Disclaimer: I do not own anything in my fanfic. Except for maybe the Fronststreet Guys, but I'm not too sure.

Sofaspud23: Hello! This is Sofaspud23 speaking! You may know me from such titles as "The Shadow of the Past" and "Tales of Irmphitria" and...no wait, that was all I wrote. Oh! I was one of the actors in Tales of Symphonia 2: Darkness Unleashed. I play Jake, the guy in the Band of Shadows with a katana and a dagger! Well anyway, now I'm writing a parody of the entire game of Tales of Symphonia! I'm calling it "Tales of Symphonia DX: Read Between the Lines." It goes through the entire story, but it tells you what really happened. The game was only based off of Tales of Symphonia! This stuff actually happened long ago in a galaxy far, far away! So read and enjoy, and send in a review if at all possible!

CHAPTER I: THE LIGHT OF THE ORACLE

"Lloyd Irving, wake up! Lloyd!"

Lloyd blinked. "I'm awake!" he shouted. Raine threw an eraser at him anyway, and then threw buckets at him and made him do 100 pushups on his pinky finger with the entire class standing on his back and carrying the buckets in his left hand. After about 20 seconds, Lloyd had completed the workout with ease and was allowed to sit down again.

Raine sighed. "How do you manage to sleep standing?"

"But I wasn't even sleeping! Or standing for that matter! I was just sitting here doing my homework like you told me to!"

"Shut up! You've just earned yourself a detention, young man!"

"But what did I do?"

"Shall I make it two?"

"But--"

Raine now spoke in the tone of one of those auction people who talk really fast. "One-bidda-two-bidda-three-bidda-do-i-here-a-three-bidda-three-bidda-four! Going once, going twice, and SOLD to the swordsman in the red shirt! Lloyd, you have four detentions."

"What the heck?"

"Fine then. Let's have someone else answer the question. Genis, how about you?"

Lloyd remained indignant. "But I know what the answer is! January! The first month of the year is January!"

"Shhh!" said Raine, "Let Genis answer! Genis, what's the first month of the year?"

Genis had this blank look on his face, but he always has a blank look on his face. After about thirty minutes of what looked like deep thought, Genis carefully answered, "Uh...potato." The rest of the class nodded in agreement and Genis was awarded a gold star. Genis then ran around crying out, "DURGO! DURGO! DUUUUURGOOOOOOO!"

Lloyd was bored. He already knew everything in this class and Genis kept getting answers wrong. "He's only slowing the class down," said Lloyd as he wrote Genis' name down on a piece of paper and inserted it into the voting jar, "so I'm voting him out of the class. I'm sorry, Genis. This is really hard on me." The rest of the class voted, and some kid named Timmy got voted out of the classroom. Timmy grabbed his torch and Raine extinguished it.

"Timmy," she said, "Your class has spoken." So Timmy left the schoolhouse and screams of "Aaah! The Desians!" were heard outside. Timmy ran back into the school. "Raine! The---"

"THAT'S MRS. RAINE TO YOU, YOU INFERIOR BEING!" Raine yelled. Everybody just stared at Raine, except for Genis, who was chasing a fly around the room. "Oh, ahem, I mean, you were voted out! Once you're voted out you can never come back!"

"But the Desians attacked the--" Timmy began, but was cut off by Raine shoving him out of the room. Timmy had to put in a final warning, "Lloyd! Genis! Colette! Run for your lives! The--" Then Raine closed the door and Timmy rode around the village on Noishe calling out, "The Desians are coming! The Desians are coming!"

"Hey! Noishe! He's MY arshis!" Lloyd almost ran outside, but was stopped by Raine.

"We still haven't finished the lesson," Raine said in an evil voice, "And Noishe is obviously a dog!" Lloyd quickly took his seat. "Colette, what is the job of the Chosen of Mana?"

"Uhm...she's supposed to...uh...save something...right?" Colette asked uncertainly.

"Save what?" Raine asked.

"Uh...something...it starts with a D, right? Uh...Whooping Cranes! That's right! That starts with a D! The Chosen of Mana is supposed to save the Whooping Cranes! They're an endangered species, you know!"

"Close, but no. Genis, do you know it?" said Raine.

Genis closed his eyes and concentrated. An hour later, a flash of light engulfed the room and he shouted "SHINY!"

"Settle down," Raine told them, "It would seem that the time for the oracle has come. I will go and check on the chapel. You'd all better stay here and study on your own...or else I'll shave all your hair off so you'll look completely ridiculous!" And with that, she left, leaving an overly curious Lloyd behind.

As soon as Raine had left, Lloyd ran to the door. Or at least he would've if there was a door there. "OH MY GOD! SOMEBODY MELTED THE DOOR!" he screamed.

"Shut up Lloyd, nobody likes you," Colette said.

"Duh-duh Bahbabadoo Waap Bop Yah!" Genis exclaimed as words that read, "Lloyd, Raine told us to stay here and study by ourselves!" appeared as subtitles and floated around the room for a while.

"It is research!" Lloyd said indignantly.

Then a strange thing happened. Smoke started to emerge from the space above Genis' head! So everyone was panicking and screaming and running around until Genis uttered a single word: "Chlorbag". Then everyone stopped panicking and screaming and running around and started studying again.

"Colette, you're coming too, right?" Lloyd asked. He had always had a big crush on Colette, but he had never really mentioned it to her...okay, maybe once...or twice...or maybe three times...

START FLASHBACKS

Lloyd is down on one knee kissing Colette's shoes and begging her to marry him. She then stomps on his ring made of the finest diamonds that Gald could buy and says "No way! You're such an idiot! Why would I marry you?"

Then he's standing in a forest clearing having just saved Colette's life from monsters. He then tells her that he's had a crush on her ever since he first laid eyes on her. She responds with a swift, "No way! You're such an idiot! I've always hated you ever since you were born!"

And for the final flashback, Lloyd is at the school dance and is the only person there actually dancing, (everyone else is doing such dances as "The Shopping Cart," "The Airplane," and the ever-so-popular, "Spin-Around-Until-You-Feel-Sick") when he asks Colette to slow-dance with him. In answer to his question, she throws up on the speakers, trips over a wire, starts rolling around on the floor, accidentally turns on the pyrotechnic special effects on the stage, sets the whole place on fire, gets everyone evacuated safely, watches the building blow up, and then yells, "NO!" to Lloyd.

END FLASHBACKS

"Why would I come with you? I care more about dirt!" said Colette.

"Because," said Lloyd, "You're directly involved with all of this! Aren't you curious?"

"Are you curious?" asked Colette.

"Of course!" Lloyd exclaimed.

"Then no, I'm not curious." she said and began to walk away.

Lloyd, thinking fast, said perhaps the one thing that would make her come, "The Frontstreet Guys are there and they're holding a concert, and the Chosen gets in free! If we hurry, then we can make it before the first song is over!"

Colette whirled around and dashed out of the space where somebody had melted the door, but immediately turned back because she left her lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel on Raine's desk. So she grabbed it and accidentally tripped and fell through the wall, leaving a huge hole shaped like her there.

Then Lloyd, for no apparent reason, (it was as though somebody holding a Nintendo Gamecube controller and eating some cheesy Doritos and drinking a can of Dr. Pepper had pressed the big bluish-green button with an A on it and had immediate control over Lloyd's body. But that was just a guess) said "Whoa, how did this hole get here?"

Then Genis said, "Wagitook! Bankochiggi wankitank!" And as usual, subtitles floated across the room. They spelled out, "Don't you remember? You know, that one time in the classroom with the Frontstreet Guys and the flashbacks and the lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel? You were there, I was there, Colette was there, Timmy got voted off...(sigh), good times."

The words floated around Lloyd, who poked the "cl" in "classroom" which drifted away, making it read, "assroom." Then Lloyd and Colette started laughing uncontrollably to the point where they had trouble breathing, and Genis started dumbly at nothing in particular. After a while, one of the kids in the room finally got the joke and said, "Shame on you, Lloyd Irving and Colette Brunel! You have done wrong to laugh at such a thing! Be gone!" So Colette grabbed her lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel as the three of them solemnly exited through the empty frame where somebody had melted the door.

Once outside the schoolhouse, Colette's father, Frank, walked over to the three of the them. Once he had arrived, Colette happily exclaimed, "Daddy! The Frontstreet Guys have a concert at the Martel Temple! Can I borrow 500 Gald for spending money?"

"FRAAAAAAANK!" Genis yelled and ran up to a very surprised Frank and kicked him in the region around the waist that we dare not speaketh the name of. Frank fell to the ground and said, "Here, Colette. Here's 500 Gald."

Acquired 500 Gald

Frank spoke between raspy gasps now, (heh, rasp and gasp rhyme) "The Desians attacked the village...they've violated the Non-Agression Treaty, the agreement where they don't harm us as long as we stay away from the ranch..."

"You mean that agreement where they don't harm us as long as we stay away from the ranch?" Lloyd inquired.

"No, the other one," Frank went on and started to stand up, but Genis once again called out "FRAAAAAAAANK!" and kicked him really hard in the region around the waist that we dare not speaketh the name of.

Frank fell to the ground again and said in a hoarse whisper, "If I don't make it through this...tell your mother the truth...that I've been cheating on her. I've been sleeping with her sister, Chlorice...goodbye...ugh." Then Frank easily stood up and walked to his house, leaving the trio of teenagers to fend for themselves.

Sofaspud23: That's it for the first chapter! Sorry if it's a little short, but there wasn't much to write on in the very first part of the game. Review if you can! Thanks for reading!