The streets outside the G.L.E.E headquarters were silent, save for the light patter of raindrops. The was a small town right outside of it, filled with small shops and houses. The streetlights glowed a dim orange on the sidewalk.
Sometimes I walk alone at night When everybody else is sleeping
Specs looked up at the moon, peeking through the rain clouds. These nightly walks were not helping her insomnia one bit, but it had become a routine for her.
I think of him and then I'm happyWith the company I'm keeping
She closed her eyes, picturing his face. That morning, when she almost fell asleep at breakfast, Krayonder had told her he was worried that she wasn't getting enough sleep. She'd promised him that she would stop pulling all-nighters, but secretly, she was happy that he was concerned for her. It wade her want to be completely reckless, just to get him to look at her. It was stupid, irrational, and completely unlike her. But that was how much power he had over her.
The city goes to bedAnd I can live inside my head
If he was here, he would tell her to turn back. She would refuse, and he would ask if she would at least let him walk with her. She would hug onto his arm, and they would wander the streets, talking of everything and nothing at all.
On my ownPretending he's beside me
She found herself doing this a lot; pretending that he walked with her, that they were lovers, whispering in the rain. This was almost more unlike her than being reckless. She had promised her self long ago that she would stop living in fantasies and chasing fairy tales. The didn't exist, not for girls like her, at least. Girls like her could dream all they want, but there was no prince waiting to take them to the ball.
All aloneI walk with him till morning
Still, there was something about the night that made her let go of all those doubts. The streets became her playground, where she could pretend all she wanted. It didn't make it hurt any less when the sun rose, but she was content with how ever much of Krayonder she could get, even if all she was allowed was an imaginary figure, barely a ghost.
Without himI feel his arms around me
She could almost feel his warm arms wrapping around her, his sweet lips pressing a kiss to her cheek. He would be one to do that, like a sweet, perfect gentleman. Most people didn't believe him to be like that, but she'd seen him date enough girls to know. He was possibly one of the most romantic people she knew.
And when I lose my way I close my eyesAnd he has found me
Then, he would put a hand on her cheek, turning her head slightly so she was facing him. He would kiss her. She would grin against his lips, spinning so she was completely facing him. They would laugh together as the rain poured down, soaking them to the bone.
In the rain the pavement shines like silverAll the lights are misty in the river
Everything seemed so much better with him. The small backstreet suddenly became the most beautiful place in the galaxy. The lights glowed like fairies, the streets became a beautiful array of silver and diamonds. But his cinnamon-brown eyes outshone even the very stars, more than matching every jewel in beauty. His voice was all the sweet music she needed, as they twirled around, dancing to their heartbeats.
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
She would sigh as he pressed his forehead against hers. She would whisper her love for him over and over, until the words lost meaning, becoming only sounds. He would chuckle, holding her tighter. They would live that perfect fairytale dream, be those lovers that people would look at and sigh, wishing they could be them. The rest of the world would be gone, leaving only him, her, and that rainy backstreet.
And I know it's only in my mindThat I'm talking to myself and not to himAnd although I know that he is blindStill I say, there's a way for us
She knew she was being stupid, though. He would never see her as more than a companion, a friend to go to for advice and council. Why would he see any romantic qualities in her? No, he only dated pretty girls, with perfect bodies and flowy perfect hair. A perfect girl for a perfect man. How fitting it was.
I love himBut when the night is over
She looked up at the sky. It had turned orange at the tips of the horizon. She hadn't realized how much time had gone by; soon it would be time for breakfast and morning training.
He is goneThe river's just a river
Just like that, her pretend world had disappeared. He faded away like a ghost, looking at her with that same damn goofy grin that haunted her. Tears stung her eyes as her legs shook; she suddenly felt so tired.
Without himThe world around me changes
The streets now seemed damp and depressing as the garish sun rose higher and higher. She found her hating the day more and more with every sunrise.
The trees are bare and everywhereThe streets are full of strangers
Soon, the world would wake up and people would start heading to work, smiling and saying hello as they passed. They knew nothing of this pain, nothing of what it felt like to be haunted by this beautiful demon known as Krayonder. She knew it was selfish to think like that, that there were people way worse off than her.
I love himBut every day I'm learning
It was just another reason he deserved better than her; she was selfish for loving him. He deserved to fall in love with a kind, selfless, beautiful woman. She would look at him the way Specs did, and he would return it. They would get married and have beautiful children and grow old together. It was what she wanted for him, even if she couldn't have the same.
All my lifeI've only been pretending
It was unhealthy for her to escape into her mind like a child. It only made it harder for her to let go of him. She felt sick, like she was slowly going insane. Her stomach churned, and she realized that she was shaking from her crying, and from sheer tiredness.
Without meHis world would go on turning
A world that's full of happinessThat I have never known
She hadn't realized that she was stumbling in zigzags until she ran into a building. She slumped against it, sinking to the pavement. She rested her head on the damp stones.
I love him
Sleep was what she really needed. She was too far from the base to get back in time to sleep, let alone to get to training.
I love him
All logic was completely gone from her mind, and suddenly, the sidewalk seemed like a good place to take a nap.
I love him
She closed her eyes, shielding him from the bright sun. She could hear footsteps walking toward her, but she didn't care.
But only on my own.
"Whoa, man! Specs, are you ok?"