A pleasant aroma rises from the chalice of red wine I hold beneath my nose. A second of peace, gifted to me even though I did not deserve it, a moment I should be grateful for. I drink some of the vintage, taking in its robust taste; it's not that I particularly like drinking, but just this once, I need wine. The gusts from the sea blow relentlessly around me, yet I stand unwavering, with only the wine to comfort me. I stand here unaccompanied, alone, friendless... just like she was back then.
"Evelyn, it's already been several weeks," I begin, my voice shaking slightly as I speak into the lonely air. "I know that may not feel like much now, but at least I'm not the same person as I was back then." It was true. I had become different; I was just an obedient son back then, trying my best to adhere to my family's wishes. Once I met Evelyn, I had something else to stand for, something else to be, something all my own. Sure, I was still a Lannister, a lion destined to roar. But I had felt, experienced, loved... something other than something Lannister.
Each time I saw Evelyn reading in the garden at Crakehall, I couldn't help but notice her. She was from the small and insignificant House Lannett of Lannisport... she was likely a distant relation of mine - just like House Lantell and House Lanny. Even so, she did not officially bare the Lannett name because her mother was a whore; Evelyn bore the surname Hill. Yet, despite her bastardy, her father had successfully campaigned for her to cross the Ocean Road and attend court at Crakehall Castle as one of young Amarei's handmaidens when she was thirteen. The result was that Evenlyn held a respectable position despite her birth. Still, I only ever saw her alone, never in the company of Amarei or any of her other ladies... Her birth was her only sin.
I sip my wine once more, trying to steady my now shaking hands.
The breeze blowing from the west and through my open window is cold, but it is not the source of my chills.
I ignore the coming storm and take a step back into my memories.
From across the garden, her tiny smile beamed towards me; the lonely girl with long golden curls; the girl that always kept her head down; the girl that had no companions and kept her head buried in books. I never once saw her smile at anyone other than me. I was only twelve when Evelyn gave me that lovely, innocently shy smile. I'm sure it was on that day, in that moment, that I fell in love with her. No one, not a single soul, would ever understand how much I longed to rescue her from her lonely life.
The rain begins falling, covering the seaside with dark clouds. Thunder roars in the sky. Lightening strikes through the atmosphere. The cold gusts still ravage the air. I drink from the wine one last time before tossing the golden chalice towards the cliff-side below. I watch as the jeweled goblet falls, eventually to the same exact spot where my lips first met hers.
Evelyn stood at the cliff-side, gazing out at the horizon as the sea-breeze blew all around her. She stood alone; against the coldness of the gusts, against the coldness of the world. Her mousy, timid mannerisms. Her understated strength and courage. I may had been a young lad of only thirteen, but I knew what love was and I loved absolutely everything about her.
As she turned and noticed me approaching, her eyes widened in excitement and her lips curved up with giddiness. My heart pounded wildly in my chest and my stomach churned with a strangely pleasant unease. Then, I knelt before her, took her small hand in mine and asked her to be my bride. Not only did she say yes, she knelt down and placed her lips to mine, kissing me for the first time in the three years I had known her.
The squall is bitterly cold; unforgiving and harsh, yet I still stand here at my open window while the gale assaults me and the downpour soaks into my fine clothes.
I shiver violently at the memories... the decision that that had filled me with such joy, but ultimately led to a tragic end.
I had wrote to my father back home at Casterly Rock. His response was quick; a raven returned baring the lion's seal only a few days later.
Father couldn't condone such a marriage proposal. Evelyn may have been a distant relative that clearly held the infamous Lannister features and she may have-spent her entire life in noble houses, but she was also the illegitimate offspring of a minor house. By title, by blood, by birth, she was not noble and certainly not a suitable spouse for any son of Tywin Lannister. In my father's eyes, I was the only heir to Casterly Rock. He would not squander his chances at a beneficial alliance with a great house by allowing me to marry "some peasant." Since I was fourteen and was fast approaching marriageable age, Father had ideas for me to marry Lysa Tully and couldn't accept the girl I had chosen for myself.
Despite his lettered response to my proposal, I met with Evelyn in the forest that surrounded Crakehall Castle. With the moonlight shining through the breaks in the treetops above us, Evelyn and I exchanged solemn vows of love. In full view of the Gods, we placed simple gold bands on the fourth finger of each other's left hand and then we shared the kiss that bound us together in marriage. Under the trees, beneath the full moon and sparkling stars in the sky, we made love for the first time.
Staring out of my window as the monsoon fell upon Crakehall, my thoughts wandered to my mother.
She used to say that love blinds people. Sure, I understood it... all too well actually. Loving Cersei taught me that we tend not to see the bad side of someone we love. That was the pathetic part of being in love; sometimes even the worst person in this world can be the best person for your own beliefs. Loving Evelyn taught me something completely different; that life is blind without love. I learned that love breeds hope, despite how unlikely the dream was. So I found myself convinced that if my family would only meet her, they would accept her and grow to care for her as I did.
I was, of course, wrong. Being optimistic and having hope were my greatest mistakes. Would the gods ever forgive my sins? Love had made me not only blind, but incredibly foolish. With a broken heart, I stare out the window towards the ground several hundred feet below me. I'm contemplating suicide, falling to death in the same exact spot that she had agreed to marry me.
"My sweet Evelyn," I say her name happily as if it will bring me closer to her, as if she'll be waiting for me on the other-side with a smile, as if this leap will allow us to be together. "Forever."
Only a fortnight into our marriage, I wrote again to my father suggesting that we gather the family at Casterly Rock for a small dinner; a secret celebration of my marriage to Evelyn. Father accepted and not only was he pleased to see me again, but seemed quite fond of my young bride.
But my dream-come-true lasted only a few hours; after dinner, Elelyn began to feel ill. I carried her to my old bedroom at the Rock. My father called for the maester, but it was too late. Her skin turned frightening pale and I held her tightly in my arms while she shook violently and cried out with screams of agony. For several moments I cried with her, knowing that this was the end. After only ten minutes, her body went limp in my arms and I felt her breathing fade. I had to watch as my wife, the one I loved hopefully, died within my embrace.
My heart broken, I walked out of my chambers still holding her breathless body in my arms. My father and Cersei both stood in the hall, both of them almost smiling triumphantly. My head lowered and my words stuttering with tears, I spoke with trembling lips, "I will wed whoever you wish, Father."
I knew that I would never escape my fate; I was a Lannister.