James had never felt pain like it. All the emotional and physical abuse he'd suffered as a child, the nightmares of a tortured past that drenched him with sweat, the memories that made him clench his fists so hard blood trickled down his wrist from nails embedded in flesh. The pain of growing up knowing nobody cared, nobody loved you. Not properly. The blast offs. So many blast offs. White hot lightning coursing through his body, threatening to rip him limb from limb. And the landings. Gravel, trees, thorn bushes, icy water, rocks, you name it. He'd hit it all.
James was quite well versed when it came to all kinds of pain. But nothing had prepared him for the pain he felt when he looked in to her eyes. The fire, the passion, that was so quintessentially her, had died out. The words that had come tumbling out of her mouth still rang in his ears; can't go on like this, better if she wasn't here, something about her mother, ending it all... The words bounced round his head, hammering against his skull.
How could she not see what he saw? How perfect she was. How beautiful. How strong. He realised with a jolt that it was his turn to be the strong one, his turn to comfort and protect her like she had done so many many times for him.
James didn't remember moving, but suddenly his arms were wrapped around her. Maybe if he held her tight he could fix her, hold her together, stop her from falling apart. James didn't remember the tears starting to fall, but her hair was sticking to his wet cheeks. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing her to feel everything he felt about her, even the things unspoken.
His breath shuddered as he released his grip, and hands on her shoulders his frantic eyes pleaded with her to listen. To understand.
"When I look at you, it's like every awful thing in the world disappears. You have this energy about you, this vibrant light. So many people love you"
A question formed on her lips but his finger brushed against them as he continued.
"You teach me so much, about life, about love and friendship, even about myself! I am a better person because I have you in my life. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. You are so strong and I admire that so very much about you. I just need you to be strong a little while longer. Keep fighting. And know that I am right here with you, fighting alongside you. I will always be here for you, even when you can't see me I am always with you"
A tear crept down her cheek and he cupped her face, his thumb gently wiping it away.
"You're never alone." His voice was barely more than a whisper. "You don't ever have to be afraid."
Her tears were falling heavier now, shoulders heaving as she choked back sobs, and she was in his arms again, her fingers clutching at his shirt. In one smooth motion James lifted her and carried her to the bedroom of the cabin, cradling her like a child, and he gently set her down and lay next to her, arms wrapped tightly around her trembling form.
"It's going to be ok" he whispered in to her hair, "you're so amazing. So beautiful. Just keep fighting. Don't give up. I'm right here with you."
James repeated these words until her breathing slowed, and her fingers released their hold on his shirt. He knew it wasn't fixed, not by a long shot, but tomorrow was a new day and they'd face it together. Step by step, hand in hand. But for now, she was safe.