Disclaimer: I own only my conversation. Anything else is up for grabs.
The large battered chair sat in the corner of the Gryffindor common room. It was old and worn, and nobody liked to sit there due to a nasty broken spring that threatened to pop out from the cushion any time now. However, being a Weasley, Percy was used to such things, and found the chair oddly comfortable. He wasn't sure what had prompted him to visit his brothers and sister this weekend, but he vowed to never do it again.
"Honestly," he muttered, sitting down cautiously in the worn chair, "I come all this way, possibly damaging my chances for a promotion, just to visit and all I get is a 'hi Percy, we're off to do exciting things without you!' Well, I simply won't stand for it. As soon as they get back from their escapades, I shall certainly have to give them a talking to."
He picked up the thick book he had checked out at the library, feeling the worn leather in his hands. It was perfect for a bit of light reading, he thought. Opening the book he found something quite different. As opposed to "The History of The Ministry: Volume 1" he found a page with neat scrawl on it. Sighing, he pushed his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose. Perhaps he'd read it anyways. After all, what else was he to do?
He began to read the neatly printed lettering.
"Dear valued reader, I know that you expected to read about the History of the Ministry, but let's be honest. If you honestly wanted to read that, you're a dreadful bore and perhaps this will lighten your spirits.
I am a witch from far in the future, and I have many Muggle acquaintances. One of these being my dear friend, Janus Thinker. He's quite a nice fellow, just a bit slow. So I decided to have some fun with him. Don't worry, I used a memory charm at the end of the conversation. He still believes we discussed kumquats for an hour!"
Percy's eyes darted nervously around the room. He knew it was absent, but he still felt uneasy. Was this sort of thing allowed on school grounds? Could he get in trouble for this? It would blemish his otherwise perfect record! Of course, he wasn't a student anymore. And he did need his spirits lifted. Chewing on his bottom lip, Percy flipped the page and began to read.
PrincessRuby2001: shouldn't you be working on your
paper?:o
Janus Thinker: Yep, should.
PrincessRuby2001: tsk, tsk, tsk
Janus Thinker: Indeed.
PrincessRuby2001: i can't believe you're waiting until
now or even later to begin writing
Janus Thinker: Me, neither. I must be hallucinating. I bet
it's done already!
PrincessRuby2001: hmmph
Janus Thinker: hmmph indeed.
PrincessRuby2001: you really should write it
PrincessRuby2001: what's the topic?
Janus Thinker: Five one-page analyses of articles on
Chechnya.
PrincessRuby2001: ?
Janus Thinker: ?
PrincessRuby2001: what's Chechnya?
Janus Thinker: ::baps self::
PrincessRuby2001: ?
Janus Thinker: The country in southwestern Asia that
Russia's been pounding the hell out of for eight years...
PrincessRuby2001: ?
Janus Thinker: ::sighs::
PrincessRuby2001: ?
Janus Thinker: That's WHY they've been able to pound the
hell out of a civilian population for eight years, I suppose...
PrincessRuby2001: sorry if we aren't all as
well-informed and updated on events as you are
Janus Thinker: Yeeeeah..
PrincessRuby2001: what, you think I'm dumb? Just
because I didn't know about any of this?
Janus Thinker: Nope.
Janus Thinker: Just disappointed.
PrincessRuby2001: then why all the snarky
comments?
Janus Thinker: Snarky?
PrincessRuby2001: why "disappointed"? Just because
I don't know about that kind of stuff?
Janus Thinker: That the average person or above doesn't,
yeah.
PrincessRuby2001: what!?
Janus Thinker: I think that one of our close allies
slaughtering civilians by the thousands is sort of important in
world affairs, so I think everyone should know 'bout it...
PrincessRuby2001: oh, well, then let's all bow down
to Jared, king of current affairs
Janus Thinker: Mmmk...
Janus Thinker: Why are you pissed at me?
PrincessRuby2001: WHAT!!??
PrincessRuby2001: because you basically insinuated
that I'm DUMB!!!
Janus Thinker: ;;sighs::
PrincessRuby2001: WHAT?
Janus Thinker: I didn't say that, and specifically said that I
didn't say that when you asked me to clarify.
Janus Thinker: So why are you still pissed about
something i didn't say?
PrincessRuby2001: you INSINUATED it
Janus Thinker: No...you read it into what I was saying...
PrincessRuby2001: well, for me to read into it, there
had to have been something there!!!
Janus Thinker: ::wanting to bash my head against a wall::
PrincessRuby2001: good
Janus Thinker: Geezey creezey.
Janus Thinker: I didn't say anything, so you're pissed at
me.
PrincessRuby2001: you insinuated
Janus Thinker: I point out that I didn't say anything, and
you say that I must've, since I you got pissed.
PrincessRuby2001: you insinuated
Janus Thinker: Claire, the whole meaning of the phrase
"read into it" is that THERE WASN'T ANYTHING THERE.
PrincessRuby2001: you insinuated
Janus Thinker: I don't think you're dumb, and I didn't say
that you were, and I didn't even imply that you were. RELAX!
PrincessRuby2001: I'm not the one using all capitals,
I'm plenty relaxed
Janus Thinker: ::whacking head again::
PrincessRuby2001: good
Janus Thinker: Relaxed, and yet wishing me bodily
harm..::sighs::
PrincessRuby2001: I wish everyone bodily harm
Janus Thinker: ::sighs again::
PrincessRuby2001: you Malfoy you
Janus Thinker: Whahuh?
PrincessRuby2001: you're a Death Eater
Janus Thinker: ?????
PrincessRuby2001: you Amazing Bouncing Ferret you
Janus Thinker: ::gives up and flops::
PrincessRuby2001: MUDBLOOD!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: ::sleeps::
PrincessRuby2001: squib!
Janus Thinker: I wonder how much effort it would take to
budgeon myself to death...
PrincessRuby2001: I think you meant bludgeon?
Janus Thinker: Indeed.
PrincessRuby2001: hehehehehehehehe
PrincessRuby2001: you're a house-elf
Janus Thinker: Uh...huh...
PrincessRuby2001: MUGGLE-LOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: I should inform Lauren that she's a muggle.
PrincessRuby2001: she might be, it's too early to tell
Janus Thinker: mmmk...
PrincessRuby2001: has she shown any signs?
Janus Thinker: Couldn't tell ya, not knowing what a muggle
is...
Janus Thinker: You should be aware that there are three
condoms on my ceiling, though.
PrincessRuby2001: You're not supposed to know
PrincessRuby2001: that doesn't make you less of a
muggle
Janus Thinker: Mmmmk.
PrincessRuby2001: unless you're a squib
Janus Thinker: I'm gonna salt you.
PrincessRuby2001: in which case, there's a
Kwik-Spell course you can sign up for
PrincessRuby2001: OHMYGOD!!!!!!!!! Tricia's
covered in silver blood!!!!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: Ha!
PrincessRuby2001: I already have my RDA of msg,
thanks
Janus Thinker: Not salty enuf, though.
PrincessRuby2001: *apparates to Diagon Alley for
some salt for Jared and a butterbeer from the Three
Broomsticks*
Janus Thinker: Pooey.
PrincessRuby2001: why do you say that?
Janus Thinker: Just do.
PrincessRuby2001: would you like some pepper-up
potion?
Janus Thinker: Nope.
PrincessRuby2001: It'll make you feel better
Janus Thinker: Nope.
PrincessRuby2001: Would you like a Chocolate frog?
Janus Thinker: I'm good.
PrincessRuby2001: you might get Agrippa!!!
Janus Thinker: ::goes thud::
PrincessRuby2001: or Nicolas Flamel!!!!!
Janus Thinker: ::kills self using a sewing needle, a glue gun,
a butter knife, and a fish skeleton::
PrincessRuby2001: will you be haunting the common
rooms, now?
Janus Thinker: S'pose.
PrincessRuby2001: will you be haunting the
dungeons?
Janus Thinker: Nope.
PrincessRuby2001: or the Great Hall?
Janus Thinker: Nope.
Janus Thinker: Lauren's house. I shall comfort and protect
her.
PrincessRuby2001: well, then, have you spoken to the
Bloody Baron?
PrincessRuby2001: she won't be able to see you if
she's a Muggle
Janus Thinker: Nope.
PrincessRuby2001: Well, then, it's not much fun being
a ghost now is it?
Janus Thinker: Nope.
Janus Thinker: If you kill Lauren, tho, I will be most
displeased.
PrincessRuby2001: I won't kill her, I'm not a Tom
Riddle
Janus Thinker: Whozat?
PrincessRuby2001: Lord Voldemort, of course
PrincessRuby2001: ?
Janus Thinker: Crazy.
PrincessRuby2001: I am not, you Muggle you!!!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: What the hell is a muggle?
PrincessRuby2001: well, you're one, so I think you'd
know
Janus Thinker: ::bap::
PrincessRuby2001: oooh, nice comeback, Muggle
Janus Thinker: ::bap, whap, slap, bap, whap, nap::
PrincessRuby2001: too bad I apparated to the other
side of the room before all of that
Janus Thinker: I got my nap in, tho.
PrincessRuby2001: good, you Muggles need to keep
up your strength
Janus Thinker: Damn. There just isn't enough quality free
porn available.
PrincessRuby2001: You could try the Prefect's
bathroom
Janus Thinker: Whassat?
PrincessRuby2001: oh, I forgot, you're a Muggle, you
wouldn't know...
Janus Thinker: ::baps ya::
PrincessRuby2001: apparated out of the way
Janus Thinker: ::punches ya::
PrincessRuby2001: AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: Joodira uumrathuma!
PrincessRuby2001: sorry, you're dead now, no smart
comebacks for you!
Janus Thinker: Umrathuma!
PrincessRuby2001: doesn't work, you're dead!!!!
Janus Thinker: ::violently baps you::
PrincessRuby2001: Unless...could it be? It's the boy
who lived!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: Yep.
PrincessRuby2001: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
I'm destroyed!!!!! I must find a turban!!!!
Janus Thinker: Alllrighty.
PrincessRuby2001: Shoo!!!! Go to your cupboard
under the stairs!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: I'm busy shopping for handcuffs.
PrincessRuby2001: Why not just use the full body
bind?
Janus Thinker: Want to get that, too, but handcuffs have
their uses.
PrincessRuby2001: okay, I'm tired now, I must
apparate to my bed now
Janus Thinker: Have fun.
PrincessRuby2001: Yup...
Percy closed the book, a smile crossing his otherwise solemn face. He supposed the boy had it coming to him. It was never in proper taste to insult a lady's intelligence, especially when you couldn't spell bludgeon. Closing the book with a satisfied sigh, Percy turned and began to climb the stairs to the guest quarters where he was to spend the night. He'd deal with his family in the morning; after all, they couldn't be worse than this guy.
End
The large battered chair sat in the corner of the Gryffindor common room. It was old and worn, and nobody liked to sit there due to a nasty broken spring that threatened to pop out from the cushion any time now. However, being a Weasley, Percy was used to such things, and found the chair oddly comfortable. He wasn't sure what had prompted him to visit his brothers and sister this weekend, but he vowed to never do it again.
"Honestly," he muttered, sitting down cautiously in the worn chair, "I come all this way, possibly damaging my chances for a promotion, just to visit and all I get is a 'hi Percy, we're off to do exciting things without you!' Well, I simply won't stand for it. As soon as they get back from their escapades, I shall certainly have to give them a talking to."
He picked up the thick book he had checked out at the library, feeling the worn leather in his hands. It was perfect for a bit of light reading, he thought. Opening the book he found something quite different. As opposed to "The History of The Ministry: Volume 1" he found a page with neat scrawl on it. Sighing, he pushed his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose. Perhaps he'd read it anyways. After all, what else was he to do?
He began to read the neatly printed lettering.
"Dear valued reader, I know that you expected to read about the History of the Ministry, but let's be honest. If you honestly wanted to read that, you're a dreadful bore and perhaps this will lighten your spirits.
I am a witch from far in the future, and I have many Muggle acquaintances. One of these being my dear friend, Janus Thinker. He's quite a nice fellow, just a bit slow. So I decided to have some fun with him. Don't worry, I used a memory charm at the end of the conversation. He still believes we discussed kumquats for an hour!"
Percy's eyes darted nervously around the room. He knew it was absent, but he still felt uneasy. Was this sort of thing allowed on school grounds? Could he get in trouble for this? It would blemish his otherwise perfect record! Of course, he wasn't a student anymore. And he did need his spirits lifted. Chewing on his bottom lip, Percy flipped the page and began to read.
PrincessRuby2001: shouldn't you be working on your
paper?:o
Janus Thinker: Yep, should.
PrincessRuby2001: tsk, tsk, tsk
Janus Thinker: Indeed.
PrincessRuby2001: i can't believe you're waiting until
now or even later to begin writing
Janus Thinker: Me, neither. I must be hallucinating. I bet
it's done already!
PrincessRuby2001: hmmph
Janus Thinker: hmmph indeed.
PrincessRuby2001: you really should write it
PrincessRuby2001: what's the topic?
Janus Thinker: Five one-page analyses of articles on
Chechnya.
PrincessRuby2001: ?
Janus Thinker: ?
PrincessRuby2001: what's Chechnya?
Janus Thinker: ::baps self::
PrincessRuby2001: ?
Janus Thinker: The country in southwestern Asia that
Russia's been pounding the hell out of for eight years...
PrincessRuby2001: ?
Janus Thinker: ::sighs::
PrincessRuby2001: ?
Janus Thinker: That's WHY they've been able to pound the
hell out of a civilian population for eight years, I suppose...
PrincessRuby2001: sorry if we aren't all as
well-informed and updated on events as you are
Janus Thinker: Yeeeeah..
PrincessRuby2001: what, you think I'm dumb? Just
because I didn't know about any of this?
Janus Thinker: Nope.
Janus Thinker: Just disappointed.
PrincessRuby2001: then why all the snarky
comments?
Janus Thinker: Snarky?
PrincessRuby2001: why "disappointed"? Just because
I don't know about that kind of stuff?
Janus Thinker: That the average person or above doesn't,
yeah.
PrincessRuby2001: what!?
Janus Thinker: I think that one of our close allies
slaughtering civilians by the thousands is sort of important in
world affairs, so I think everyone should know 'bout it...
PrincessRuby2001: oh, well, then let's all bow down
to Jared, king of current affairs
Janus Thinker: Mmmk...
Janus Thinker: Why are you pissed at me?
PrincessRuby2001: WHAT!!??
PrincessRuby2001: because you basically insinuated
that I'm DUMB!!!
Janus Thinker: ;;sighs::
PrincessRuby2001: WHAT?
Janus Thinker: I didn't say that, and specifically said that I
didn't say that when you asked me to clarify.
Janus Thinker: So why are you still pissed about
something i didn't say?
PrincessRuby2001: you INSINUATED it
Janus Thinker: No...you read it into what I was saying...
PrincessRuby2001: well, for me to read into it, there
had to have been something there!!!
Janus Thinker: ::wanting to bash my head against a wall::
PrincessRuby2001: good
Janus Thinker: Geezey creezey.
Janus Thinker: I didn't say anything, so you're pissed at
me.
PrincessRuby2001: you insinuated
Janus Thinker: I point out that I didn't say anything, and
you say that I must've, since I you got pissed.
PrincessRuby2001: you insinuated
Janus Thinker: Claire, the whole meaning of the phrase
"read into it" is that THERE WASN'T ANYTHING THERE.
PrincessRuby2001: you insinuated
Janus Thinker: I don't think you're dumb, and I didn't say
that you were, and I didn't even imply that you were. RELAX!
PrincessRuby2001: I'm not the one using all capitals,
I'm plenty relaxed
Janus Thinker: ::whacking head again::
PrincessRuby2001: good
Janus Thinker: Relaxed, and yet wishing me bodily
harm..::sighs::
PrincessRuby2001: I wish everyone bodily harm
Janus Thinker: ::sighs again::
PrincessRuby2001: you Malfoy you
Janus Thinker: Whahuh?
PrincessRuby2001: you're a Death Eater
Janus Thinker: ?????
PrincessRuby2001: you Amazing Bouncing Ferret you
Janus Thinker: ::gives up and flops::
PrincessRuby2001: MUDBLOOD!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: ::sleeps::
PrincessRuby2001: squib!
Janus Thinker: I wonder how much effort it would take to
budgeon myself to death...
PrincessRuby2001: I think you meant bludgeon?
Janus Thinker: Indeed.
PrincessRuby2001: hehehehehehehehe
PrincessRuby2001: you're a house-elf
Janus Thinker: Uh...huh...
PrincessRuby2001: MUGGLE-LOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: I should inform Lauren that she's a muggle.
PrincessRuby2001: she might be, it's too early to tell
Janus Thinker: mmmk...
PrincessRuby2001: has she shown any signs?
Janus Thinker: Couldn't tell ya, not knowing what a muggle
is...
Janus Thinker: You should be aware that there are three
condoms on my ceiling, though.
PrincessRuby2001: You're not supposed to know
PrincessRuby2001: that doesn't make you less of a
muggle
Janus Thinker: Mmmmk.
PrincessRuby2001: unless you're a squib
Janus Thinker: I'm gonna salt you.
PrincessRuby2001: in which case, there's a
Kwik-Spell course you can sign up for
PrincessRuby2001: OHMYGOD!!!!!!!!! Tricia's
covered in silver blood!!!!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: Ha!
PrincessRuby2001: I already have my RDA of msg,
thanks
Janus Thinker: Not salty enuf, though.
PrincessRuby2001: *apparates to Diagon Alley for
some salt for Jared and a butterbeer from the Three
Broomsticks*
Janus Thinker: Pooey.
PrincessRuby2001: why do you say that?
Janus Thinker: Just do.
PrincessRuby2001: would you like some pepper-up
potion?
Janus Thinker: Nope.
PrincessRuby2001: It'll make you feel better
Janus Thinker: Nope.
PrincessRuby2001: Would you like a Chocolate frog?
Janus Thinker: I'm good.
PrincessRuby2001: you might get Agrippa!!!
Janus Thinker: ::goes thud::
PrincessRuby2001: or Nicolas Flamel!!!!!
Janus Thinker: ::kills self using a sewing needle, a glue gun,
a butter knife, and a fish skeleton::
PrincessRuby2001: will you be haunting the common
rooms, now?
Janus Thinker: S'pose.
PrincessRuby2001: will you be haunting the
dungeons?
Janus Thinker: Nope.
PrincessRuby2001: or the Great Hall?
Janus Thinker: Nope.
Janus Thinker: Lauren's house. I shall comfort and protect
her.
PrincessRuby2001: well, then, have you spoken to the
Bloody Baron?
PrincessRuby2001: she won't be able to see you if
she's a Muggle
Janus Thinker: Nope.
PrincessRuby2001: Well, then, it's not much fun being
a ghost now is it?
Janus Thinker: Nope.
Janus Thinker: If you kill Lauren, tho, I will be most
displeased.
PrincessRuby2001: I won't kill her, I'm not a Tom
Riddle
Janus Thinker: Whozat?
PrincessRuby2001: Lord Voldemort, of course
PrincessRuby2001: ?
Janus Thinker: Crazy.
PrincessRuby2001: I am not, you Muggle you!!!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: What the hell is a muggle?
PrincessRuby2001: well, you're one, so I think you'd
know
Janus Thinker: ::bap::
PrincessRuby2001: oooh, nice comeback, Muggle
Janus Thinker: ::bap, whap, slap, bap, whap, nap::
PrincessRuby2001: too bad I apparated to the other
side of the room before all of that
Janus Thinker: I got my nap in, tho.
PrincessRuby2001: good, you Muggles need to keep
up your strength
Janus Thinker: Damn. There just isn't enough quality free
porn available.
PrincessRuby2001: You could try the Prefect's
bathroom
Janus Thinker: Whassat?
PrincessRuby2001: oh, I forgot, you're a Muggle, you
wouldn't know...
Janus Thinker: ::baps ya::
PrincessRuby2001: apparated out of the way
Janus Thinker: ::punches ya::
PrincessRuby2001: AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: Joodira uumrathuma!
PrincessRuby2001: sorry, you're dead now, no smart
comebacks for you!
Janus Thinker: Umrathuma!
PrincessRuby2001: doesn't work, you're dead!!!!
Janus Thinker: ::violently baps you::
PrincessRuby2001: Unless...could it be? It's the boy
who lived!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: Yep.
PrincessRuby2001: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
I'm destroyed!!!!! I must find a turban!!!!
Janus Thinker: Alllrighty.
PrincessRuby2001: Shoo!!!! Go to your cupboard
under the stairs!!!!!!
Janus Thinker: I'm busy shopping for handcuffs.
PrincessRuby2001: Why not just use the full body
bind?
Janus Thinker: Want to get that, too, but handcuffs have
their uses.
PrincessRuby2001: okay, I'm tired now, I must
apparate to my bed now
Janus Thinker: Have fun.
PrincessRuby2001: Yup...
Percy closed the book, a smile crossing his otherwise solemn face. He supposed the boy had it coming to him. It was never in proper taste to insult a lady's intelligence, especially when you couldn't spell bludgeon. Closing the book with a satisfied sigh, Percy turned and began to climb the stairs to the guest quarters where he was to spend the night. He'd deal with his family in the morning; after all, they couldn't be worse than this guy.
End