- A brief one shot about unrequited love, lust, and desperation.
- "Dolor" means "Sorrow" in Latin.
DISCLAIMER:
I do not own SHINSHI DOUMEI CROSS, nor do I own any of the characters. This is purely a work of fan fiction, please don't sue me, kthxbai.
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O N E R A I N Y N I G H T:
The girl didn't really hate men. They just didn't suit her tastes, and it was as simple as that. So what did suit her? Rather, who did? There was no doubt in Amamiya Ushio's mind that her body and soul belonged to her best friend: Haine. But, just being best friends was never enough. How could it be? after all, Ushio stood by watching idly as Haine constantly professed her love for Shizumasa, and then had her heart torn into several tiny pieces when they became an item.
"All I need is you..." The lavender haired beauty muttered softly to herself, as she clenched her chest feebly. "...What utter bullshit." It felt as if a million people were screaming into her ears all at once; begging for her to take Haine as her own. Her heart ached more than most people would think possible. The teenager let out a ragged sob, eyes squeezed shut as tears rolled down soft, flushed cheeks. Why was it never her?
Why did it have to be Shizumasa- that cold bastard- who didn't even love Haine as much as she did! If he even loved her at all, that is. 'Ushio, I love you sooo much!' The words echoed on her head: they soothed her, yet hurt her. It wasn't the love that she wanted, but it was all that she's ever had. It was all that she would ever have... Porcelain shattered against the wall: the girl had thrown her tea cup in a fit of rage.
She collapsed into the soft cushioning of her mattress, chest heaving with each desperate breath. A few moments of silence would pass. "I need more.." She groaned, as her hands slid down to her stomach, nails grazing against the bare sensitive flesh. Lips quivered as her legs spread, and Ushio let out a shaky sigh as her fingers dipped into her own wetness. This was the only way she could handle the situation: the only way she could forget. It was alright to pretend- just for tonight.
T H E M O R N I N G A F T E R:
Haine sighed as she leaned against her best friend's shoulder, sniffling pathetically as her large watery puppy eyes stared up into Ushio's. "H-he snapped at me, and said that I'm annoying, and that I cry too much." Calm down Ushio, take it easy. Killing Shizumasa would only make Haine feel even worse. She'd hate you. The beauty let out a shaky breath as she wrapped an arm around Haine's waist, pulling her closer as she whispered sweet words of comfort. I could love her so much better than him... The thought plagued her infuriated, jealous mind. He claims he loves the girl, but he hurts her intentionally. That's not love: that's just plain bull.
"Sleep over at my place tonight... Okay?" Ushio muttered, pressing her lips softly against Haine's forehead. The girl nodded a response, before nuzzling closer to Ushio's chest. It was warm.
I N T H E E V E N I N G:
Glass clinked against marble as Ushio set a cup of water before Haine, who was hunched over on the couch, curled up comfortably in a thick, fuzzy blanket. The sun was setting, creating something of a calm atmosphere between the two of them. "So, tell me everything." Ushio sighed as she say beside her dear friend, lifting her mug to her glossy lips, taking a sip of her coffee. Haine whimpered, hesitating for a moment, but gave in. Ushio, whose eyes were narrowed in frustration and anticipation, relented; having seen her friend's obvious discomfort.
"Well... He said he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore- and that he felt like our relationship wasn't going anywhere." Of course it wasn't; he can't be bothered to take care of you properly, God damn it! Ushio screeched mentally, reaching down for Haine's hand and squeezing it as she continued. "I'm beginning to wonder if I even love him anymore. I always thought I'd love him forever: but it's just so hard. I feel like he hates me sometimes, and that I'm unnecessary... Less important than his friends and reputation. Even so, I just can't leave him... I think I've grown dependant on him."
"Maybe you just need the right motivation." Ushio sighed as she took another sip of her drink, before setting the mug down onto the table. "What could possibly motivate me to leave the one I've grown so attached to?" The answer was simple, although oblivious little Haine would surely never understand unless the words slapped her in the face and then took a dump in her shoes. "I don't know... Find somebody else to love?" Ushio suggested, her heart skipping a beat as her breath staggered for a split moment.
Haine, who was usually such a happy go lucky person, scoffed at the idea. "I love a lot of people, just not in the way that I love- or thought I loved- Shizumasa-Sama. Ushio's heart sank, despite the fact that she should have expected such a response. "Maybe you should just give somebody else who loves you like that a chance to make you happy." The lavender haired maiden whispered as she leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest instinctively; protecting herself from Haine's ignorance. "That's horrible! I'd never go out with someone just because they make me happy. That's using them: I just can't."
A very Haine-like response indeed... Ushio shut her eyes with a sigh, her lashes tickling her cheeks. "Maybe they'd be okay with that, so long as they get a chance. That Shizumasa... He doesn't deserve someone like you, Haine." The teen spoke bitterly, nose scrunched up slightly as the emotions welled in her chest. The voices were crying out desperately yet again. "But I love him..." Ushio winced at the words. "No, you don't. You don't even know him- when have you ever had a meaningful conversation with him!" Ushio snapped, standing up and looking down at her friend. Haine's eyes widened with surprise, jaw dropping.
He doesn't even know you like I know you- I could make you so much happier than him! Why aren't you looking at me! Ushio wanted to scream the words at the top of her lungs, but she didn't have the guts. She knew she would be rejected: Haine was straight, it was easy to see. And really: it was true- Ushio knew her better than anybody else. Unfortunately, that meant that she knew she had no chance. Haine loved her as a sister, as a best friend, and nothing more. The words "I could never use somebody" applied as well, completely shattering all of Ushio's hopes and dreams.
"I... No." Haine looked down, starting to sniffle. The sniffling lead to crying, and the crying lead to full out wailing. "H-he never l-loved me, and I n-never loved him, b-but!" The girl choked out pathetically between each sob, "I was happy, whether I knew him or not. Isn't that what matters most!" Ushio's jaw clenched, and she lunged towards Haine, pulling her into a warm embrace. "But you're not happy anymore. Leave him." It wasn't like her to order Haine around, but this time, she couldn't hold it in anymore. "I can't just sit around and watch my best friend get hurt because of him. Please, leave him." The words were quiet, gentle. But they were forceful, and took control.
H A S I T R E A L L Y O N L Y B E E N A D A Y ?
The two lay in a mildly uncomfortable position - cuddled up underneath one thick quilt; Ushio's arm wrapped tightly around Haine's waist, as the girl clung to her desperately, shaking even in her sleep. Overwhelmed with emotion, Ushio pressed her lips softly against her best friend's cold forehead, squeezing her gently. Was this the right decision? The girl was no longer at a zero percent chance of getting the girl of her dreams, but at what cost...? Haine had cried for hours on end, until she finally fell unconscious; tired out to the point of physical and mental exhaustion. It was clear, that despite her prior confusion, that Haine had in fact loved, and been in love with Shizumasa. And Ushio was the one trying to tear the two apart for good. Was it really worth it- she broke the love of her life's heart, in hopes of mending it with her own love, rather than leaving her be; leaving her to be happy with somebody else. Sure, it was somebody else, but at least she was happy. She was... Was.
Long feminine fingers shook as they pressed softly against the pale beauty's eyelids, forcing them shut. All she had to do, was close her eyes... Maybe then she'd forget. It was so hard to breathe: blood dribbled down her chin as her perfectly white and straight teeth dug into her full, lower lip- she struggled to prevent herself from screaming. For once in her life, Amamiya Ushio wanted to be held, rather than being the one doing the holding. The normally cool and calculating girl; Lady Hydrangea had finally collapsed, crippled, underneath the full, utter force of her love for Haine.