Hello everyone!
This is my first story about Chicago Fire and it delves the time right after Andy's death. Only five chapters if I am not completely mistaken. I have four already written and the fifth halfway finished, but I will not give any promises until I am certain it is the end.
I do not own Chicago Fire, or the characters or anything. I gain no profit of this and it is written just for fun. All mistakes are mine and so on and so on.
Now, enjoy!
Chapter 1: The Firefighter or Inferno
Casey hears rather than sees or feels the fireball as it comes. Forced by reflexes his upper body slams painfully against the ladder as a raging, hot flame roars mere inches above his head. Air rushes out of his lungs, but he barely feels it through the haze of adrenaline making his mind run around in wild circles.
Risking a glance up and seeing the flames gone Casey's legs fervently scramble on the ladder as he struggles upwards to peak through the window. His eyes wide and heart and head pounding his lips release a sharp cry of urgency and denial as he begs for Andy to wake up and hold on and not give up.
Casey throws his hands against the windowpane and draws his body nearer the same hole his friend, his brother, has gone through just moments ago. He can distantly hear his radio rattling and Chief Boden's voice calling him, asking questions, demanding on update and telling him to stay out of the building. But Casey cannot give him what he wants. He needs to get to Darden – to Andy – and get him out.
The whole room is like a barking inferno and Casey can see nothing but fire and destruction. For a brief second a white panic fills his mind as he realises there is no way he will find Andy alive.
His fingers wrap themselves around the edge of the windowpane his knuckles turning white under the thick gloves as his grip seems to be the only real thing in life. The world around him turns dark and quiet. He cannot tell how long he stays unmoving on the ladder his breathing laboured and his eyes unseeing. His ears buzz angrily and seem to shut out all the voices that could mean something.
"He went through the window. He is gone… Andy is gone," his soft voice whispers desperately to the radio. Saying it out loud means admitting his own failure. Andy was one of his men, his responsibility.
For a short moment he stays staring at the dying room blindly before his training and Boden's orders to come down kick in. He makes it down the ladder with practised ease, his mind not giving into the pain of loss again. He has to be strong for his men. He has to be strong for Boden. He has to be strong for Severide. And most of all he has to be strong for Heather and the boys. He has no time for his own sorrow. Not yet.
As his feet hit the ground Boden is there, hand on his shoulder, asking about Andy. Casey reaches for his helmet and lifts it off his head, clutching it in his hands like a lifeline.
"There is no way he could have survived that. He's gone. I'm sorry," Casey stammers shaking his head. His whole body trembles and he feels weak and exhausted and empty, but he forces his eyes to stay dry. Chief Boden closes his eyes and squeezes Casey's shoulder comfortingly.
"Not your fault," Boden tells him quietly as they both draw strength from each other. A loss of a man is something neither of them wanted to experience.
As the rescue squad exits the building with staggering feet and unsteady pace after roaming out of the way of the fire now engulfing the whole house Boden steps away from Casey and turns out to give orders to the Engine team.
Severide makes his way hastily towards Casey as their men have the courtesy to turn away and give their Lieutenants a moment together, because Darden was their best friend.
It looks like Kelly is racing towards Matt with barely contained urgency and worry. And it looks like he is relieved that Matt is there, standing and alive and well and he has not lost both of them. And it looks like they were in for a fiery embrace to mourn their fallen brother and celebrate the survival of each other, but just as Matt draws a breath and opens his arms to let Severide in, comes a shove.
Severide's hands make contact with Casey's chest and the unprepared Lieutenant stumbles backwards before falling to the pavement his helmet clattering to the ground and his eyes widening. The air freezes around them as Severide throws his own helmet at their feet and rips his gloves off to fling them at Casey.
"You put him through that window! You knew it wasn't safe and you put him through. And then you didn't even get him out. He could've been alive, but he's dead now. You just wanted to get rid of him. YOU KILLED HIM!" Severide screams and it is clear that he is determined to inflict further pain on Casey. But then Capp and Hadley rush in to hold back their leader as Herrmann helps Casey back on his feet concern written all over his face. The rest of Casey's men turn around as well, to wearily watch the scene unfold.
"I told him to wait," Casey mutters softly in his defence as he drapes a protective arm around his middle as if to hold his emotions at bay. He keeps his head down not wanting anyone to see the pain reflecting in his eyes. He is worried and hurt by Severide's words and actions. He is surprised too, because the Squad Lieutenant has been so quick to piece together what has happened.
"Don't you dare pin this on him! You have to…" Severide starts again, but Chief Boden's sharp voice cuts him off.
"That's enough Severide. This was no one's fault."
And just then a new truck turns around the corner and comes to a halt near theirs before fire fighters start to pile out. They shoot sympathetic glances towards the group of 51 before rushing into action.
"You are done for the day. Go back to the House and when the replacement team arrives, we will hold a meeting."
The men stare at Boden as the message slowly sinks in. Then one by one they return to their trucks, shedding their jackets and wiping tears off their faces until only Boden and Casey remain.
"Talking includes you too, Chief. You told us to come to you, but who will you go to," Casey questions with a low voice, still refusing to let it betray his feelings.
Boden looks at Casey searching his expression for any sign of crumbling and is worried as he finds none. And he knows that while Casey looks and sounds stern and confident, he is vulnerable and emotional just like everyone else.
"I will find someone," Boden replies, leaving his own question unasked. When Casey does not acknowledge the wordless confrontation he shakes Boden head in remorse.
"Your men need you now", he tells Casey slowly, reluctant to let his Lieutenant walk out of this without really saying anything, but it provides him with a time to think of a strategy to get through to Casey. And although he knows that Casey feels like he has carry on for everyone, he thinks that the best way to keep him grounded is to send him with his men. Casey's time to grieve would come and Boden can only hope it comes soon enough.