get through to the truth.
'Why would there be something wrong?'
'Do not worry, I am well.'
'Why are you asking me this?'
Aragorn had had enough of this and decided he would not ask anymore.
Until that day.
"Shall we continue?" Legolas urged as he held no answer for his outburst.
"I will not do this anymore." Aragorn said calmly. "I have grown tired of your moods. Tell me what is wrong. We could wake the entire forest as well as all the orcs if we carried on like this."
"But that was our purpose, I believed." the elf told him. "We came here to find out where they are hidden and what kind of other creatures they have gathered with. Lord Elrond gave us the command himself."
"Even though that is true, there could be more than the two of us can handle. We are on our own here by the feet of these mountains and there are several caves and secret places..."
"Why do you think you have to tell me that?" the elf cut him short again. "I am not some foolish youth you have to teach what to do." He turned away from Aragorn and started to walk in the direction of the nearby stream, surly.
'Not this time!' Aragorn swore. Now he was angry himself. He tried to be patient with Legolas, but he also had his limits. He followed after the now absent elf, intending to teach him a lesson, finally. 'If he is not a child, then he should stop behaving like one! I think a good spanking would do him well.'
Aragorn found Legolas kneeling by the water, with his back still turned to the man. His face was leaning into his palms, clear water running from between his fingers. He was obviously cooling himself off.
As the man tried hard to come up with an idea on how to approach the other his eyes sized up the lean and toned body. Legolas' hair was like a pale golden river and it made Aragorn wonder what it would feel like to have it flow in his hands, to let it brush against his own skin... His eyes moved lower. He let a small sigh escape. He had watched the elven features for so long now. There were even times when he believed Legolas would notice.
And may return his feelings.
When he realized that he had fallen hard for Legolas, he did not intend to ignore it. But his love refused him. His actions were unconscious, perhaps, but that was what Legolas was doing. When Aragorn tried to talk to him the elf got angry with him.
Could he have realized how the man felt and hated him because of that? True, he was only a human and maybe not good enough for the other's kind. But still, it hurt.
So usually, when he was with Legolas, he did his best to stay calm and tried not to think about how his body yearned for the other's touch.
Now he was lingering behind the elf and doing what he was now so good at since Legolas turned from him both physically and emotionally – watching that back.
The silence was uncomfortable. He had to say something. He opened his mouth, but no sound come out. He decided to close it again and lowered his eyes from the elf to the ground. Things you could not have were just too painful to even look at sometimes.
Legolas lifted his head abruptly and grew completely still. Aragorn was back from his thoughts, too, in an instant. The forest around the two seemed somehow too quiet. Legolas stood without delay and they exchanged a silent message with their eyes.
The ground underneath him was cold and raw. He opened his eyes, but still could not escape the darkness. It surrounded him, just like the pain which was slowly creeping down his spine. His back was aching badly, as if somebody had hit it with great force.
'What happened?' Legolas was trying to remember desperately. 'Aragorn...?' His eyes fluttered closed and he fell into unconsciousness again.
When he woke the second time, he was at the same place. This time he stayed awake.
Aragorn! Where was he? What happened to him? Was he still alive or... No! If something had happened to him, Legolas would not forgive himself. It was his fault that the enemy could seize them, him and his stupidity.
They had been surrounded by the enemy. There had not only been orcs. He had seen some humans, too. Well, they looked human, but were rather monstrous; wild and very strong.
He must have been hit by one of them from behind. Why was he not being careful enough? Damn! But he knew the answer. The man had been in danger, the one he had adored and worshipped for a long time. How could he not have helped him?
Aragorn was definitely his bittersweet weakness.
Ever since they first met in Rivendell they had spent a lot of time together. Aragorn was cheerful and passionate company and could make everyone laugh or cry with his stories. He had made Legolas' heart pound with something new. Aragorn was so... perfect.
But then...
He pressed his cheek to the cold ground and gritted his teeth. Soon after Legolas had discovered his feelings for the man, Aragorn changed. 'I was no one special to him. Bored him even, probably.' The elf laughed at himself silently until a he drowned his misery into anger as usual.
Something began to burn behind his eyelids. "I hate him!" he fisted his tied up hands behind his back. "I hate him." He could not help the tears from falling. "Aragorn... " he whispered to the darkness.
'…Where are you?'
…TBC…