Steve reflects on his relationship with Danny after the events of 8.10. A short add-on to the episode.
*** H50 ***
Steve sat quietly by Danny's side watching his chest gently rise and fall. It almost seemed peaceful. Normal. It eased the pounding of his own heart which had taken several hours to recover after the harrowing events of the day.
Grateful for the solitude after everybody had left Danny's room and Danny had drifted off to sleep, Steve had finally had time to decompress. At least a little. And the privacy to deal with his overwhelming feelings. He had gone into the private bathroom and sobbed until there was no more liquid left in his body. He was glad no one was around to see his release. But truth be told, the entire team, Lou included, saw the pain, fear and relief in his eyes throughout the ordeal. Danny had taught him a lot about getting in touch with his feelings and he simply couldn't hide them anymore. At least not from Danny. Danny could read him like a book. And he couldn't hide from anybody else when it was about Danny.
Steve had had an epiphany of sorts while in the hospital room right after Danny had woken up after surgery. It had taken him by surprise. You'd think after seven plus years together either of them would have figured it out before now. But no, dense as they were, if Danny had figured it out, he sure hadn't shared it with him.
Smiling at his sleeping partner, he remembered the exact moment it became so obvious to him. When Eric snickered about his comment of having his finger inside of Danny, the innuendo wasn't lost on him. He hadn't meant it that way of course, but everybody in the room shared glances. And that's when it hit him like a ton of bricks. All the good-natured, and sometimes not so good-natured, bickering between them was a way to put distance between their real feelings. Keep them at arms' length. It was safe. Their little dance.
He could finally admit the depth of his feelings for his partner. It was true. He loved Danny. In so many ways, Danny was a part of him, part of his soul. They "felt" each other, picked up on one another even when they were physically apart. Especially when they were apart it seemed. That heartfelt soul connection that is hard to explain to anybody.
Steve had not divulged to anyone that he had known Danny coded on the table. He knew the precise moment. His heart had physically clenched and he willed his own heart to give Danny's the support and energy to come back. How do you explain that to anyone? It's simple. You don't.
And if that's not love, what is?
He knew one thing for sure - loving Danny was easy. And something he would do until the day he died. And beyond. Their love transcended everything, including eternity.
He kissed his still sleeping partner on his forehead and ran his hand through his soft flowing hair, gently massaging his head with his fingers. Only stopping briefly when he heard a softly mumbled, "Off the hair, Steven" which made him chuckle, but didn't stop him from continuing the massage. And considering Danny moved into his touch, Steve knew his partner doth protest too much.
Not knowing exactly what the future held for them, Steve no longer worried about it. What would be, would be. Que sera sera. The only thing that mattered was their undying love for each other.
Finally at peace, knowing his partner was safe and recovering by his side, Steve fell asleep to the sounds of Danny's gentle snoring.
***Pau***