Voldemort Goes To A Psychiatrist
Disclaimer: To answer all of your questions about whether I own Harry and co., no, NO, NOOOOOOO, too bad that I do not, I wish I did, and I don't. J.K. Rowling owns them and unfortunately I am not in any way related to her so I can't own Ron *sigh* [insert sad and flowery speech here]) Blah, blah, blah you know the rest….
"I just can't take it anymore!
I'm too mean!" Voldemort said to his pet snake Nagini. "That author just has to
portray me as some evil snake-guy," he glanced at Nagini and added quickly, "No
offense Nagini." She hissed and Voldemort continued, "I'm really a nice guy
inside! Why can't they see the Tom Riddle inside of me? Why, why, why?" Nagini
hissed something to him in snake-talk. Voldemort listened to her intently and
nodded in agreement. "You know, I think you're right. I do need to get some
psychiatric help! I'll see the best psychiatrist in town!"
So Voldemort jumped on his…er…well…he jumped on something and went off to a psychiatrist. *X-Files music starts to play* Will he return? Will Mulder find his way out? Or will Scully find him? Or will Voldemort go to the….DENTIST?! [DUN DUN DUN!]
A Few Minutes Later……….(*starts singing* dots, oh dots! I love the dots!)……………
Voldemort entered one of those whatcha-ma-call-it rooms and settled down on a couch. The psychiatrist walked in….(a Scottish pirate named Billy-Bob, no doubt!)
"Arr! What seems to be the problem me matey?" said the psychiatrist.
So Voldemort told him everything, from the time he was a little orphan singing Barney, to when he was blasting off people's heads for the fun of it.
"Arr, seems like ye had a tough break back there. Maybe ye better go take some time to relax in one of them there loony bins?" Dr. Billy-Bob said sympathetically. Voldemort became very enraged at this.
"ME?! A LOONY BIN?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR TEENY MIND?! I AM THE GREAT LORD VOLDEMORT! YOU CANNOT SEND ME TO A LOONY BIN!" he shouted.
"Arr, but I can," Dr. Billy-Bob said slyly. He made his *rich* stuffed parrot drag Voldemort to the 'Asylum For Befuddled Wizard Folk'.
The greeter was an shaky old man by the name of Elvis Presley. "I…" the old man did a funny little move with his arms. He had a very funny accent. "take it you're that…Lord Voldemort guy? Uh-huh…Thank you! Thank you very much! Just uh…follow this path and you'll meet up with your new uh…room mate…" The old man did another little move and slicked back what little was left of his black hair. Voldemort couldn't help thinking, So that was where Elvis went…
Voldemort (who was now in a strait jacket, courtesy of the security guards he tried to curse) reached the end of the gravel path where a man with messed-up blond hair and really big white teeth was standing in a strait jacket waiting for him.
"Hello!" the man said cheerfully. "Nice day isn't it? Nice day isn't it? Nice day isn't it? Nice day isn't it?" the man said over again and again; he sounded like a broken record, and he nodded every time he said it, too.
"No. It is not a nice day. It is a horrible day. I WAS DEFEATED BY A SCOTTISH PIRATE NAMED BILLY-BOB AND SENT TO A LOONY BIN!" Voldemort broke down into sobs. "And on top of it all, I MISS NAGINI!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Voldemort fell to the ground and kicked like a baby while crying loudly. The other man, however, simply gave him a blank stare, smiled, and said, "Nice day isn't it?" Voldemort kicked even harder at this.
"Ah! Gilderoy! Is this the new arrival? Lord Voldemort, I think it was?" said a man who looked like the Monopoly guy. He gave the kicking and wailing Voldemort a strange look. "Feisty little fella isn't he?" the Monopoly guy chuckled. Gilderoy simply looked at him and smiled.
"Nice day isn't it?" he said.
"Yes, it is rather lovely." Mr. Monopoly Guy agreed.
Voldemort wailed louder and yelled, "IT'S AWFUL! YOU ALL CAN SUCK MY *[censored]*!"
The Monopoly guy looked shocked and shook his finger at Voldemort. "Do not pass GO, do not collect two hundred dollars." The MG said in a disappointed voice.
Gilderoy looked at Voldemort with his blank stare and said, "Nice day isn't it?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Voldemort cried. He was going to have to stay in the same room with this…cheerful man…well, at least it was a padded room.
Did you like it? If you review, I'll give you cookie ^_~ The next part will be about the stay that Voldemort has with Gilderoy Lockhart. (so that's where he went, heh heh) Yes, and just remember that I OWN BILLY-BOB!!! BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *cough* And there's one more thing I want to say to you crazy people that are reading this *Ahem* Nice day isn't it?
toodles,
Ron Weasley's Cutie