Disclaimer: I don't own Berserk, though I would love to own Judeau, Ricket, Griffith and Guts.
I wanted to write something for my favourite character and his unrequited love and noble end. By the way this is my first fic, so please don't brutalize me.
Last Regrets
Are these my last words…?
Is there nothing more I can say…?
Nothing I could say would ease the pain…nothing
Nothing can take away the pain from your eyes, the fear and anger.
"You cry a lot when your alone don't you Caska."
I wish I could make that pain go away, erase the damage his betrayal has caused, but these are my last words.
I can see the shock in you eyes as I slide down to hit the ground. Don't cry for me Caska, live for me, live for the Hawks.
Live for Guts. I know he is out there fighting for you. He always is.
I have seen the light in your eyes when you are with him. It mirrors the light in his. When did you change Caska? When did you give up on Griffith's dream? When did you finally find a dream of your own?
Was it when he left? Well, he is here now, to fight for you in this darkness. He is here to be there for you when I can not. To love you when I can not.
I feel no resent to him, there was never a place for me in your heart. I knew that years a go, but I swore that I would stand by your side. I would love you and I still do.
I can still see the day we met, the tears on your face and the bloody sword in your hands. The adoration in your eyes almost broke my heart. Adoration, which I would have given anything to have aimed at me.
I tried to tell you. He can not love. His devotion is only to his dream.
You can see that now, too late. He has given us all for his dream. I can not help, but hate him. He does not deserve the love you were offering to him.
You had eyes for no-one else, until he arrived. You were afraid of him when he first came. Afraid he would take Griffith from you. Afraid of Griffith's obsession with him. Griffith's obsession with possessing him.
You were forgotten, but you held on. I saw your anger with him grow. I also saw the attraction between you grow.
The knowledge hurt, more then even the pain I feel now as I see you staring at me, slowly clouding over with black. The knowledge that he could make you happy; he had a place for you in his soul. A place you were willing to fill.
If I had told you, would you have loved me? Would you have looked at me the way you looked at Griffith and then in time at Guts? Would you have given me that special place in your soul?
I can't see anything. All I can hear is your ragged breath. Everything is cold and dark. Caska…
"Judeau"
"Judeau"
Hope you enjoyed it. Anyone who has not seen the amazing tragedy that is Berserk, you don't know what your missing. It is not for the faint hearted.
"Smile, it produces happy endorphins which make you happy!"