Cearbhail:

This is the new and improved Melancholy of Cecilie. When I was originally lengthening the original, I decided to call it the Chronicles of Cecilie... and as it turns out, I kind of miss having it around. Mostly as reference. So... I'm officially fixing it up and putting back up as the way it was originally (only improved). I will still write the Chronicles of Cecilie as the longer, funner version, but let this ring out at the true story of how Cecilie dies... not how she lived.

Oh...and enjoy =^.^=

[Cecilie, age 18] 4e 224, 19th Sun's Dusk

Dear journal,

Cecilie, I'm sorry. I tried my best to bring you into a happier world. You were born only a few days ago, but I'm so weak and I know I won't live for long. I fear that this is the last time I'll write in my journal before the end. You deserve so much, but as usual, fate has decided otherwise. I don't really know what went wrong, or how I could have made it right. I thought we were doing the right thing to save the world. Between the increasing Thalmor threat, the peace summit, and the threat of Alduin destroying our world, we didn't have much choice. And we paid the ultimate price. I am dying, and I'm afraid you won't know real love from your father. He hasn't been the same since he returned from Sovngarde.

If I could have joined Asger in that final battle, I knew I could have made a difference. Since only Asger can go through the portal to Sovngarde, I could not follow him. He alone was the only one that could fight that blasted dragon. And he won, but he also lost at the same time. When Asger came back from Sovngarde, he had changed. He wasn't the same. Like he lost his will to live. He didn't react to anyone the same way. He used to smile, used to create dramatic tension for the fun of it. He was a bard. He made things lively. But now… we're all just things now, things that talked and needed responded to when we asked him questions. I'm sorry that he's the only family you have. He is your father, whether or not you share his last name. You are a Battle-Born, never forget that. You are from an honorable family. At least you'll have Grandpa Solomon to watch over you. You'll love him. He's strong in magicka.

You won't be growing up in peace though. When you read this, draw as much strength as you can from it. Even now, the Thalmor are responding to the crowning of a new High King. Even before Asger was crowned High King, they were always messing with us. It started with M'aiq's death back in Riften. They ambushed us when we tried to find Esbern. Asger declared full war on them for everything they did. I think something snapped inside him when he saw his best friend die in front of him. I never knew M'aiq that well but I knew he had a daughter. I promised him I'd find her with his final breath. I only had her name…Nisha. I never did find her. One of my many regrets. Cecilie…

…

I closed the journal, my eyes feeling heavy. 18 years ago, my mother wrote her last journal entry. I was only a week old when she passed away. Growing up, I always wondered what she looked like. Ruby had always told me that I had her hair, face, and eyes, but I had my father's smile and spirit (back before he became a husk). That was nice of her to tell me these things, but I still wanted her here…with me. My father paid little to no attention to me, and Ruby was the only person who actually took good care of me. My mother named her my housecarl right before she passed away. But Ruby ended up killing herself before my 11th birthday. It was some kind of self-sacrifice thing to push me over the edge. You see… I challenged my father to a bardic contest… and if I was going to win, I needed the secret strength to make my soul nearly invincible… loss. Ruby learned of it when her best friend in the whole world… Ashana died… and it later developed into her secret power when Veselle died. And when Maleek died… Ruby basically became a goddess. But she wasn't living at that point. Every day was a battle for her… and a battle for me. When the day came for me to challenge my father, Ruby told me the secret to her bardic invincibility… she knew she could beat Dad… but it wasn't her destiny to do so… it was mine. She killed herself, and with her final words, told me what I would need to do to beat him. Remember her… and that's what I did. I beat my dad that day; I earned his respect. And Ruby was dead. And so was my dad; he died restoring his soul. It was too much for him to take, and the battle I shared with him was his dying wish. He thanked me for restoring him… and apologized for the years he wasted ignoring me. He wanted to know me… wanted to hold me, but there was something inside him that rejected me. He died in my arms…

I was alone again. In the same day, I lost Ruby… and my dad. Ever since that dreadful day, Brelyna has taken care of me, as well as Ruby's only daughter; Ranjha. Master Neloth was also there for me, as well as the rest of the Crimson Blades guild. Ranjha and I were officially orphans in the worst way. With Brelyna as our mother, we had a loving support system… and I guess I couldn't have asked for more… but our suffering had only just begun. But, I shouldn't start halfway through the story, I still need to say how it started. You see…

I was born during a very troubling period. Skyrim was full of dragons, but not just any dragons… but the dragon 'god' Alduin was doing all he could to devour our world. My father was the Dragonborn, destined to save the world from Alduin. And during his quest, he met my mother, Lydia Battle-Born. She was his Housecarl, a bodyguard of sorts. They had a rocky start, but they slowly started to fall in love. And by the end of it all, they conceived me on the eve of my father's final battle. He took to the heavens to fight Alduin… and in the process, he lost a bit of his soul during the fight. Alduin took a bite out of his emotional aura, destroying his ability to feel emotions. In the confusion, Daddy was able to destroy Alduin, but not recover his missing piece of soul. When he returned to Nirn… that soul didn't come back with him. He had become a Husk… which was almost unheard of outside of Argonians and Ashlander witches.

Mom got sick during her pregnancy with me. Heartbroken over Dad losing his emotional self caused her to become ill. She couldn't survive giving birth to me. She fought for six days before her illness took over her. I was only six days old when my mother died. I was placed in the care of my father… which as you can guess… he didn't want me. Normally, I would have given up to Ruby or someone else, but… as the only surviving child of the current High King… I was kind of important.

My father wasn't exactly a fun guy. No, I take that back, no hesitation needed. He was NEVER a fun guy. He took his job as High King seriously, but he neglected me. He seemed to see me, but at the same time, it was like I wasn't there. He attended the normal functions: going to sleep, waking up, eating. Growing up as a child with him around wasn't easy. I always wanted him to play with me, to talk to me, to do something with me. If I ever tried to talk to him, he wouldn't answer (and if he did, it was vague and disinteresting). If he did take notice to me, he would scorn me for killing my mother. He blamed me for her death, because giving birth to me somehow made her sick and then she passed away. If I ever tried to play with him, he would push me away. One time I jumped up to give him a hug. He grabbed onto me and passed me off to Ruby telling her, "Keep her busy." If it hadn't been for Ruby and her daughter Ranjha watching over me all the time, keeping me entertained, I think I might have become depressed or something. Well, more depressed. Child neglect is pretty bad and I tried on numerous occasions to run away. Ruby or Maleek would always find me, though. Well, at least until I was 8, then it would just be Ruby finding me.

I was a curious girl growing up. Not just the whole 'Ooh, a knife, I wonder what happens if I poke my eye with it' curious, the more dangerous kind of dangerous. 'Playing with magics that no one understood' dangerous. Up until my sixth birthday, Ruby kept a close eye on me, keeping me within Winterhold at all times. I had no idea why I was watched over so carefully. I thought it was because all dad had… or something like that. I kept hearing talk of the Thalmor but I was far too young to understand it. Or how it would change my life. I didn't understand war… I didn't understand the role of the High King or just how powerful my father truly was.

A few months past my sixth birthday, my life changed forever. One morning when Ruby wasn't around to watch me, I did something stupid. I snuck into my father's chambers and stole something important to him. Behind a beautiful case I saw a shiny sparkling scroll with dragons on the sides of the handles. I was getting used to reading magic tomes that Ruby shared with me, and I could feel magics I've never felt before vibrating off of the scroll. I had to read it. So, naturally, I grabbed my father's scroll and ran up to my bedroom to read it (being really sneaking about it). I thought… I thought if I stole it, he would come find me. I thought I could use it to squeeze one little game out of him, just… three minutes of social recognition from him. That's all I wanted!

So, up in my room, I was left unattended, unwatched, with a unique scroll that was important to my father. When I opened it, I was welcomed with a sudden flash of knowledge and foresight…and hindsight. Images flashed through my mind, years and years of everything you could possibly think about became coherent in my mind. But, it took my actual sight away. It was sudden too. Once the images faded from my mind, it was replaced with knowledge of things that six year olds couldn't/shouldn't know, but it took my sight away that very second. It was like an instant maturity pill. I suddenly knew why father was the way he was. All that disappointment in him, subtle anger, was replaced with pity and mild respect. He sacrificed his soul to kill Alduin. He did it because he loved us, because he wanted to protect us. The husk that existed now was a version of my father without a true soul. All logic and no emotion, no love. It was sad. I wish I could apologize to him but knowing what I knew, it wouldn't have done me any good anyway. It would be received on dead ears (almost literally).

My blindness was not easy to adjust to. I had to stumble around blind for a couple days with Brelyna leading me around. My father didn't even notice my sudden white eyes. He didn't ask, and he didn't care. He only ever talked to me, acknowledged my presence, when I asked him a question. When he replied, it was dry, emotionless, or filled with very real anger. One day I was fed up with his attitude and I challenged him to a bardic contest. The terms were: If I won, he'd play with me and treat me as his daughter. If I lost, I would leave him alone forever. I lost. But he smiled and told me to try again later. There was something in that smile. A hope.

I read about what my father was like during the Dragon Crisis. He was the most enjoyable person alive. So, what happened to turn him into the husk that he had become? Witnessing small instances of knowledge about how the world and fate had played themselves in my family's past as recurring dreams wasn't enough though. I wanted the see and witness it for myself. I wanted to experience the way my father used to be. I heard he was one of the craziest people around. Ruby wouldn't stop talking about the adventures she shared with him, or my mother. I loved hearing about their crazy adventures. I would sit on Ruby's lap and try to picture my mother and father as they did their crazy day-to-day life. It was the only heaven I had. When Ruby was gone, I didn't really have anyone like that anymore. Brelyna tried, and Ranjha was a great friend, but I think spending my time training was more than enough for me.

When I first read the Elder Scroll… I spent the first few days in bed… incapable of seeing. I was blind as a bat. Brelyna and Maleek had to walk me around, take me to the bathroom, wipe my butt… feed me… every embarrassing thing you could think of… I had to endure it. But… on that third or fourth day of being blind things started to happen. It was subtle, but it was there. Small flashes of instances where stubbing my toe would have been too easy was avoided, or smashing my nose on an open cupboard door. My hand would snatch out after my mind told me something was there and I would duck under or over or even across something in my way. It was like I could see. I could 'feel' the things around me. It was weird, but I did not think anything of it. I thought I was just finally adjusting to being blind. Finding the bathroom on my own was a victory by itself. Wiping my butt was another one. A week later, when I woke up, the world appeared around me at all angles. It was a sudden shift. I could see everything. As I turned my head, the images shifted in a circle. A full circle of stuff I could see. Not limited to just the front like everyone is with eyes. I could see EVERYTHING. I knew what was in front of me, what was behind me, what was up, and what was down. At the same time, I could see my body, the inside of it, the outside. It appeared in real colors, underlying invisible colors (auras, energy), and an astral blue for everything hidden in the dark.

I couldn't handle it at first. It was very disorienting. I could not handle seeing behind me, let alone above and below me as well. I stumbled so much, carefully putting my feet down because I could barely tell where they touched on the ground. Then, it started affecting my brain. I got headaches from processing too much information. Then there was the fact that closing my eyes didn't get rid of the images. Closing my eyes just turned everything astral blue. I lost sleep over it. You close your eyes to sleep, to rest your eyes, to rest your mind from seeing things all the time. I didn't get to do that anymore. I didn't sleep. After four days of this insanity, I thought I was going crazy. Maleek did everything he could but he was only an Argonian assassin. When Ruby finally returned from her quest, she was very angry with me for going through my father's stuff and playing with magic I knew I wasn't ready for. That didn't stop her from doing what she did best…fix my mistakes. She did everything she could to help me get rid of the headaches and the weird vision. What she ended up with was a special circlet. It subdued the headaches and allowed some of the images to vanish. Now my new vision was only excluded to when my eyes were opened and what was directly in front of me. Like normal eyes. Yeah, it was like I could see normally. I could finally sleep again.

A couple weeks later, the new 'sight' developed. I could control it, even with the circlet on. I could see behind me like my eyes were back there. I played with it, even to where I kept it up all day. I got used to it enough that it didn't give me headaches anymore. I actually enjoyed it. Seeing through floors and watching my father sit on the throne from my bed was oddly exciting. Imagine all the sneaking I could do, all the running away I could do, if I knew where everyone was. No one would ever see me, if I knew where they were. But, when I got used to that new sight… things started getting complicated again. Flashes of emotions, energies, bodies, started surfacing in my mind; things that hadn't happened yet. The first time it happened, I could hear noises outside my door. It was month after I challenged my father to my first bardic challenge. It took me a month to recover from the soulic onslaught my father beat on me. By the time I sat up to see what was causing the noise outside my door, my door had already exploded, shrapnel raining down on me as I tried sitting up in my bed. A giant chunk of wood slammed me in the forehead, several other smaller chunks impaling me everywhere else. I watched from the ceiling as my body died. And with a scream I woke up. I heard that noise again so I dived out of my bed. The door exploded and I just barely escaped dying in a horrible fashion.

That was the day the Thalmor invaded Winterhold to get to me. They wanted to use me against my father. They somehow thought that using me as leverage against Dad would somehow get them what they wanted: his head on a platter. I don't think they understood how much he really hated me at the time. Veselle protected me and took me to Tel Mithryn where I started my magicka studies while Skyrim fought the Dominion back. I decided at that time that I would begin training as a bard so that I could beat my father in a bardic contest. I wanted to have him behave like a dad should. I wanted to be able to call myself his daughter without being scorned. So, I trained with Master Neloth in magicka, while Ruby got me started on my bardic training nine months later. We moved to Whiterun, into my mother's old house. I was welcomed by the Battle-Born clan… her family. My family. I had a home.

I started my training immediately. I needed to unlock my Dragonborn blood, so Ruby found a dragon attacking a nearby Khajiit town called Lunar Pass. The dragon Kruziikonikaanqolaas was rallying up an army to take on Skyrim's rule. They wanted to be free to destroy. It was too bad for them that Ruby was there to stop them. And I ate my first dragon soul: Kruziikonikaanqolaas. My training started getting pretty serious from that day forward, adding the Companions' sword fighting to the mix. But, I wasn't very good at sword fighting. One day during a sparring match with my best friend Vignar… he hit me really hard in the face. He hit me so hard, I traveled back in time. Yeah… I woke up in the past. In my mom's old bedroom. I thought I was taken back home and Ruby was watching over me… but it wasn't Ruby watching over me… it was Mom. Only… she wasn't my mom… she was a teenager, just a few years older than me. And… everyone believed I was her sister… and I decided to go with it. I was officially my mother's sister… one that never existed.

I spent a good few weeks with her, training with the Companions and her. I learned a lot about sword fighting from her and… when it came time to go home… I didn't have a choice. There was a mistake I made though. I learned while I was back in time that I was traveling through a dream traveling spell of some sort. I didn't really understand it… but I was dreaming and making a separate reality for myself and Mom. It was real… only I wasn't. Well, one day I used a real bow… with a real arrow… and when I fired it… I forced myself to become real in this alternate reality. And because of it… there was a nasty storm… Mother was hit… and she awoke with magicka, something she never had before. And… I forced myself upon all realities for that one event… for that one event, one I've read again and again in my mom's real journal… I existed as her sister. Her lost sister… the one she met and lost forever. Her greatest loss.

While I was in the past for the three weeks I was there… I was in a coma in Whiterun with Ruby and Veselle watching over me. And that's when the Dominion found out where I was. They faked a mission to draw out my defenders… and that's when Veselle died. She died going on a mission to find some necromancer. It turned out to be Nrillia, the oldest agent for the Dominion. Veselle tried to use her greatest spirit to fight Nrillia… a spirit named Kyuute. Only… Kyuute betrayed Veselle, and killed her. I woke up four days later.

The next year was my real training. I was a great sword fighter because of my training during my three-week nap; Ruby was doing everything she could to really teach me bardic combat; and Master Neloth was doing everything he could to help me expand my proficiency in magicka. I didn't have a lot of magicka to use, so I had to learn new and creative ways to use what I had to last me longer during a long fight. I was having a great time; I actually felt like I was living a great life. I had lost a lot but I had a great family. And then… things had to get bad again. On the first of Morningstar, 4e 215… the dragons invaded. They wanted revenge for the death of their leader: Kruziikonikaanqolaas. In an army large enough to blot out the sun, they fell upon Whiterun. If it had not been for my death vision an hour before it happened, we would have all died in that town. As it was… we were evacuating to Riverwood. But, I guess fate cannot be so easily avoided. The dragons saw us running for Riverwood and came charging down on us. With Ruby and Maleek's help… everyone got away to safety. But… Maleek didn't survive the fight. It was that day that Ruby really started acting differently. Almost as broken as my dad.

The Dragon Rebellion started that day. For a whole month, dragons raged war in the skies above. Dragons on our side, dragons on Kruz's side, and dragons on their own side: Odahviing's side. Every city was hit on the first of Morningstar… every city felt the burn, and a few days later, the Dominion made its first foothold in Skyrim, in Markarth. After the dragons ravaged the town, the Dominion saw it as their way into Skyrim and they took it. Taking shelter inside the Dwarven city and setting up teleportation runes for their soldiers made it near impossible to drive them out. And with the dragons still raging war in the skies… there was little even my dad could do about the Dominion's presence. For one month… I had to actually fight. And I had a new teacher: Odahviing. He became my official dragon instructor. The dragon rebellion slowly died out as Odahviing's army ripped through Kruz's. And as the rebellion ended, I went back to Whiterun with Odahviing, Ruby, and Neloth to continue my training.

For two years I focused on training with my teachers. By the time I was ten, I had fully mastered being Dragonborn. My Sight had developed immensely. Dream Traveling to alternate pasts was a nightly occurrence now. I couldn't control where and when I went, but I always had an adventure. I met some amazing people, always learning something new. I even got to meet my dad as a child. It was a lot like meeting my mom… only… I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't. I just couldn't say I was his daughter. I was just… a strange girl. There were other dreams I ventured into.

Like when I first glanced upon my father's elder scroll, I started seeing the past. Not my parent's past, the past. Not random dreams of ancient battles and people. It was never random now. I could actually gaze into the past, like I was standing there looking at it happen. I could actually focus on what I wanted to see… and I could actually see it. All I had to do was meditate and focus on what I wanted to see and then it would form in my mind. Then it would consume all my senses and I would feel as if I was there, only separate from the vision. So, with my new gift, I directed my focus to points in time where my favorite journals and stories spoke of legends. One of my favorite tales was about Erandur and the 4th Battlemage Troop. Ruby had often told me about her ancestor Nisha and her brother Vatu. They fought alongside this Altmer, Erandur. They were teenagers that were recruited during the beginning of the Aedra War. Erandur led his team through the thickest of battles, never losing one battle, and gained so much. He was so brave that it made me want to meet him. I wanted to know what type of guy he was. When I read about it, I would look into the past and 'see' him right as he made the calls. There was always something about him that I liked. I just wanted to reach out and…I don't know, talk to him. Ask him questions. I wanted his knowledge. I had a reason to know.

It started when I was 8, just after Maleek died. Along with the ability to gaze into past, some darker things started happening as well. Dreams, nightmares, and other stuff started creeping in. With great magic comes great corruption. Visions of the future dominated my dreams. Visions of the Aldmeri Dominion started creeping into my mind. Visions of them taking over Skyrim, killing the High King…me…and everyone in any royal clan. Everyone who stood up to them was killed. And these dreams started when I was eight. Every night the same dreams. The Altmer with dark robes and sharp teeth would bite me, rip my throat out, and then laugh over my disposing corpse. The pain, the numbness, the feeling of there being a hole in my throat…it was real to me. Every night…every night for two years straight. These visions were so dark that I woke up vomiting from fear. Sometimes I woke up believing I was dead. Ruby did everything she could to help but it didn't help. My nightmares were more than just some dream to be forgotten… it was a calling, a fate I couldn't deny.

So, as you can guess, looking into the past for strong leaders who faced fear on a daily basis inspired me. By the time I learned how to look into the past, I was already looking for inspiration to keep me strong. Erandur was a great source of inspiration for me. He survived the darkest of days and made sure all his closest friends survived too. If he were my friend…he'd protect me as well. I would be safe. No vampire would be able to get to me. Master Neloth was a strong mage, but I had a dream that he would be too busy in Morrowind to help me in my time of need. I think it was a diversion. I don't really know. My vision of that battle was blurry to me.

There was something good though. I was too afraid to look into the future, too afraid to actually see myself die… to see the moments that would lead to my final demise… the moment that would lead to my greatest nightmare, the shadow I'd always run from. I knew that nothing good waited for me in the future, so I refused to look for it. I tried to close myself out. But one night I saw something. It was small, but there was a light. A bright light but…it so far into that future that it didn't keep me safe from dying. But it was there. It was caused by a Shoutman by the name of Bloodstain. When I died, the world became a shadow. A shadow owned by vampires. But…this Bloodstain. I don't know. He brought the light back. I could see it. It gave me hope. If only he existed in my time, he would help give me hope too. Help keep me feeling protected and safe. He did what no one could do. He stood against the fallen darkness, pushing it away, reclaiming Skyrim. Later reclaiming the whole world. He kept it safe his whole life. I needed him as badly as I needed Erandur. It was too bad that their time had already come and gone, and did not occur yet. I was on my own. Me and what was left of my family. I continued to train to beat my dad in a match. If I won him back, he'd protect me. And we'd stand a chance against the Dominion.

Dreams of me being killed continued to fill my mind every night while I slept. Every night I'd wake up screaming, grabbing my sheets. My new best friend, Ranjha, started sleeping in my room. She was three years younger than me but she was one of the closest friends I had. Ruby actually moved her into my room to keep me calm at night. And it helped, but only after I woke up. But then, the dream changed. Now, I saw the mental image of a vampiric Altmer ripping my throat out, but only after he killed my new friend first. Ranjha bravely stood in front of me, holding a crystal dagger. Then there's some sickening sound and she…just falls down. I look down and there's this steaming hole in the middle of her forehead. All I saw was some hand-cannon in the Altmer's hand. It was only after she was killed that he comes after me. She was my last hope, my last attempt to live and…she dies right in front of me. Waking up from those dreams with Ranjha shaking me only made me cry and hug her. I screamed at her to forgive me. She always reassured me that she wouldn't let it happen. But…somehow I know…I know she doesn't understand what I do. Those dreams scared me to death for three years. But I resigned myself to finally fight my father. I was nearing my 11th birthday, only a few months away. It was now or never. I wouldn't wait forever. Part of me wanted to wait. I knew that if I failed, my life would never get better.

So I did it. I told Ruby I was going to fight my dad. And… that's when she started crying. She bent down, grabbed me by my arms… and finally shared with me her secret… of how she'd become so powerful. She told me I would understand when it mattered most… but she said that I wasn't ready yet, that… this was my final test. She wouldn't tell me what it was, but it had to wait until we were back home in Winterhold. The ride back was quiet; Ruby spent the whole ride back petting Ranjha's head, silently giving her attention in the world. When we got back to Adularia Hall, the guildhall for the Crimson Blades, Ruby pulled me into her room. She said this was my final test. She said I would understand. She pulled off her crystal armband, placed it on her altar… grabbed a ceremonial dagger… and then shoved it into the wall… and started pounding her head against it. I watched as Ruby slammed her head repetitively against the wall… blood splashing everywhere. I think something in me snapped when I saw that happen. My surrogate mother just killed herself in front of me. Her final whispers were telling me… I was ready.

Furious, broken, confused… I marched to the throne room, still covered in Ruby's blood. I walked into Dad's throne room and challenged him with the same rules as last time. I could barely even think during the whole fight; I could only feel the numbness of seeing Ruby kill herself. We had a long battle, and I thought that I was going to lose for a second. But… then I woke up. I was mad… mad at Ruby for doing that. Furious that she would do that to me! To Ranjha! That pain… that ferocity was what threw me over the edge. My soul screamed out in pain… and it hit Dad with everything I literally had. Every person I lost… everyone that died for me… I couldn't stop myself from throwing their pain at him. And… I won. I won, and my father called me by my name, but I didn't care. I only wanted Ruby. My dad smiled at me, just like he did in all the visions of the past. He smiled and laughed. Then he spat up blood. He grabbed his chest, begged me to forgive him for all that he did to me as I grew up. Asked me to forgive him for all the grief, all the pain, all the negligence. Then… he fell over. He died. He used up the last of his soul to battle me. I restored him to his previous self, but it killed him. I killed my father. And the shadow that surrounded me only grew thicker. Ruby… Mom… Dad… I couldn't handle it.

By the time I was 11, I was so numb that I almost didn't care about anything anymore. I had lost all my hope. The dreams stopped bothering me. They still came, but now it was like 'oh, I died again. Oh look, Brelyna was decapitated. Oh well'. They never really stopped and they only evolved to become more sickening, but I did find the hope I was looking for. Something I could do to change who I was. Something I could do to change our fates. The day when I found out there was a spell that allowed me to teleport through time, I had some degree of hope. A spell that allowed me to travel through time and space. A spell I could use to fix what didn't need to happen. I could bring everyone back to life. I thought about how I could use it, but really, what did you think I thought of doing first? I decided I could use it to see my father and mother before they died. Back when Ruby was still their child and they had crazy adventures. Back when times were fun and enjoyable.

Where did I find this spell? I found it in the elder scroll that I stole from my dad. I was looking for answers, answers that I knew this scroll had. It knew everything and I was already blind. What more could it do to me? While the scroll didn't immediately show me anything, I did receive a vision of the first Psijic monks developing the spell of teleportation. The mechanics behind it, how it worked. Everything. Akatosh had given the spell to the Psijics so that they could protect the multi-dimensions when they were needed. And now, their spell would help me. Help me end these nightmares once and for all. Help me bring Ruby, Mom, and Dad back to life. But even though I knew the spell, I didn't use it. I was afraid of messing it up and getting lost somewhere in time I didn't want to be. It was a very precise spell and I wasn't sure if I could handle it. But, just the thought of me knowing it, knowing that it existed as an option, gave me a smile I lost a few months ago.

Waking up with Ranjha crying in my arms over the loss of her mother led me to the decision using that teleportation spell to leave my timeline for a while. I told her I would fix everything. I had to. I'd save Mom… I'd save Dad… I'd save Ruby. Heck, I'd even save Ruby's parents! I would save everyone that ever suffered! Ruby was dead, Dad, Mom, Veselle… too many friends I grew up with. I didn't care if the spell didn't work; if I just died trying it. I had to leave. I had to try. On my eleventh birthday, I used that spell. And it worked. I traveled back in time. I did something simple to start with. I popped up during the time of the Aedra Wars and helped a skeleton reclaim his body. He was this Khajiit named J'skar and he really needed my help. Just helping him get his skin back made me feel better. But doing that alone made me realize that I could do so…much…more. I started thinking about all the things I could accomplish. All the things I wanted to see and do.

I wanted to see the Aedra War; I wanted to see a lot of stuff. More importantly, though. I wanted what was always clutched in my arms…my mother's journal. I wanted my mother, to sit in her lap, to talk to her, to hear her voice, to feel her warmth. Just thinking about it sent shivers down my spine. And the journal that was clutched to my chest was very important to me. I read it every day. There were things that I wanted to change out of selfish reasons. Saving lives in the past meant that people in my present would still be alive. Saving Ruby's father would give her some emotional support. She wouldn't kill herself if he was alive in our timeline. And Ruby would be back too; she was obviously mentally ill. If I kept Dad from losing his soul to Alduin, he wouldn't become a husk. He'd be with me as he should have been. And Mother might have not died either. It was worth a shot. So, I did what I could. I joined the Legion and met up with Mommy. I thought about just sticking with her without telling her who I was, but after so long, after never being able to touch her, to feel her warmth, I had to tell her. And surprisingly, she took it really well. She was overwhelmed at how I looked like her sister… and then I told her the truth. And that's when it all made sense to her. And just like that, I was able to have her hold me, to wrap me up in her arms. I was so happy.

I had a lot of fun during that year. I followed Mom and Dad around… even running into Ruby. When I first saw her… a scraggly little cave-dweller… I was so mad at her for what she did to me that I refused to acknowledge that I knew her. Because I didn't. I didn't know Ruby as well as I hoped I had. To do that to me at the last minute… just so I could beat my dad. I would have gladly given that up if it meant having her instead. So, I refused to play nicely with her. Whenever I was near her, I pretended that I didn't know her, or cared. I even pulled minor pranks on her just out of spite. But… I saved her father for her, so it wasn't like I was being totally unreasonable.

As I journeyed with my parents, I used my third eye to show me what would happen if I did this or if I did that, but that knowledge was so blurry that I couldn't see what it led to. So I never utilized my teleportation spell to change how major events played out. I just threw out little hints every now and then, and changed all the major stuff that I believe didn't need to happen. Like saving M'aiq's life. Now I had a chance to see how that would later save Ruby's life. I didn't want to screw things up, so I tried my best to keep to myself to as close to the actual timeline as possible. If something changed, I might not be born, or someone I loved might have gotten hurt worse. Playing with time is scary enough, trying to change it without knowing what will happen is scarier. So, instead, I followed my actions as I thought was practically invisible. And I managed to save a life that died in the past, that was good enough for me. And I had my family back. That was all I ever wanted.

But even though messing with the past was dangerous, I had to remind myself that I wanted to change it. Father's spirit died in that portal and my mother died of a broken heart a few months later. Most of our friends died because of stupid things, and I knew that keeping Father alive would keep them alive in the long end. The future was screwed up and it needed to be better. So I stayed with Dad and Mom until I became a liability. The day everyone became Blades, I had to leave. I had to be older to train as a Blade, like 14 or something. And since everyone else was training, I knew I had to become stronger too. I traveled back to my timeline to grow a little older and stronger. After all, I could come back to my time or Mom's any time I wanted to. I just needed to be patient. I would see my mother again.

When I came back to my own time, I was already grabbed by Psijic monks. They grabbed my arms actually in the portal and heaved me through. They punished me for using their magic to 'change' the past, even though I only saved M'aiq's life. Coming back I saw that the things I did had not affected my timeline. M'aiq was still dead, Ruby too. Everyone was still dead. I was crushed. For the next few years, the Psijic monks continued to teach me the ways of their order. Apparently, just knowing how to travel in time was enough reason for them to make me one of them. They continued to shove the thought that changing the future can have dangerous results. It became a bit of a mantra for me. "Changing the past will only lead to more pain for others in the future." The Psijics did more than just push my hopes down the drain. They taught me about everything else that was wrong with me. But, they taught me how to control my powers at least. By my sixteenth birthday, I had become a Psijic monk. That didn't matter to me though. I still couldn't change the future. The dreams of me dying still filled my mind. But now it wasn't just my death I dreamed of. It was everyone's. Everyone that had not died yet, all my friends… they all died. And…I couldn't do anything to change it. It was something I knew I couldn't fix. And that sucked to know.

Want to know something? Today's that day. Today's the day everyone I know dies. The Thalmor have broken through our last defenses and they are going to march up here. I've done everything I can to prepare for this day. And I won't just lie down and die. I will fight to my last breath. I will save my daughter, and somewhere in the future, a smart man will save our planet. But even if that day comes to pass, this day must pass first. That dream I've always feared will come to light. That vampire that I dreamt of was going to end up killing me and darkness will fall on Skyrim for almost 100 years. Bloodstain, I hope you are all I dreamed of, and spoke to. You better take care of my descendant. If not, I'm so going to kick your ass when you die.

Cearbhail:

I would like to thank all of you for staying with me for this long. If my time gets cut short... you will at least know how this part of the story ends.