He is the most pompous man I have ever met. He struts around the lab, around the lab platform, the most sacred of all places, like he owns the place. Just like a proud male peacock. He doesn't even work here, technically. He's my partner, although you'd never know it by the way he acts. He's so bossy. And inconsiderate. And he's a control freak. The list goes on and on.
He drives huge, gas guzzling SUV provided by the FBI. With gas prices where they are, I suggested that he get a new car, one with more miles per gallon. He ignored me of course. But he still complains about how much he spends on gas. I told him to get a hybrid, too. Because SUVs are bad for the environment, and now I'm trying to go green, I told him that I thought he should get a new car. Maybe a hybrid. He glared at me.
He always blares the Smashing Pumpkins when I'm in the car with him. He knows I hate the Smashing Pumpkins. He knows I cannot stand the CD "Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness." And he definitely knows that I cannot listen to "Tonight, Tonight" without having the remind myself that killing him would be bad, because it's against the law. That's why he plays it as loud as humanly possible resulting in minor hearing loss.
Just because his title is Special Agent doesn't mean he's better than me. Doctor Temperance Brennan. Special Agent Seeley Booth. Who would you say are more important- doctors, who help save people's lives, or stupid FBI Special Agents, who get guns and shoot people and catch the bad guys? I think we all know the answer here.
And don't even get me started on the socks. And the ties. And the belt-buckles. He's clearly starving for attention. I mean, he wears the bright colors on the socks and ties and huge obnoxious belt-buckles with stupid things on them. And especially around Christmas. His ties flash and light up and play stupid Christmas carols and other obnoxious things. How much does he think I can take? Really?
When I kissed him, he stole my gum. My freaking gum! He won't let me carry a gun (just because I shot someone that one time. He was a bad guy! He shoots bad guys all the time!). He won't let me drive. He won't really talk to me, except about the case we're on. He always wants to be in charge. Damn his stupid alpha male tendencies.
One minute, he's on my last nerve and I just want to kill him. The next, he's flashing his "charm smile" and offering me some pie. What's wrong with him? I hate him. I love him. I can't decide. It's illogical. Nonsensical.
I don't think I really mind.