Summary: Sasuke takes a huge risk in following his brother into the service, and Naruto, unable to let him go it alone, follows. Both are assigned to the same unit but in different squads. But when Sasuke becomes injured on a mission, Naruto breaks protocol to find him. And as a result, Sasuke is sent home on a permanent medical discharge while Naruto has been forced to complete a second tour right after his first. Will he survive? Or will Sasuke be forced to endure every Christmas, every birthday, alone?
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the rights to my own original work, which sadly is not Naruto.
A/N: Those of you that know my stuff, I apologize for being away so long. I also apologize for starting a new story when I still have two unfinished. I shall continue them, never fear. Also, there is man sex, or at least a man on man relationship. Violence can be assured, and much angst, probably on Sasuke's part, who knows. I have been researching a lot about finance, government, and war lately. Blame my Ethics professor if you must. However, I do warn you.
I repeat, warning: This story contains alternate views on war, and especially the war the U.S. is currently waging in Iraq. If this topic is sensitive to any of you, pleas do not read as I will not be reading any review that slams the quality of my writing based on the fact that you do not agree with me. However, if you wish to engage in a healthy debate, send me a PM, I may just change your mind. And it starts . . .
I Wish You Were Here Always
Prologue
When I was little, my father once bought me soldier. No, not a real one. This one was die-cast metal, but large, like an action figure. He had all the trappings of a Marine: black shirt, black and gray fatigue pants, shiny boots, and a gun. An AK-47 assault rifle replica. I loved it. Carried it around everywhere I went, even to school. One day my older brother, probably thinking it would be funny, hid my soldier in the dryer. Well, he didn't melt, just lost an arm. But, when I brought him to my father, asking him to fix it, he said something that has always stayed with me.
"There are some things that no one can fix."
I wailed then and my father caught me up in his arms until I couldn't cry anymore. Hiccuping through the last of it, I asked my father if it hurt and my father said something else that has stayed with me, even to today.
"It can't hurt him, Sasuke. He doesn't know anything is different. He's not alive."
That was the first day in my short life that I began to understand what it meant to be human.
Usual warnings apply. Also, same warnings from the prologue, if you did not catch them, go read so you understand the nature of the work ahead.
Un-beta'ed and Unedited but I am confident there shouldn't be too many grammatical errors. If you find any, please let me know so I can fix them. I really just wanted to get this up since it's the first thing I've written in literally two years.
Chapter 1
Trail of Tears
Bright morning sunlight filtered through a bank of pine trees and fog rippled through the entire area surrounding Seattle. Birds sang woefully in the shrub and a lone deer stepped cautiously into a clearing. A rather large cabin sat almost in the middle, flanked by oak and pine. Smoke drifted lazily into the air from the stone chimney. The sound of a car droned along the road leading to the cabin's entrance and a dusty mailbox looked as if it resented the letters nearly spilling out of the front.
Another sound broke the almost sacrosanct quietude, a screen door creaking open and heavy booted feet on the front steps. A man with dark hair, almost blue it was so black, and trained out behind his head in a lift that on any other person would have looked simply buffoonish made his way gingerly down the dirt path to the overflowing mailbox, cursing under his breath. His slender, well-built frame moved with an ease that spoke of physical labor, or at least a familiarity with it. Lifting a hand to his face to block the bright sun, he frowned, his coal dark eyes and pale skin nearly gleaming despite the encroaching fog.
Sighing, he reached into the box and gathered all the mail, some of it nearly slipping through his slender fingers. Grumbling, he turned to walk back inside at the same time as another, much louder sound broke the copious spell on his little patch of earth. Laughter, raucous and deep, scratchy and low. The man's shoulders seemed to deflate and a comfortable air descended on him. He smiled slightly as he began to climb the steps, only to blink wide in surprise as the door banged open revealing a tanned, blond haired youth. Stocky and broad-shouldered, the other man hummed and rocked on the balls of his feet as he stretched his arms over his head. This was nothing new, to be sure, but the fact that he was nearly naked, dressed in only a tight pair of bikini swim trunks, gave him pause. He gaped, then bared his teeth.
"Naruto, what the hell are you doing?" he asked.
The blond man smiled playfully, looking for all the world like a happy dog who had found a playmate. He practically skipped off the steps and pivoted to swing an arm around his roommate's shoulders, for that was their current situation much as it irked Sasuke.
"Sasuke," Naruto purred huskily, voice scratchy from sleep, hair tousled in permanent spiky strands that fell everywhere on top of his head. "It's the perfect morning for a swim!"
Sasuke rolled his eyes at Naruto but could not keep the light-hearted tone out of his voice, try as he might.
"You say that every morning," he rumbled, shifting to toss the arm off his shoulders. The burn they left was something Sasuke had long ago decided to ignore. They had known each other since grade school, but it was Naruto who had kept the bond enduring, through high school fights and the rift that college had rent, through Sasuke's voracious anger after his parents had been killed and Naruto's depression. They had been through more than most married couples, certainly more than most friends, which was what Naruto loudly proclaimed they were every time anyone dared to insinuate otherwise.
Remarkably, they ha both made though college while serving in the Marine Reserves without ever having been called up. This accounted for both their physics, supple muscle born from hours of training for all kinds of dangerous situations from bombings, to rapid, hellacious gunfire, to orders screamed at them by a man Sasuke swore was mentally imbalanced. His lurid green jumpsuit, definitely not Marine issue, and orange leg warmers just added to his assumption.
Realizing how much his arms were shaking from the weight and awkward positioning of the mail, Sasuke shrugged and stepped carefully into the house while Naruto continued to strech his arms in front of him, crossing each over his chest and rippling the muscles in his back until Sasuke had to force his eyes away. It was true that the current President had lifted the ban on homosexuals joining the military, and had rescinded the inequitable 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' fiasco passed by his predecessor, but that did not mean Sasuke had to reveal anything of what he felt for his roommate. He feared more than anything what Naruto would do if he did. Not violence, no. That Sasuke had been trained to handle ever since his brother had joined the Army ten years ago. Thinking of Itachi cleared his mind a little and Sasuke was once again able to focus on the mail.
After clearing out the pound or so of junk mail and advertisements for local food stores, Sasuke began sifting through the rest to portion out what was his, what was Naruto's, and what belonged to the house. They had moved in together not long after college, mostly because Sasuke had been so worried about Naruto's health. Having lost his parents when he was a baby, he'd partially been raised by foster parents until the pervert had found him. But that man had died when Naruto was fifteen, and he had not taken it well. Sasuke shuddered.
He still did not understand how Naruto could have introduced him to his grandfather in such a way. Sasuke had never actually learned his real name, come to think of it. But it rankled his skin until it felt clammy and cold, the way Naruto behaved and spoke whenever the pervert was mentioned. He had never gained the courage to ask his friend what exactly the nickname was for, whether it was truly the 'normal' type of pervert, whatever that meant, as Naruto claimed, or something else had been going on. Sasuke did know that Naruto had been taken in by a teacher of theirs from grade school. Her knew this because Kakashi, the man in question, had taken Sasuke on board when he was eight, the very week his parents had been murdered. Itachi had been overseas for a stint, in Germany. When he had finally been notified and given hardship leave to return home, Sasuke had already been in the throws of rebellion, fighting anyone and anything he could.
The sound of paper snicking was almost a comfort to his beleaguered as he continued to leisurely peruse the mail, bills, letters from friends and family who had not yet found the joys of e-mail and texting, a postcard from Naruto's friend Ino, which made Sasuke frown. He would not say he was jealous. The fact that Ino and Naruto had dated all through high school did not bother him. Naruto was free to see whomever he wished. Sasuke had never given him the slightest idea of his feelings, after all.
A thick, light yellow envelope with printed writing halted Sasuke from his musings. It was addressed to him and the printed seal at the top corner sucked the breath he had inhaled right out of him. It was true he had joined in order to serve, but he had been quite happy to be left out of a war he had known to be immoral and against every code, from his country's own declarations to that of the Geneva Convention the U.S. had helped create, to the U.N. Charter. Even when the U.S. had asked, and had been denied, for approval by the U.N., Sasuke had not been able to relax. But that all flew from him on a breeze scented with honeysuckle and pine, Naruto's delighted cries and the sounds of water splashing against the bank in the near distance. He did not want to do this.
Slowly, Sasuke slid a thumb under the flap and prized it open, choosing to ignore the faint shake of his fingers as he did so. Maybe it was a response to his appeal for discharge, Sasuke thought desperately.
As he unfolded the single sheet of paper, Sasuke already knew what he would find. Reading through it, he frowned and sighed, wondering how exactly he was going to tell Naruto. His brother would worry too, but he would be able to understand that there was a duty to be performed when joining the military, an outspoken rule that even when you objected on moral grounds, you would still be forced to serve. Naruto had an ideal in his head about military service, one that most of the higher-ups, as he called them, did not always share. To him, war was only necessary when all else had failed, and even then, only to protect your homeland from invasion. The rest was meant for helping out devastated areas of the country, or inside Allied territories.
Closing his eyes, he hummed as he fought with himself over when to reveal it. It was Naruto's birthday today. October was colder this year than the last, but the bright sun had burned off some of the fog from early morning. The ticking of Naruto's coo-coo clock, a large hunk of ornately carved walnut that had come from his mother's family, calmed Sasuke's breathing. He measured them out to the rhythm of the clock until he heard the slap of bare feet on the hard-packed earth of the front walk. Opening his eyes, Sasuke drew in a deep breath and slip the letter back into the envelope, pushing it under the pile of bills. Naruto never looked at those. He preferred to let Sasuke handle everything, handing over his half of the money whenever Sasuke asked for it.
"Yo, Sasuke!" Naruto called as he bounde dinto the kitchen, dripping cold water all over the clean tile floor. He was shivering slightly and their were goosebumps dotting his skin. Sasuke smirked, suddenly inspired.
"Yo, Naruto," he replied calmly. Stalking towards him with heavy footsteps, he reached out with near inhuman speed and tweaked one of Naruto's nipples roughly. Naruto's mouth grew wide and round, just like his perfectly blue eyes.
Naruto gaped, his mouth opening and closing once, twice, then . . .
"What the hell was that for, you bastard!" he almost squeaked. Sasuke laughed throatily, the hidden letter momentarily forgotten.
"It's like a birthday punch, but better," Sasuke commented, as he shrugged his shoulders, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth, arms open wide.
"A what?" Naruto groused, nonplussed, eyes narrowed in suspicion. He knew it was something he was probably in the dark about thanks largely to his stunted upbringing. But Sasuke could not help himself.
"Normally," he explained as he advanced on Naruto again, dancing his way around the table after him, "one receives birthday punches, usually on the arm, to the count of how many years old they are . . ."
Sasuke tuned his voice in such a way as to let Naruto know he was not done, and the look on his face, the utter astonishment as he was backed into the dining cabinet that held all their good plates, was enough to make Sasuke chuckle quietly.
He reached over again, just as silent and quick as before, and tweaked the other nipple. Naruto cried out, a guttural sound that Sasuke committed to memory, just in case the opportunity to hear it again never arose.
"Plus one," he finished as he let loose another laugh, long and loud one this time. Naruto was glaring at him with his bottom lip jutting out and a wounded puppy look in his eyes.
"Come on, birthday boy," Sasuke relented, stepping away from him. "Time to go visit your fans."
"What the hell are you talking about, you candy ass son of a bitch," Naruto accused.
Sasuke sucked on his teeth and bit the inside of his cheek to keep from bursting out laughing again. Naruto had the worst mouth he had ever heard. But it was just too funny when he tried to use it on Sasuke. It did not phase him in the slightest as Naruto stalked over to him and pushed him around to stand flush against the wall, next to the dining cabinet, dishes rattling loudly in protest. The heat from Naruto's skin, Sasuke swore he was some kind of reptile he always ran so hot, pulsed out onto his clothes. Breathing in a musky scent, a touch of Irish Spring from Naruto's late night shower, and mint, Sasuke smiled with his teeth this time.
"I'm taking you to your surprise party, dumbass. Unless you want me to snatch up all your presents and the huge cake Choji's Dad made," he answered.
He thoroughly enjoyed watching Naruto's mouth hang open for the third time that morning. It was so wide he could probably fit his whole fist in. That thought was dangerous though, so Sasuke clamped a tight hold on it until his mind was again the calm it usually maintained. Cuffing Sasuke roughly alongside his head, Naruto grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'I wasn't expecting anything'. But Sasuke did not miss the almost jaunt to his walk as his roommate made his way to the stairs, the second level of the cabin holding a sort of loft area that lead into a hallway where the bedrooms and lone bathroom resided. It was not often that so many of them could gather together, but their friends, and what little family they had left, always tried to share each of their birthdays with them, but especially Naruto's.
He had been quite alone as a child, bullied and taunted for his triple scarred cheeks and loud, often clownish behavior. It hadn't done him any good in school either, something he had told Sasuke he regretted once they hit college. Never one to give up, though, Sasuke helped tutor Naruto to excellent grades, and the rest as they say, is history. Finally hearing the shower groan as it kicked in, Sasuke turned around to face the table and sighed. He would not be telling Naruto tonight. But tomorrow he had to report to his commanding officer on base and inform him of the details of his next assignment, if the man hadn't been told already.
There were plans to make, things to pack, new uniforms to buy. All service members had to wear different colors when serving in active war abroad, the normal Marine blue fatigues replaced with black and gray. Sasuke didn't mind, he preferred darker coloring when you might need to resort to hiding in sparse brush for cover. This thought made him shudder again, and bemoan his ever being conned by his brother's exploits. Shaking himself out of his torpor, he jacked himself up from the wall and sauntered up the stairs, wishing he could be spending his last few hours of real freedom and peace enjoying the deluge of hot water Naruto was no doubt experiencing, preferably with him instead of alone. Not for the first time in his life, for as long as Sasuke had known Naruto, he questioned whether or not he had made the right decision all those years ago to return to this town, to Naruto, knowing that his feelings might never be understood let alone reciprocated.
As he made his way sedately toward his room, Sasuke hummed in frustration and pulled at an errant strand of blue-black hair. He would need to call his brother, and that would be best done while Naruto was out of earshot. There was no use in riling him up just before the big celebration. Sasuke would die before he ruined anything for Naruto, even if Naruto hated him for it. Breathing in another calming breath, he stabilized his core muscles and listened to the tinkling of the wind chimes set in his open window as the line on the other end of his cell began to ring.
Usual warnings apply. And same warnings from previous chapters.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the pic, not the characters, just the words in the story. Happy?
Chapter 2
A River Runs Through It
"Hello?" Itachi's voice sounded as deep and reassuring as always, even in a greeting. Sasuke felt more clam than with any of his breathing exercises.
"Hey, it's me."
"I know who it is, Sasuke. I have caller ID, I'm sure you are w=aware," Itachi's voice sounded amused as Sasuke shifted to press his head against the cool glass of his window, drawing his knees up onto the bed with him. HE frowned at the comment, then smirked.
"Well, yes, but you are old, big brother. And you haven't had that smart phone of yours for very long. I thought maybe you might need a manual just to answer it," he replied smugly.
This was met with a snort from his brother, who had always seemed to enjoy needling Sasuke. Sasuke had hated it when he was younger and now found he could answer on equal footing now that he had grown older, and wiser to his brother's dry humor.
"Really, Sasuke. I am only seven years older than you, not fifty. And you have yet to tell me why you called."
"Maybe I did and your senility kicked in and you forgot," suggested Sasuke, not willing to let go of the easy banter just yet. What he had to say would not sit well with Itachi despite his brother having served himself.
"Sasuke," Itachi warned, though it never had any bite to it. He had a way of saying his name that to anyone else appeared as though all he anted was to get his attention, but Sasuke knew him well; he'd been raised by Itachi since he was a child and that did not come without a certain understanding. Taking a deep breath, Sasuke launched into what he had to say with as much dignity as anyone in his rather prestigious family had ever possessed.
"I got a letter in the mail today," he began. Hearing his brother scoff, he hurried to continue before he found himself on the receiving end of more of Itachi's scathing wit.
"From the Secretary of the Navy." He knew that Itachi was well aware, despite being a different branch, who the head of the Marine Core was, and why he would send a letter.
"You've been given new orders." It was not a question. "Where?"
But Sasuke could tell from the change in the timbre of his voice that Itachi already knew.
"You know I'm not allowed to give you an exact location," Sasuke warned. He really didn't know why he was fighting it so much. Maybe if he told his brother, one of the few people who understood not just what it meant, but what it meant for Sasuke, then it would be all too real. Leaving the States, leaving Naruto. God, he had made such a mess of things, hadn't he?
"Sasuke, are you still there?" Itachi asked, louder than before. Sasuke called up a weak smirk but it died before he could find it in himself to retort. Blithely, he sighed and rubbed his forehead on the now warmed glass.
The smooth texture reminded him of the lake he could just see peaking out from a tall stand of pines, just inside the boundary of their property. Something like this would normally be unaffordable to someone with military pay, but Sasuke and Naruto had gone into OTC after college, to augment their pay scale, and money from both their families deaths had helped. It belonged solely to them, no mortgage to have to worry about while being chased by angry men with guns in a godforsaken sand pit. Sasuke sighed.
"You know where, Itachi," he said quietly. "You know what I have to do."
"If you mean that dirt pile between Syria and Iran, forget it," Itachi growled.
Sasuke smiled for real this time
"So, I take it you didn't like it?" Itachi had already been sent over, two tours. No injuries, just as Sasuke had expected. But the emotional toll (there was still something that lurked behind his brother's gaze) had worried him. And he knew that Itachi, having always been a bit . . . protective, would not be any different. In fact, Sasuke feared his big brother's intentions. It was true that Itachi could handle himself in any fight, large or small, but Sasuke had already done enough to hurt him in the past. He was speaking now, and Sasuke had missed it.
"What?"
"I knew you weren't listening," Itachi admonished. "I asked you if you had told Naruto yet."
Sasuke remained silent, which was answer enough.
"I didn't think so. Are you going to soon? When do you have to ship out?"
And now Sasuke thought he caught the first hint of worry, so deeply hidden perhaps only he would know it was there. He applauded his brother silently for not being up front about it. Itachi really did now him well, how much he would hate being fawned or fretted over. Whether he agreed with the reasons behind being there, he had been ordered to serve and if there was one thing he had learned from Naruto, it was that there were some things in life you had to just do. This was one of them.
"It's his birthday today. I'll wait till tomorrow, or maybe the day after." And now Sasuke was stalling, stalling for time, because there suddenly wasn't enough anymore.
"And when do you have to leave?" Itachi asked again.
"In two weeks," Sasuke replied, and then a heavy silence followed.
"I'll be by later, so save some time for me."
And with that Sasuke breathed out a breath he had no idea he'd been holding in. He knew his brother had flown in for the day from where he was currently stationed in Maryland, for the very celebration Sasuke was supposed to preparing for. But it would definitely help to have his brother nearby.
"We'll go shopping tomorrow morning and then you can relax."
Again Sasuke was grateful. Not having to worry about picking up supplies, the cotton black t-shirts he would need (polyester burned right into the skin instead of burning away) along with everything else he could pick up in a few hours with his brother tagging along, and that would mean he would have most of the day to figure out how to break the news. The rest of his friends would find out from Naruto most likely, he would never be able to keep something this important to himself for very long.
"It starts at two, yes?"
Sasuke nodded, then remembered he was on the phone.
"Yeah. And Itachi . . . " Sasuke found he had to swallow hard before continuing, which only gave Itachi an opening.
"Don't worry about it, little brother. You'll go, do your time, and be back before anyone has the chance to miss you," Itachi assured him, but Sasuke couldn't hear any smugness, just an empty lilt that made him uneasy.
"Okay," was all he could say for the moment. There would be time later to really talk. He knew that. He knew not everyone over there became injured or was killed, that the numbers seemed vastly inflated thanks largely to vast media coverage. He would be fine, but Naruto was the problem. That man was so reckless, Sasuke feared he would try something inanely stupid while he was away.
"I'll see you in a few hours, little brother. Wish Naruto a Happy birthday for me until I see him."
Sasuke frowned. "He's going to think you're being facetious."
"Well, you can spend the next few hours explaining to him what that menas, then can't you?" Itachi replied with a dry laugh. Sasuke rolled his eyes.
"Uh-huh, and you can field all his friends ridiculous conversations about the latest game or whatever it is they like to harass him about."
Itachi laughed again and signed off, leaving Sasuke to stare at the phone in his hand until he heard the sound of the water turn off in the bathroom. It had not felt like it had only been a few minutes. Swinging his legs down to the floor, he stood and took a deep, cleansing breath. Stretching his arms over his head, Sasuke shuffled his feet as he made his way to the closet. Having already showered (Naruto hated to rise early unless it was for work), he dressed quickly and turned his thoughts to what he was going to make Naruto for his Birthday breakfast, determined to not throw a pall over the day's festivities, no matter what.