Author's note: First Fanfiction ever. Search youtube for Mitch benn's song about france and England. It was made before Hetalia was even created yet simply perfect for it at the same time. NO PAIRINGS INTENDED.
Enjoy?
It was world conference meeting day once again. A day when Germany packs headache medicine stronger than the stench of America's never-ending piles of hamburgers.
Before he leaves his house, he plans out all the issues to be discussed that day, enters the meeting room and then it is instant chaos.
Some days, it was alright. By alright, it meant only a couple hundred dollars in damage compared to the normal days.
Today was not going to be a day like that.
France and England were fighting again, for a reason no one really could remember. Did they ever need a reason? Well, other than the others existence. Nevertheless, soon enough, both of them stood up and the country stuck between them in a futile attempt to prevent this sneaked over to the Oceania side of the room. This was probably a new record for them; it wasn't even near lunch time yet.
Insults were hurled at each other loud enough to drag all the attention to the two of them. Except those who were asleep. Only very few things could do that.
Korea rushed over to Austria, after making a mistake with a now very annoyed Australia, and convinced him to go play the room's piano. What it was doing there can only be explained by Austria's stubbornness. Anyways, he got up and started playing dramatic music to fit the mood.
Beethoven's 5th symphony seemed to fit quite well. It starts with that deep duh duh duh duh! You know the one.
By this time, the North American brothers entered the room. Late as usual, everyone was used to it. The U.S announced his presence with his boisterous voice which was quickly shot down by Spanish cusses. Mind you, they weren't from Spain.
Quiet apologies sputtered out of Canada and those who heard nodded sympathetically. Others merely groaned in annoyance. Unfortunately, this was not enough to distract France and England from their fight.
When he glanced at the sparring duo, Canada rolled his eyes. However, before he could walk to his normal seat and be a bit overlooked by the others, Germany spotted him. A brilliant idea struck that mind like Einstein with a 'Eureka'.
He yelled at Canada, who nearly jumped out of his suit, to come over for a favor. And by favor, I mean desperate non-arguable order.
"Since you're quite known for peacekeeping and you have handled both of them for a number of years. Do you mind settling this?" Canada blinked at him as if he had made a confusing joke, "A quiet truce… for a good two hours."
"B-but even that's impossible eh…" Crash! There goes a vase.
"At least get them out of this room, they are worse than when the Italy brothers are fighting!" He massaged his head, "That music is not helping one bit either!" He glared pointedly at Austria who was too distracted to take the hint.
That made Canada think, "Music…music…I've got it!"
Firstly, he politely asked America for some help. His brother's reply of yes had one too many 'hero's' in it but it didn't really matter right now. They started to discuss what needed to be done while eying the victims to be. Suddenly, a couple countries from the Francophonie and a few more from the English common wealth volunteered once they overheard the plan.
After, all who could deny the opportunity to tie those two to chairs?
Some tough knots later, one by one they were carried out by America to the room several doors away. Their protests could still be heard clearly. As much as duck taping the two countries' mouths would solve that, the peaceful country had another idea.
Extra steps had to be taken. Canada walked over to Spain and after a bribe of churros agreed to his request. The olive-skinned man pulled out an ever-so convenient guitar, brought in case of boredom and followed the Northern country to the room.
England screamed at the America standing in front of them, "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON?"
"OUI!" agreed France with contempt for being forced to agree with the island country. America just ignored them while he texted on his phone. Two more people entered the room and the footsteps caught everyone's attention.
"Yo, Bro! There you are! Thought you went invisible on me again!" Again, the signature laugh echoed against the walls.
"Nice one America!" with a painted small smile and an equally fake laugh to join in, "You know what, I'm thinking of telling Mexico about-"
Immediately, wide eyed his brother nervously chuckled, "It was only a joke!" Then he backed away to let Spain walk in front of the captives with the guitar. The musician waved happily at France and jeered at England. Neither of the tied two was amused.
Canada walked beside him and with an exasperated tone started to explain, "Germany won't let me back in the meeting room until you two can act your ages for a couple hours for the real important problems. Spain here will play some calming chords and rhythms while you two talk about exactly what you strongly dislike about each other. Take turns and make them short sentences. D'accord?"
"So… like a rap battle?" America added in.
"Sort of…Without your failed attempts to beat box," he continued, "England let's start with you."
He coughed a bit to clear his throat, "I hate your pseudo-intellectuals who always think they're deep
I hate your striking farmers and the smell of burning sheep…"
"I hate your boring politicians droning on and on," France made the most ridiculous face, "I hate these Peter Sellers films and football hooligans. I hate the way you think all your pop music is so groovy."
"I hate your jazz accordion and long pretentious movies." He yawned, "I hate the way you torture geese and call it 'haute cuisine'" He looked to sky with a snobby expression on his lips.
This caused France to mutter, "I hate the way your food does not taste of a bloody thing" England's face turned red with anger. Everyone turned away to snicker. This pissed him off even more.
"I hate the way you think you're better than all of us in bed! I hate your snails and frogs legs and your stupid pointy bread!" He nearly spat his words harshly enough to hit the Frenchman.
"I hate these chavvy tourists makes you clutter up our bars!"
"I hate your bicycles and nasty tinny little cars." France looked at him with a slack jawed expression. Oh he did not just insult le Tour de France!
"I hate these pies and fish and chips and especially zut alors! I hate the way you won't shut up about the bloody war!" Afterwards, the bearded man relaxed a bit. It felt good to get this all out.
England calmed down a bit as well, "I hate your driving on the right, your gourmands and croissants…"
"I hate when your comedians try to do a French accent." France chuckled a bit at the memories.
"But despite all of everything I hate"
"I suppose I have no choice but to try to be your mate"
"Though everything about you is slightly wrong"
"We might as well try to get along"
That was when they both realized no one else was in the room other than them. Half-way through, all of three of them had given up and left. No one really believed they would finish. In the end, Canada decided to just bring some earplugs for everyone, a single laptop to type words in and a projector for everyone to see.
Now if only the technology savvy nations would stop hacking into the system with their phones…