Summary: Harry and Ginny's first time.

A/N: This isn't your usual smut fic. Take it as more of a what not write. This idea came from a very late night Messenger conversation and the idea is to show what we as a fandom don't like to see when we read smut, bad clichés and even worse euphemisms. In short, this fic is all in good humour. It's meant to be laughed at. It's not aimed at anyone in particular and isn't meant to offend. Its supposed to be taken lightly.

This fic is dedicated to the ever so lovely deenas who lit the flame and the equally lovely belladonnatb and lunalovepotter who coaxed it. Also a huge thanks to deenas for the beta.

When Badly Written Smut Happens To Good Characters

Harry kicked the door closed behind him as Ginny pulled his sweater over his head to reveal his well defined pectoral muscles and abs.

Ginny's breath caught in her throat as Harry crushed his lips to hers.

Harry had been away at a six week Auror training camp and during that period, she had had time to consider their level of intimacy. She and Harry had been back together for over a year now and she'd be the first to admit that she had him on a rather short leash, as far as touching and sex were concerned. While it had been obvious that Harry was ready to that next step, it had been equally obvious that she was unsure.

Well, that was until she'd spent six weeks away from him and had finally had time to consider that ache she felt whenever he wasn't around. After six weeks of being away from her boyfriend, she was craving his touch; she couldn't wait to feel his hunk of meat in her Easy Bake Oven.

For his part, Harry couldn't keep the grin off of his face. He'd been waiting for months for this and to be quite honest, no matter how willing he was to wait for her to be ready, and he'd wait forever, it was getting quite frustrating having to polish the wand every time he returned home from an evening spent in his girlfriends' company.

To return home to a rather sexed up Ginny trying to rip his clothes off was nothing short of being the biggest turn on of his life. He was finally going to get some of the old in and out, burp the worm in the mole hole, put the candle in pumpkin, do the hippogriff…

Stop thinking, Harry!

His eyes refocused only to find Ginny standing before him in nothing but her black lace panties.

Where'd her clothes go?

Why do you care?

It was just a thought.

Well, stop thinking and do something!

Ignoring his internal monologue, Harry's eyes feasted on the beautiful redhead before him. She was sauntering towards him, causing her jugs to jiggle as she moved across the room, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her warm body up against his own.

There was no way she hadn't noticed the immediate tenting in his loose fitting jeans.

"You have too many clothes on, Harry," she purred as her tongue trailed down his chest.

He quirked an eyebrow at her boldness, even as she continued to lick a path down his stomach. She stopped at his waistband but proceeded to unsnap the button and unzip the fly. She gently tugged on the trouser-legs causing the jeans to pool at his feet. His boxers soon followed.

Ginny stared wide eyed at his enormous love snake. "Are you sure that's going to fit?"

Harry just chuckled. "You're far too good for my ego, Gin."

He bent to pull her up but she just shook her head and turned to look at his member again. She tentatively reached out to touch it, pulling back slightly when it twitched at the first gentle caress.

Guessing this was normal, Ginny wrapped her hand around the base of his baby-maker and slowly began to pump him off. She watched as his eyes rolled back in his head, obviously getting rather close. Deciding to take things a bit further, Ginny slowly wrapped her mouth around his bell-end, which resulted in Harry's hand fisting in her hair. She slowly pumped her mouth over him, her tongue licking the underside of his flappadoodle as her rhythm picked up.

Harry felt the tightening at the base of his wigga-wagga and in his sack. "Gin, I'm gonna…"

Ginny pulled away in just in time to see the money shot land all over her boulders. It was in that moment she decided she loved sucky-fucky. Harry pulled her to her feet, only to pull her tight against him, drawing her into a deep kiss. Someone moaned but neither was certain of who. Harry pulled away to trail kisses down the column of her throat, along the juncture where it met her shoulder and down over the sensitive skin of her tits, running his tongue along the underside and finally coming up to take her nipple into his mouth. He grinned against her skin when he felt it tighten like a Frankenstein bolt as he rolled it around his tongue. Ginny's hand fisted into his messy raven hair as he trailed kisses across to lavish her other breast with the same attention. She could feel heat pooling in the pit of her stomach, the shiver that ran down her back having nothing to do with the cool air in the room.

Harry slid his hands around to her smooth thighs, and her legs automatically came up to wrap around his waist, while his mouth was still latched onto her breasts. He wasn't ashamed to admit that he took perverse pleasure in the fact that he was the only thing she was touching. He didn't even have to share her with the floor. This only proceeded to make him hard again.

He set her down in the centre of her large bed, drawing back on his haunches at her feet.

"So beautiful," he murmured, laying on his stomach to reign kisses along the instep of her foot, drawing her big toe into his mouth.

Ginny had never realised how sensitive her feet were before. She'd have to remember to tell Luna that she'd been right about the foot-thing. It felt incredible.

Harry brushed kisses up her legs, stopping at the apex of her thighs. "You're sure?" he asked.

At her nod he hooked his fingers inside her lace knickers and began to pull them down her legs as she lifted her hips. Ginny fought the urge to cover up as Harry's eyes raked over her body. His hands stroked the inside of her thighs as he leant forward to place butterfly kisses over the flat plane of her belly.

"Relax, Gin," he whispered, feeling her body tense under him as he travelled further south.

He settled himself between her legs, keeping eye contact with her at all times.

He ghosted his index finger over her slit, her eyes fluttered closed as he finally opened her to him. He brought his lips to her hairy harmonica, placing light kisses on her warm flesh. The quiet moans he received only served to encourage him further in his movements. He traced her fleshy heaven with his tongue, lapping at her lovedew as he searched for the bulb of her flower.

His tongue stroked over her special notch, using only minimum pressure, as he inserted two fingers into her wookie hole, trying to prepare her as best he could. Harry continued his ministrations on her cha-cha, picking up tempo when he felt her begin to tighten around his digits. The increase of pressure on her clit pushed Ginny over the edge, the walls of her cunny pulsing around Harry's fingers even as his tongue swirled around her nub and drank up her lovejuices.

Harry trailed kisses up over her belly and breasts as he came up level with her, brushing a gentle kiss over lips. "You okay?"

Ginny nodded, nuzzling her nose against his. She could taste herself on his lips and decided that that was even more erotic that the feet-thingy.

"You ready?" Harry asked as he rested his forehead against hers, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

At her nod, Harry pulled back slightly using one hand to position himself at her entrance. He dropped light kisses over her eyes, cheeks and lips as his love train slowly entered her cavern of lust.

Ginny, tensed at the new intrusion. The pain was worse than she had expected. She fought against her desire to push him away, to make the pain stop.

Once seated inside of her, Harry showed extreme self control as he went against his body's first instinct to pound into her. He reigned kisses all over her face, trying to take the pain away. He watched anxiously until her face showed signs of relaxation.

"You can move now, Harry," she said quietly.

Harry kissed her deeply as he began to pull back…

"Er…Ginny?" he asked. His face buried in her neck.

"What?"

"We have a problem." He attempted pull back again. "I'm stuck"

"What do you mean you're stuck?"

Harry lifted his head to meet her steady gaze. "I mean, I'm stuck. I can't move."

"You said that wouldn't happen, Harry," Ginny accused.

"No, I said you were good for my ego. I never said it wouldn't happen."

Ginny shot him a scathing look, the problem being that she only managed to turn him on even more when she was angry.

They held each other in a strained silence for a minute before Ginny dissolved into a fit of giggles. The small quivers of her laughter doing nothing to help their situation.

"Harry?"

"Yes, love?"

"What time is it?"

"Five minutes to seven," he answered, gazing at the clock on the nightstand. "Why?"

"Well, my parents said they'd be home sometime around seven, so maybe they could help us out of our predicament."

Harry looked like a deer caught in the headlights when he heard the distinct sound of Apparition come from the floor below.